Ephemeral Blossoms
by Akai Kitsune
Summary: After his defeat in the Hades Cup, Cloud ends his contract and begins his own journey, followed by haunting memories of who he is and who he had once been...
1. Part 1: Here Without You

Takes place after Kairi's rescue; contains spoilers for the end of Kingdom Hearts.  
  
Written from Cloud's perspective.  
  
~*~  
  
  
Ephemeral Blossoms  
  
Akai Kitsune  
  
Part 1: Here Without You  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
It almost made me smile, watching the boy - Sora, his friends called him - defeat Hades, sending him flying into the pit of waiting Heartless. As his minions turned against him, I instead turned away, heading towards the door that would lead me away from the Coliseum. As much as I hated to admit it, I had lost the tournament; my contract with Hades was void if I was defeated before I could even face Hercules. With the tournaments coming to a close, and the Lord of the Dead occupied by the creatures who once followed him, there was no reason to remain. He couldn't help me anymore, even if he was willing. After all that time, I had begun to doubt his sincerity.  
  
I slung my broadsword across my shoulders, passing by the other man who lost against Sora in our battle.  
  
"Aren't you on his side?" the man spoke quietly behind me. "Shouldn't you be helping him?"  
  
I looked sidelong at him. His blue-green eyes were sharp and alert, despite the beating he had just received from the boy's Keyblade. His strange-looking sword, adorned with the image of a flaming lion, rested tip-down in the ground at his side, balanced by his hand.  
  
Finally I shook my head. "We're not allies. I'm just a hired mercenary. If he's not here then I have no reason to be. His well-being isn't my concern."  
  
The man's eyes narrowed a little. I wondered what he must be thinking; was I callous? Cruel? Or simply indifferent? I can't say why the thought bothered me.  
  
But something about him was familiar. It seemed almost as if we had met before this tournament.  
  
His lips quirked into a tiny smile after a long moment. "I was wondering about that. You don't seem like the type to follow the Heartless."  
  
"The type?" I repeated, frowning tightly. What did he mean by that?  
  
"You're not evil," he elaborated with a shrug. "And your heart is still intact."  
  
"You can tell?" I couldn't conceal my surprise.  
  
He nodded. "It's easy, once you've dealt with as many Heartless as I have. To see which hearts are tainted, and which are pure... to understand who is likely to fall and who will survive." He looked pointedly to Sora, laughing with his friends as they defeated another round of tournament competitors.  
  
I followed his gaze, curious at his interest in the boy. "Who is he?"  
  
The man shrugged again, absently rubbing the hilt of his blade, where the lion-carved keychain used to be. He had awarded it to Sora after his defeat. "A boy with a destiny," he replied. "With a family to find. There's too much responsibility resting on him... he'll never allow himself to lose."  
  
"That's why we couldn't beat him," I added. It was not a question.  
  
He didn't answer for a long time. "Maybe," he said finally, "And maybe we just don't have the sort of skill that's needed to beat him now."  
  
"Which is...?"  
  
"A team," he raised his hand, pointing to the trio as they began their next battle.  
  
It was true, and I could tell; that was what we were lacking. Watching Sora and his friends in battle - as a spectator, not a participant - I saw how effective a group the truly were. Looking out for each other, fighting together, ganging up on each opponent or spreading out to cover each enemy, depending on who they faced, they were a force to admire and be wary of. So young, I couldn't help but think, yet already the boy was so strong a leader.  
  
Brings back memories...  
  
But no. I didn't want to think of that now. It had been nine years - a long nine years, at that - and the more I thought of anything except getting back home, the more despairing my situation became.  
  
If I was a different sort of person, I might have asked for help a long time ago. It could have been pride, or fear of change, or a lack of trust in all but myself. Looking back, I'm often forced to berate myself for not asking this man, specifically. My journey would have ended then.  
  
"Your name... Leon, was it?" I looked back at him, my face partially concealed by the collar of the red cape I wore.  
  
He nodded. "Yes."  
  
I turned towards the door once again, adjusting the sword I carried. "If we ever have the chance, I'd like to try our hand at fighting that boy again someday."  
  
His voice followed me, along with his agreement. "Perhaps if we find what we were lacking today."  
  
I didn't reply, pushing open the Coliseum Gates, as Sora's battle cries echoed through the stadium. The vast world loomed before me, wild, unexplored, and I stepped forward onto the path I once walked.  
  
The path of freedom, where I would search for my light.  
  
~*~  
  
To be continued  
  
~*~  
  
Notes: I'm sure this has been done before, but I haven't found it yet. I wanted to give it a try myself, having just finished the game.  
  
I found it interesting that the Final Fantasy characters ended up together during the credits, even though Squall was from a different game. I can only assume that all of them come from the same world, originally. Actually, I noticed it looked an awful lot like the library in Hollow Bastion, so that may come up later, ^_^  
  
As for Cloud's contract, it _does_ state that he's required to kill Hercules in the tournament. He can't really do that if he's eliminated beforehand! Who knows why he stayed in the Hades Cup... but that's something that may show up in this fic as well.  
  
Akai Kitsune


	2. Part 2: In a Different Light

Takes place after Kairi's rescue; contains spoilers for the end of Kingdom Hearts.  
  
Written from Cloud's perspective.

~Mostly a flashback chapter. (Just so you're aware, ^_~)  
  
~*~  
  
  
Ephemeral Blossoms  
  
Akai Kitsune  
  
Part 2: In a Different Light  
  
  
~*~  


I had been traveling for three weeks when the Heartless found me.  
  
They must have been tracking me, somehow attuned to the shadows that lurked behind my eyes since my world was lost. I still was unsure of how I escaped the fate of my home - whatever that was - but I wasn't about to sit around and wait for something to happen to me. We had lost the battle to those creatures, nameless at first, and many of us were pulled into the darkness, separated from one another, calling out the names of our loved ones even as they disappeared around us...  
  
It happened so fast. They surrounded us, and then the shadows came.  
  
My friends...  
  
... and _her_.  
  
I still had my sword with me - the Buster Sword, Zack's sword. When we first encountered the creatures, my friends and I were surprised to find how ineffective most weapons were. It took us days to discover that only those weapons which lay close to our hearts could defeat our enemies.  
  
Our first weapons became our strongest. But it still wasn't enough.  
  
Materia was useless; I learned that all to quickly. Once I found myself in a world that was not my own - the name of which I never did find out - I noticed that every light within my Materia had gone out, leaving them empty and useless. Upon seeing my reflection while stooping to drink from a river I found, I realized that the fierce blue glow of Mako had left my gaze. It was then that I truly knew how far from home I was. If home even existed anymore.  
  
I was lost... and alone.  
  
I had no other choice but to travel. Using the skills I had learned during my time in the Shinra army, I managed to survive the strange world I had been transported to. I learned which food I could and could not eat, where the predators hunted and what areas to avoid. I searched endlessly for any signs of people or technology, or even a trail to where I could find either.  
  
And three weeks later, I was ambushed along the forest road I had found while I wandered.  
  
They were much stronger than before, and more prepared to face me; in my world, they won by numbers, but in this place it only took a few of them to bring me down. I wanted to believe that it was my mistake - that I was tired, sick of wandering, too worried about my friends to really be able to fight with my full ability.  
  
But the truth is... I just didn't have the strength to go on.  
  
I was... I was alone.  
  
_"We're friends, right?"_  
  
I didn't want to be alone anymore.  
  
_ "I won't leave you hanging."_  
  
The Heartless surrounded me, and I surrendered to the darkness.  
  
  
  
  
_ Strong heart..._  
  
......  
  
_ Strong will... _  
  
Who are you?  
  
_Strong body..._  
  
What are you saying...?  
  
_ Ours._  
  
Dammit, make sense...  
  
_ It makes perfect sense._  
  
Will someone tell me?  
  
_He'll be a servant of the darkness._  
  
I'm not...  
  
_ There's no resistance._  
  
Not...  
  
_ Are you prepared?_  
  
Not gonna be... anyone's damn puppet... anymore-!  
  
  


The darkness... it was so cold.  
  
I didn't know where I was, or even what had happened to me. I was lying on something cold, and everything around me was hidden in shadows. I could feel the creatures moving, surrounding me... poking and touching me when they felt bold enough. Each brief, teasing contact was like a shard of ice stabbing into me.  
  
Something was different. Changing.  
  
I could feel the ice spreading past where the touch had began, moving throughout my entire body. My hand was numb, my arm shivering from the chill. Something touched my cheek, a mild musky scent filling my nostrils. It felt leathery, both warm and chilling, and it shifted away as I flinched, like it was reacting to my -  
  
My eyes widened. It was _attached_ to me-?!  
  
God, _no_. Not again...  
  
Jerking away, I stood and grasped vainly for my sword. The creatures shrieked in outrage and scattered, scrambling over themselves. I knew it wouldn't take them long to renew their formations and capture me again, so I continued my search, running through the darkness, seeking even the faintest glimmer of light. A heavy weight rested against my left shoulder, slowly draining my body's remaining warmth.  
  
An escape, there had to be a way to escape...  
  
I stumbled, my foot catching on something. As I fell to the ground, I heard it - a loud, metallic sound I knew well. Relieved, I found my weapon and rolled to my feet, still watchful of my attackers, but reassured by the balanced steel in my hands. The weight on my back seemed to lessen as soon as I touched the hilt.  
  
"Hey!" I shouted into the darkness, both hoping and dreading a response. "Who's out there, anyone? Let me out of here!"  
  
The only answer was the soft creeping of the Heartless, a hundred empty yellow eyes glaring at me. I returned the stare balefully. If they wanted me, I wasn't going down without a fight this time.  
  
I wish I could remember exactly what happened next. I remember hearing a loud crash, as if something had broken, and then a door seemed to open. The cold receeded, and the weight on my shoulder disappeared. I didn't understand, but I ran towards where I had heard the door, and suddenly I was back in the forest.  
  
_It's not time yet._  
  
The voice was different this time - warmer, less forboding. More dangerous, in a way; it almost made me trust in it...  
  
_ Just keep moving._  
  
... but it just felt so right.  
  
"Who are you?" I asked again, but the voice was silent. Glancing over my shoulder, I was both startled and horrified to find a large, ebony-black wing sprouting from my upper back, just behind my left arm.  
  
Memories came flooding back to me, old and terrible. It had been years since the day I first saw that... that _thing_...  
  
_Dammit, I won't let this happen to me again..._  
  
_I won't let it control me..._  
  
_ "One-winged angel..."_  
  
Pushing my dark thoughts from my mind, I returned to the stream and gazed into the water for a long time, searching for anything else that may have changed, but besides the wing I found nothing. I wondered how they had triggered it's appearance, although I suspected it had something to do with what the strange voice had said - I recognized the wing as the same form of several of those creatures that attacked me earlier. Perhaps its existence depended on the creatures itself, for even as I looked at my pale reflection, the wing faded away, leaving only a feeling that something was missing. I shivered at the thought; surely I hadn't become used to the thing moments after it appeared?  
  
But there was no knowing how long I had been unconscious. And the memory of years ago remained lodged in my heart.  
_  
"Cloud... what the hell did he do to you?"_  
  
What _did_ he do to me?  
  
We never found out, did we, Zack...  
  
I brushed such thoughts aside quickly. It was gone for the moment, and I was better off concentrating on my escape. Whatever came to my aid might not be so generous the next time.  
  
_"I won't leave you hanging..."_  
  
Rubbing my shoulder thoughtfully, still wondering at the strange things that had happened since the creatures arrival to my homeworld, I continued my journey.  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
"Hey hey hey, Strife, my man, where do you think you're going?"  
  
I clenched my teeth, glancing back at my previous employer. "Don't call me that."  
  
Hades just smirked, appearing in front of me in a shroud of blue smoke. "What, you prefer Cloud? SOLDIER-Boy? Spike?"  
  
I flinched despite myself, hearing the old name Barret always used to call me. It bugged the hell out of me sometimes, but what I'd have given for him to be with me then... "... Whatever."  
  
I continued walking, but the flame-headed deity followed closely behind. "You forgetting something, kid?"  
  
"Not that I can recall."  
  
"What about this?" The contract suddenly materialized in front of me, my signature emblazoned in red, still shining at the bottom. "I haven't seen any dead sons-of-Zeus hanging on my door yet."  
  
I glared back at him, pushing aside the paper. "In case you didn't realize, the tournaments are over. Sora and his friends won them all - or at least he was winning when I left. I can't fulfill my end of the bargain if I can't compete. So that means you're free on _your_ end."  
  
Hades reddened, his flaming hair burning more fiercely. "That's-! Listen, you weren't supposed to lose against that lousy brat! You're supposed to be this great soldier, some unbeatable mercenary! And you can't even kill a kid and his pet lackeys?"  
  
I raised an eyebrow at him, my expression unconcerned. "Shouldn't you be asking that to yourself?"  
  
I swear I heard his teeth grinding together. I didn't think it was often that the fast-talking Hades was left speechless, so I took that opportunity to move past him.  
  
His voice followed me, as the contract burst into flames in his hand. "That's fine, cool, who needs a weak stiff like you? You won't find her anyway."  
  
I froze, eyes startled wide. He vanished before I could face him, the Buster Sword half-drawn from its sheath.  
  
_ "You won't find her..."_  
  
_ "... won't..."_  
  
Damn him... and his lies. I would find her... I would keep searching until I did.  
  
No matter what, I'd find her...  
  
  
~*~  
  
Notes: Apologies if the beginning was a little confusing. Flashbacks will run rampant in this fic, and I'll try to make it clear what timeline each scene follows in. It will mostly be either Cloud's past, or the present.

Basically I'm identifying flashbacks with a spacer of ~*~*~ and regular timeline occurrences with ~*~ in the beginning of each new scene where a change occurs. Hopefully this will make things easier.

For those who aren't big fans of FF7 and don't know Zack... well, this fic will contain major spoilers. Zack has got to be one of my favourites though (even if his role was unfairly miniscule...) so he'll be playing a big part in this fic. Just a forewarning!  
  
I'm loving this... altering the Final Fantasy timeline and events to fit Kingdom Hearts... ^_^ Changes will occur like mad, but that's part of the fun of writing a fanfic. I'll do my best to make it all believable AND original at the same time.

~Akai Kitsune


	3. Part 3: A Hundred Griefs

Takes place after Kairi's rescue; contains spoilers for the end of Kingdom Hearts.  
  
Written from Cloud's perspective.  
  
~*~  
  
  
Ephemeral Blossoms  
  
Akai Kitsune  
  
Part 3: A Hundred Griefs  
  
  
~*~

The wind was cold.  
  
I pulled the cloak I wore closer to my body, my only protection from the chilling weather. Inside the Coliseum I had been sheltered from the elements, and over time I forgot the seasons outside the vast building. My time had been mostly spent training and preparing for the inevitable battles which would occur as soon as tournaments began, and the days flew by without notice.  
  
_Growing soft while serving the Lord of the Dead, Cloud?_  
  
Zack would have laughed.  
  
Years ago I might have gotten angry at him. Now I just tried to keep myself from giving up, after nearly ten years of missing that laughter.  
  
He was always so good at making people laugh...  
  
_ "You look pretty good in that."_  
  
_ "You an' me, Cloud..."  
_  
_"... I won't leave you..."_  
  
Zack was always looking out for me, it seemed. He was... like a brother, someone I could really count on. I hadn't known that sort of feeling until I met him. It was like a weight, slowly crushing me over time, was suddenly lifted when he entered my life. The first time he looked at me with that stupid, easygoing grin of his...  
  
_ "Just kidding!"_  
  
_ "Hey, what do you want to do once we reach town?"_  
  
It's funny, but I didn't realize until later... Sora had that same sort of expression. Adventurous, so full of life, so full of _everything_. He looked like a complete idiot when he did that, expressing his emotions so easily.  
  
But at the same time, he was so strong...  
  
_ "... you an' me..."_  
  
I hated looking back. I always told myself that; don't look to the past - it's too ugly. Just keep looking ahead, to where you're going, and eventually you'll find your path. Don't look back.  
  
_ "Don't look back, Cloud!"_  
  
_ "... won't leave..."_  
  
_"Don't forget. But try not to remember too much, either."_  
  
Looking back meant surrendering to who I was. Giving up the present and letting the old life dominate me. I couldn't do that... not anymore.  
  
Not since I met her.  
_  
"Here, take this with you."_  
  
Yeah... things got better, then.  
  
_ "You idiot, just do it!"_  
  
I wish I could go back.  
  
_ "You want to protect her, don't you?"_  
  
But... isn't that looking back?  
  
_ "I'm counting on you to do what's right."_  
  
Can't I be allowed one weakness?  
  
_ "You won, fair and square. I made a promise."_  
  
No...  
  
_ "We're friends, right?"_  
  
... I can't let that happen again.  
  
_ "... so don't leave me hanging like this."_  
  
I couldn't protect them.  
  
_ "Cloud... just don't... ever give in to them."_  
  
So I had to get stronger.  
  
_ "The darkness... it's eating away at your heart, isn't it?"_  
  
For them... for him...  
  
_ "Don't you feel it?"_  
  
For her.  
  
_"I'll always be here, Cloud."_

  
The memories... I hated the memories the most.  
  
They came and went without notice, as I traveled through Olympia. Memories from before the destruction of my world, from my journeys over the past nine years... anything I knew before I met Hades in that mysterious, nameless world I wandered in for who-knows how long. The memories of my friends haunted me the most.  
  
_ "Long time no see, Cloud."  
  
"Hey Spike, where do you think you're goin'?"  
  
"Cloud!"  
  
"Cloud..."  
  
"......"_  
  
I closed my eyes, trying to block out what my mind insisted on plaguing me with.  
  
_ "I think... I... I really like you, Cloud..."_  
  
_I love you..._  
  
I could hear the voices all the time, but it didn't take long for the images - the faces - to fade away from my memories. It wasn't surprising; most of them I hadn't known long, or hadn't seen for years. It seemed as though the harder I tried to hold onto them, the more they slipped through the fingers of my mind...  
  
But Zack stayed. And she stayed.  
  
Aerith stayed with me.  
  
_ "I'll always be here..."_  
  
The sound of her name. Her name was like starlight in the darkness of my existence, of all I had become. I whispered it sometimes at night, before I went to sleep, to remind myself. I had a mission, a reason to go on. I had promised to find her, and that was what I intended to do - despite what tried to stop me, despite how long it took. Nothing else mattered except finding my friends... my family.  
  
My light.  
  
_ "You'll find it."_  
  
Yeah...  
_  
"I'm searching too."_  
  
I know. I knew it then... I always knew. Something in his eyes... something missing.  
  
_ "Don't lose sight of it..."_  
  
That's how he and I were different - that boy, Sora. He still carried that light in his eyes, in his heart. Mine... was fading.  
  
It had been far too long since I saw it.  
  
I suppose that's why I failed when I tried to use the darkness to aid my search. My strength and confidence in my own abilities had faded with each passing year, until I could no longer fight it. I tried to use what powers they had given me - foolishly thinking I could control it - but I was instead sucked into the void of their world, their shadows. I have no way of knowing how long I was trapped in that realm, trapped in the powerful darkness I wanted to use.  
  
Thinking back, I realized how foolish it really was. How can one use shadows to find light?  
  
It's impossible. Impossible to trust the darkness... even the darkness in one's own heart.  
  
Or perhaps especially that.

  
I heard the sounds of battle before I saw it, as I was climbing a low mountain two days after leaving the Coliseum. Stepping above the ridge, I looked down and saw a man fighting off a numerous group of Heartless, all of them at least as large as he was. They were trying to surround him, and the man was admirably good at keeping his back open, but I could tell he wasn't doing well, or he wouldn't be in a few moments.  
  
My eyes narrowed, as I recognized the man in front of me.  
  
Part of my mind screamed for me to kill him. It would be _so_ easy, and perhaps my former employer would be a little more forgiving of my failure. Even with the contract destroyed, there was no reason for me to ignore the agreement.  
  
But there was no reason for me to follow through with it, either.  
  
I... didn't want to betray anyone. Not again.  
  
So, steeling myself, I drew the Buster Sword from its sheath and slid down the hill to aid Hercules.  
  
The demi-god blinked in surprise as I slashed through three of the creatures effortlessly, continuing towards him until a path was clear. I stood at his side, not meeting his eyes, as he watched me for a moment.  
  
"You here for the fun?" he gave me a small grin, raising his fists at the remaining Heartless.  
  
"I don't even know why I'm here," I muttered, adjusting my grip, "But let's get this over with."  
  
Hercules drew his own sword with a nod. "I can handle that."  
  
We destroyed the rest of the Heartless in moments. I watched the freed hearts float into the sky, disappearing quickly, and closed my eyes against the sudden pain in my chest.  
  
If it had been him... would I have known it, then?  
  
"Thanks for your help," Hercules started, sliding the sword into his belt. "Are you hurt at all?"  
  
"I'm fine," I answered, giving him a brief glance.  
  
"That's some amazing sword. Your skill level is pretty great too. Where'd you find a thing like that?"  
  
I pursed my lips, fighting back against the anger I felt rise at his curiousity. "It... was a gift."  
  
_ "You idiot, just do it!"_  
  
Apparently Hercules _did_ possess a brain, for he shut his mouth and didn't mention it again. We stood in silence for a long moment, until finally his expression brightened. "Hey, are you headed anywhere specific?"  
  
I glanced at him, my expression blank. "No... not really."  
  
I had been wandering aimlessly for days. I had no idea what was on this world. Where did he _think_ I was going?  
  
"In that case, why don't you travel with me?" he suggested enthusiastically. "I'm on my way to Mount Olympus to meet with my father."  
  
I raised my eyebrow. As if I knew where that was...  
  
"I don't know how," Hercules explained, "But Hades has somehow set free two of the Titans. Sora managed to defeat the Rock Titan, but the Ice Titan is giving _all_ of us problems. I'm hoping to get some advice from Zeus."  
  
"And you want an escort?"  
  
He grinned again. "Depends on if you're expecting anything in return. But if you're trying to get somewhere, you won't be able to do it by wandering around the place. Maybe my father can help you."  
  
I scowled. "I'm sick of making deals with gods."  
  
"But you've already helped me," Hercules shrugged, "So why should he expect any more from you?"  
  
That made me hesitate, though I gave him a suspicious look.  
  
"Besides, Hades isn't a very good example of the gods. He's... a bit untrustworthy." I snorted, shaking my head, but he just laughed. "I'll take that as a yes, then!"  
  
"Fine," I answered, "I'll go with you. But I don't want to hear any conditions when I get there. I'm not signing any more stupid contracts."  
  
"You signed a contract with Hades?" Hercules stared at me incredulously. "What was it?"  
  
I gazed at him for a long time, unable to answer. Finally, I turned away. "It doesn't matter now, not that it's any of your business. Let's get moving."  
  
Without another word, the two of us began our path down the mountain side.

  
A few days later we reached the temple Hercules had described as his father's home - or rather, the place at which he could be summoned from the realm of the Olympian gods. I didn't really understand everything he was talking about, but I didn't particularly care either, so I didn't ask questions. The Heartless attacked us a few times on our journey, but between the demi-god and myself, they weren't much of a problem. It felt odd, fighting alongside someone again - not a one-time battle like I had with Leon, but an actual journey... I didn't feel the sort of companionship I had known before the Heartless came to my world, but the knowledge that someone else was there, watching my back... it was a good feeling. Better than I had had for ages.  
  
Once we arrived at the temple, Hercules went inside alone while I waited for him by the gates. A few moments later, a tremendous crash sounded from within, and I heard an unfamiliar voice welcome his "son".  
  
Hm. So Hades hadn't been lying when he said that Hercules was the son of a god. I wondered what it must be like to be separated from the place you ought to be living - but then I realized I didn't have to wonder.  
  
So... we had something in common after all.  
  
_ "Missing the obvious as usual, aren't you, Cloud."_  
  
Soon after, Hercules opened the door and waved me inside. "Come on, my father's waiting for you."  
  
I entered the temple behind him, taking in the tapestries and statues decorating the interior. Images of thunder and storms were scattered across the walls, clouds gathered above in simple yet well-crafted forms. I wasn't exactly an art critic, but I had to admire the work someone must've put into the place. The people on that world certainly loved their gods.  
  
I blinked. Loved, or feared? Hades suddenly came to my mind, dark and crude, the twisted smirk ever-present on his face. The Lord of the Dead would clearly be among those listed in the latter.  
  
"So, this is the wanderer in our realm?" a voice suddenly echoed through the building, and I looked up - and up - to meet the sternly curious expression of a bearded giant seated on a great stone chair. His eyes were bright, even friendly, so I nodded in response to his question. "Good, you're honest. Do you have a name?"  
  
"Cloud Strife."  
  
He raised an eyebrow. "Not very talkative I see. Well that's fine. I am the God of Olympia, Zeus."  
  
If he expected me to be impressed, I must have disappointed him. The name meant nothing to me. I nodded again, expressionless. "So I've been told."  
  
Zeus was unruffled. "Hercules tells me you gave him a hand on his way here, fighting those Heartless creatures who have been showing up recently. This is true?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"I'm glad to hear it!" he raised his voice, a grin suddenly appearing on his face. "I've also heard you're in need of some help. I may be able to do something... just what are you after, boy?"  
  
My eyebrow twitched a little at his comment, but the thought of reaching my goal overrode any anger I might have felt. "I'm... I'm looking for someone. Someone very important to me."  
  
"Oh? And you want me to send you to where that person might be?"  
  
I closed my eyes, not even daring to hope. "That... was my intention..."  
  
Zeus sighed, shaking his head regretfully. "You know, the gods of Olympia are forbidden from meddling with the affairs of other worlds. Sending you anywhere would cause a great deal of problems."  
  
"I'm not even _from_ this world!" I objected, my hands clenching into fists. "Why shouldn't I be able to leave this place - maybe find my real home?!"  
  
My real family...  
  
The deity was silent, and I grit my teeth, spinning on my heel and striding towards the door. "I knew it."  
  
I shouldn't have expected anything. People are all the same - they want things to be easy for them. I'd learned that this was not so... even if it had taken me nearly ten years to figure it out.  
  
Ten years of hearing nothing but "no" and "maybe" had a tendency to lower your expectations a little.  
  
As I reached the door, Hercules' sudden plea made me halt. "Father, isn't there something you can do? Maybe send him to a place where he could find clues? Anything?"  
  
Zeus pondered this for a moment. "Hmm... well, I suppose I could send him to Traverse Town... it seems to be the base of most inter-world travel these days..."  
  
I whirled around, stepping closer again. "Can you really send me there?" I asked anxiously. That unfamiliar town - anywhere - had to be better than wandering around the same world I had been in for ages. I couldn't just stay in the same place forever. There was no longer anything there for me.  
  
"I believe it's possible. With so many others shifting from world to world, the interference level is just too high for anyone to deal with. That's probably the only place you _can_ go on your own," Zeus shrugged, giving us both a knowing smile once again.  
  
There was a long pause, as I waited for a certain answer. There were too many conditions I had heard before to hope for a free ride.  
  
"All right, to Traverse Town you go," Hercules' father finally nodded, raising a hand.  
  
"What's the catch?" I asked suspiciously.  
  
"The catch?" Zeus chuckled. "You're a paranoid boy, but quite right. I can't show you the way to whoever it is you're looking for, but I can send you to a place where you _will_ have a purpose, I can guarantee that."  
  
A purpose? What the hell did that mean? I already had a purpose. I didn't need - or want - anything else. But I wasn't about to argue with the one who finally agreed to help me, so I didn't object.  
  
A soft glow emitted from Zeus' hand, shooting down from his carved throne and covering my body. I suddenly felt distanced from everything around me - the floor, the walls, even Hercules who stood beside me. I barely noticed his hand touch my arm, a grin on his face.  
  
"Good luck," he said simply, and then everything was gone.  
  
It was different than traveling through the darkness as I had done with Hades, or with the Heartless. There was light all around me, and it was strangely comforting. I felt no chills - thinking back, I didn't really feel anything at all until solid ground appeared beneath my feet.  
  
I opened my eyes - wondering when I had closed them - and turned to greet the new world I had been transported to. A soft breeze brushed past, my scarlet cloak billowing out behind me. My shoulder twinged softly, alerting me of the obvious presence of Heartless in the general area as it always did... it was a constant reminder that I was still connected to them in some way. Ignoring the feeling, I looked beyond the natural scenery to what lay before me.  
  
The first thing I noticed were vast walls, surrounding a city of some sort. A pair of huge wooden doors faced me, and a sign stood directly above, announcing my destination.  
  
_ Ha... so he actually kept his word. That's a first._  
  
Adjusting the sword at my back, more out of habit than anything else, I strode forward and opened the gates of Traverse Town.  
  
  
~*~

To be continued

~*~  
  
  
Whee, chapter 3. Forgive me if either Hercules or Zeus were a little OOC; when I wrote this chapter it'd been years since I saw the movie and apparently my family never bought it like I thought we did. How irritating.

I'm still not certain of Zeus's actual title, even after finally watching the movie. Anybody know?

The text in italics are quotes from Cloud's memory, or an occasional inner voice, ^_^  
  
The chapter title comes from a Chinese proverb. I'll quote it in the next chapter's author notes, because it'll show up then too, ^_~

~Akai Kitsune


	4. Part 4: A Single Joy

Takes place after Kairi's rescue; contains spoilers for the end of Kingdom Hearts.  
  
Written from Cloud's perspective.  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
Ephemeral Blossoms  
  
Part 4: A Single Joy  
  
Akai Kitsune  
  
  
~*~  
  
The first sound that met me as I entered Traverse Town was the gentle murmur of a small gathering of people, a normal sound for a densely populated country town. I remembered the quiet atmosphere from Nibelheim, back home where our numbers were few but our sense of companionship was close. At least to the others, it was. I never did fit in well at Nibelheim, and the only one I could have considered a friend moved away several years before I made my way to Midgar.  
  
Lights decorated several buildings, announcing their purposes to local shoppers and newcomers alike. I had no munny with me, but there was nothing really to buy at that moment, so I wandered past the stores and down the sidestreet, searching for any kind of familiar face.  
  
I realized quickly that the sidestreet was actually an alleyway, but it didn't really matter, since I had no idea where I was going no matter which path I took. I leapt above the boxes blocking my path and continued my way down the street beyond. A few moments later, I was attacked by a group of Heartless, their claws outstretched towards my chest.  
  
Heartless were everywhere in those days; it seemed as though any world where people could be found, the ruthless creatures multiplied and destroyed until all that was good ceased to exist. I was beginning to wonder if any world was safe by that point. Certainly not Traverse Town, a world where refugees from all the lost worlds gathered...  
  
... maybe... maybe she would be...  
  
I didn't dare to encourage that hope, but I couldn't completely block the thought from my mind. It had been too long since I felt any real hope at all, aside from the idea that I had a mission to fulfill, a goal to accomplish.  
  
I made it sound so official, didn't I? Like I was still some SOLDIER, some Shinra grunt taking orders from above to seek out a certain person.  
  
I was so... so very stupid. So ignorant of everything that lay just in front of my eyes.  
  
After passing through the doors scrawled with the label "Second District", Heartless once again surrounded me. I dealt with them all as quickly as I could, concentrating more on the path before me. The streets were deserted; it seemed to be night, but I remembered the inconsistent daylight in Olympia, so I couldn't trust the weather. In a world mostly controlled by the Heartless that walked the streets, the skies were very likely affected by the darkness swirling within it.  
  
My eyes narrowed, and I became even more determined to clear the way for the world's inhabitants. If the Heartless were keeping the streets bare and the people trapped within their houses, I had no reason to ignore their presence.  
  
I was halfway through the Second District, growing a little weary from so many constant battles but nowhere near satisfied by the strength of the creatures attacking me, when I heard a sudden scream from around the corner. Slashing the Buster Sword through my last opponent, I rushed towards the sound, fists tightening on the hilt.  
  
Was the voice... somehow familiar...?  
  
Half a dozen Heartless lay in wait, facing away from me towards a small form huddled on the ground. Most of them were doomed by the time they noticed my arrival, and the last were unable to do more than hiss in anger as my sword ended their lives - if that was what one could call them. Sensing the presence of even more creatures, I knelt beside the figure hunched against the wall, even as whoever it was looked up in surprise.  
  
My heart sank in disappointment, even as I felt relief that she was all right. The young girl, perhaps in her early teens, with short reddish-brown hair and fearful crystalline eyes, sat up and gaze me a questioning look, as her words broke through the silence. "Who are you?"  
  
I blinked at her question. I was expecting fear, or perhaps a little gratitude, rather than a sudden interrogation. "I... would think I'd be a friend. Are you all right?"  
  
She stood gingerly and brushed herself off, her injuries no worse than a few mild scratches, though her fall would probably cause bruises later. "I think so. They just surprised me... you arrived before they could really hurt me." Her face brightened with a small smile. "Um... thank you, by the way."  
  
I merely nodded, straightening up and taking a quick glance around. "We shouldn't stay here. The Heartless are gone for the moment, but they'll return once they regain sight of our hearts. Where do you live? Is it near here?"  
  
She pointed to the door that was just beyond us. "Yes... I live in a house in the Third District, behind those doors. It'll just take a minute to get there."  
  
The tense frown remained on my face. "You shouldn't be walking in such dangerous parts of town. Especially alone, and at night when the shadows are strongest."  
  
"It's dangerous everywhere nowadays, you know," she replied softly, her eyes downcast. "I'm tired of sitting around and doing nothing. Everyone else is fighting against the Heartless... I just felt so helpless."  
  
Helpless... so she knew how it felt as well. The feeling that came hand-in-hand with anger and frustration, knowing you can act yet being restrained by so many immobile forces...  
  
I wasn't able to say anything that wouldn't betray my thoughts, so I nodded again and headed for the door, listening for her footsteps to follow me.  
  
"You never answered me," she called after me, and my hand paused on the door. "My name's Kairi. What's yours?"  
  
_ It shouldn't matter to you. _The words were almost upon my lips before I stopped them. What reason did I have to hide from this girl? Giving my name could even help my search. If anyone knew me, they would recognize my name.  
  
"Cloud... Cloud Strife."  
  
It was surprising how easily the name broke through the silence, before pride or my stubborn need for isolation could ruin the sea of logic I had found within myself. Of _course_ I had to give my name; my reluctance to do so caused a breach in trust, and who would help a person they couldn't trust?  
  
I looked instinctively back to Kairi, and was met with her warm smile.  
  
"Nice to meet you, Cloud," she murmured, standing beside me. She waited patiently for me to open the door, and it took me a moment to realize it and finally push through the entrance towards the Third District.  
  
Kairi had been right; her home lay barely ten feet away from the doorway. It wasn't surprising that she had been attacked the moment she was past the point of a safe escape; the Heartless were not only stronger and more numerous, but they also seemed to have risen to a greater level of intensity and intelligence. They were inventing battle formations much more difficult than I was used to, and I had been forced to accommodate my own style and tactics to match theirs. I was getting tired too easily in battle, and it was _not_ a good sign.  
  
_ "Hey... you've been too tired lately."  
  
"You okay?"  
  
"Don't worry so much."  
  
I'm fine.  
  
"I promise."_  
  
"Hey," Kairi's voice startled me out of my thoughts, and I turned to her as she reached the door to the house. "Do you want to come inside and rest for a while? You look like you could use some sleep, and..." she looked me up and down, her lips quirking into another smile. "A meal, maybe."  
  
Before I could object, I felt a sudden twinge in my stomach, silent but insistent. It was true, I hadn't eaten since before my arrival at Zeus' temple, and my body recovered faster so long as it was well cared for.  
  
"I... thank you," I managed, moving mechanically towards the now-open door. She seemed to have a knowing expression on her face, as if she was used to dealing with people like me.  
  
Like me...?  
  
"Make yourself at home," she said absently as she followed me inside, closing the door and moving to the cabinet against the nearest wall. "I'll start making something to eat. It'll be nice to have someone here for company," she added after a moment. "After most of my friends left Traverse Town, I've been a bit lonely."  
  
"Your friends?" I couldn't help asking.  
  
Kairi nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah!" She studied me briefly, eyeing the sword at my back. "You look like you've been fighting the Heartless for a long time, so maybe you'd know them. Have you met Sora, and his friends Donald and Goofy?"  
  
The irony was just too great. I did my best impression of a grin - Zack's grin - and though I must have failed miserably, her curiousity grew at my reaction.  
  
"What?" she demanded, hands on her hips, looking quite comical with the mixing spoon she carried.  
  
"Know Sora?" I finally answered, shaking my head. "I fought all of them in several Coliseum tournaments. He and his friends defeated me three times already." At her surprise, my grin softened into a weak smile. "No, I don't really _know_ Sora, but as a former opponent I can acknowledge him as an equal, at the very least."  
  
She was relieved by my apparent disinterest in fighting him again. The meal abandoned for the moment, she drew closer and sat down on the nearby bed, curving her head to the side as if sizing me up.  
  
"So..." she said softly, "Sora really beat you? Three times?"  
  
I nodded reluctantly. "He has exceptional skill, and his weapon is like nothing I've seen before. Even after battling him three times, I'm still not certain of his tactics..."  
  
She giggled, her eyes completely understanding. "That's Sora. As far back as I can remember, he always rushed into things without really thinking them through... he follows his heart and trusts it to get him through any situation."  
  
It was strange, how contagious her smile was. As if she herself was light, never to be extinguished no matter what the situation was...  
  
_ "I'm searching too."  
  
"For your light?"_  
  
"Sora... mentioned you, the first time we met," I told her, my expression thoughtful. "He said he was looking for someone, just like I was. Afterwards, I had this strange feeling, like I didn't want to fight him again."  
  
_But I didn't have a choice._  
  
Delight shone in her eyes. "Really? Sora said that?" She smiled wistfully, turning back to the food cupboard. "He must have been trying very hard to find Riku and me, even though he had the responsibility of being the Keyblade master. That still surprises me, even after all I've seen."  
  
"Same here," I admitted. "In my home, when Ansem was studying the Heartless and spoke of the 'key' that would either save or destroy worlds, I didn't expect someone like him to carry it."  
  
"It's hard to imagine Sora doing either of those," Kairi murmured. "He was always so cheerful... so casual about everything on my island. He's changed a lot since then... but he's still Sora." She blinked in sudden surprise. "Wait - did you say Ansem? You lived on his world?"  
  
I watched her curiously. So, she knew of Ansem as well... the name had slipped without my realizing it. I hadn't thought of my world's former ruler in years, yet his name simply appeared in the conversation. "I did, yes, before it was destroyed."  
  
Kairi's excitement grew by this statement. "Then you might know my other friends! They're from that world, too!"  
  
My eyes widened. Was... was it possible? Other people from my world survived the Heartless attack and made their way here?  
  
Before either of us could speak further, the doorknob suddenly jiggled before opening. My sword was half-drawn before a very familiar voice broke through our stunned silence.  
  
"I'm back!"  
  
Life's little ironies, once again throwing me completely off my guard.  
  
The tall, dirty-blond haired man turned and closed the door behind him, scratching his head and fiddling with the cigarette in his mouth. "Business was good today," he announced, reaching into his pocket for a lighter. "I had a lot of customers asking for - Cloud?!"  
  
The cigarette fell to the floor, already half-lit, as his gaze rose and he recognized me standing beside Kairi. My hand fell from my sword, dropping to my side, while I was left as speechless at his abrupt appearance as he was mine.  
  
We stared at each other for a long time, until Kairi timidly broke through the silence. "You guys know each other, then?"  
  
"Cid," I finally spoke, answering her question with a single word. I wasn't able to explain further, because at that very moment Cid rushed across the room and grabbed me in a giant bear hug.  
  
"Cloud!" he yelled again, a wide grin on his face as he pulled me _off_ the ground in his enthusiasm. "Where the hell have you been?!"  
  
"Hey," I choked, "Put me down! Cid!"  
  
He obliged, a little sheepish, and recovered his cigarette, his eyes wide and full of mirth. "Geez, kid, you sure surprised me! How'd you get here?"  
  
"It's a long story..."  
  
Cid whistled, shaking his head. "It seems like everyone has a long story these days, and there's never enough time to hear 'em all. Whatever happened, I'm glad you're okay now!"  
  
"Me too, Cid..."  
  
_You have NO idea._  
  
"Have you met anyone else?" Cid continued anxiously. "How long have you been here?"  
  
I pursed my lips, pulling the Buster Sword from around my shoulders and resting it against the table, sighing silently as the weight was lifted momentarily. The dark pulsing in my left shoulder had grown during the battles with the Heartless, but it was decreasing with every passing moment away from the creatures. "I just arrived in town a few hours ago. I... haven't seen anyone I know since the Heartless first came to our world."  
  
Cid's expression hardened, a scowl appearing on his face. "Geez, kid, that's... well, it's a good thing you're here now. Things are going to get a lot worse for a while, and we'll need your help."  
  
"We?" I repeated, glancing at Kairi as she continued to make the meal. "Who else are you staying with?"  
  
A small smile broke through the frown on my friend's face. "Oh, a few people you might know."  
  
My eyes narrowed. "Cid," I said warningly, hands tightening on the back of a chair by the table. I didn't have the patience for playing around; not after nine years.  
  
Still... it was impossible to describe how good it felt, seeing an old friend, having to deal with his teasing nature. Somehow I wasn't angry at all.  
  
Cid smirked and lit the cigarette, breathing in deeply and falling into silence for a moment. I was about to demand an explanation again when he finally murmured, "Yuffie an' me came to this town on my ship about seven years ago, when we escaped our world. Pretty soon, a fellow named Leon showed up, apparently from some world where he'd been helping this king in learning about the Heartless. You might remember the king mentioned in the rumours about Ansem's reports."  
  
I nodded, surprised by what he was telling me. Leon...? And the king Ansem had met after the meteor shower all those years ago? They were both connected?  
  
Cid shuffled his feet, pulling out a chair and slouching down across the table from where I stood. He looked up at me, eyes unreadable, and I met his gaze.  
  
"Cloud," he said quietly, "Aerith was with him."  
  
My eyes widened. Aerith... Aerith... she was...  
  
"She's here?" I gasped, resting both my hands on the table and leaning towards him. Behind me, Kairi halted her movements to watch. "She-she's alive?"  
  
Cid grinned. "That's right, Cloud. Aerith's been alive all this time, and she's been workin' hard with us to stop the Heartless from destroying everything."  
  
Slowly I sank into the other chair, brushing my hand through my impossibly unruly hair. Aerith was alive. Aerith was _safe_.  
  
I felt as if whatever giant weight had been crushing me all this time was suddenly lifted.  
  
_Alive_.  
  
My light was alive.  
  
"Is... is she here?" I whispered, glancing back at Cid.  
  
He shook his head. "You just missed her by a few days. She went with Leon and Yuffie to Hollow Bastion to meet up with Sora. Chances are she'll either stay there until everything's over, or come back after Leon and Yuffie are done in the final Coliseum tournament."  
  
"Yuffie was in the tournament?" I blinked, hands clenched tightly.  
  
Cid nodded. "What, were you there too?"  
  
"Yeah... I fought with Leon against Sora and his friends." I rested my head against my palm, feeling an oncoming headache. If I had paid more attention to the competitors...  
  
Cid laughed. "And that kid beat _both_ of you? Man, that must've been embarrassing."  
  
"Shut up," I muttered irritably. "The kid's unbelievable."  
  
"No," Kairi interrupted with a grin, "He's just Sora."  
  
As if those words alone were reason enough. I shrugged, unwilling to argue any further. "Cid... is there any way for me to go there? If the others could go-"  
  
"They used my ship," the former airship pilot smiled grimly, pulling a small, coloured block from his pocket and tossing it to me. "I wish I could say I had another, but right now I don't have enough parts."  
  
I stood abruptly, my eyes narrowed intensely. "You must be kidding me."  
  
"Afraid not," Cid lowered his gaze. "Until Leon returns with the ship - or Sora with his - we're all stuck here."  
  
"No," I whispered, my eyes wide in disbelief. I suddenly spun around and slammed my fist against the wall, startling both my hosts.  
  
"Dammit," I whispered, my head hanging low against my chest, "I was _so_ close."  
  
Kairi stepped towards me, her hand reaching for my shoulder. "Cloud-"  
  
"I'm going for a walk," I cut her off, grasping the hilt of my sword and storming outside, shutting the door behind me. I heard a soft murmur of voices within; Cid telling Kairi not to follow me, no doubt. I'd only met her briefly and I already knew all too well what she'd do.  
  
She was light, after all. She had the sort of kindness all light possessed.  
  
I hadn't felt very close to light at that moment. Gripping the sword nearer to my body, I walked forward into the shadows and waited for my enemies to come.  
  
They came. They always did.  
  
~*~  
  
Abrupt ending? Too much of one? Sorry, ^_^ It seemed like a good enough spot to leave off.  
  
Writing "munny" spelled like that just seems wrong... it's hard to avoid correcting it!

Cid's cigarette: Yeah, I know he wasn't smoking in Kingdom Hearts. But I really can't imagine Cid without it... *shrug* It's a fanfic, what else can I say.  
  
As mentioned in the previous chapter, the title came from a Chinese proverb, "One joy scatters a hundred griefs." I really liked the sound of it, so I used it here.  
  
Next chapter will contain my own interpretation of the Final Fantasy world in Kingdom Hearts... and that means flashbacks galore, ^_^ Please look forward to it.

~Akai Kitsune


	5. Part 5: Visions of a Scattered Heart

Takes place after Kairi's rescue; contains spoilers for the end of Kingdom Hearts.  
  
Written from Cloud's perspective.

AN: More flashbacks. Yayness.  
  
  
~*~  
  
Ephemeral Blossoms  
  
Part 5: Visions of a Scattered Heart  
  
Akai Kitsune  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
Crouched in a corner of the only bar in Traverse Town, I remembered.  
  
  
~*~*~  
  
  
I knew Midgar was a dirty, polluted city from the moment I saw it, doomed to remain that way as long as people lived within it. I had known it was crowded even before I left Nibelheim, but I never realized how bad it was until I caught sight of it on the horizon. Lights glowing from every angle, and smoke billowed from the various stacks that grew from each Mako reactor. I smiled tightly as I watched them work, the sounds of machinery and general city life filling my ears. It was a far cry from the peacefulness I was used to, but... I needed a change. I needed to find something different than what I had always known.  
  
So I stepped down from the hill and entered a city for the first time in my life.  
  
  
  
  
It's hard to admit how weak I was, back then. I was barely fifteen minutes into the city, walking past a long-abandoned construction site in one of the outer-sector slums, when I heard a group of people trailing me closely. Taking a short detour into the site, I picked up a long rod of slightly bent metal and turned to face them.  
  
"What do you want?" I asked tersely, holding the rod defensively in front of me. I didn't know much about fighting, but I knew the basics of defending myself. I had made certain of that before leaving for Midgar. Stories of the roughness of city life traveled everywhere, and though most were exaggerated, but I knew they had to contain some truths. I was glad I'd listened to the tips of the casual traveler when they passed through my town.  
  
One of the men smirked, reaching into his pocket. "Oh, not much, boy. As a newcomer to the city, you must have some cash with you. I was hopin' you could help out some poor folk from the slums."  
  
"I don't have much to give even if I _was_ willing," I retorted, entirely too close to home than I liked to admit. My mother and I hadn't exactly been wealthy in Nibelheim - I was relying on my ability to find a job in Midgar for support. I had enough to get by for a few days at most. I wasn't about to lose it to a bunch of bums on the street the moment I arrived.  
  
The first man just laughed, a mocking sound that was used to the occasional challenge. "Oh, you might find yourself more willing than you think in a minute."  
  
He pulled his hand from his pocket, lunging at me with a knife, and I immediately sidestepped, swinging the rod with me. It caught his back as he passed me, sending him flying to the ground. I barely had time to celebrate my brief victory when the others snarled in outrage and charged forward.  
  
For once, I thanked whatever gods might exist in my world that I was born small, being much faster and more agile than the street thugs. I dodged most of their attacks, concentrating on knocking whatever weapons they carried away. I felt confident at first, but I'd never fought so many people at once before. It was no surprise when a stray blow finally caught me and sent me flying to the ground.  
  
My head struck a rock, and I looked up, dazed, into the face of the man who'd hit me.  
  
He grinned cheerfully, bringing up his knife. "Feeling a little more cooperative, now?"  
  
I met his stare fiercely, giving my answer in my eyes. My hands were clenched into tight fists, so he would not see how badly they were shaking...  
  
"I highly doubt that," came a cool voice from behind us, and suddenly a giant sword was pressed against the man's neck. I watched in surprise as the man dropped his knife, eyes wide with fear and astonishment.  
  
The man holding the sword smiled at us, his long, spiked hair falling across his eyes as he leaned down next to the thief. "Take a look at his eyes," he smirked, giving me a nod. "That's the gaze of someone who won't give up, no matter what. Now, since you're obviously no match against a guy like that, why don't you run along and harrass someone who _doesn't_ have friends with big swords?"  
  
The street bum nodded weakly, gulping as the sword edged closer to his throat.  
  
"A word of warning," the swordsman murmured, "I'm friends with a lot of people in this part of town. You should be more careful."  
  
The sword lifted, and the thief fled. I looked around and discovered that most of the others had either run away already or were lying on the ground, unconscious.  
  
"You okay?" the man who had saved me knelt beside me, peering over curiously.  
  
"I... I'm fine," I said quietly, rubbing my head where I had hit the rock. I was going to have one hell of a headache later, but at least I was still alive.  
  
"Good," the man nodded his approval. "You're pretty good with that thing, even though it was just a chunk of metal. I'd love to see you with a _real_ weapon."  
  
My eyes widened. "Really? I... I wasn't doing so well, I thought-"  
  
The man laughed - a different sort of laugh than the thugs had - and took the pipe from the ground, raising it high and slamming it against the ground. I blinked as it suddenly bent even further backwards, until the two ends were nearly parallel.  
  
"Fighting off those punks with a useless weapon like this is pretty impressive," the man smiled, tossing me the ruined metal. I caught it, dazed, and glanced up as he reached down a hand to help me up. "What's your name, kid?"  
  
"Cloud," I answered, taking his hand and pulling myself to my feet with his support. "You?"  
  
"The name's Zack," he replied, sheathing the giant broadsword at his back. "Are you new in town?"  
  
"Yeah..." I waved a hand to the retreating figures. "Nice welcoming committee."  
  
Zack shrugged. "That's a big city for you. I've gotten used to it by now, and if you're planning on sticking around, you should, too."  
  
"I expected it, anyway." I scuffed a foot in the dirt, then turned and hunted through the rubble for a moment, finally emerging with another pipe. At Zack's raised eyebrow, I smiled weakly. "I'd rather not rely on a chance rescue next time."  
  
"If you're looking for a place to stay for a while, I know somewhere close by," Zack offered, pointing north, past the junk yard and down a side street. "There's a bar just along that road called _Seventh Heaven_. They also act as an inn for certain people. If you go there and tell them you know me, I'm sure they'll let you stay."  
  
"Th-thanks," I said quietly, my voice incredulous. "Why are you being so helpful?"  
  
He grinned. "Common courtesy, kid," was his response. "Just so you know that not everyone from Midgar are jerks."  
  
"I'm glad," I returned the smile. "It was... nice meeting you."  
  
"Same here," Zack nodded, turning away to go back the way he came. "Take care, and if you stay at the bar, I'll see you again."  
  
I didn't respond; I merely watched him until he disappeared from the dim lamplight, his giant sword swinging with each step. I hadn't even seen him fight and I knew he was incredibly strong. That... that was the sort of strength I wanted. Strength to prove myself... strength to earn the respect I had always lacked.  
  
Maybe this was what I'd needed for years. I wasn't about to waste the chance, so I followed his directions and made my way towards _Seventh Heaven_.  
  
  
  
  
"Welcome to _Seventh Heaven_!"  
  
A loud, cheery voice greeted me as I entered, above the roar of the people residing within. I squinted over a sea of faces - it seemed more like a party than a bar - to find the one who had called to me. After a few moments, a dark haired girl squeezed through the men blocking her path and stood before me, smiling brightly. How she had noticed me I had no idea, but it was nice to see another friendly face.  
  
She took my arm and led me towards the bar, pressing through the throng of bodies as best as she could. Under the brighter lights by the bar, I finally got a better look at her.  
  
My eyes widened. _Here, of all places..._  
  
"Can I get you anything?" she asked curiously, curving her head to one side. Her dark hair fell past her shoulders, longer than it used to be, but her cinnamon eyes were still as bright and pretty as always.  
  
"Tifa?" I said loudly over the noise, staring at her in surprise.  
  
She blinked for a moment, then gasped, clapping a hand over her mouth. "_Cloud_?! No way!"  
  
I smiled, brushing a hand through my hair. "Yeah, it's me."  
  
"I can't believe this!" she whirled around, tugging at the arm of the bartender behind the counter. "Uncle! Look, it's Cloud! My friend from Nibelheim!"  
  
The gruff looking man glanced at me, a wry smile on his face. "Well well, so you're Cloud. Tifa mentioned you a few times. What brings you to Midgar?"  
  
I scratched my head, the noise not really helping my headache, and answered after a brief hesitation. "I... I wanted to get out of Nibelheim, I guess." I glanced at Tifa. "I thought about what you said, Tifa... about joining SOLDIER. I couldn't really think of anything else, so I'm here to give it a try."  
  
Tifa clapped her hands in delight. "That's _great_, Cloud! I'm sure you'll get into SOLDIER in no time at all!"  
  
The bartender seemed amused by the idea, but I didn't pay attention to him. My focus was on Tifa, and how good it was to see her again. It really had been too long.  
  
"So..." I called for her attention, searching for the right way to ask, "I don't exactly have a lot of money, but this guy told me you let people stay for the night-"  
  
"Don't even think about it, Cloud," she said sternly, glancing at her uncle with a smile. "You'll be staying here as long as you need to. I would never turn away an old friend like you!"  
  
I was surprised, but pleasantly so. Tifa and I had never been close, but I had to admit she was at least part of the reason I had left Nibelheim.  
  
_ "Cloud... when we grow up, you'll protect me, won't you?"_  
  
"Thanks... thanks, Tifa," I murmured, my face flushing.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I said _thanks_!"  
  
She giggled, her dark hair swishing against her back. "It's no problem, Cloud! But I can't believe you're already going to join SOLDIER - how old are you, thirteen or something?"  
  
"Fifteen," I retorted, shaking my head at her. "You know I was always a year older than you."  
  
"Oh, right," Tifa just shrugged, then disappeared as a hand appeared from the crowd. I felt guilty for distracting her from her job, when suddenly the idea came to me. I slid down to one of the seats closer to where Tifa's uncle worked, polishing glasses, and waved for his attention.  
  
"You want something to drink, son?"  
  
"Actually, I was wondering if there was anything I could do to help out around here," I offered nervously. "I mean, if Tifa says I can stay here, even though I can't pay much-"  
  
The man grinned, reaching out a hand. "Well there's a first," he shook my hand eagerly. "A border who actually offers to lend a hand. Tifa wasn't lying when she said you were the nicest kid around."  
  
I blinked. "Nicest kid around" wasn't exactly how anyone would have described me in Nibelheim - or even how _I_ would describe myself. Maybe something more like, "Shy kid whose very existence causes trouble"...  
  
"You can start in about an hour or so, when things start calming down," the man continued, ignorant of my train of thought. "This group of rowdies usually only stops by once a week, and you came on one of their wilder nights. They'll settle down and move on pretty soon. Then we can start cleaning."  
  
A glass suddenly materialized before me, and I looked up at him questioningly. He chuckled. "Drink it, boy. You need it, trust me."  
  
I probably did; I was famished, and I hadn't had anything to drink for hours. Fighting off money-grubbing thieves worked up an appetite but gave nothing to appease it. I drained the glass without another word.  
  
Tifa returned soon, chatting amiably about business and how things had been for the past few years. She asked about news from Nibelheim, and how things had been with her family before I left town. I spent more time talking in that one hour than I had an entire month in my own town. It was a strange feeling.  
  
Before she had a chance to ask anything about me, her uncle called for our attention and we began to clean up the bar before it closed down for the night. I was relieved, to be honest; I had nothing really to say about what my life had been like during her absence. The people were all the same, the buildings remained unchanged... even the Mako reactor still poured endless amounts of smog into the clear mountain sky. Nothing was different besides the unfortunate fact that I no longer had a friend with me. I didn't want to tell Tifa that - it would hurt her, and that was the last thing I wanted to do.  
  
"Cloud...?" I heard her call as I swept the floor, maneuvering through tables and around the staggering drunks. I glanced back at her, resting my elbow on the broom.  
  
Her eyes were apprehensive; shy, almost. "Cloud, I'm... glad you're here."  
  
I gave her a small smile. "Me too." I guess Midgar wasn't as bad as it seemed before.  
  
She opened her mouth to speak again, but suddenly there was a sharp pounding on the door. Tifa's uncle shook his head, raising his voice to bellow, "We're closed!"  
  
The knocking persisted, and finally the man scowled. "Cloud, get over there and tell whoever it is to move on. I'm not in the mood for trouble-makers."  
  
I resisted the urge to snap back that I wasn't in the mood for getting assaulted twice in one day either, but I swallowed the temptation and opened the door. The words of an irritated teenager already on my lips died the instant I looked up and recognized the newcomer.  
  
"Hey, kid," Zack grinned down at me, visibly pleased. "Nice to see you made it here alive."  
  
"Zack!"  
  
"Eh?" Tifa exclaimed, rushing over and fully opening the door. "Oh, Mr. Zack!"  
  
Zack waved enthusiastically, brushing a hand through his hair. "Hey there, Tifa. Did you actually let the kid take a job at this place?"  
  
Tifa blinked, looking back and forth between Zack and myself. "You... know each other?"  
  
"We met before I reached your bar," I explained, moving aside so Zack could enter. "He's the one who told me to come here."  
  
"Cloud and I fought off a group of street punks trying to assault some poor guy," Zack grinned, nudging me meaningfully.  
  
I flushed, uneasy. "That's not..."  
  
"Yep, the kid here is pretty good," Zack interrupted smoothly. "Those bums barely stood a chance."  
  
Tifa stared at him incredulously. I felt a little insulted; sure, it was a complete lie, but she didn't have to act like I was incapable of defending myself. She didn't even know me that well.  
  
"What's the matter, Miss Lockheart? You look like a drowned fish."  
  
Tifa's mouth snapped open at Zack's comment, and I couldn't conceal a smile. She glared at me, obviously unimpressed by my tact.  
  
Suddenly she smirked, as if she knew something I did not. "So, Cloud," she began slyly, "Did you tell Zack why you came to Midgar?"  
  
"Well, no..." I felt a little uneasy by her expression, giving Zack a sideways glance. Did he hate SOLDIERs or something?  
  
"Cloud here wants to join SOLDIER," Tifa waved a hand at me nonchalently.  
  
"Tifa!" I objected, my face turning bright crimson again. The last thing I wanted was to get into trouble-!  
  
"SOLDIER?" Zack repeated, his grin widening. "Now there's a thought. I think you've got the right idea, though - you're a lot tougher than you look."  
  
I was pleased - although I knew it would get me into trouble later on - to see Tifa's jaw drop once again, and Zack laughed. "It's just not your day, is it Tifa?"  
  
"Are you here for a drink before we close up, Zack?" Tifa's uncle called from behind the bar, still washing the shot glasses.  
  
Zack shook his head. "Afraid not, 'Heart. I've got early duty tomorrow, and I wouldn't want to hold you up, anyway. I just wanted to check up on the kid," he winked in my direction. I flushed once more, embarrassed by all the attention. "Nice to see you all again... and Strife?" I glanced at him expectantly. "You behave yourself around these fine people. I'll be back in a few days, so I'll see you then."  
  
With that spoken, he disappeared through the open doorway again, the giant sword glinting in the light of the bar. I gazed after him for a long moment, until Tifa closed the door and leaned against it, holding back silent laughter.  
  
"What?" I demanded, irritated by her secrecy. "What's so funny?"  
  
"Cloud," she gasped between bouts of giggles, "Do you even _ know_ who Zack is?"  
  
I blinked, smiling sheepishly. "Umm... someone really strong?"  
  
She slapped her forehead, as her uncle snorted, holding back his own laughter. "He's a SOLDIER, you idiot! First-class - second only to General Sephiroth!"  
  
"Wow, hold on!" I shook my head in disbelief, uncertain if I had heard her correctly. "_He_ is the second strongest fighter in all of Midgar?"  
  
She just nodded, smiling at my clueless exclamation. I didn't even care than I had looked like a complete fool.  
  
The second best in Midgar... probably the whole world.  
  
And he had _complimented_ me!  
  
Whatever second thoughts I had felt when I entered Midgar, they were gradually beginning to disappear in the midst of my growing excitement.  
  
I guess someone forgot to remind me of that old saying... pride comes before fall.  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
Hm. Can you say, foreshadowing? Next chapter - taking a deeper dive into Cloud's oh-so-wonderful past, ^_^;; Poor guy. He gets no respite at all.  
  
As for Cloud himself, if he seems out of character, it's because he's not quite the Cloud we know just yet... I am writing him as how _I_ thought he was before he met Zack, Hojo, or Sephiroth. From the game, I gathered that he was a shy, quiet, occasionally sarcastic kid, who carried a lot of bitterness because of how he was treated in his hometown. That's how I've been trying to write him as.  
  
There's no indication in FF7 as to exactly how strong Zack was. We know that he didn't fare too well against Sephiroth, but who knows how strong he really was? I just liked the idea of him being one of the top fighters in the city. It would make Shinra seem all the more incompetant to lose the top two warriors in the army in one day, ^_^ Plus it gives Cloud something to gawk over.

Now I have to do something I have yet to do - a) thank those who have read and reviewed thus far, and b) beg for more! Come on, it's just one click away from making authors very happy people, ^_^;;

~ Akai Kitsune


	6. Part 6: Eyes Closed to Fate

Takes place after Kairi's rescue; contains spoilers for the end of Kingdom Hearts.  
  
Written from Cloud's perspective.  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
Ephemeral Blossoms  
  
Part 6: Eyes Closed to Fate  
  
Akai Kitsune  
  
  
~*~*~  
  
  
We didn't see Zack at _Seventh Heaven_ for nearly a week. I spent those days working in the bar and learning as much as I possibly could about the city and the SOLDIER organization. I didn't like to admit how lost I was in Midgar, so far away from home, and how dependent I was on Tifa and her uncle. But they were more than helpful - I hadn't expected such a strong support when I left Nibelheim. To be honest, I hadn't even thought about meeting Tifa. Midgar was just too big.  
  
My luck was changing, or so it seemed. Things were looking up.  
  
When Zack came back, he was grinning as usual. That was nothing new, except that this time he went straight to me, clutching a folded up piece of paper in his hands.  
  
"What's going on?" I asked, wary of his over-cheerfulness. Tifa had always used the same expression when playing some sort of prank - something I had begun to anticipate more and more since I started living with her.  
  
He handed me the paper, patting my shoulder. "Take a look, kid. I think you'll like what you see."  
  
Spurred on by his encouragement, I quickly tugged open the sheet and gazed at the words it contained, eyes widening. "SOL... is this a joke, Zack?!"  
  
"Nope," Zack laughed, crossing his arms and leaning against the wall. "New SOLDIER applications are being accepted three months from now. You came at a good time."  
  
"Three months..." I whispered, hands tightening on the corners of the page. "Wait - don't I need some sort of training for this? I can't just show up and expect them to let me join!"  
  
"True," Zack nodded thoughtfully, giving me a long look. "That's why we need to get started right away."  
  
"We?"  
  
"Well, you want to get stronger, don't you?" he asked, draping an arm over my shoulder. "You've gotta start somewhere."  
  
I stared up at him incredulously catching on to his implied message. "You... _ you_ are going to train me?!"  
  
Zack smirked. "I see Tifa's been telling stories about me again." He glanced past me and gave the girl giggling behind the bar a meaningful look. "You have, haven't you?"  
  
Tifa blinked innocently. "Why Mr. Zack, I would never dream of doing that. Who you are and what you do for a living is none of anyone's business!"  
  
The older man just laughed again. "You are a girl after a man's own heart, Tifa. Nothing gets past you." He turned back to me, his expression mirthful. "Yeah, I think that you would really do well in SOLDIER, kid. You've got potential, even if I'm the only one who sees it. Besides, I'm probably your only chance. You don't have the money to hire a trainer good enough to get you into the program... especially not in three months."  
  
"I'm not complaining," I murmured. "I just... why are you doing this for me? You don't even know me..." And no one who ever knew me well even offered their help... "... so why?"  
  
Zack's expression sobered, and he shrugged. "Hey, I don't have a clue. I guess I can see a little bit of myself in you - a scrawny kid from some backwater town, following a silly dream to join SOLDIER and get stronger. I had a few people helping me back then, and... well, it'd be nice to be on the other end of the rope for once."  
  
I couldn't think of a reply; nothing that came to mind would fully convey the deep sense of gratefulness I felt, then. For the first time in years, I really felt like I had a friend.  
  
Half an hour later, I had my first lesson in the fine art of swordsmanship, under the calm, patient teachings of the best SOLDIER in Midgar - no matter what the people might say about Sephiroth.  
  
  
  
  
Zack was a stern master. He expected nothing but the best from me, something I was more than willing to give if I had it in me. If he felt I could do better I earned a quick reprimand, but at the same time he understood my limits and never asked more of me than he thought I could handle. I tried not to complain, even when he pushed me more than I liked. I knew he was doing all he could to get me into SOLDIER, and I wasn't about to waste all his - and my - hard work. Three months isn't exactly a long time to learn all it would take to make me a real warrior like Zack was.  
  
I still couldn't get over the fact that _the_ Zack of Shinra's elite SOLDIERs was teaching me how to fight. I didn't know much about SOLDIER, but everyone knew the name of the strongest man in Midgar. Stories about Sephiroth's prowess reached all the way into the mountains of Nibel, and the men who worked under him were always spoken of in quiet, wary tones. That was the reality of life in those days - the strong were always dangerous, even to the people they were supposed to protect.  
  
My mother almost cried the first time I told her I was going to Midgar to become a SOLDIER.  
  
_Why would anyone want to become something so loathed and feared? _I wondered sometimes. _Why should I become strong just so more people will hate me?_  
  
But still... the dream persisted. The dream that someday I could be one of them... one of the men who walk this world wearing the SOLDIER insignia proudly.  
  
After meeting Zack, I finally understood _why_ I still wanted to join SOLDIER. Whenever I was with him, people would stop and stare, the look of awe and respect glittering all too visibly in their eyes. Zack was strong, he was well-known; the people knew who he was and they loved him.  
  
I didn't need popularity. I didn't even need that sort of admiration.  
  
But... to be acknowledged... to have my existence be given a real reason...  
  
That was why SOLDIER was so important to me.  
  
Zack knew it. He must have seen it in my eyes when we trained - or even before he took me in as his student - otherwise he would never have agreed to help me. I wondered if he had been anything like me when he first joined the army... that thought gave me hope that maybe someday, I could be as great as he was.  
  
I worked harder in those three months than I had worked for my entire life. By night I helped Tifa and her uncle in the bar, earning my room doing odd jobs around the building, and every afternoon I was in the nearby junkyard training with the sword Zack had given me. Sometimes Zack would be there with me, supervising, giving tips and encouragement, and sometimes I would be alone, when he was away on missions. We were together so often I almost forgot that he _ did_ still have a job, and all the responsibilities that came with it. After a while the glory of his position faded to the point where he was no long Zack, the great SOLDIER first-class, in my mind.  
  
He was Zack, my teacher, my best friend.  
  
And he was the only one who treated me with any real respect.  
  
I vowed that I _would_ get into SOLDIER... if only because he knew that I could.  
  
  
  
  
I was training in my usual spot, sweat streaming down my face as I worked through my daily exercises, when Zack suddenly appeared with the giant broadsword strapped across his back. I glanced at him, since I hadn't expected him that day, and immediately had to bring up my sword in defense as he drew his weapon and charged towards me.  
  
My heart thrummed loudly in my chest. A spar? Zack wanted to _spar_ with me?!  
  
He grinned at me, moving quickly through a number of familiar positions of attack. Most of our previous battles had been step-by-step formations, regulated movements until I adjusted to the feel of the blade. Zack himself had admitted he wanted to spar freely more often, but there was apparently trouble brewing outside the city, and his help was needed in keeping it under control. He didn't elaborate on those cryptic words, but I understood his meaning. Work before play, and in the eyes of Shinra, I was nothing more than I minor distraction for Zack.  
  
This battle, though, was completely free of his usual restraint. I had to think carefully - but quickly - with each of his moves, whether to defend, parry, attack... it was a real fight for once. It didn't matter that neither of us were trying to harm the other; the very idea that Zack felt confident enough in my abilities to test me this way was enough to give me the strength to match him.  
  
Or perhaps not match him, but at least be at a level where he was pleased by my performance. And when he finally stepped back and sheathed his sword, the smile on his face told me I had succeeded.  
  
"Nice job, Cloud," he finally nodded his approval, speaking slowly to regulate his breathing. I let myself fall to the ground, utterly drained by the fight.  
  
"R-really?" I gasped, leaning back against a stray bench behind me.  
  
"Do I ever lie?" Zack quipped, and I just smiled.  
  
"You've got an evil sense of humour."  
  
Zack laughed. "Damn, you know me too well. Okay, if you're in a good mood - and if you stop tearing down your poor coach here - I might give you the news I originally meant to deliver."  
  
My curiousity piqued, I glanced over at him, waiting patiently for him to continue.  
  
"I knew that would get your attention," Zack chuckled knowingly, crouching down beside me. "What would you say if I finally have a set date for the SOLDIER physical testing?"  
  
My eyes widened, and I blurted, "When?!"  
  
"Chill!" Zack laughed again, patting my shoulder. "Not until next week. I have a ton of paperwork for you to fill out - mostly mental testing and a whole lot of psycho-babble which will look like a load of crap to you - but the big day is none other than six days from now."  
  
Six days... six days, and I would find out if I had what it took be a SOLDIER. "Am..." I halted, suddenly uneasy. "Am I ready for it, Zack?"  
  
He smiled tightly. "I think that with lots of training, you'd make a good soldier, kid."  
  
"I haven't exactly had lots of training," I admitted, though it pained me to say. Three months was nothing compared to the years that Zack must've been through to get as good as he was.  
  
Zack just shook his head. "Don't worry so much, Cloud. Just do what you've always done, all right? Show them what you showed me today. I can't control what the Shinra execs will think of you, but I can tell you now that I bet you'll be the best of the bunch that are trying out."  
  
It wasn't a real answer - not that Zack ever really gave any - but it was enough for me. I vowed then and there to give it my all.  
  
  
  
  
Zack was right. The paperwork _was_ hell, and scarcely any of it made sense to me, but I managed to work my way through it in a few hours. Zack looked over it for me, and though he assured me my answers were fine, I was still uncertain of the real purpose of most of the questions.  
  
The rest of the time was spent in last-minute preparation for the physical testing. Zack and I sparred every day when he could spare a few hours, and every time he pushed me as far as he could. I slowly began to develop my own style against him, though he warned me not to become too comfortable with fighting one way.  
  
"You have to prepare for every opponent," he said sternly, during a well-deserved break between spars one day, "Because you never know who'll be facing off with you. A tactic that works well enough with me might be the death of you against someone else."  
  
To prove his point, Zack spent the next half hour mopping the floor with me, using a completely different sword style than before.  
  
"A little sneak preview of General Sephiroth's abilities," he winked at me, the familiar grin appearing on his face. "When you've worked with him as long as I have, you pick a few things up."  
  
All I could do was groan. That was so like Zack; always changing, yet always the same. It was enough to drive a person mad.  
  
But he never gave up on me... he never left me.  
  
When the day finally came, I almost felt ready. Tifa was a ball of nerves, dancing around the bar like a hummingbird. Her uncle told me straight out the night before to forget working at the bar and get a full night's sleep - and even I had to agree that I would need it.  
  
Early that morning, Zack visited the bar with a small bundle tucked under his arm.  
  
"Now I need an escort?" I asked incredulously.  
  
Zack grinned. "What, I can't walk my prized student to the door?" He laughed at my skeptical expression. "Okay okay, fine. I'm actually on my way there for a mission. I just thought I'd give you something beforehand."  
  
Tifa hopped from one foot to another for a moment, then darted off to the bar. "I'll get you a drink," she whispered shakily.  
  
We watched her go, and Zack jerked a thumb in her direction when she was out of earshot. "Geez kid, she's more nervous than you are!"  
  
"Tell me about it," I chuckled weakly, a lump appearing in my throat. Maybe I wasn't as relaxed as I thought...  
  
"When you go for screening," Zack suddenly spoke seriously, "Wear this."  
  
I looked down at the bundle of clothing he handed to me, slowly unfolding it to reveal a sleeveless indigo sweater and baggy pants of the same colour. I raised an eyebrow at him.  
  
"Don't worry," he grinned, "They look better with the rest of the uniform. But trust me on this: the men who watch you will notice how your movements aren't restrained. True, they'll be able to see those scrawny arms of yours-" he cuffed me playfully on the shoulder, and I scowled. "But they'll also see how strong you are with so little muscle. They'll be imagining what sort of strength you'd have when you're fully trained."  
  
I closed my eyes, envisioning it in my head. A group of stern generals, greedy for the SOLDIERs of the future... and if I was one of them...  
  
"Thanks Zack," I murmured, tucking the clothes under my arm. "I'll wear them."  
  
He said nothing, patting me on the shoulder encouragingly. After a moment, I stood and left for my room to change. Truthfully I was grateful - I had no idea what a SOLDIER trainee was supposed to wear, and I was so focused on my training, the thought never came to mind until the day arrived.  
  
The uniform fit well enough, and after performing a few experimental exercises, I discovered that Zack had been exactly right; I was faster than before, and they were more comfortable for combat than anything else I owned.  
  
"Right as usual," I muttered, but I couldn't withhold the smile.  
  
Zack was visibly pleased when I came down the stairs wearing the clothes, and he said as much. "You look pretty good in that, Cloud!"  
  
I grimaced. "I feel like a clown in these pants..."  
  
"You'll get used to them," he smirked. "Besides, they're part of the official SOLDIER uniform."  
  
"WHAT?"  
  
"I can pull a few strings, you know."  
  
I wanted to strangle that damn grin off his face, and I might have if I hadn't been so happy.  
  
_Official uniform of SOLDIER!_  
  
With Zack behind me, I felt as if nothing could hold me back. I was as good as there.  
  
  
  
  
I tried not to let the examiners see how nervous I was, but it seemed as though they knew; it was hard not to, since every other applicant was just as psyched as I was. I shouldn't have been surprised that the average age of my peers was close to my own, since SOLDIERs are better trained from youth to adulthood. At least, that was what Zack told me.  
  
"Don't worry about being small," he grinned at me, though I wasn't sure if he was trying to reassure me or get me angry by poking fun at my size yet again. "Most of the guys there will be around your age. The important thing is to show them all what you've got."  
  
As soon as I was allowed to unsheathe my sword, I did show them... I showed them all I had and more. I showed them what I had shown Zack in that first spar in the junkyard - that I could handle anything they threw at me, that I would _ not_ take no for an answer.  
  
Apparently I made an impression. I was accepted into the second stage of the SOLDIER testing phases: Mako compatibility.  
  
Zack hadn't given me many pointers on this part. Mako seemed to cause him some uneasiness, and even he couldn't shake it off with a casual laugh. I myself had lived in a town where Mako spewed from the plant up the mountain all my life, so I assumed I was used to a small amount of exposure.  
  
"Raw Mako, though," Zack had correctly me thoughtfully, "Now that is something to be wary of. SOLDIERs have to be carefully tested to ensure that their bodies are suited to take the pressure of Mako-induced changes."  
  
"What sort of changes?" I asked, wary and curious at the same time.  
  
Zack grinned. "Nothing serious. You don't grow extra limbs or anything. It's just... different. It's hard to explain. Like you've been training really hard and your muscles feel bigger, stronger... Mako can do that to you."  
  
Stronger... that was the goal, wasn't it?  
  
I wanted to become stronger, no matter what.  
  
So when one of the examiners asked me if I was prepared to undergo the experimental Mako testing, I agreed without hesitation.  
  
And that was what doomed me, in the end.  
  
  
  
  
"Cloud Strife, was it?"  
  
I nodded stiffly to the man standing before me, wary of the cold expression he wore, jaded with disinterest. He flipped through the pages on his desk, obviously taking his time as he read my personal file and application sheets.  
  
"A word of advice, Strife - when someone asks you a question, don't expect them to look at you for an answer."  
  
"Yes sir," I replied quietly, lifting my chin to meet his gaze. He raised an eyebrow at me but said nothing.  
  
I few more moments passed, leaving me in agonizing silence, until he spoke again. "Your record isn't extraordinary, but it's decent. So, you have been training with a SOLDIER 1st-class over the past few months?"  
  
"Yes sir."  
  
"That's quite interesting." Silence once again. I tried very hard not to swallow the growing lump in my throat, fearful that it would vocalize my nervousness. "How did you find the Mako treatment?"  
  
I couldn't withhold a grimace. "It was... difficult, sir."  
  
Difficult. Zack hadn't warned me about it - how the Mako would close in around me when they sealed the glass case I stood within, contaminating the air and seeping into my skin almost painfully. He hadn't told me that I would feel a million invisible needles piercing my body, blinding me, numbing my mind and shattering my sanity for even the briefest of instances -  
  
"Yet your results were considerably good," the man continued, rubbing his chin thoughtfully.  
  
My head shot up in surprise. "R-really?"  
  
He nodded, pursing his lips. "To be honest, I've never seen anyone as suited for Mako treatment as you, Strife."  
  
I stared at him incredulously, unable to respond. Finally, my body was actually _good_ for something other than the occasional insult.  
  
"I'll recommend you to our Mako specialist for the final stage of psychological and physical testing," the man continued, shuffling the pages together in a tone that indicated the meeting was over. "You'll remain in the trainee barracks for a few days until I'm certain of the date. Ask my secretary for the location on your way out."  
  
"Yes sir," I managed, rising and fumbling through a salute. "Thank you."  
  
He waved me away, messaging his secretary for the next applicant. I exited the office in a daze.  
  
Mako specialist...? Final testing stage?  
  
I was there-! I was finally...  
_  
One step away from becoming a true SOLDIER..._  
  
Three days later I received a notice informing me that I was to meet with the Mako specialist that very day at 1400 hours. I scanned the letter twice before I caught the words contained in the scribbled signature at the bottom.  
  
Professor Hojo.  
  
~*~  
  
And who saw that one coming? ^_^  
  
Those of you who have taken any sort of psychology test will probably understand what poor Cloud was going through during HIS questioning. Some of the stuff they put in those things... oi. It's really bizarre...  
  
Next chapter: Cloud's first encounter with Hojo ends up as more than he bargained for. And *gasp* someone we've been waiting for finally makes an appearance! But _who_ have we been waiting for is the question, ^_~

Reviewer Responses:

**Koorino Megumi**: You have to know how happy I am that you're reading this, ^_^ Well, you probably already do know, but hey, I like to say it. Thanks so much for being so diligent about your comments!

**Naela**: *waves* Glad you like it! I'll have it uploaded to the Keyhole ASAP. And that quote is my fave too, I have to admit. I love Zack, ^^;;

**Rainchaser**: Eeek! I totally didn't even realize that! I'll have to fix that, ^^;; I put that in for two reasons, though - a) Zack is a military man, so he's used to calling people by their last names, and b) Zack doesn't know Cloud well enough to start off on a first-name basis. Thanks for pointing out that little mistake! But I'm glad you understand it well enough, ^_^


	7. Part 7: Dark Angels in the Cloud of Shad...

Takes place after Kairi's rescue; contains spoilers for the end of Kingdom Hearts.  
  
Written from Cloud's perspective.  
  
  
~*~  
  
Ephemeral Blossoms  
  
Akai Kitsune  
  
Chapter 7: Dark Angels in the Cloud of Shadows  
  
  
~*~*~  
  
  
Hojo was late.  
  
I sat in his office waiting room for at least an hour, staring at the walls and avoiding the flirtatious gaze of the secretary who obviously didn't get out much. I wondered what sort of a man Hojo was to hire such a strange woman. She was obviously bored and looking for the easiest way to get attention - why else would she be acting that way in front of a fifteen-year-old?  
  
Needless to say she made me uneasy, so I found a focus in the ceiling and agonized over what my final interview would be like.  
  
What was Hojo like? Was he nice, maybe easygoing, like Zack? Or stern and uncaring as the physical testers had been?  
  
Would he care if I was smaller than most applicants? Even Zack admitted that he'd been a little scrawny at my age - though _that_ term didn't comfort me. I wasn't scrawny!  
  
Okay, maybe a little...  
  
I was on the brink of overcoming my fears of the hawk-eyed woman across the room and asking what Hojo was doing when the door to his office suddenly opened. Both I and the secretary jumped in our seats, our eyes moving to rest on the man who stepped into the room.  
  
The secretary turned away, her expression blank to mask her distaste. Which only made me wonder more...  
  
Hojo was a tall man with sharp eyes, hiding behind thin-rimmed glasses. His uniform consisted of a crisp, clean labcoat, draped over a pale-coloured suit. Dark hair, aside from his spiked, stringy bangs, was tied back in a low ponytail. He scanned the room quickly before his gaze rested on me.  
  
He smiled, hands clasped behind his back. "Cloud Strife, is it? Welcome."  
  
Quickly shifting beyond my surprise - this is what I had been waiting for, after all - I stood up and moved towards him. "Y-yes sir. Thank you." _For finally showing up_, I didn't say, biting my tongue against my immediate reply. He was a scientist, after all; that went hand-in-hand with 'busy', or so I'd been told.  
  
"Why don't we step inside my office and get this over with?" Hojo spoke again, waving a fine-boned hand towards the open door.  
  
Trying my best to relax, I followed him inside, feeling the eyes of the secretary on me the entire way. Somehow, it made me feel even worse.  
  
"Have a seat." I settled into the stiff-backed chair he pointed to, watching him as he moved behind the simple, yet cluttered desk and sat in a similar chair behind it. That surprised me; usually the ones with rank have the cushy seats while the guests were stuck with the basics.  
  
"So," Hojo finally began, interrupting my curious thoughts, "You made it through most of the SOLDIER application process. My congratulations; it's not easy, you know."  
  
I merely nodded, lowering my gaze at the memories. Who could forget? Then I remembered the advice given to me from my last interviewer, and gave an affirmative answer.  
  
"You're quick; that's good to see." Hojo smiled again, showing sharp, perfectly aligned teeth. "How were your Mako treatments?"  
  
I didn't know how to answer him, besides the response I had already given the man I met with days ago. Difficult... it could not be described any other way.  
  
"You have to be honest with me, Strife," the scientist leaned forward, hands twined together, resting his elbows on the desk. "If there were any side effects of the treatments, anything that seemed unusual or made you feel like something was wrong... we need to know. It's for your own safety, not just for the sake of the SOLDIER program."  
  
I sighed, shaking my head in resignation. "Not really wrong, sir... just... I felt different, afterwards. It didn't start until yesterday, actually."  
  
"Go on."  
  
"I felt like..." I paused, raised a hand and looking strangely at it for a moment. "It sounds a little silly, but I felt like I was stronger."  
  
And truthfully, I _was_ stronger... I knew I was. The sword Zack had given to me hadn't been as heavy as it had before when I picked it up that morning. I could feel the thrum of power in my legs as I walked to the main office building of SOLDIER's training facility.  
  
Hojo looked pleased. As he looked me up and down, I had the sudden impression of being nothing more than a slab of meat being examined.  
  
"It is far from silly," he began again, shaking his head as if correcting a small child. "That is the purpose of Mako treatments, after all. To bring forth one's full potential... to create the perfect soldiers. Weren't you told?"  
  
Zack never really explained the whole purpose, once I thought about it. He said I'd hate it at first, but once I got used to it, things would get better.  
  
"Not really," I admitted. "I don't know much about the SOLDIER program at all."  
  
Hojo sighed. "Well Strife, that will most certainly change. Now stand up, let me have a good look at you."  
  
I obliged, uneasy but quiet, and stood while Hojo approached. He examined my arms, pressing cold fingers against my bare skin and feeling the muscles beneath.  
  
Zack hadn't told me about a physical examination, though I ought to have expected it, really.  
  
_He'd better not ask me to strip_, I thought irritably.  
  
"I've taken a look at the blood tests already," Hojo began casually, "And the results were phenomenal. Did you know that three out of five people develop Mako poisoning after a single one-hour treatment?"  
  
"N-no, sir," I bit my lip, eyes lifted to the ceiling once again. I didn't particularly like those odds.  
  
The scientist prodded my shoulder blades, feeling along the bone. "And yet you didn't grow ill at all. In fact - stronger, you say?"  
  
"A little bit, sir."  
  
"Amazing. Really amazing, Strife." He tilted my chin to examine at my eyes, his own knitted in deep concentration. "Looks like the Mako didn't affect your pupils yet. That's a sign of good resistance to toxins."  
  
I blinked. "It is?"  
  
"Of course. Mako enhances eyesight, while at the same time alters the pupils of the subject's eyes until the eye seems to glow. The greater the illumination of the iris, the more Mako they've been exposed to... and, of course, the greater the resistance. -Stop blinking so much, boy."  
  
"I don't understand, sir."  
  
Hojo's eyes narrowed. "Don't you? It's simple, really. If you have a higher resistance, you have to be exposed to more Mako treatments. But at the same time, your body must be able to accept the Mako and incorporate it into you, or you'd never make it into the program. Unless you have a strong balance of resistance and acceptance, you're not fit to be a SOLDIER."  
  
I gulped. "And me, sir?"  
  
His only response for a moment was a long, barking laugh. Waving me aside, he returned to his desk and flipped through a thin folder, scribbling a few notes.  
  
Finally he looked back at me, his eyes gleaming above a sly smile. "Strife, I have never seen a man more suited for Mako treatment in my entire career. There is no doubt in my mind - you're the one I've been waiting for."  
  
My heart skipped a beat. "So..." I said weakly, eyes wide, "I'm in the program?"  
  
Hojo nodded, moving towards the door. I followed quickly behind, lightly on my feet I felt I was nearly flying.  
  
"We'll leave at once," he announced as we exited the office, brushing his hands together anxiously. "Can't let your youth go to waste, can we? Do whatever you need to do and meet me back here in fifteen minutes."  
  
"Y-yes sir," I stammered, a little shell-shocked at the speed at which we were moving. I headed for the exit, using every ounce of my will just to put one foot after another.  
  
"Call the general," I heard Hojo's voice follow me outside the lobby, as he spoke to his secretary, "Tell him I've found a perfect match."  
  
A _perfect_ match. Perfect! I could barely conceal my pride, and, finally getting a hold of my strength, I ran to the nearest phone to make a quick call. I wanted Tifa to be the first to know.  
  
"Seventh Heaven Bar and-"  
  
"_Tifa_! Good news!"  
  
"Cloud?" her surprised voice rang through the receiver, a little fuzzy but still recognizable.  
  
"Yeah," I grinned, hoping she could hear it in my voice.  
  
Tifa laughed. "It's great to hear from you! What's going on?"  
  
"I got in!"  
  
"What?" she shrieked, her voice thrilled. She suddenly turned her mouth away and shouted to the rest of the bar, "Cloud got in!"  
  
I chuckled at the rowdy cheers that followed, wincing at the volume. "Ouch! Tifa, that was right in my ear..."  
  
I could tell she was smiling when she responded. "Sorry," she spoke a little more quietly, "But everyone's really excited."  
  
"I can tell. Listen Tifa, I gotta go. I leave for training in about ten minutes, and you know there's someone else I have to call."  
  
"That's right," she replied sternly, "You make sure to thank him!"  
  
I nodded. "I would've done it even if I hadn't made the cut. Tifa..."  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"... Thanks. For being so supportive, all this time."  
  
"Cloud..."  
  
"I really have to run," I said hastily, unwilling to speak any further. "I'll call you when I can."  
  
"Good luck Cloud!" her voice reached me, just as I hung up. I smiled as I dialed the second number, just imagining her expression.  
  
_ Thanks Tifa... you've always been good luck to me._  
  
_ I'm lucky to have such good friends._  
  
Click. "Zack speaking."  
  
My mouth suddenly felt dry. How to tell him? This was the man to whom I owed everything. My idol, my mentor. My best friend.  
  
"Hello?" Zack's confused voice siphoned to my ear, slightly irritated.  
  
"Zack," I managed, trying to keep him from hanging up.  
  
"Cloud!" he laughed, relieved. "I'm glad you called! I've been meaning to talk to you."  
  
I checked the time, and winced. I needed to be back at Hojo's office soon. "Zack, I can't talk long, but I wanted you to know... I've been accepted into the SOLDIER training."  
  
There was a long silence in the other end. Finally, he murmured, "Really?"  
  
"Yes, really! Do you think I'd lie about this?" I snapped, suddenly defensive. Why was he acting this way? Shouldn't he be happy?  
  
This was his idea in the first place...  
  
"Sorry about that," Zack replied musingly. "You just caught me off guard. Usually the screening process is a lot longer than this. Who did you see for the interview?"  
  
"Some prof named Hojo, and I have to go in a minute because I'm meeting-"  
  
"Hojo?" Zack repeated, his voice tense. "You... you saw Hojo? Since when is he involved in the SOLDIER screening procedures?"  
  
"Since now, I guess," I shrugged. "You won't believe this - he said I was perfect for it! Me!"  
  
"When do you start training?"  
  
"That's what I was saying," I replied, once again glancing at the clock. "I have to get going now. Hojo said he wanted to get things started right away."  
  
"Cloud, that's not how it goes!" Zack objected, sounding worried.  
  
"It's okay, Zack," I assured him. "Things are changing since you became a SOLDIER. Besides, they're probably speeding up because of those creatures that have appeared recently."  
  
Zack was quiet for a long moment. I was just about to say goodbye when he said softly, "Make sure you call me soon, okay? When you get to the training facility. They'll give you a break before you start."  
  
"I will, I already promised Tifa-"  
  
"Then I'll be there too. Call me."  
  
"I will, I said!"  
  
"Make sure of it, Cloud."  
  
"Fine."  
  
We were both silent for a while, until finally I whispered, "I'm going now, all right?"  
  
"Yeah. I'll talk to you then."  
  
"...."  
  
"Take care, Cloud."  
  
I heard him hang up before I did. Nothing more, nothing less. He didn't even congratulate me... didn't even wish me luck like Tifa did. Somehow, Zack's response had swept my elation right under the carpet. I trudged up the stairs towards Hojo's office, not even caring if I was late.  
  
Didn't Zack care...? He was the one who helped me reach the interview stage. He was the one who squeezed me into the testing process. I knew that it was my body's high tolerance to Mako treatments which got me in. It sure wasn't my muscles, but that was what training was for.  
  
Why did Zack sound so unhappy... when I mentioned Hojo?  
  
The greasy scientist certainly looked cheerful enough when I opened the door and walked into his office for a second time. He rubbed his hands together, waving me over. I couldn't help but notice that he was flanked by two men in the dark uniforms of a regular army soldier. I wondered what they were there for.  
  
"Here's our man now," Hojo smiled disarmingly, patting my arm as I approached. His hands were cold, and I suddenly wished I'd chosen to wear something different, instead of the clothes Zack had given me for the screening process.  
  
"Sir," I said uneasily, "I was wondering about my stuff... see, I didn't really bring anything with me-"  
  
"Oh, don't worry about that," he shook his head, baring a full mouth of white teeth when he grinned, "The army provides everything you'll need. Anything else will just get in the way. Trust me boy - you're in good hands."  
  
I didn't really want to trust the man - not with how Zack had acted when I said his name - but at that point I had no real choice. I was still too eager to finally have a chance to _be_ somebody... so when Hojo turned to leave the office, I followed him, barely noticing the two soldiers walking behind me.  
  
"Sir, just curious..."  
  
"What is it now?" Hojo's voice cut me off, obviously irritated by the break in silence.  
  
"Where is the training going to be?"  
  
Hojo kept walking, hands fisted together behind his back. "It's a small peasant town across the continent, nothing really special. The real focus is the Mako reactor behind it, which is the source of our SOLDIER program."  
  
Small town... Mako reactor... it wasn't... "But that's-"  
  
"Nibelheim," Hojo finished, and I could feel the smile in his voice.  
  
I couldn't understand why the thought of going home - as a SOLDIER, no less - filled my heart with hope and dread.  
  
  
  
  
I never made that call, to Tifa _or_ Zack.  
  
The moment the transport truck arrived in Nibelheim, the two guards pointed their guns at me threateningly and cuffed me before I could react. My eyes wide, I struggled against them and tried to get an explanation, but they refused to answer, and Hojo was nowhere in sight.  
  
"I'll be meeting you there," he had told me, just before we loaded ourselves onto the truck. "These two will show you where to go. Don't worry, boy. You'll be well cared for."  
  
I'll give the damn traitor some credit - he was right. They took care of me.  
  
I was escorted - for lack of a better word - to the Mako reactor up the mountain, kept carefully hidden from my family and fellow townsfolk. Hojo was meticulous in his planning, and he obviously didn't want anyone ruining things by reporting that they had seen me. I didn't know if his actions were illegal, or if I had just become the victim of the biggest scam Midgar had to offer.  
  
Or maybe this was just the norm in a big city. The idea wasn't very promising, either way.  
  
When we arrived inside the reactor, I was dealt a sharp blow to the back of the head - courtesy of Shinra's finest - and put out of my misery.  
  
For the moment.  
  
And when I awoke in a powder-glass cylinder, suspended in Mako fluid, I began to learn just how much of a mistake I had made by coming to Midgar...  
  
  
  
~*~*~  
  
  
  
AN: Okay, I lied. Maybe everyone wasn't waiting for Hojo, ^_^;; Just kidding! But this chapter was longer than it was supposed to be. Less content than I planned, too. That's what I get for not plotting ahead as much. I'll try to remedy that in the future...  
  
I have a hard time remembering Hojo's character. What I remember is an intelligent, snide, and very blunt scientist, who would go to any lengths to protect and pursue his work. He also seemed pretty forgetful, judging by his first meeting with Cloud in FFVII.  
  
If you didn't hate him in that game, prepare for that attitude to change. *evil grin*  
  
Next chapter: A brief respite from the past as Cloud gets a visitor. Then another character shows his unwanted self. (Or is he? Hmmm...)

Reviewer Responses:

**Koorino Megumi**: I'm glad you're liking Zack. I have no idea why _I_ like him so much, but something just got me hooked, ^_^;; I hope I satisfied your curiousity about Cloud and Hojo. I haven't played the game in a while either, so I really should run through it again... I'm not completely certain about a lot of the characterization.

**Kanojo Miseru-to Kurai**: I value my spleen. *updates*

**Eternal star**: Sephiroth? *looks around suspiciously* Who's that? :P

**Naela**: What? You mean Hojo isn't the most huggable character in the whole fic? ;_; *makes a Hojo plushie*


	8. Part 8: Total Eclipse of the Heart

Takes place after Kairi's rescue; contains spoilers for the end of Kingdom Hearts.  
  
Written from Cloud's perspective.

~*~  
  
Ephemeral Blossoms  
  
Akai Kitsune  
  
Part 8: Total Eclipse of the Heart  
  
~*~  
  
"Mr... Mr. Strife?"  
  
A meek voice at my side brought me back from my memories, and I turned to watch as Kairi slipped into the chair beside mine, an expression of concern in her eyes.  
  
"Do you need something?" I asked, my voice calm.  
  
Her eyes narrowed, all timid posture fading away. "Need something?" she echoed, her voice slightly angered. "We haven't seen you for _days_! Cid's really worried, you know! First Leon and the others leave for Hollow Bastion, then Sora disappears, and then you-" She stopped herself abruptly, lips pursed, as she seemed to read something in my face. "Oh, never mind. Where have you been, though?"  
  
I shrugged, taking a quick sip of my drink. "Nowhere in particular."  
  
Lost... lost in my own memories. Though I had to admit that her visit was a welcomed distraction. The things that had occurred after my capture were far from pleasant. I... didn't want to think about that.  
  
_"Cloud... aw, Cloud, I'm so sorry. This wasn't supposed to happen."  
_  
A lot of things happened that weren't meant to, you know...  
  
"Well next time you decide to do nothing," Kairi continued, raising an eyebrow, "Tell us first, okay? Or at least tell Cid. He's been driving me crazy this whole time."  
  
My lips quirked into a small smile, and I shook my head. "You remind me of a girl I used to know."  
  
Kairi blinked, curious. "Aerith, you mean?"  
  
I sat back, eyes darkening. "No... not Aerith. Someone I grew up with. A good friend."  
  
_ "Zack... what happened to him? Where was he, all this time?"  
  
"Cloud... Cloud, I'll get him for you. I'll kill him for hurting you like this..."_  
  
_Ah, Tifa... it was me who was supposed to protect you, wasn't it?_  
  
"What was she like?" the girl asked, leaning her elbows on the table.  
  
I sighed quietly, closing my eyes at the memories. "She was... an incredible person. A bit like you - fiery, yet caring. She was always smiling and laughing about something, even when no one else could."  
  
_ "It's not so bad, is it?"  
  
"You're stronger. That's what you always wanted, after all."  
  
"I'm sorry, Cloud. I didn't mean that. I just... don't want to see you like this anymore."_  
  
"What happened?"  
  
I opened my eyes, gazing up at the stars. "Darkness fell," I murmured, a fist tightening around my empty glass. "We were swallowed by it. I haven't seen her since that day."  
  
Kairi was silent for a long moment, staring at the table. "That's... a lot like what happened to my island," she finally replied, her voice hushed. I glanced at her, one eyebrow raised, but didn't say anything. Everyone in town had lost a home, or someone important to them. It was commonplace, and she was lucky to have seen someone she cared about again.  
  
The Keybearer... my thoughts turned to him then, shaking my head at the irony. Hades had tried to get me to kill the boy, and if I hadn't failed, I wondered what would have happened to all the worlds, then.  
  
What would have happened to Aerith -  
  
Ah, but I didn't want to think of that. I was simply grateful that the kid was so unbelievably strong and tenacious. I watched him in the other tournaments sometimes, ignoring his companions and focusing on the child who had defeated me. The animalistic creatures who followed him were no challenge - I took them out fairly easily in our battle - but Sora... he was special.  
  
_ "I guess I can see a little bit of myself in you - a scrawny kid from some backwater town-"  
  
"Why am I always smiling? Ask yourself this - 'why aren't I smiling too?' "  
  
"Life's not so bad when you let people into it."_  
  
"Well at least we both know that some of our friends are okay," Kairi offered a bright smile, looking up at me. "And Sora's going to make things better, I just know it."  
  
I couldn't shake my doubts, but her optimism made me feel a little better. It was true; if Sora succeeded, things would change. The worlds would return, and everyone would go back to where they're supposed to be... right?  
  
I would go back home, and Aerith would be...  
  
But would she even remember me?  
  
_ "Don't look back-"_  
  
"I hope so," I murmured, though I wasn't quite certain who I was speaking to. "I hope nothing like this happens again."  
  
"It won't," the young girl spoke with such confidence, as if she couldn't see how difficult it was, or how potentially hopeless everything seemed.  
  
If Sora fell, even once, even to a single, lucky shot from the Heartless, it would all be over.  
  
A hand touched my arm, and I blinked, looking up again. Kairi watched me with soft concern in her eyes.  
  
"Don't worry so much," she whispered, "He can do it. I know he can."  
  
That said, she rose from the chair and left the tavern, into the night air of Traverse Town. I sat there for a while longer, thinking.  
  
Such confidence she had in him, a mere child. It was foolish, almost blind. She had no idea what he was up against - and neither did he. This was _Ansem_, the source of all the Heartless and more. This was the ruler of Hollow Bastion, a man who was twisted and destroyed by the darkness he sought to understand. He knew power, had tasted it before either of them had even been born.  
  
How could she be so calm, when the one she loved was surely leaving her side to die?  
  
But the look in her eyes... that sense of peace, contentment. I know I had seen the same expression on Aerith's face, the same smile.  
  
_ "I'm still here."_  
  
Maybe... maybe I could have a little faith in him, too.  
  
~*~*~  
  
I looked up from within my glass prison as the door in the far corner opened, my gaze already fixed into a glare. After a week of seeing no one except the man who then walked through it, I had adjusted to the odd routine he had set for himself.  
  
"Good morning," Hojo greeted pleasantly, barely gracing me with a sideways glance.  
  
I didn't reply. It certainly hadn't taken me a week to learn that Hojo never actually wanted to talk - merely gave others the privilege of hearing _him_ speak.  
  
"I'm surprised you're awake," he continued, scribbling something unintelligible in the notebook he constantly carried with him. "The Mako left you very drained this week. You probably slept through most of these little examinations."  
  
I snorted. "You sure it wasn't the conversation?"  
  
Okay, so Zack had had a _little_ influence on me... but Hojo was unruffled, as usual. I think nothing short of the world exploding would make him look up if he didn't want to.  
  
Unless someone threatened his work. _That_ would get his attention.  
  
Unfortunately, stuck in my cage, I couldn't do anything about either tactic. So was again, I reverted back to silence and let him ramble.  
  
"Actually, I'm quite pleased that you're awake," the scientist smiled, his white teeth glinting in the lights above. "It means your resistance to the effects of Mako is improving. Slowly, granted, but it's better than I expected. You're turning out to be quite a find, Strife."  
  
Oh yes, that's exactly what I wanted to hear.  
  
Hojo went back to his scribbling, so I went back to counting the ceiling tiles. I was going for a different pattern this time: multiples of five instead of two... maybe tomorrow I'd try diagonally...  
  
"But you know," Hojo spoke up after a moment, and I closed my eyes. Damn, damn, damn. Lost count again. "You know, there's something missing in all this."  
  
"Logic?" I offered.  
  
His lip quirked. "Not quite, boy. I was referring more to our missing hypothesis. Every experiment needs one, after all."  
  
He wanted a hypothesis? Why not, _how long before said experiment breaks free and wrings your-_  
  
"That's going to change soon, though," he said, in a voice that expected me to be happy about it. "I've just been informed of a _very_ important shipment to arrive at the lab before next week. I'm sure you'll be pleased."  
  
_Oh, I'm sure, too. If my new home wasn't so small, I'd be doing cartwheels._  
  
I knew he wouldn't elaborate - Hojo was fanatical about keeping secrets, at least from what I'd seen already - so I went back to the tiles. They were a lot less intimidating, that's for sure.  
  
_I bet Zack wouldn't be intimidated by this guy...  
  
... Zack would've driven him mad in three days, if he wasn't nuts already.  
  
Wonder what he's doing..._  
  
He and Tifa were probably wearing holes in the floor of the bar wondering what happened. I didn't know where the training facility for SOLDIER _really_ was, but I had the feeling it wasn't far enough to take a week to get there. So that meant Zack was starting to realize something was up.  
  
I hoped it also meant that he could _find_ me somehow...  
  
Fifty-eight... fifty-nine...  
  
Hojo moved to stand beside the container, pushing a few of the buttons in the side panel. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched him, trying to see what he was doing. I had learned a few of his patterns, just as I had grown adjusted to his routine - certain combinations of buttons meant different experiments for that particular day.  
  
As he finished, I groaned inwardly. Enhanced Mako treatment was on the schedule for today. Just what I needed.  
  
Hojo looked up, meeting my eyes for a moment. He smiled coldly.  
  
"Ready for the day to begin?" he asked in a bright voice.  
  
I gave him my best glare, and continued to do so as he filled my chamber with whatever tainted Mako he experimented with, and I fell gratefully into unconsciousness.  
  
_Zack... where are you...?_  
  
~*~  
  
"Are you certain?"  
  
"Of course I am. Am I ever wrong?"  
  
"You can't expect me to answer that honestly."  
  
I came awake slowly, still groggy from Hojo's latest experimentation, and heard the voices before I opened my eyes. I halted any movement and waited, listening as best as I could, while the argument continued.  
  
"Oh come now. Is that any way to treat the man to whom you owe your existence?" Hojo, of course.  
  
"I owe you nothing. You're a fool if you think I feel anything for you except contempt." A sharp voice, stern and full of inner strength. It was a man's voice, and by the sounds of it, someone of high rank.  
  
"And yet you run to me when you cannot understand who you are," Hojo replied in a cool voice. I could hear the smile he must have given the other man.  
  
"Run to you?" The strange man laughed briefly. "You forget who has begged myself, and the President, for years to have me returned to your labs. I only came to give you something else to amuse yourself with."  
  
"A pitiful specimen," Hojo grumbled, "But with the potential to become a creature worthy of serving you."  
  
"Are you certain this is the one you've been looking for?" The other asked, his voice doubtful. "I sense nothing familiar nor shadowed about him. The only thing that gives me confidence is the faith that Zack has in him."  
  
The scientist snorted. "As if that fool's word is worth your notice."  
  
The stranger fell into silence for a long moment, and I almost opened my eyes to see if the conversation was over. Finally the man responded in a quiet, yet dangerously threatening voice, "I notice men who deserve my respect. Zack is one of those men - and no skulking scientist who has eyes only for his own plans can say otherwise, especially to my face." His voice settled down. "Don't forget who it was who told me about Strife in the first place."  
  
This time, I couldn't withhold my shock, and my eyes snapped open.  
  
Zack was _helping_ them? He... he was part of this?  
  
He let this happen... he let Hojo do this...?  
  
_... Zack..._  
  
I raised my head, and my gaze was drawn to the communications screen Hojo stood in front of. And in that instant, the man in the screen noticed and locked eyes with mine, green eyes aglow with Mako.  
  
The General Sephiroth, his face known by everyone on the Bastion, stared into my eyes, and he _smiled_.  
  
I felt all hope wither away at that single expression.  
  
"I'll leave you to your work now," he said after a moment, speaking to Hojo even though his eyes never left mine. "I look forward to the end results."  
  
The screen faded to black, taking Sephiroth with it. I shivered, eyes wide, unable to contain my fear.  
  
Sephiroth's idea. Hojo's experiment.  
  
And Zack... Zack's _betrayal_...  
  
I knew then, that there would be no escape for me. I was trapped here, doomed to whatever fate they had planned for me... and I couldn't do a thing about it.  
  
~*~  
  
AN: Seems a good enough spot to stop. Sorry for the delay in update, everyone! ^^;; My muse has been very fickle lately. This chapter was slow because of the lack of Zack, I like to think. *snicker* But don't worry, he should be coming back next chapter! (If all goes well, anyway...)  
  
I hope I satisfied the Sephiroth fans. *pokes him* He's difficult to write! I never imagined he'd be such a challenge. In this fic he's quite a bit more familiar with Hojo, but this is of course for plot, so... *shrug*  
  
Next chapter - actually, even I have no idea what will happen. *snicker* More about Hojo's experiment will be revealed, though - and what is Zack's role in all this?

Reviewer Responses:

**Kanojo Miseru-to Kurai**: Your theories scare me, O_o Although haven't we already seen Cloud in a dress? *thinks back to FFVII* That's a scary memory.  
  
**eternal star**: Actually, I was being sarcastic. Of course I know Sephiroth, but truthfully, I don't like him very much. I don't know how big a role he'll be playing in this fic, but we'll see what happens, ^_^  
  
**Koorino Megumi**: That's MY catchphrase! :P Yeah, Zack's suspicion comes up a bit later, too...  
  
**Anime no Megami**: Chapter 8? What's that? Never heard of it... ^^;;


	9. Part 9: Slipping Through My Fingers

Takes place after Kairi's rescue; contains spoilers for the end of Kingdom Hearts.  
  
Written from Cloud's perspective.  


AN: Getting the game Ehrgeiz seems to have inspired my FF7 muse, ^_^ Whipping butt with all those Final Fantasy characters... heh, way too much fun. So now that Zack has thoroughly kicked Sephiroth around the ring a few dozen times, I can go back to writing this thing...  
  
This chapter is probably the longest one yet. But I just couldn't find a place to end it...  
  
Onward!  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
Ephemeral Blossoms  
  
Akai Kitsune  
  
Part 9: Slipping Through My Fingers  
  
  
~*~*~  
  
  
Orange lilies.  
  
I could smell them.  
  
_She always had lilies on the table when..._  
  
"Did you have fun today?"  
  
_Not really._  
  
"That's good, dear. Have you asked Tifa to stay for dinner yet?"  
_  
No..._  
  
"You really should find an older girl. You need someone who will take care of you."  
  
_I don't want that._  
  
"Oh, these? They're from the garden. Your father always brought me orange lilies when he came home."  
  
_It's a nice idea._  
  
"Aren't they lovely? I planted them when you were very young, you know."  
  
_I know._  
  
_Because he wasn't there, you had to bring them home yourself._  
  
"He was a scientist. Do you remember? He helped build the reactor on the mountain. He was so brilliant."  
  
_I remember.  
  
I hate scientists.  
_  
"Don't play with them, Cloud. You'll make them wilt."  
_  
But... they're already dead..._  
  
  
  
  
  
I was awake before the large set of sliding doors in the lab were opened, lying in the center of my glass prison and listening to the buzz of the machines around me. The Mako was dim and barely visible in the air - Hojo had toned down the settings a few days before - so I had no trouble seeing through the glass.  
  
A large, chained wooden crate was rolled in, pushed by two men I didn't recognize, and followed closely by Hojo. The scientist was scanning a clipboard, scribbling on it and occasionally looking up to direct the two others. One of the men glanced nervously in my direction and hastily looked away, probably before he met my eyes. I suppose it was true that cowards could never look a caged animal in the eye.  
  
I vaguely wondered how much my eyes glowed at that point.  
  
How long had it been...?  
  
_ "The greater the illumination of the iris, the more Mako they've been exposed to-"_  
  
I thought curiously about how many treatments the real SOLDIER program required; how long Zack had spent in these tanks. At least he'd had a choice.  
  
... but I didn't want to think about Zack.  
  
I didn't want to think about...  
  
_ "Hojo? Since when is he involved in the SOLDIER screening procedures?"  
  
"Take care, Cloud."_  
  
Why... why did he...  
  
_I don't understand._  
  
Unwilling to think further on what I couldn't understand, I shifted my attention back to Hojo, although truthfully, there wasn't much hope in understanding _him_, either. But Hojo was far more likely to explain things than a man who wasn't even there.  
  
I... wanted Zack to be there.  
  
At least then, I'd get my answer.  
  
"I'm so glad you're awake." Hojo finally noticed me, stepping over to the glass container. I turned away, rolling my eyes, but his voice followed me. It wasn't as if there was anywhere to run. "Now I can introduce you to our new lab partner. This is what we've been waiting for, you know."  
  
_Joy_, I thought warily. _So kind of you to make me feel like such a team player._  
  
_Give me a few cheerleaders and a marching band. We're the star players in Hojo's House of Science..._  
  
I didn't say anything in response, though. That was something Zack would have said. After what I had heard, I just felt... drained. I didn't have the strength to fight it anymore.  
  
I'm... not Zack.  
  
_I don't want to be._  
  
_ "Don't forget who it was who told me about Strife-"_  
_  
"-who told me-"_  
  
He _told_ Sephiroth...  
  
"Shall we open up that crate, then?" Hojo continued, turning back to the other men. If he was disappointed by my lack of enthusiasm, he didn't show it. Excuse me if I wasn't thrilled that he found someone else to poke at 24 hours a day.  
  
_You'd think I would be happy. But all I can do is feel sorry for whatever is... what the-?_  
  
As the sides of the box were peeled away, they revealed a large cube of ice. The sides were dusted with frost, but through it I could make out a vague shape hidden deep within. Lodged in the very center of the ice's highest surface, a green, spherical shape was visible, pulsing faintly every few seconds.  
  
"Ah..." Hojo whistled, a broad smile on his face. "Here we are. Here we are..." He drew closer, carefully slipping on a clean white glove. He brushed the glove across the ice's surface, flicking away the light frost and leaving a clear view of what lay within.  
  
From the distance, I saw something I couldn't recognize - but whatever it was, it had the most unusually large yellow eyes...  
  
"Isn't it beautiful, Strife?" the scientist oozed, stepped aside to display the creature. "This is the future of my work, the future of the SOLDIER program."  
  
I raised an eyebrow, sliding down the glass to sit on the floor of my cage. It looked like an oversized bug. After considering it for a moment, I told Hojo as much.  
  
He merely smiled again, his dark eyes gleaming coldly. "A bug? Oh, this is far beyond a simple bug, boy. This is beyond anything you've ever seen. A creature born of shadows, void of all light... captured and brought here in secrecy all the way from the depths of the Rising Falls."  
  
Rising Falls?  
  
I blinked. "The... the king's castle?"  
  
Hojo chuckled. "There is no other, after all. Ansem himself gave explicit instructions for these creatures to be studied carefully. Think how this changes things for us, Strife!"  
  
I tried to think. I didn't try to care.  
  
"Get the specimen into the empty containment room," Hojo spun on his heels, waving a hand to the men who waited for him. "Careful as you move it, though. If you jar the Materia keeping it frozen, there's no knowing how easily the ice could be broken." He smiled wickedly. "And there's no knowing what kind of damage a creature of darkness such as this could cause."  
  
Why did I get the feeling I wouldn't be too concerned if the thing somehow got loose?  
_  
Oh. Because it'd probably go for the blackest heart around. Right._  
  
We both watched the men do their work, me with only the most vague of interest, and Hojo with a deep, critiquing intent. As the workers pushed and pulled the block into the other container, the frost cleared away and I gained an even closer look at what lay within.  
  
It _was_ a shadow as Hojo had described, in every sense of the word. I couldn't see a trace of colour on it, aside from those strange, haunting eyes. The sharp claws of the creature seemed to be twitching, slowly scraping at the ice around it's inhuman hand, trying to free itself. Though frozen in place, the eyes seemed aware of... _everything_.  
  
"What is that thing?" I whispered, unable to withhold my horrified query.  
  
Hojo didn't answer for a long time, watching as the creature's prison was finally inside the container, and the assistants hastily left the lab without looking back. I scowled and turned away, disgusted, though I really should have known. Hojo was careful about the men he allowed in his lab, and he would never risk letting someone inside who might try to interfere, or report his actions to some higher power.  
  
Of course, if he really did have permission from the king...  
  
I didn't want to even think of it.  
  
"What is it, Strife?" Hojo finally murmured, pressing his hands against the glass and leaning closer, a small smile creeping across his face. "This is the future for us, the future of military science as we know it."  
  
One hand drifted to the side panel, tapping a few buttons and causing the container's door to slide shut.  
  
"His Majesty called them 'Heartless'," the scientist finished in a chilled voice.  
  
I followed his gaze, eyes wide, as the icy prison began to fall apart.  
  
  
  
  
  
Lilies...  
  
_They're golden, aren't they?_  
  
"Cloud?"  
  
_What?_  
  
"Are you all right?"  
  
_What do you care?_  
  
"Mothers always know best, dear."  
  
_I'm lost._  
  
"I'm right here. Everything's okay."  
  
_You're lost, too._  
  
"We're in this together, aren't we?"  
  
_Stop laughing.  
_  
"I won't leave you hanging."  
  
_Stop acting like you care.  
_  
_Traitor._  
  
"Take care, Cloud."  
  
_Take care of -what-?  
  
Why didn't you tell me...?  
_  
  
  
  
  
The creature hissed at me, claws outstretched, and leapt towards me once again. It's gaze was expressionless, but I didn't need a face to recognize the intent. It was the same intent the monster had had for the entire hour since Hojo had it put in my glass cell.  
  
For the hundredth time, as I rolled away from the Heartless's assault, I wondered what, exactly, was the point of this exercise. Thus far it had been little more than a dangerous game of tag with Hojo as the referee, standing on the sidelines taking notes. I couldn't tell if he was testing our endurance or if he was just out to piss me off. With Hojo, it was never an easy guess.  
  
The Heartless buried itself into the floor, moving in a circular pattern before emerging again, crawling erratically towards me. I studied it's movement for a moment - something I'd learned to do fairly quickly, after this long - and when the timing was right, gave it a swift kick to the head, sending it flying away.  
  
_If this is the future of Shinra's military_, I thought with a weary scowl, _Then the SOLDIER program is a janitor's training school._  
  
The creature shook it's head briefly and hopped to it's feet, shambling over once again. It was unnerving; the Heartless had barely managed to scratch me more than five times within the hour, yet every hit I managed to connect was simply brushed aside.  
  
_The only thing promising about this bug is the fact that it's durable.  
  
Is that what Hojo's testing?_  
  
"You look rather thoughtful there, Strife," Hojo commented suddenly, raising an eyebrow.  
  
I sent a sideways glance in his direction, stepping to the left, away from another of the creature's jumping attacks. "I just didn't realize you liked kid's games so much," I mumbled, eyes narrowed. I was grateful of the sturdy boots I wore - at least Hojo let his subjects keep their clothes between experiments, even as he robbed them of their dignity - giving my assailant another swift kick. I had given up on using my fists; I didn't like the feel of the creature's skin when I hit it. It was a chilly feeling, almost numbing, as if the darkness joined with the monster's origins was somehow trying to spread over to me.  
  
"Kid's games?" Hojo laughed, and I winced inwardly. I hated it when he laughed. Some men just _shouldn't_ be allowed to laugh. "Are you simple, boy?"  
  
_Well somebody thinks so..._  
  
"These are tests for several purposes, most of which would clearly be beyond your grasp," my captor continued, ignoring my distracted glares as always. "But at the very core, I'm merely trying to determine how effective humans are against the Heartless without weapons."  
  
"I hate to tell you," I replied without conviction, stumbling backwards as the Heartless circled me, "But your so-called great experiment isn't that strong."  
  
"On the contrary," Hojo smirked. "The fact that the most simple of Heartless forms has been able to survive so many attacks from a Mako-enhanced human body is quite impressive."  
  
I blinked. "Most simple?" I echoed, and it cost me a scratch on the leg. I cursed, kicking the creature away.  
  
The scientist nodded, taking note of the exchange of blows and scribbling something on his clipboard. "There are many different forms. Much like animals who change colour or appearance to blend in with a new surrounding, they will shift from one form to another depending on the area... or even depending on the enemy they fight."  
  
I gave my opponent a wary glance, more watchful from this new information. I hoped that didn't mean they could change anytime they wished. I really did not want to 'play tag' with something even bigger.  
  
"Well now," Hojo announced then, tucking his pen in one of his jacket pockets, "I think that's enough observing for today. Call me when you get tired, will you, boy?"  
  
"Er... Now?"  
  
The scientist laughed at my dull-voiced question, giving me a thin smile before turning away. "Don't be ridiculous, Strife. You can easily continue the exercise for another hour, at least. If not, then it would be a small loss, wouldn't it?"  
  
I scowled, edging away from the Heartless yet again, fists clenched at my sides. I wasn't about to die here - not until I found out exactly what was going on. The creature's antenna bobbed up and down, it's head curved to watch my movement. It lunged towards me, and I sighed inwardly.  
  
It was going to be a long day.  
  
  
  
  
  
I remained as Hojo's captive for about a month before his methods of experimentation changed drastically. The days seemed to grow longer, as the scientist spent more and more time in the lab, watching my reactions to whatever Mako treatments he was running on me, or just observing the Heartless creature. I never understand why he watched it so much; it's not like it ever did much of anything besides crawl around the cage, searching for a way to escape. It was painfully simple-minded, and if it wasn't out to kill me whenever Hojo ran his marathon testing, I might have felt sorry for it.  
  
After the first month, though, I noticed a few minor, barely noticeable changes showing up. Hojo usually kept his labs well-lit; he liked to be able to see everything clearly, especially his specimens. The containers where I and the Heartless were held had always been bright. Even after Hojo left late at night, there were dim lights scattered around in case he needed to come back - something that was pretty infrequent in the past, but was starting to happen more often lately. And with these increased visits, the lights were no longer as strong as before. It wasn't long before only the after-hour lights were left on.  
  
What disturbed me most, though, was that the Heartless creature seemed much stronger with the light so low.  
  
At first I blamed it on myself; I was tired, or I couldn't see as well in the dim surroundings. Or maybe I was finally getting sick from the Mako treatments. But when I noticed that the creature's size had changed, impossibly, I knew there was a bigger connection.  
  
Hojo knew it too, long before I did. Soon he had every light removed except those he needed to do his work.  
  
The Mako infused in my eyes, as Hojo had promised during my first examination, adjusted well to the darkness, but I couldn't do anything to fend against the growing chills in the air. The scientist had changed the lab's temperature as well as the lighting - there were days when it was so frigid I could barely move. The shadow creature was unaffected, making Hojo's tests even more dangerous for me. It made me wonder why I was there, or what my purpose was in Hojo's plans. I couldn't see how getting me killed at the hands - or claws - of this Heartless could fulfill Sephiroth's request... whatever that was.  
  
But one day, Hojo did something that even I didn't expect of him.  
  
  
  
  
  
"What level have you mastered?"  
  
I blinked awake at the voice, filtering softly from the hall outside the lab, and glanced up to see what was going on. Hojo opened the door a scarce moment later, followed closely by a younger man who was obviously not used to such a strange place. The man was barely three steps into the lab when his eyes caught sight of the two containment cells. I stared at him, my face blank, and for once, Hojo's assistant stared back.  
  
He didn't look pleased, and I couldn't help but feel a thrill of hope.  
  
"Excuse me," Hojo interrupted irritably. "Private Marlow?"  
  
The man jumped, startled at his voice. "Yes sir?"  
  
"My question?" The scientist's eyebrow lifted slightly.  
  
Marlow fumbled with the odd-looking, metallic band around his wrist. "Er, only level 1, sir. They don't teach us more than that until we're promoted." His gaze drifted briefly towards my cage again, focusing on my clothes. He was obviously no stranger to the military; he knew a SOLDIER uniform when he saw one.  
  
Hojo shrugged, continuing towards the two containers. "That will do. You see this creature here?" He gestured towards the Heartless. The man gulped visibly and nodded. "I'll need it frozen while we move it into the other specimen's cell. The lowest level is enough. I don't want it destroyed, understand?"  
  
"Yes, sir." Marlow lifted his arms, the green orb in his armband glowing for a moment. Before the Heartless could react, a cloud of white appeared from below it, and in seconds it was encased in a prison of ice.  
  
My eyes widened. Materia... of course. I had never seen it in action before; in fact, I'd never really seen it and understood what it was before...  
  
Zack had Materia in his armour...  
  
"It should be light enough to move," Hojo continued, patting the man's arm with a small smile. "Go on in and retrieve it for me, and your job will be finished."  
  
The private seemed so anxious to get out of there, he didn't even notice the tiny, silver-red machine on his arm as he entered the container. My jaw dropped, but before I could even try to give a warning to the man, Hojo lifted his hand and activated it.  
  
The explosion that followed was small, but the armband - and the Materia with it - was shattered, bits scattering throughout the cell. The man screamed, more startled than in pain, I imagined, and stumbled to the ground, clutching his arm. Hojo ignored him, punching in a code at the side panel to close off the entrance.  
  
"Sir!" Marlow objected hoarsely, trying to get to his feet. "Sir, what are you doing?!"  
  
"Don't worry, private," Hojo replied smoothly, hands clasped behind his back. "I know exactly what I'm doing."  
  
The ice holding the Heartless captive suddenly began to crack, and all our eyes turned to watch. The soldier moved towards the shrapnel left behind in the explosion, searching for his Materia, but the compressed Mako sphere was beyond hope of repair or use. A corner of the ice broke away, and a claw writhed and struggled to release the rest of it's body.  
  
I slammed a fist against the glass, eyes narrowed. "Hojo, dammit," I snapped, "Let him out!"  
  
Marlow glanced at me, his expression filled with stark terror. _Oh sure_, I thought bitterly, _Now he's regretting it. Now he wants help._  
  
The man, realizing he would receive no help from either of us, reached for the gun he carried at his belt and frantically adjusted the settings, ensuring the ammunition was in it's proper slot. He pointed the weapon at the ice prison.  
  
"_Stop_," Hojo snapped, and it took me a moment to realize it wasn't an order. Marlow halted his movement, frozen in place.  
  
It was a _spell_...  
  
Hojo drew closer to the glass container, chuckling to himself as he removed Materia of his own from his pocket. "Can't have you destroying my hard work, officer," he shrugged uncaringly, his eyes indescribably cold. "That would make me _quite_ unhappy."  
  
_Oh, and it would just kill us to see you unhappy, you monster._  
  
Marlow fought against the spell, but he obviously wasn't equipped against the scientist's mastered Time Materia, and all he managed to do was fall over. As he lay on the floor, eyes full of growing horror, the ice continued to shatter with each passing moment.  
  
I clenched my eyes shut, unwilling to watch. The man was going to be mutilated if he wasn't able to avoid the creature's attacks. I had no desire to see someone die, especially like that.  
  
However, when the ice broke completely and I heard the creature's feet hit the ground, I couldn't help but look up.  
  
The Heartless surprised us both. Instead of immediately attacking the motionless soldier like a wild animal might, it circled him, antennae twitching as if analyzing it's victim.  
  
Then, without hesitation or even a flicker of thought, it drew closer and plunged it's black claws into the man's chest.  
  
Marlow screamed, the Stop spell shattering as the Heartless's fingers dug even further into his body. There was no blood - not even a tear in his clothes - but whatever the creature had done, it was obviously hurting.  
  
I felt a lump form in my throat, and I punched the glass again, watching helplessly.  
  
Then, without even a flicker of emotion in the unblinking golden eyes, the Heartless withdrew it's hand and _pulled the man's heart from his chest_.  
  
A flash of light so strong it was painful filled the lab, and I squinted, struggling to follow what was happening. The soldier's body vanished, his cries fading with it, and only the heart remained - not a physical thing, but more of a crystalline symbol of something far more complex. A person's true essence; a soul? I couldn't even begin to try and understand. It hovered in the air for a moment, as if deciding what to do, then floated back to the ground, rotating as it fell.  
  
And in another brief, aching flash of light, a second shadow appeared in its place.  
  
My jaw dropped. _No... no way..._  
  
"Incredible," Hojo breathed, so close to the glass his nose nearly touched it. "Just incredible."  
  
The two Heartless stepped away from each other and looked up at us, heads ###### to one side, claws clenching and unclenching. I could see the same hunger in each set of golden eyes... hunger for our hearts.  
  
Hojo glanced at me, a slow, wicked smile spreading across his face. His very expression glowed with a sense of victory.  
  
"Experiment successful," he murmured, closing his eyes. "We'll... continue this tomorrow."  
  
He spun on his heel then, heading towards the door and flicking off the remaining lights as he exited the lab.  
  
My gaze drifted blindly through the dark, searching for an escape, even though it was becoming more and more out of reach with every passing moment. I couldn't think. I didn't _want_ to think about what had just happened.  
  
A man had just lost his _life_... become one of those...  
  
_Heartless..._  
  
_I'm... I'm trapped. I'm a dead man in this lab.  
  
Hojo's nuts, and... he's going to kill me._  
  
I clenched my eyes shut, struggling to push away my bleak thoughts, to block out everything.  
  
And eventually, the darkness fell even in my mind, and I was left with the sweet, merciful memories of better times.  
  
Orange lilies...  
  
_Trapped inside like this, they don't live long, do they?_  
  
  
~*~*~  
  
To be continued  
  
~*~*~  
  
AN: I really need to stop listening to KH music while I write this. Every time "Simple and Clean" plays I stop writing to sing along... ^^;;  
  
Cloud's duels with the Heartless: Yes, I know our beloved Cloud could probably take out a Shadow in a single shot. But this Cloud is only 15, and despite Mako treatments, he doesn't really know how to deal with his opponent _or_ his new strength. I'm also taking into consideration that as one of the originals, these early forms of Heartless would be much stronger than the usual, run of the mill Shadows we love to smack around on Destiny Islands. So naturally they'd give Cloud a bit of trouble at first. Just my two cents.  
  
Next chapter - There's a fine line between madness and sanity. Can anyone pick up the pieces when an experiment goes wrong?

Reviewer Responses:

**Koorino Megumi**: You delinquent! Hehe. I'm glad you have such faith in Zack, too! That was hard to write. Poor Cloud, thinking everyone had turned against him.  
  
**Seishin Kibou**: Was that a Kenshin reference I caught there? ^^;;  
  
**Kitty Kyinsky**: Hm, good point. You never really see "sane" Sephiroth... that would definitely be fun, ^_^  
  
**Kanojo Miseru-to Kurai**: First my internal organs are threatened, and now I'm potential dinner. And they say literature is a nice, safe hobby... although Cloud Pie does sound rather tempting.


	10. Part 10: Welcome To My Nightmare

Takes place after Kairi's rescue; contains spoilers for the end of Kingdom Hearts.  
  
Written from Cloud's perspective.  


Dark room - check. Gloomy weather - check. Cup of caffeine - check.  
  
Full playlist of happy hardcore J-pop - check. Oh yeah, I'm ready to angst.  
  
Onward!  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
Ephemeral Blossoms  
  
Akai Kitsune  
  
Part 10: Welcome To My Nightmare  
  
  
~*~*~  
  
  
Hojo was good to his promise. The next day, he began his experiments with the Heartless... and it never stopped.  
  
With the lab plunged into darkness, he loosed both Heartless on me, sometimes for an entire day, until I was so tired I could scarcely move. He cast spells - slowing them down, slowing _me_ down, testing the limits of my Mako-enhanced body and the strengthened bodies of his newly created monsters. At first I tried to just avoid the attacks, guilty about harming a creature that was once human just like me, but as time passed I came to learn that there were no feelings in the Heartless - they truly did match their names - and they didn't care for my pity. I couldn't even tell them apart.  
  
Of course, who was to say that the first Heartless wasn't human once as well?  
  
I wondered what had happened deep below Ansem's castle that would create such things.  
  
Hojo didn't share any of his discoveries. He gloated, of course - that was his nature, and he was too proud to keep it to himself. But nothing was explained, and my questions were ignored. I had truly become nothing more than a specimen - he did his work as he pleased, and when he was done with me, back to my cell I went. And in the darkest nights, with the Heartless clawing at the glass only a few feet away, I realized how close I was to my breaking point.  
  
I started to hear them speak.  
  
It was quiet at first, not even a whisper. I couldn't understand what was said - I didn't even recognize it as speech. But slowly, gradually, I began to hear it more clearly.  
  
Voices...  
  
_Was I crazy?_  
  
Sometimes I wished I was. Then I could stop thinking about it; I could live in the mad bliss that Hojo created for himself, ignoring the world around me and pretending everything was going my way.  
  
_No... no, I never wanted to live like him.  
  
Never wanted to be like him._  
  
Zack...  
  
_ "Take care-"  
  
Shut up!  
  
I don't want to hear your voice anymore.  
  
I don't want to hear anything._  
  
There was a darkness growing in my heart. And while I could never admit it, the Heartless... began to listen to me.  
  
They listened to my darkness... and they responded.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Specimen A begins to show signs of communication to H1 and 2. Whether this is due to the Mako experimentation or a growing ability in the subjects themselves has yet to be proven. Further experimentation will be required."  
  
I listened wearily to Hojo ramble into his recorder, spouting scientific terms and codes in a voice laced with excitement. His enthusiasm worried me - whenever he was like that, it meant his plans were going well. And I _really_ didn't like where the experiments were heading.  
  
Further experimentation usually meant he was changing his tactics, as well...  
  
Earlier that week he had mentioned expecting another shipment from across the continent. I took a wild guess and assumed that meant more Heartless.  
  
_Just the last straw on the chocobo's back...  
_  
Hojo clicked the Stop button on the recorder, tucking it into one of his many lab coats, and turned back to me, giving me a sharp-eyed smile. "With that out of the way," he announced cheerfully, ignoring my challenging expression, "We can carry on with today's experiments."  
  
I closed my eyes. He was in a good mood. Not a good sign.  
  
Not to say that _anything_ Hojo planned was good...  
  
He tapped an intercom on the side panel, and after a moment, two men in similar garb entered the lab. Once the Heartless multiplied itself and I began to feel the boosting effects of my Mako treatments, Hojo hired two flunkies to help "look after his specimens". They were both adept at using whatever Materia Shinra provided for them, so any escape attempts were pointless on my part as usual. Hojo was meticulous with his experiments, and he never left an opening wide enough to make it worth jumping for. I thought I could bide my time, wait for him to get sloppy, but...  
  
_He's too good. He's too damn good at what he does.  
_  
The lab assistants immediately went to work inserting the tranquilizer gas into my Mako tank. They were so diligent and helpful, I thought with a scowl. I wondered if they knew what Hojo had done with his other assistant. Maybe they didn't care - maybe they were just as whacked as Hojo.  
  
It was hard to believe _anyone_ could be that twisted.  
  
I closed my eyes, feeling the dull, numbing effect the tranquilizer had on my body, and waited in the far side of my cell for the Heartless to be lured inside. Hojo and his men had become very good at directing the creatures to go where he wanted them to go, from their own cage to mine, using spells to force them to go one way or another. As much as the Heartless hissed and fought, they always ended up where Hojo had planned.  
  
With me, again.  
  
I lifted my head weakly as the tank's door opened, the Heartless scrambling inside as lightning flared at their backs. Hojo punched in the buttons and the door shut behind them. Then the Mako began to drain from the tank. The Heartless seemed to sniff at the blocked exit for a moment, scratching at the edges, then finally turned their attention to me.  
  
Me, who was still frozen in place by the tranquilizer.  
  
My eyes widened, and I struggled against it, trying to get up despite my body's protests. I didn't want pain to be my wake-up call.  
  
The creatures approached, and I staggered to my feet, breathing hard at the strain I was feeling. Glancing at Hojo, I saw his pleased smile and grit my teeth, clenching my fists and turning back to the Heartless.  
  
_So now I've made him happy. Just wonderful._  
  
_Heart.. need heart..._  
  
_Shut up._  
  
The creatures curved their heads to look up at me, almost curious. Tifa, I decided, would have called these things cute.  
  
They lunged at me, and I backed up against the glass wall and tried to defend, crossing my arms over my chest. It was my heart they wanted, and we all knew it - but I wasn't about to give it to them.  
  
I was too weak to knock them away this time, so they clung to me, scratching and clawing at my arm in their attempts to reach their goal. I flinched, the pain breaking through the fog of the tranquilizers and somehow giving me the strength to tear them loose, but my left hand - the one that had been on top - was a mess. I tried to ignore it and concentrated on avoiding their attacks.  
  
In the background, I could see Hojo smirking.  
  
_Give... give heart-  
  
Shut up!_  
  
One of the Heartless clawed at my leg, and I stumbled away from the wall, shaking it off. The other jumped on my back, preying on my already-failing balance and sending me to my knees. I reached up and grabbed it, dragging it away from me, but it latched on with all four limbs, it's claws sinking into my hand. I cried out and instinctively slammed it against the glass, my eyes wild with pain.  
  
_Stop it - stop it!  
  
It hurts, dammit-  
  
Heart... need-  
  
Shut up already!_  
  
The creature froze, it's sharp fingers still deep in my arm. Blood dripped slowly to the floor of my cell. Behind me, I could feel the other Heartless sway listlessly from side to side.  
  
Breathing hard, I looked around, my eyes startled wide. It was as if the entire world had slowed to a halt.  
  
I had told the Heartless to stop.  
  
And they stopped.  
  
I didn't dare turn around, for I knew I wouldn't like the expression I'd find on Hojo's face.  
  
  
  
  
  
I must have fainted after that. I couldn't remember what had been done with the Heartless, or if Hojo had spoken... I couldn't remember anything except the cold shadows, frozen beneath my skin; the golden eyes that were staring at me, empty and awaiting their next command.  
  
But... I didn't want to...  
  
I didn't want them to listen to me.  
  
_I'm not one of you..._  
  
When I awoke, the world was still dark, and I felt too groggy to really recognize my surroundings. In the distant, coherent part of my mind, I assumed it was the drugs I had been given. I couldn't feel a thing.  
  
Except... the dull ache that _should_ have been a great deal of pain... and the chill of hands, forever poking and prodding.  
  
"I _told_ you to watch them more carefully, didn't I?"  
  
"I'm sorry sir... I wasn't paying attention."  
  
"Then you're lucky someone was, aren't you?"  
  
"... Can we fix the damage, sir?"  
  
"Of course we can. Don't be a fool. Didn't you ever see injuries like these in Midgar?"  
  
"Well... not exactly..."  
  
"Alterations can be made. It may actually improve the experiments."  
  
"Sir?"  
  
"Never mind. You - get the restraints in place. And you take care of the drug administration. We can't have him struggling during this procedure."  
  
"Yessir!"  
  
"Don't screw up again."  
  
The voices faded away as I felt a faint prick of a needle in my arm. Past the dull glare of light filtering through my eyelids, I could see shadows, but little else. Soon, there was nothing.  
  
But... the pain... it always came back...  
  
  
  
  
  
When I woke for the second time - it was days later, I heard from Hojo during his recitations - I had the worst headache of my life. It felt as though I had tried to break out of the glass cell by pounding my head against it, and at first I was tempted to do just that; it was hurting so bad...  
  
I reached up to brush my hair out of my eyes, shivering from a chill I couldn't give a source to, and froze as I felt cold metal touch my forehead.  
  
Metal...?  
  
Staring down, horror welling up in my throat, I saw what Hojo had done to me while the drugs kept me unconscious.  
  
Claws. He'd given me _claws_. Just like them, like his precious Heartless-  
  
_No! I'm not like them! I'm not-_  
  
_Heart... want it..._  
  
_Shut up..._  
  
The new hand was golden in colour - like their eyes, I couldn't avoid thinking - and barely went past my wrist. I could still feel my hand beneath it; it was more like a metallic glove than a replaced limb, but even as I gazed at it, I knew it would be impossible to just take off. As I moved each finger - claw - I felt the metal grind together beneath my skin, like a new machine that had yet to be used, and was in need of oil to get it working. It wasn't painful - through my shock, I wondered if Hojo had destroyed the very nerves that made me even feel pain in that hand - but it was the most disturbing thing I'd ever felt. I clenched the hand into a fist, and the metal shrieked as claws fell against the palm.  
  
"Isn't it lovely?"  
  
I whirled around, my eyes narrowed as I caught sight of Hojo smiling devilishly from behind the transparent wall. "Are you nuts? What did you _do_, Hojo?!"  
  
He shrugged. "Your hand was beyond simple repair. Even an advanced Cure spell wouldn't have saved it. You should thank me for letting you keep it - although Sephiroth would hardly have need of a maimed specimen."  
  
I glowered back at him, slamming my fist against the glass. "Thank you?! This is _your_ fault!"  
  
"Hardly," Hojo's smile faded. "That was my idiot assistant's mistake. You were not to be permanently damaged; those were my instructions. I must say I'm grateful, though, that you were able to... remedy the situation yourself."  
  
I felt a sick churning in my stomach, and I fought it back, swallowing hard. He was right. I _had_ fixed it myself - I made the Heartless listen to me.  
  
I let the darkness speak to them... I let them touch my heart enough to hear me.  
  
I was starting to realize what Hojo's experiments were supposed to do.  
  
"You..." My mouth was dry; I swallowed again, closing my eyes. "You wanted this to happen. You wanted me to..."  
  
"To contact them? Of course. Are you simple, boy? That's the whole point of these experiments! The SOLDIER program is meant to create immensely powerful warriors - men prepared for combat in all situations. Men who command lesser men to war - through fear, through power, through pure discipline." Hojo spun away, hands clasped behind his back. "But the Heartless - they have none of those traits. They are a group of mindless beings who have one thing pushing them into action: Instinct. The instinctive need to seek out the one thing they don't - and cannot - have. A heart."  
  
I watched him pace in front of his computer, a sort of wildness flickering in his eyes that I'd never seen before.  
  
"But this... this is true artistry. I have created a being who walks a fine line between the Heartless and human SOLDIERs... a being who has all the abilities and enhancement of a SOLDIER, yet carries the link that allows communication with the Heartless. Communication that _works_, Strife! You've seen it yourself. The Heartless listened to you!" He halted to look up at me, eyes gleaming with ambition. "Granted, it was only once... but we'll continue. I won't stop until you're kept in the same cell without fear."  
  
"You're nuts," I repeated, unable to say any more. It... it wasn't supposed to be like this! I was supposed to be just a normal SOLDIER - just a grunt in the army, strong enough to fight my own battles.  
  
I didn't want to command the Heartless for Hojo's sake. Not even for _ Ansem's_ sake; not anymore.  
  
_Heart... give us a heart.  
_  
"Shut up..." I whispered, clasping my head with both hands and sinking to my knees. "Get out..."  
  
_Share, Master?  
  
We're hungry..._  
  
I groaned, squeezing my eyes shut as tightly as I could, but the voices... they wouldn't leave me.  
  
And the clawed hand digging into my scalp wouldn't disappear, as much as I wished it.  
  
_Get... get out of my head..._  
  
  
  
  
  
The experiments continued. I disappointed Hojo more than once during those following days, for I was unable to control the Heartless again. I didn't receive any more injuries - nothing compared to my hand, anyway - and I was forced to admit that as repulsive as the metallic attachment was, it helped me fight off the Heartless more than once.  
  
If it helped me to escape, _then_ maybe I'd be grateful.  
  
Hojo was getting frustrated, though; his experiments had been brought to a halt, and he was convinced that _I_ wasn't working hard enough. As if he expected me to cooperate... I knew he was insane, but I didn't think he was stupid.  
  
One day I woke to the sounds of a low table being set up in the middle of the lab, and I watched Hojo's assistants work on it, curiousity and dread vying for attention in my mind. The last time I'd been on that examination table, Hojo had mutilated my left hand.  
  
_What's he planning now?_  
  
I didn't dare ask him, though; he was standing in the corner, beside his computer as usual, and I preferred to not draw attention to myself when I could. Anything that delayed his procedures was definitely a good thing.  
  
_Heart...?_  
  
"Shut up," I muttered, unable to help myself. Hojo glanced over, and I cursed under my breath. So much for stealth.  
  
_Stupid Heartless._  
  
"Good morning," the scientist greeted, stepping over to my cell. "We're going to try something a little different today."  
  
"I'm thrilled."  
  
Hojo just smiled. "I can tell. Did you know that the Heartless react to the most extreme of emotions, Strife? Anger... hatred... terror... pain. It's as though the more strain one places on the heart, the more the Heartless react to it. It makes sense, doesn't it?"  
  
"Hey, you're the expert," I snapped, rising to my feet, "You tell me."  
  
"Patience, boy. Patience." Hojo turned away, as the assistants finished with the table. He carefully checked each restraint, tugging each one to be certain it was secure.  
  
One of the assistants - Hojo had never deemed it necessary to give them names, at least while I was conscious - gave me a sideways glance. "Should I prepare the drugs, sir?"  
  
Hojo shook his head, eyes narrowed. "If I want you to give the specimen drugs, I'll ask for them, won't I?" He straightened up, giving the other assistant a brief nod to acknowledge that the restraints earned his approval. "To answer your question, no. I want him awake and alert for this procedure."  
  
_You've got to be kidding me._  
  
"Awake and alert" generally translated to an experiment involving the Heartless. But what was he going to do then, if I was going to be tied down?  
  
I didn't have much time to think about it; the next thing I knew, the second assistant had cast Stop and I was brought in silence out of my cell, dumped onto the icy table and carefully secured from head to toe. When the spell was removed I could move my head a little, but only an inch or so off the metal beneath me. As much as I struggled, I couldn't move anything else at all.  
  
Hojo leaned over me, a cold smile on his face. "Ready for the day, Strife?"  
  
"What... what are you doing...?"  
  
"You'll see." He waved a hand to the assistants, and they wheeled the table over to the cage containing the Heartless. I swallowed hard, trying to crush the terror bubbling in my throat.  
  
He wasn't going to just let them do as they pleased... was he?  
  
_Why keep me alive all this time, just so he could-  
  
... am I going to die?_  
  
A rush of cold wind swept past me, and I could only assume they had encased the Heartless in ice while they opened the door. I strained my eyes and lifted my head as much as I could to see, but it was impossible. An icy hand patted my bare shoulder, and I shivered.  
  
"Don't disappoint me, boy. This one is life or death for you."  
  
Life or death?  
  
It was true. He wasn't going to help me this time. I was... I was on my own. The message was clear.  
  
Control them this time, or you'll be one of them.  
  
But... I couldn't...  
_  
I can't do it!  
  
I don't want to..._  
  
I looked over to my left, and my eyes widened as I met the gaze of one of the frozen Heartless. It's upper body was already free, fingers grasping at the ice holding it in place. By my feet, I could hear the other Heartless doing the same.  
  
_I don't want to die here!_  
  
I felt something tearing at my skin, an aching lancet of pain ripping through my shoulder. The dark creature bared gleaming white teeth at me, it's golden eyes frigidly inhuman, claws stretching out towards my chest. Within the depths of it's gaze, I could see the raw hunger - I knew how badly it wanted to plunge those fingers into my heart. I could hear the empty voice echoing through my mind.  
  
_Zack had golden eyes,_ I thought vaguely.  
  
The pain surged to a new level, a biting cold spreading down my arm, as if I'd suddenly been dropped into a bucket of ice water. There was no numbing relief for me - if Hojo was experimenting how his perfect soldier reacted to pain, he was pushing it -  
  
I felt like screaming.  
  
_Zack wouldn't scream, I bet.  
  
I... I'm not Zack.  
  
I don't want to-_  
  
The first creature broke loose from it's mystical chains and leapt towards me, the darkness spreading out from it's body towards mine as sharp fingers forced their way through my skin. As if in reaction to the shadow's freedom, something inside me broke free.  
  
I started screaming.  
  
_I don't want to be him..._  
  
Glowing golden eyes watched me, almost curious, but when I shut my eyes, it was to block out Hojo's triumphant smile.  
  
  
~*~  
  
To be continued  
  
~*~  
  
AN: Well, I had planned to keep going, but it turned out to be much longer than I thought, ^^;;   
  
Throughout this entire chapter, I had this terrible urge to make the Heartless talk like Gollum. Aren't I awful? *snicker*  
  
Heartless: We wants it, prrrrecious...  
  
Cloud's claw arm: Reading Nomura-san's notes (I can't remember the exact source, unfortunately), I noticed that he wanted to include Vincent in the game somewhere but wasn't able to. Instead, he gave Cloud certain attributes (the claw, the cape) to replace that. Since Vincent got his arm from Hojo, I thought it was appropriate that the same thing happened with Cloud. Some people might argue that it's just a glove, and maybe it is - but this is my theory, ^_^  
  
So sorry to disappoint, but all you Zack fans will have to wait until next time to see what's up with him. Speaking of which... next chapter: It's high time Cloud went back to the real world! But is he ready for it? And what is Sephiroth's final opinion of what Hojo has done?

Reviewer Responses:

**Koorino Megumi**: That's some real sad irony. Well, at least I could upload at work, ^^;; I'm not quite sure what to do with Hojo yet... whether he escapes or gets himself killed... ah, your reviews make me laugh. *grin*  
  
**Seishin Kibou**: It's all good. I find myself saying "oro" randomly these days...  
  
**link no miko**: That is by far the best nickname I have ever seen for Cloud. Actually, that one _and_ unicorn wonder. *snicker* Squeak, you rock my socks. Thanks for giving this little fic a chance, ^^ However, Zack's not the experiment this time. That's one of the major changes I made.  
  
**Jade-Jaganashi**: Heh, it's funny that you know Zack from the RP more than from this fic, whereas for me it's the other way around...


	11. Zack's Interlude, Part One

Takes place after Kairi's rescue; contains spoilers for the end of Kingdom Hearts.  
  
Yeah, I convinced myself to write a Zack chapter, ^^;; This is actually a birthday gift for Koorino Megumi! I wanted to do a bit of focus on Zack and what he's been up to, so I let her decide what would come next. Sorry for delaying the real chapter yet again, but this is by special request, so I have an excuse, ^_^ Enjoy!

This chapter is written from Zack's perspective.  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
Ephemeral Blossoms  
  
Akai Kitsune  
  
Zack's Interlude, Part One  
  
  
~*~*~  
  
  
"Where _is_ he?!"  
  
I watched the girl pace back and forth behind the counter of the bar, rubbing a cloth around the same glass she'd been drying for ten minutes. Propping my elbow on the counter and resting my chin in my palm, I let her fret for a moment longer before reaching out to grab her arm, halting her movement.  
  
"Tifa," I said seriously, my voice weary, "Stop it before you wear a hole in your uncle's carpet."  
  
She spun around, her eyes reddened from tears and worry. "Cloud's been missing for a week, and you're worried about a _carpet_?"  
  
I shook my head with a wince. "That's not what I meant. But you're not making things better by pacing around."  
  
"Well what do you expect me to do? Where could he _be_?!"  
  
"Maybe he went home," I suggested in a lame voice, knowing it was far from the truth.  
  
Tifa shot me a look that would have tamed a rabid chocobo. Giving her a wide shrug, I sighed helplessly.  
  
"Can't you check with any of those higher-ups in the army?" she continued crossly, slamming the cup on a shelf and returning to the sink for another. "I thought you had connections!"  
  
_Believe me, so did I._ "I've been trying, Tifa. It's not that simple, though. If you want anything done in this town, you've gotta deal with more beaurocratic bull and red tape than you know what to do with. Even I can't just storm in demanding answers without enough authorization."  
  
She clenched her hands into fists, eyes flashing with anger. "I thought you _ had_ authorization!"  
  
She was repeating herself, I knew, but I couldn't blame her. I gave her the most serious look I could manage and took the glass from her before she broke it and hurt herself. "I do... but only so much. I don't like waiting any more than you, but until I find out where Hojo's disappeared to, it's all we can do."  
  
Tifa turned away, flipping the towel over her shoulder and sinking her arms into the dishwater, scrubbing furiously to vent her frustration. I just watched her, absently spinning the cup in my hand.  
  
"I can't wait much longer," she murmured after a while, resting her hands on the countertop and looking over at me. Her gaze seemed to challenge me to object.  
  
I smiled sadly, giving her a slight nod. "Neither can I."  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
_ "Are the mission preparations complete?"  
  
I nodded, not looking up as I tugged on my boots. "Yeah, everything's set. We shouldn't run into any problems when we leave tomorrow."  
  
I heard a faint sound of papers sliding together, and I knew my superior was studying the mission outline we'd been given days before. His footsteps echoed through the room, and after a moment, I felt him standing beside me.  
  
"You seem preoccupied these days, Zack."  
  
Grinning, I stood up, giving each boot a tap to make sure they were on tightly, and looked up to meet Sephiroth's questioning gaze. "I guess it's 'cause I am. Life's been keeping me pretty busy."  
  
He raised a silver eyebrow. "This is the first mission we've had in weeks. The military is losing it's importance now that the clans have settled down. What could possibly be making you so..."  
  
"Distracted?" I offered, and he frowned. "Well, I've got a student now."  
  
"A student?" His eyes widened a fraction, which is as much of a reaction I'd ever gotten from him. "That's unusual for you. I thought you hated dealing with the smitten fans of the lower level soldiers."  
  
I smirked. "No, that's -you-. I don't deal with half the problems you do. Besides, this one's no fan - he didn't even know who I was."  
  
"Ah, that -is- unusual. He's from out of town?"  
  
"About as far as you can get," I nodded. "Across the continent, from Nibelheim. He wants to join SOLDIER."  
  
Sephiroth smiled faintly. "A small town... this sounds like a familiar story. Is that why you're helping him?"  
  
I laughed, scratching my head. "It can't be that obvious."  
  
"To someone who knows you, it is." He moved towards the desk in the corner, replacing the pages he carried in a folder and resealing it. "So is the boy any good?"  
  
"He's talented. There's potential for a lot of improvement - I'll have to wait and see how far he can go."  
  
"I have no doubt you'll keep me informed."  
  
Smiling in response, I gave a broad shrug. "If you're interested, I guess I could handle that."_  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
"You haven't answered the question, Major."  
  
I sat before the city's main council, resisting every urge to leave and come back with a more effective method of convincing - namely, my sword. Midgar's president habitually left minor issues within the army or the city in general to a smaller group of nobles. They were a collection of blithering idiots who knew nothing about running an army, and I _hated_ dealing with them.  
  
_Too bad weapons aren't allowed in the council chambers, or I'd show them just how dangerous angry SOLDIERs can be..._  
  
Instead, I narrowed my eyes at the man who had addressed me, my voice level. "I _did_ answer. Three times already, in case you weren't listening." I was bordering insolence, but by that point I was beyond caring. Cloud had been missing for three weeks, and I wanted to know why.  
  
The man clearly wasn't impressed. "You dodged it as usual, and that simply is not good enough. Where is General Sephiroth?"  
  
I came close to rolling my eyes. "I. Don't. _Know_."  
  
"Then you should be concentrating all your efforts on locating him. Never mind this Strife character." Another council member sniffed disdainfully, waving a hand in dismissal. I felt my anger beginning to rise again. "I've never even heard of him. Anyway, he's not important compared to finding the General."  
  
"Sephiroth can take care of himself," I snapped, getting to my feet. "And if he wants to take care of his own business as well, that's fine. All I'm asking for is a location - where is Hojo?!"  
  
"Be seated, major," the first man shook his head, his gaze sharp, "Or I'll have you thrown out." Reluctantly, I sat down, glaring back at them. "Professor Hojo's location - _and_ his research - is not your concern."  
  
_Yeah, right. Considering all the dodging -they- have been doing, I wonder how much of this whole affair is illegal...  
  
Big surprise in Midgar._  
  
"Strife is my concern," I answered tightly. "If he's with Hojo, _then_ that research is my concern as well."  
  
"Rest assured, he is not," the council leader replied curtly. "This friend of yours has nothing to do with the delicate research the professor is working on for the High King of the Bastion. If you were to investigate his experimentation grounds, this would disturb his projects."  
  
"Interfering with his Highness's orders is treason, Major," the snobby one added, smirking as he spoke. "None of us wish to see you executed on nothing more than a whim."  
  
_Oh yes, I know -you'd- just break down if that were to happen.  
  
... Tell me again why I still tolerate these political nightmares?_  
  
"Thanks for the concern," I muttered, rolling my eyes. I was too far away for them to notice.  
  
A woman on the far side gave me a small smile. "Major, we understand that you're worried, and it _is_ serious that a SOLDIER applicant has disappeared. We'll deal with this situation. Right now we need you to focus on finding General Sephiroth. Strange things are happening these days, and we are going to need his strength in the near future."  
  
I raised an eyebrow at her words, both puzzled and intrigued, but she didn't continue. Instead, the council leader stood, lifting his hand and pointing to the door. "You're dismissed, Major. We look forward to the results of your investigation."  
  
Grinding my teeth together, I spun on my heel and stalked out of there before I did anything I _might_ have regretted later.  
  
_It's for Cloud. To help Cloud, I can't get myself into trouble...  
  
If I get tossed in jail, who's going to find him...?_  
  
As I made my way to the SOLDIER barracks, I thought back to the last I'd seen of Sephiroth. Finding him had been at the very back of my mind since Cloud had disappeared; he had told me he was leaving, and would return eventually. I didn't question him, because he would have told me if it was anything I could help him with. We were like that. It's part of being a team, and he knew it even though he didn't always show it.  
  
_ "You're leaving?"  
  
"There are a few things I must get done. It's not a mission, Zack, so..."  
  
"So I'm not coming."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"If you need my help, just call; you know how to find me. Take care of yourself, Seph."  
  
"Thank you. I will."_  
  
Where had he disappeared to...?  
  
And... where was Cloud?  
  
Too many questions, but never any answers.  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
_ "Come on! Attack me!"  
  
The teenager raised an eyebrow at me, his body slouching with exhaustion. "Zack, we've been at it for hours. I just can't handle this sword yet."  
  
I straightened up, resting my own sword in the ground and leaning on it. "Of course you can. But do you want to?"  
  
"What?"  
  
I smiled. "Once you master the basic moves, it'll just get harder. Aren't you scared of what might happen?"  
  
His eyes narrowed. "I'm not scared!"  
  
"You're not? Not even the slightest bit nervous around screwing up?"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Because you know," My smile broadened into a wry grin, "Tifa asks me every day how you've been doing."  
  
Cloud bristled. "I don't care what you tell her," he muttered sullenly.  
  
"Sure. If you don't care, why do you hide in your room whenever we're talking about it?"  
  
He grit his teeth, shooting me a glare. "I get tired, okay? You wear me into the ground every day!"  
  
I gave him an innocent look that stated, _who, me_?  
  
His grip around the training sword tightened, and he charged towards me, shouting out a challenge. I smirked and lifted my own sword to meet his attack, blocking deftly. In one smooth motion, I kicked his leg out from under him, sending him face-first into the dirt.  
  
I crouched beside him, ruffling his hair with a grin. "Tifa will love this one, won't she?"  
  
Cloud groaned, wiping a bit of dirt from his chin. "Tyrant."  
  
After a moment, I began to laugh. "You think I'm bad, wait till you meet the trainees in the SOLDIER program. Then you'll be wishing you could go back to these little spars."  
  
He rolled over, sitting up and grasping his weapon. "I know. You're... you're a good teacher, Zack."  
  
I fell silent, watching him for a moment, his eyes obscured by that crazy hair of his. Finally I stood, offering my hand. "Come on, kid. The day's still young, and I still have a dozen more ways to humiliate you."  
  
Cloud blinked, looking up at me. "Tyrant," he repeated, taking my hand and letting me help him up.  
  
But he was smiling, and I knew he'd do better next time..._  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
The sun was barely beginning to rise when I woke up, feeling more tired than I had felt when I'd first gone to sleep. I rubbed at my eyes wearily, squinting at the foggy sunlight as it filtered through Midgar's polluted sky.  
  
_Today would be a good day for training_, I thought absently, and then I remembered, as I did every morning.  
  
Cloud wasn't around to train anymore. He'd gone unquestioningly with the men who were supposed to teach him how to be a SOLDIER - disappeared off the face of the planet without a word to anyone.  
  
All because I'd told him to.  
  
And nobody knew where he was... or nobody cared enough to help him.  
  
_That's going to change today,_ I told myself quietly, pulling on my gear. I'd been given a mission - not by Shinra, not by the pasty-faced old freaks in the council, and not by Sephiroth, either.  
  
_ "You're going to find him, Zack," she told me, brushing stubbornly against the tears in her eyes. "You're going to find him, or I'll pack my gear and break into Shinra HQ myself. Just watch me."  
_  
_Yeah, _I smiled slightly, tugging on my gloves. _I'm not gonna wait anymore either, Tifa.  
  
I've waited long enough._  
  
I grabbed my sword, slinging it over my shoulder, and left my apartment. It was time for _my_ visit to the Shinra headquarters.  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
The Centre of Urban Development in Midgar was bustling with activity as usual, when I stepped inside, glancing around in search of a familiar face. Soon I caught the eye of the red-haired secretary in the far-right cubicle. I also caught her abrupt flush, and grinned.  
  
_Mission 1 - start._  
  
"Good morning," I approached her desk, leaning against the open wall, flashing her my best smile.  
  
She reddened even further. "Good morning, Major," she murmured, finding her fingernails suddenly very interesting. "How can I help you?"  
  
I shrugged. "What, you mean I need a reason to visit my favourite secretary? Wounded to the heart, dear."  
  
She giggled, her body relaxing a little. "I'd hate to see _you_ hurt, sir," she said, clasping her hands together neatly in her lap. "Though it would serve you right."  
  
I blinked. "Eh?"  
  
The secretary smiled secretively. "No reason. So what's your real excuse for showing up at my office?"  
  
Okay, so she didn't feel like playing around today. I didn't let it bother me; it was a game of chance with this woman. "I surrender," I answered in a cool voice. "I'm just here to see the chief." I jerked a thumb towards the office behind her.  
  
It was her turn to blink. "Why would a high-ranking SOLDIER want to see someone in Urban Development?"  
  
I winked at her. "Secret mission," I grinned. "_Top_ secret. I can't breathe a word."  
  
She rolled her eyes. "Melodramatic as always, Zack," she muttered, dropping the formalities of my title. I gave her an innocent shrug, and she picked up the phone, punching in a code and pausing as someone picked up. "Sir, you have a visitor. ... Yes, I told him you were busy." She sent me a sidelong glance, cupping a hand over the receiver and mouthing 'He's busy'.  
  
I chuckled. "Tell him I'll go in anyway, so he might as well tell you to let me past."  
  
She repeated my words, then lifted her brows at me. "He says the door's locked."  
  
My smile didn't change, and I spoke a little more loudly. "Tell him I'm going to break the door down."  
  
The secretary opened her mouth to speak again, but the door suddenly jiggled and opened, revealing a tall man with dark, disheveled hair. He glared over at me. "I heard that," he said dryly. "What do you want?"  
  
I smirked. "Hello to you too, Reeve."  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
"You know I'm busy this time of year, Zack," Reeve grumbled once we were both inside the office, the door shut behind us. He went back to his desk, rifling through the stacks of papers that seemed ever-present in his office, while I stood by the door, watching him. "So I won't waste time - what is it you need?"  
  
"Nothing major," I answered casually. "I need a list of all the Mako reactors Midgar has shipped out of town."  
  
Reeve spluttered at my response, nearly choking on the coffee he'd been drinking. "You need what?!" he demanded when he recovered.  
  
"Mako reactors. I need the types and locations, then I'll be out of here."  
  
He raised an eyebrow. "Why the hell do you need to know something like that?"  
  
My eyes narrowed. "Hojo," I told him quietly. "I need to know where Hojo is."  
  
Sitting back in his chair, he eyed me suspiciously. "And you think _I_ know where he is?"  
  
"Not in the slightest." I strode over to the desk, giving one of his file cabinets an inquisitive tap. "But no one else seems too inclined to help me find him. I don't have any other options - I have to track him down by following the equipment. Hojo's specialty is Mako experiments. He'd need a reactor before he could do anything."  
  
Reeve blinked. "Why are you so interested in Hojo?"  
  
"He skipped town a while ago," I replied, my expression darkening. "I would have cared less if he hadn't taken one of my friends with him. Neither of them have been seen in Midgar for a month, but I'm going to find him."  
  
The leader of Midgar's Urban Development shook his head. "Even if I had that sort of info available... Zack, you're asking me to help you break the law, here-"  
  
"Not so," I grinned. "You know as well as anyone that Sephiroth's gone missing. Three guesses who's been given the job of finding him?"  
  
His eyes widened. "You?!"  
  
I shrugged. "Who better to track him down than his second in command? Besides, if I know Seph, he'll be keeping an eye on Hojo as well. He hates that shady bastard more than anyone. I could be killing two birds with one stone."  
  
For the first time, Reeve smiled wearily. "I get it. I give you info on the Mako reactors thinking you're looking for Sephiroth. Which is exactly what you're doing..."  
  
"I'm just doing a little personal exploring en route," I finished with a nod. "Exactly."  
  
He sighed. "I wish I could help you. I've got a lot on my plate right now, Zack... it could take days, even weeks to dig up every reactor that's left this city. Many of them have broken down, been moved around, stolen... even if it is to find Sephiroth, it's not top priority. It would look awfully suspicious if we rushed it."  
  
I grimaced, closing my eyes. No, no, no. Already, I had this aching feeling that it was too late... "Is there anyone who could do it? Someone who knows the city inside and out, who can... take care of these little barriers I'm finding all over the place?"  
  
Reeve hesitated, but I caught it, leaning on the desk and watching him like a hawk. "Reeve," I said seriously, "All I need is a number. A name. _Anything_."  
  
There was another moment's pause, and Reeve deflated at his desk, brushing a hand through his hair. "I'm going to regret this someday, I know it," he muttered, tearing at a scrap piece of paper and scribbling a number on it. He then folded it once and passed it over to me. "Give this a try."  
  
I studied the number, searching my memory to see it I recognized it, but nothing came to mind. "Who's-"  
  
"I," Reeve interrupted tightly, through clenched teeth, "... don't know."  
  
My brows lifted. "Right," I quietly replied, tucking the paper into my pocket. "Right. Thanks for the donation to my fireplace, Reeve. You've been real helpful."  
  
"You can thank me by leaving me alone," he muttered, picking up a folder and opening it again.  
  
I smiled faintly, turning and heading for the door. As I reached out for the knob, I heard him call after me, "Good luck, Zack."  
  
_Thanks. I owe you again, you know..._ I gave the secretary a playful smile on my way out, and earned myself a slap on the arm. I suppose I could have done worse.  
  
It was a short walk back to my apartment, and as soon as the door was shut behind me, I picked up the phone, tugging the slip of paper out and dialing the number. I listened to two rings, and then an abrupt, sarcastic voice I'd heard only a handful of times in my life.  
  
"Turks hotline. What do you need this time, Reeve?"  
  
_You've -got- to be kidding me._  
  
Taking a deep breath, hoping I wouldn't kick myself for it later, I answered. "Reno, get me Tseng."  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
"Well, well." Tseng, leader of Midgar's most efficient political mercenaries, didn't waste time once he'd been given the phone. "I see Reeve wasn't very discreet with this number."  
  
I raised an eyebrow. "Different lines for every client, Tseng? I would think you'd be a little more careful with your money."  
  
He snorted. "Different extensions," he corrected, "And the number doesn't come free. If you needed to contact us, it should have been Reeve making this call. This is bad business, you know."  
  
"Don't be so tense," I leaned back on my couch, closing my eyes. The Turks were borderline criminals, and their ways of making 'business' gave me migraines.  
  
_But Reeve trusts them, to an extent. May as well hear them out.  
  
Besides, what I'm planning isn't exactly legal, either..._  
  
"Reeve's busy these days, and I didn't have time to wait for a convenient time for him to contact you. I'm not here to pester you or play the role of the good SOLDIER - this is strictly business."  
  
I could hear the smirk in his expression as he responded. "Why doesn't that reassure me? All right, Major, I'm listening. But any answers will probably cost you."  
  
"Fine. My first question - do you know where Hojo is?"  
  
"Who's that?"  
  
I narrowed my eyes. "Don't pull that on me, Tseng. Everyone in Shinra knows Hojo."  
  
"For 2000 gil, I _might_ remember."  
  
"Stingy jerk." Doing a quick calculation, I took a wild guess at the Turk's prices and made a mental note to collect some old vacation pay back at HQ. "I have a job for you, and if Reno's got time to think up those cheesy intro lines then you have time to work for me." I paused meaningfully. "I can't pay you over the phone, you know."  
  
"Point taken," Tseng murmured. "A meeting, then. Set it up and call back. Don't come empty-handed, Major."  
  
I rolled my eyes. "I wouldn't dream of it. Just make sure you don't hold out on me."  
  
"What makes you think you can afford us?"  
  
This time, it was my turn to smirk. "That one's easy. If _Reeve_ could afford your services..."  
  
"Understood. I expect to hear from you shortly, then."  
  
He hung up, and I was left to consider my actions. Here I was, asking the _Turks_ for help. I really was desperate, wasn't I?  
_  
"It's okay, Zack."  
  
"Things are changing-"_  
  
I closed my eyes, resting my forehead against my palm, letting the phone drop from my fingers.  
  
Not desperate.  
  
No... I was scared.  
  
_Damn, Cloud... you better be okay._  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
AN: And thus ends Part 1 of Zack's Interlude, ^_^ The next chapter will be a _real_ chapter, and the conclusion of Zack's story will be after that.

Zack's official title/rank: I swiped Major from Madam Hydra's fic, "Conflicts of Interest". A lot of Zack's characterization is a hybrid of a fics I've read (including that one in particular) as well as my own intepretations, so I just thought I'd tip my hat so everyone knows where the idea came from.

The inclusion of Reeve and the Turks: Come on, can you blame me? They're only a few of the coolest minor characters in FFVII! I'm still pretty unsure about their characterization though, so their role in Zack's story is pretty minimal. I'm doing my best though, so we'll see what happens...  


Reviewer Responses:

**Jade-Jaganashi**: Meg showed me that pic you did. Friggin' hilarious. ^^  
  
**Koorino Megumi**: I've never received a more amusing review in my life. Thank you SO much. ^_^ You know, I'd have loved to watch you read the chapter because your reactions must be... interesting. Happy Birthday, by the way! *glomp*  
  
**sore-wa-himitsu-desu**: Ah! You read it! *hides* Yeah, Hojo's pretty bad, but what else can ya do? Heh.  
  
**link no miko**: Actually, yes, I wanted to tie in the claw/wing ideas with Hojo... for some reason, is just seemed to fit. I couldn't think of any other reason for Cloud to have a wing (notice how he and Seph both have wings - but on opposite sides? ^^). And... er... _all_ the Heartless have golden eyes, you know. Cloud was just reminded of Zack because of that.  
**  
Seishin Kibou**: I liked Vince too... he's in AC? I so did not see him in the trailer, ;_; Everyone tells me he's there though... must re-watch...


	12. Zack's Interlude, Part Two

Takes place after Kairi's rescue; contains spoilers for the end of Kingdom Hearts.

This chapter is written from Zack's perspective.  
  
  
Yeah, I lied. Chapter 11 wasn't working for me, so rather than delay the entire fic, here's the second half of Zack's interlude. The timeline works out better this way, anyway, ^^;;  
  
Enjoy.  
  
  
~*~  
  
Ephemeral Blossoms  
  
Akai Kitsune  
  
Zack's Interlude, Part Two  
  
~*~*~  
  
  
Two days later, I entered an unfamiliar coffee bar in the cleaner section of Midgar's slums, quickly catching sight of a dark-haired man facing away from the door in the corner booth. I made a brief order to the waitress and strode over, sitting down in the bench across from him. "Sorry I ran late," I apologized after a moment. "Those stiff-necks up top want me to help with the SOLDIER applicants all the time, now." I snorted. "They don't seem to care that I already am - just not in the way they want me to."  
  
Tseng raised an eyebrow, taking a placid sip of his coffee. "I don't think I've ever seen you in civilian clothes. It couldn't be that you're ashamed of this little rendezvous, could it, Major?"  
  
I rolled my eyes. "Even if I was, I can't expect you to keep it discreet, apparently."  
  
The mercenary merely smirked, his teeth glinting in the dull light of the bar. "On the contrary. Part of our job is to keep our clients safely out of trouble like that. Professional courtesy, you could call it."  
  
"I'm touched," I muttered. "My conscience is eternally grateful."  
  
"Such sarcasm doesn't suit you."  
  
I flashed the waitress a charming smile as she brought my own drink, my expression turning serious as she disappeared behind the bar again. "Look, I don't have a lot of time. Are you interested in a job or not?"  
  
Tseng didn't even blink. "If I wasn't interested, you would have been meeting someone else."  
  
"Good." I straightened up in my seat, hands clasped around the coffee cup. "A student of mine has gone missing."  
  
"I had no idea you'd become a private tutor on the side. What subject, History of Midgar's Urban Development? Is that why you went to Reeve first?"  
  
I sent him a withering look, but he just smiled coldly in response. "Cloud Strife, a trainee for SOLDIER. A while ago he had an interview with a Mako specialist. He called me and said he'd been accepted into the program... by the scientist." My brows lifted meaningfully.  
  
Tseng drained his glass, his expression a fine line between thoughtfulness and boredom. "Unusual. And I can only assume this scientist was Hojo."  
  
I nodded. "He's been missing ever since. He told me they were going to the trainee facilities, but I've checked the barracks. No one's even heard of Strife. I can't track down the documents to prove he went to see Hojo before he disappeared, either. All I have is my word, and the word of a slum barmaid. Hojo's vanished, and his secretary is on an extended vacation. To Mideel," I added, almost as an afterthought.  
  
The Turk lifted his arm, summoning the waitress for a refill. "That's quite a trip, considering what little Mideel has to offer."  
  
"My thoughts exactly."  
  
"So what is it you want from us, Major? Track down this little friend of yours?" Tseng stirred the coffee listlessly, watching me.  
  
I shook my head. "I doubt you could find any trace of him. This whole affair has been too neat - they've cleaned it up so well even I can't get the facts straight. Hojo's the key to it all. If we can find Hojo, we'll find Cloud. I'm certain of that."  
  
For the second time, Tseng smirked. "Hunting down a scientist? That's even more of a hassle than a kid. And it's going to cost you."  
  
"I knew that much when I called you," I sighed. "Any estimate?"  
  
"50,000."  
  
I nearly spat my coffee in his face. "F-fifty-?!" I spluttered, staring at him. The rest of the bar stared at _me_.  
  
Tseng hadn't even reacted. "No need to get excited. Hojo's a troublesome man, you know - scatterbrained and impossibly disorganized. Half that price alone is barely enough to get Reno off his lazy behind. Besides," the man gave me a dark smile, "You probably spend that much just getting that sword of yours polished."  
  
I felt myself redden. "I do not," I muttered. _Nobody polishes that sword except me, thank you very much_.  
  
But I could understand his point. 50,000 gil wasn't such a big deal, especially with the salary of a first-class SOLDIER. It would hurt, but Shinra _did_ put a lot of money into their military.  
  
"All right," I finally growled, "It's agreed. But you don't get a single gil until you deliver."  
  
"I can understand that. There's no guarantee we'll find him, after all. Midgar scientists are slippery characters." Tseng finished his drink, pushing the empty cup to the far side of the table. "But for now, you owe me 2000 gil."  
  
I blinked. "What-?"  
  
"For answering your first question."  
  
Realization dawned in my eyes, and my scowl reappeared. I dug into my pocket, flipping through the gil I'd brought with me.  
  
"And 20 gil for the coffee."  
  
"You're a jackass, Tseng."  
  
  
  
  
  
If there was one good thing to be said about the Turks, it's that they always deliver what's paid for. Within a week I had a list of locations handed to me personally by Tseng's second-in-command. My bank account was weeping from the purchase, but if it helped me find my friend, it was worth it. I owed it to Cloud to give this my all.  
  
"It's specially encrypted," Reno explained as he passed me a second item, a disk, chewing idly on an unlit cigarette and looking bored. "You'll be the only one who can access it, and you can only use it in a certain computer."  
  
I raised an eyebrow, lifting the disk to study it. It wasn't labeled - probably for security reasons - and looked like any normal computer disk. "Why only a certain computer?" I questioned.  
  
The red-haired mercenary smirked. "That's because it doesn't actually hold anything. It's a hack - untraceable, but it'll get you into anything. It's programmed for just one shot, so be sure to make the right choice."  
  
"So where am I supposed to use it?"  
  
Reno gave me a lazy grin, propping his Nightstick on his shoulder and turning away. "You don't know? Aren't you looking for two people, not just one?"  
  
My eyes widened, and I hurried after him, grasping his shoulder and spinning him around. "What did you find out?" I demanded.  
  
Reno's expression faded into a glare, and he pushed my hand away. "We've done our part, Major," he responded in a cool voice. "Now it's up to you."  
  
I let him go, fuming quietly, unable to brush aside my anger as easily as he could. I knew exactly what he had been talking about, and it infuriated me.  
  
Sephiroth. He thought _Sephiroth_ was involved?  
  
Why would he be?  
  
_"I have no doubt you'll keep me informed."_  
  
_ "You look pleased today. The boy is doing well?"  
  
"It's impressive. Certainly an interesting student you've found, Zack."_  
  
I looked doubtfully at the disk in my hand. I had no reason to trust the Turks, but they had no reason to deceive me, either. They did exactly what they were paid to do.  
  
_Only one way to find out...  
  
But... what if...  
  
No. No way._  
  
  
  
  
  
My curiousity winning out over my anger, I returned to my apartment long enough to change and grab my weapon - I never went to headquarters without it - and, the folder of papers in my hand, made my way to the Shinra HQ. Breezing past baffled co-workers, ignoring the questions on why I was there so late and not on my council-inflicted mission, I headed straight for the military department. Apparently news got around fast, but it wasn't as if that was any surprise in Midgar.  
  
The department of Midgar's militia was huge, since most of the city's budget went into keeping it well protected. The Bastion was notorious for wars breaking out between the different clans and regions, and the President was smart enough to know that truces didn't last long in this world. The SOLDIER facility alone consisted of seven floors in the massive Shinra Tower, and the floor I spent most of my time on had an entire arena dedicated to giving warriors a place to spar. That had been one of the reasons Seph and I had chosen to keep our offices there - and that was the very floor I was headed towards. Most of that section was empty by the time I arrived, and the hallway was dark, but I didn't really care enough to bother turning the larger lights on, leaving only the small spotters to light my path.  
  
Once I reached my goal, I hesitated, gazing for a long moment at the two doors in front of me. My office... and right beside it, Sephiroth's. I had a keycard for both, so getting in wouldn't be any problem.  
  
_This is... part of my mission, right?  
  
I'm supposed to be looking for Sephiroth.  
  
It's not that I don't care about Cloud..._  
  
Reluctantly making a decision, I pulled out the keycard and unlocked Sephiroth's office, turning the handle and venturing inside.  
  
_But... why do I keep hoping I won't find any clues here?_  
  
The office was deserted as I had expected, smelling a bit musty from disuse. I could tell Sephiroth hadn't been back for a while. My gaze traveled around the room, drinking in the familiar sights - old reports, a rack for his uniform, a worn-out desk and chair. I had always found it amusing that the greatest soldier in the entire city found it most comfortable to work in such a dump.  
  
The chair even squeaked. And people wondered why I'd never felt intimidated by Seph?  
  
A tall bookshelf was pressed against the far wall, holding books ranging anywhere from Wutai's military tactics to modern poetry. I scanned through the titles, curiousity overriding my sense of urgency - or was I just trying to avoid what I might find? - and finally pulled out a book I'd seen on Sephiroth's desk many, many times in the past. I had always been confused by that fact... the book was called _Miracles of Cellular Biology_ and made me yawn just by looking at the cover. From what I knew about Sephiroth, he hated everything about science, right down to the elusive head of the Science Department himself. But I was hard-pressed to think of _anyone_ who liked Hojo.  
  
I flipped idly through the book, raising an eyebrow at the neat, elegantly cursive writing I found scattered on most pages. It didn't look like Sephiroth's writing. Then, midway through the book, I found something I had never seen.  
  
Pressed between pages droning about cell manipulation and "DNA recombination", or something along those lines, was the photograph of a pretty, dark-haired woman, smiling demurely for the camera. She had her arm tucked around someone else's, but the picture had been cut, so it was impossible to tell who she was with.  
  
I gazed at the picture for a long time, eyes narrowed. This woman... her eyes reminded me of something. Someone...  
  
_Sephiroth...?_  
  
His mother? But why hide it? What's there to be ashamed of? He had always kept his family hidden from everyone, so even I didn't know for certain who the woman was. Who knows - maybe that was her writing as well.  
  
_The only way to find out is to ask him. And I need to find him, first._ I closed the book and returned it to the shelf, making a mental note of it's contents. I turned back to the desk, tossing the folder down, and stared at the computer, my gaze almost challenging. The laptop was covered in a thin layer of dust.  
  
Resigning myself to my fate, I sat down, heaving a long sigh.  
  
-_squeak_-  
  
_... I hate this chair._  
  
I turned on the computer, watching as the system booted up, the obligatory Shinra logos littered on every screen that flashed by. Thinking back, I couldn't even count the number of times I had told Seph his computer sucked. He always said it was "sufficient for the work he was assigned", which apparently didn't include video games on his days off.  
  
I suspected he wrote poetry, anyway.  
  
As the computer dragged it's sorry self into the land of the living, I picked up the folder on the desk and flipped through the pages it carried, scanning through the list of Mako reactors the Turks had tracked down. The number of machines they had found in such a short amount of time was impressive - even I had to admit that. I was barely two pages into it when a quiet blip told me the computer was ready.  
  
I pulled out the disk Reno had given me and gave it a long, hard look.  
  
_ "You can only use it once."  
  
... Well, here goes._  
  
As soon as I slid the disk into the slot, it loaded immediately, taking control of the computer before I could do a thing. I watched in surprise as it loaded a search program, tearing through any protected areas that might have been encoded in the system. Deleted files, letters sent and received, things Sephiroth probably thought were gone for good were found and recovered. As I waited, I wondered who among the Turks would be so knowledgeable with computers. I didn't think even Tseng was that good.  
  
The computer blipped quietly and stopped it's search, and, taking a deep breath, I finally looked at the results.  
  
My first discovery was that Sephiroth _did_ write poetry, and he was painfully bad at it.  
  
My second discovery was a letter from Professor Hojo, confirming my fears and sending a great part of my life crashing to the ground.  
  
  
  
_To: Gen. Sephiroth, SOLDIER, Base 1  
From: Prof. L. Hojo, Director of Scientific Research, Shinra HQ.  
  
Re: Project CS 1/Jenova  
  
Message as follows:  
  
You were correct in your assumptions. Subject has been uncooperative thus far, but is suitable for the treatments. I'd recommend that you either come to the facility and see for yourself, or contact me through a secure line. We must discuss this further.  
  
Hojo_  
  
  
  
Damn. Hojo had Cloud - not that it came as any surprise - but Sephiroth was involved. _Sephiroth_, of all people! It wasn't as though we were close friends, but...  
_  
"I've never trusted anyone before. Do you know that?"  
  
"I trust you. I trust you to watch my back."  
  
I trusted -him- too... and now he's..._  
  
_ "Hey, you know that kid I was telling you about? He's really SOLDIER material. He reminds me of you sometimes."   
  
"You should meet him."  
  
"I'd like that, someday."_  
  
The facility, Hojo said. But _which_ facility!?  
  
I pulled open file after file, picking through each message and trying to interpret them word-for-word. Not a single one specified where Hojo's experiments were based.  
  
_Sneaky bastard. He knows exactly what he's doing and how to keep himself out of trouble while he does it..._  
  
The scientific rambling was giving me a headache. If it hadn't been so important, I probably would have given up and tried another way. But the guilt of my own involvement itched at the back of my mind... I couldn't stop remembering that it was me who had told Sephiroth about Cloud.  
  
_Me. I got him into this mess.  
  
I'm not giving up... not until I find him!_  
  
Narrowing my eyes in determination, I went back to my findings.  
  
_  
  
To: Prof. L. Hojo, Director of Scientific Research, Shinra HQ.  
From: Gen. Sephiroth, SOLDIER, Base 1  
  
Re: Initial contact made  
  
Message as follows:  
  
It's about time. Our mutual friend has finally begun to show results, then? Have you determined where the resistance originated from? I have yet to see such resilience in one so young. Perhaps it is the proximity to home which gives him strength. That being a possibility, you should consider relocating._  
  
  
  
... home...  
  
_What's home?_  
  
Pushing away from the computer, I grabbed the folder listing the Mako reactors. No way, no _way_...  
  
And there, in the very center of the fourth page, was my answer.  
  
_Nibelheim_.  
  
Of course. How could I have been so stupid? Where else would someone base their secret, quite possibly _illegal_ studies in than a completely backwater place that wouldn't even notice the extra burden placed on the reactor? The town was so small they only needed a tiny fraction of the sort of power that reactor was capable of. Hojo could do all the experiments he wanted without breaking a sweat. And since the reactor was run by Shinra, and they were condoning his research...  
  
_This whole thing... it's too big for me. Too big for us.  
  
Why Cloud?  
  
I have to get him out of there!_  
  
I pulled the disk out of the slot and shut down the computer, hastily packing up my gear and heading out. I had a destination now, and I wasn't going to waste any more time.  
  
But as soon as I left the office, pausing only to lock the door, a familiar voice broke through the silence.  
  
"Finished already?"  
  
I froze, my hand still on the door's handle. I didn't turn around. "... Yeah, I'm done."  
  
"Did you find what you were looking for?"  
  
I closed my eyes, leaning my forehead against the frame. I didn't want to have this conversation. "I did."  
  
"Ah. You don't sound pleased."  
  
_That_ made me look up, and I glared at the offending figure. "Dammit, Seph. Stop screwing around and say it."  
  
The shadow across the room detached itself from the wall, and my superior officer approached me, a barely discernible smile on his face. I couldn't help but notice that he carried his sword with him, sheathed and in his right hand, though most of his body was still obscured by the darkness.  
  
"What would you have me say?" he asked me.  
  
"The truth, for starters." I clenched my hands into fists, the disk cracking beneath my fingers. "Why'd you do it? You've always _hated_ Hojo! And... conspiring against Cloud... lying to me..."  
  
Sephiroth's smile broadened. "I do hate Hojo. That will never change. But for the sake of my mother, I am willing to... tolerate... his faults. He is the only one knowledgeable enough to help me accomplish my goals."  
  
My eyes narrowed. "Goals?"  
  
He lifted his arm, and I felt a sudden chill spread throughout the hall. The lights illuminating the floor seemed to fade in the emptiness of his gaze.  
  
"Can't you feel it?" he murmured. "Can't you feel the difference?"  
  
Whatever I was feeling that moment was pushed aside when I noticed the glint in his eyes.  
  
_He's as crazy as Hojo is. But it's a different kind of madness... like he's..._  
  
I shivered, feeling an abrupt, icy shadow wrap itself around my leg. Leaping away, my eyes widened to see pools of darkness appearing all across the floor. _What?_  
  
"Isn't it incredible?" Sephiroth continued, the tap of his footsteps drawing closer to where I stood. "Such power, such darkness... Mother would be proud of this planet now."  
  
"What are you doing...?" I whispered, reaching back and touching the hilt of my sword. _He's never been able to do this before..._  
  
_... Mother?_  
  
He laughed quietly, and took another step. The lights dimmed once again, flickering once before dying out completely. Only one remained - above me, mercifully keeping the shadows at bay.  
  
"Are you frightened, Zack? You should be happy. This world has finally found it's calling."  
  
"Calling-?"  
  
"To become a source of this darkness," his voice answered, and he stepped into the circle of light. "A home for greater beings!"  
  
He stretched out his arm again, and with it, I finally saw what he had kept so carefully hidden. A _wing_ was attached to his right shoulder - feathers charcoal black, glinting like carbon steel in the artificial glow above us. He smiled at the sight of my shock, and gave a vague wave of his hand, almost as though he was beckoning something.  
  
And in response, that something crawled out of the shadows.  
  
It was the most bizarre thing I'd ever seen - an insect-like monster with skin the same dark shade as Sephiroth's wing, two rounded eyes glowing a bright gold. I whipped out my sword, holding it in front of me to defend in case the creature moved to attack. It stood there, watching me, as though it were waiting for something.  
  
"What _is_ that thing?" I demanded, glancing at Sephiroth.  
  
He smirked. "An answer to many questions," he finally replied, letting his arm fall back to his side. "Lord Ansem has appropriately named them Heartless."  
  
_Ansem...?  
  
Him too!? How many people are involved in this?_  
  
"Don't be so nervous." My former ally laughed again, moving closer to stand beside the Heartless. "These creatures are simple, but efficient. They will follow my instructions - and right now, I don't want you dead."  
  
"Even though I know what you're up to?" I asked, shifting my grip on my sword. By then I wasn't sure who I was trying to defend myself from anymore - the creature, or Sephiroth himself.  
  
"Perhaps _because_ of that. I told you once before, Zack. I trust you. Will you trust me this time?" He offered his hand. "Follow my lead as you always have. Help me change this world for the better."  
  
My eyes widened, but only for a moment. "By kidnapping people against their will?" I snapped. "Working with crazy scientists who don't even care about their so-called specimens?"  
  
"Whatever must be done," he answered in a clipped tone. "If you're so angry about Strife, you should come and see him for yourself. I have no doubt he'd be _very_ happy to see you involved."  
  
_Oh, I'll bet._ "I don't want to see him," I growled between clenched teeth. "Not in Hojo's little cage. I'm going to get him out of there." I leveled my sword at him, my decision made. "Even if I have to fight you in order to do it."  
  
His smile faded. "Are you really going to oppose me? Your trusted partner?"   
  
_Not anymore, Seph._  
  
"Don't you trust me?"  
  
_I wish I could._  
  
Sephiroth closed his eyes briefly, shaking his head. Ha... like he hadn't known what my answer would be.  
  
"I'm sorry, Zack," he said in what could have been a regretful tone, if that smile hadn't slowly crawled back across his expression. "I didn't want to fight you over this."  
  
I had had enough. Lifting my sword, I rushed him, slashing through the Heartless in one blow. Sephiroth sidestepped my attack, and I slid past him, turning around and preparing myself for another strike. He watched me, one eyebrow lifted as if we were in the middle of a casual spar.  
  
"You think that sword will stop me?" he asked almost lazily. "You think you have enough resolve to kill me?"  
  
"Stand still," I muttered, "And we'll find out." He didn't respond.  
  
I charged forward again, attacking with a widespread vertical slash that Sephiroth knew well. He rolled away, blocking my follow-up with his sword, still resting within it's sheath. I pursed my lips, watching his movements; he was completely relaxed, without any concern at all for his own welfare. He _ knew_ who was going to win.  
  
And what frightened me most was that I knew as well.  
  
Sephiroth had always been the better between us; there were reasons why he was the general and I was not. His prowess in battle was only the most obvious reason.  
  
_I have to do better than this. If I die here...  
  
Who's going to help Cloud? Who's going to stop this?  
  
I can't die here-!_  
  
"Such determination," Sephiroth noted, lifting his wing and gracefully stepping aside as I attacked again. "You must hate me."  
  
"I hate what you've done," I retorted, shifting back a step and casting a fire spell as a distraction. He leapt over it, his expression meant to chide me for trying such an obvious move.  
  
Fool, he seemed to say. We know each other better than that.  
  
_I thought I did. I'm not so sure anymore._  
  
"I've merely done my part to give this world hope for a more prominent future." He shrugged aside the blame once again. "The Bastion is simply a single star in the sky - but when we are done, it shall be the brightest _and_ darkest among them."  
  
Light... dark... so many things I didn't know. I wasn't about to lose before I learned what was really going on.  
  
"You're that angry about it," he continued after a moment. "You should be grateful I protected you from this for so long."  
  
My eyes narrowed instantly, filled with barely contained rage. "You... you've been _fooling_ me all this time-!" _Protecting me? You've just been protecting yourself!_  
  
He shrugged. "I gave you an opportunity to join me; then you'd understand everything. There's no reason for you to die here."  
  
I shook my head violently. "The only reason you kept it from me is that you _ knew_ I wouldn't approve! _Why_, Seph? Were you afraid of how I'd react? You thought I'd fight you?"  
  
Sephiroth smiled, then; it was a haunting smile, double-edged and devoid of humour. I tightened my grip on my sword, ready to take a step forward as soon as he moved.  
  
But instead he vanished, leaving only a flicker of smoke and a half dozen ebony feathers.  
  
My eyes widened.  
  
"And what makes you think," his voice murmured in my ear, as he stood just behind me, "That I would fear you, Zack?"  
  
I heard the low hiss of his sword leaving it's sheath.  
  
For an instant, I wondered if I was dead. That was how long it took for him to give my shoulder a rough shove, slamming me against the side wall of my own office. I let my broadsword fall from my hand, instead pressing it against the stomach wound he'd given me. I clenched my teeth against the pain, my fingers already slick with blood.  
  
I hadn't even felt it until...  
  
_I can't die. I can't die here.  
  
I can't let him kill me-!_  
  
I tried to tell myself that, but as he approached, sword painted a dull red, reality hit me. I looked up to meet his gaze before he killed me.  
  
He wasn't smiling anymore. He pointed the sword at me, bringing the blade up against my chin. I stared back in defiance; if I was going to die, he would know that I never feared him.  
  
That had been why we got along so well, after all.  
  
"I told you," he finally murmured, "I don't want you dead."  
  
Through the haze of red clouding my vision, I blinked. _What...?_  
  
He spun around, the sword catching the curve of my cheek as it brushed past my throat. I barely even noticed it, but I listened for his words as he walked away from me.  
  
"Follow me to Nibelheim if you can, Zack. We'll be waiting for you there."  
  
_We'll be waiting._  
  
Hojo. Sephiroth.  
  
And... Cloud.  
  
I closed my eyes and tilted my head back, both hands pressed against my wound. My knees buckled, and I slid down the wall, leaving a reddish streak against my door. Nibelheim... I had to get to Nibelheim.  
  
_... have to...  
  
Forget the pain. It's a distraction.  
  
He's testing you._  
  
I fought my body's insistence to black out, instead concentrating on my magic. The Materia at my wrist glowed brightly, and I began to weave a spell of healing around the wound. Gradually the bleeding slowed, finally coming to a halt. The skin around it began to close.  
  
I was gasping for breath by the time my injury had faded completely. I was nowhere near top shape - I'd lost far too much blood to just jump up and fight. No one ever walked away so easily after a fight with General Sephiroth.  
  
But... I was alive. For some reason, he'd left me alive.  
  
Using the wall for support, I slowly made my way into my office, stumbling towards a locker in the corner where I kept my spare supplies. I pulled out a few potions and sat down on my desk, trying to regain my breath before draining one of the bottles.  
  
_Better._  
  
As I uncapped the lid of the second bottle, I reached over and picked up the receiver for my phone, dialing a number I'd memorized over the past few weeks since Cloud's disappearance.  
  
"_Seventh Heaven_, Tifa speaking!"  
  
"Tifa," I spoke quietly, straining to keep my voice normal. "I need you to do something for me."  
  
  
  
  
  
That morning I was on a train headed for the nearest port that could get me an airship. And from there...  
  
Nibelheim.  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
AN: Again, apologies for delaying chapter 11. It'll be the nest one for sure! ^_^;; (It's not like I have a choice, anyway!)  
  
I could explain a few things from this chapter, but to be honest, I don't know where to begin. I wrote the ideas as they came, so if anyone asks me to explain, I'll do my best. But I'll leave it as is until asked, for now.  


Reviewer Responses:

**link no miko**: Ah, I gotcha. Yeah, it seemed short, but it was one of the longest chapters yet! ^^;;  
  
**Koorino Megumi**: *pokes Zack* I guess for me, he'll always come first, ^_^ Sorry for delaying the much-awaited rescue again, but I hope Zack made it okay for ya.  
  
**Krigersk**: I watched the trailer again recently - I saw Vince this time, ^_^ I'm happy now.  
  
**Seishin Kibou**: *points to above* Yeah, the Cloud/Aeris scene should be interesting when redone. I wonder how many redone scenes from FFVII they'll have in the movie...?  
  
**Jade-Jaganashi**: I'll be looking forward to any and all Zack pics, ^_~ I just know it'll rock!  
  
**sore-wa-himitsu-desu**: Mm, brownies! *munches* Conflicts of Interest isn't finished, unfortunately. But I shall be patient...


	13. Part 11: The Eleventh Hour

Takes place after Kairi's rescue; contains spoilers for the end of Kingdom Hearts.

This chapter is written from Cloud's perspective.

* * *

Ephemeral Blossoms  
  
Akai Kitsune  
  
Part 11: The Eleventh Hour

* * *

For a long time after that last experiment, it felt as though I never did wake up. I drifted through consciousness and sleep without knowing one from the other; glimpses of my surroundings, pieces of conversations were all I remembered.  
  
Before the testing for the SOLDIER program, Zack once tried to explain how people can block things out - shut down their minds, or at least parts of it, in order to cope with situations.  
  
"That sort of skill is useful in battle," he told me, "But dangerous, too. Because if you let it fall too far, you can't go back, and you lose focus. Too little, however, and the pain is too much. Either way, you can die. The secret to being a good soldier is finding the balance between the two - to be constantly aware of your condition, but focused enough to push it aside when you need to act."  
  
I never learned that skill; we didn't have enough time to develop it, and Zack said it was part of the training anyway. I think I learned the hard way... to block away all that I was feeling during those experiments, instinctively trying to protect my own mind from Hojo's madness.  
  
Did it work?  
  
I... didn't know.  
  
Maybe I fell too far... maybe I lost what I was trying to save, anyway.

* * *

Drifting...  
  
"You've been busy, I see."  
  
"Ah, so you noticed. What do you think of him now?"  
  
"... Am I supposed to be impressed?"  
  
"You should be. This is what you wanted, after all."  
  
"An empty-minded doll? Oh yes, that is exactly what I need."  
  
"He's not _just_ a doll. This is simply part of the process. I'm working on it... but I was referring to the physical changes rather than his mental state."  
  
"That doesn't change my opinion. He's an imitation, a flawed copy. Look - it's not even the correct arm. What happened to your constant lust for perfection, Hojo?"  
  
"I can't be blamed for an imperfect specimen!"  
  
"Yet _you_ are the one who was so certain that Strife met the requirements. Perhaps you don't have as much control over these experiments as you thought."  
  
"Don't patronize me. Strife's body _is_ suitable. I've reached a barrier, that's all. Barriers can be overcome."  
  
"If you're planning to continue, wait for the poor fool to recover from whatever poison you've been giving him. He's not even aware of us, is he?"  
  
"That so-called poison is what gave you life, boy. Don't forget that."  
  
Drifting...  
  
"Say whatever you like. You have a week, Hojo - after that, you're on your own. I'll find my answers without you."  
  
"You can't just walk away from this! I've worked too hard for-"  
  
"You've worked for yourself. It has always been so. If Strife fails, I'll simply find someone else."  
  
Drifting...  
  
"And ruin all that I've accomplished thus far?"  
  
"-_And_ a more efficient researcher."  
  
"How _dare_ you!"  
  
"I refuse to tolerate failure. Don't forget that."  
  
"... you owe me everything, boy..."  
  
Drifting away...

* * *

"Lillies, Cloud? How sweet of you."  
  
_I checked the garden._  
  
"Did you look for weeds, dear? I was going to, but I've been so busy this week."  
  
_They're all dead._  
  
"But you know, they're the wrong colour."  
  
_No one has orange lillies. It's too late in the year._  
  
"I didn't think I planted the white ones this year. They just don't last like the yellows do."  
  
_I told you. They're dead._  
  
"Well, it was a nice thought. You know, if you gave some flowers to Tifa, maybe she'd come visit you more often."  
  
_She left._  
  
"Next time, bring two bunches. I'll make a nice bouquet for her. The yellow would match that hat she used to wear."  
  
_That was years ago. She left already.  
  
Everyone knows that.  
  
Why are you the only one who doesn't see...?_  
  
"The whites just don't look right. Bring in a yellow flower."  
  
_I -told- you. It's late.  
  
... too late..._

* * *

I was jolted awake, spluttering and coughing, as liquid Mako drained from my tank. I knew what it was instantly - after months of living in the stuff, whatever form Hojo was using, I'd grown used to the sting of it.  
  
My body was lowered to the floor as the watery chemicals disappeared in the grates below me, and I didn't have the strength to remain standing. Coughing the rest of the Mako from my throat and getting my breathing under control, I looked up, my eyes sore and unused to the light.  
  
Unused...?  
  
How long had I been out?  
  
I then noticed Hojo standing beside the glass cage, fiddling with the settings panel. His gaze switched to me after a moment, and he smirked. "Awake at last. You were beginning to worry me, but I knew your body just had to recover and regain its resistance to Mako poison after your... modification."  
  
I blinked, looking down at my hand. My... claw... caused Mako poisoning? But that didn't make sense...  
  
Hojo must have seen my confusion, for he laughed, shaking his head, and waved a hand at me. "So naive, boy. Can't you feel it?"  
  
_Feel...?  
  
I'm too tired to...  
  
... to feel..._  
  
Slowly, I looked over at the cage beside me. It was empty. My eyes widened instantly, and I whirled back on Hojo for an explanation. He seemed almost bored, as if I'd noticed something unimportant.  
  
"Ah yes, our friends have disappeared," he finally shrugged, smiling slightly. "I admit even I was alarmed at first. But don't fret - they're still inside." To prove his point, he approached the closest wall, tapping on the glass and peering inside.  
  
In a flash of light and a small cloud of smoke, two Shadows appeared, squirming and clawing to get to the heart they sensed. But they weren't alone; floating above, three new creatures watched their captor, wings flapping to keep them in the air.  
  
I stared at them in disbelief. Not two, but _five_ Heartless, and three of them were in different forms...  
  
"My new shipment," Hojo finished, his eyes glinting. "I wasn't able to perform any tests while you've been recovering. Now that you're awake, however..." He drew closer to my cell, his gaze drifting past my shoulder. "We can test their new strength... and yours."  
  
I held my breath, not understanding. I didn't _feel_ any different. If anything, I just felt weaker from the Mako poisoning. My arms were nearly limp, too numb to even lift my body off the ground. I couldn't even move my fingers.  
  
Hojo must have read something in my expression, for his eyes narrowed angrily. "You _can't_ feel it, then," he hissed, slamming a fist against the glass. I jumped, startled. He'd never lost control like that before. "This is impossible! It cannot have been lost already-!"  
  
"What are you talking about?" I demanded, straining against my weakness and sitting up. "Nothing's different!"  
  
The scientist sneered at me. "Oh we'll see. We'll see..."  
  
Yeah, like I really _wanted_ to see whatever he'd done to me now. But it wasn't as if Hojo ever gave me a choice, so I watched him as he returned to his computer, punching in a few buttons.  
  
I heard a low whirring sound beside me, and, turning towards the far side of my cell, I realized that while I was unconscious, they had found a way to connect my cell with the Heartless'. They only thing blocking their access to me was a door and a short, transparent tunnel.  
  
_Life hates me. It really, really hates me._  
  
My theory was finalized as Hojo smiled at me again, pulling a switch. The doors on either side of the tunnel opened, and he allowed three of the creatures - two winged, and one Shadow - to fly through the hatch before it shut again. I scrambled to my feet, breathing hard, and tensed up, preparing for the attacks.  
  
For some reason, the Heartless merely circled me for a while, watching me with their hauntingly empty yellow eyes. I was both disturbed and relieved by their actions; as much as I hated these little exercises, I didn't like the thought of having any sort of control over the Heartless. It was what Hojo wanted, and anything _he_ wanted wasn't in my best interests.  
  
Finally they moved to attack. The Shadow was easy to avoid as always, but the winged Heartless were much different - their movements more scattered and unpredictable, too jerky to follow, too fast to dodge. I took my share of scratches and bruises from their spinning tackles before I managed to strike back.  
  
"You're letting them hurt you," Hojo called from outside the cell, hands clasped behind his back as always. "You could get rid of them so easily, and yet you allow them to harm you. Why?"  
  
I scowled. "If you've got something to say, say it. I don't just let them kick me around for your sake."  
  
"I've never expected that," Hojo smiled, nearly baring his teeth at me. I tried my best to ignore him, concentrating on my enemies.  
  
A soft ringing distracted me, and I glanced over at Hojo - earning myself a deep scratch on my right arm - as he pulled out a phone, turning away from the glass.  
  
"Professor Hojo... ah, I've been awaiting your call. No, no progress yet. He has finally woken up, which is an improvement. However, the experiment was a partial failure. ... Of course I know that. But it appears to be..." he sent me a sidelong glance, clearly displeased. "Sleeping."  
  
_Sleeping? What the hell does he mean by that?_  
  
"Yes," Hojo continued, heedless of my thoughts. "Yes, naturally. ... When? All right, I'll have everything prepared." He hung up, slipping the phone back in his coat pocket, and his earlier smile reappeared. "Congratulations, Strife. You've earned yourself some visitors."  
  
I halted, and was tackled to the ground by one of the flying Heartless. Kicking it aside and taking a quick swipe at the Shadow who'd drawn near while I was down, I looked incredulously at Hojo. "V-visitors?" was all I could manage. I hadn't seen anyone in months, aside from Hojo and his lackeys. Seeing someone...  
  
If it was someone I knew...  
  
_Not Zack. I don't... I don't want it to be him...  
  
I don't want to see him-!_  
  
"I'm not interested," I snapped, lashing out at a Heartless that hovered too close. It jerked away, floating too high for me to reach, and I grimaced in frustration. If it hadn't been for those wings...  
  
Hojo seemed amused by my problem, turning away and moving to his computer. "I'm sure you will be when they arrive. Until then, let's keep you busy, shall we?"  
  
I grimaced, rolling away from another attack. I had no doubt he'd be good to his word.

* * *

"Cloud?"  
  
_... What?_  
  
"Are you still sleeping?"  
  
_Didn't I just answer that?_  
  
"You don't have to be rude... I'm just worried about you."  
  
_That's a surprise._  
  
"You'll tire yourself out, you know. Why are you pushing yourself?"  
  
_Stronger. I have to get stronger._  
  
"It won't upset anyone if you show a little weakness."  
  
_I can't afford that._  
  
"We... we don't want to see you get hurt."  
  
_Why are you worrying about me...?_  
  
"You're my friend."  
  
_Friend..._

* * *

Several days later I awoke to find the lab empty and dark. I gingerly pulled myself off the floor of my cell, rubbing a sore shoulder. Hojo's monsters still weren't making things very easy for me.  
  
I glanced around, vaguely wondering what time it was and why Hojo wasn't around... when sudden movement in the furthest corner of the room made me shiver.  
  
_Watching me... I can feel their eyes..._  
  
I heard a low chuckle. "You're more perceptive than you were last time. I'm pleased to see it."  
  
I closed my eyes. So... that was what Hojo had meant by a visitor.  
  
"Wha-what's this all about?" I wanted to demand, but it came out as more of a whisper. _Why are you doing this? And why to -me-?_  
  
Within the shadows, I could barely see Sephiroth's smile. "You don't need my answer to that. Although I admit, Hojo's very open about his experiments. I'm sure he has explained a great deal of it to you."  
  
_Like hell._ "I don't know anything!" I shouted, my anger rising with each moment. I no longer cared if this was the most dangerous man I'd ever heard of - it was _my_ life, not his, and I had to know... "All he ever does is ramble about things I don't understand! Why won't anyone _tell_ me?!"  
  
Sephiroth stepped closer, his eyes glinting like mountain ice. "Because you're just a specimen," he replied quietly, casually leaning his massive sword against the container. "Just another test subject with no mind, no soul... no heart." His eyes narrowed. "We don't need to tell you anything."  
_  
Just another specimen.  
  
No... no, I'm not..._  
  
"I'm still human, dammit," I whispered, my expression pleading, yet defiant. I wanted him to understand. Surely, if he was this great General that everyone looked up to... he could see how wrong this all was...  
  
He just smiled at me again, his face so close to the glass it was nearly pressed against it. "A human puppet," he murmured. "That's all you are. Now come out."  
  
I blinked.  
  
"Come out," he repeated, reaching up and placing a hand against the glass. "Show me what he's created for me."  
  
And gradually, I began to feel a dark chill spreading from the tips of my fingers, up my arms, into my shoulders...  
  
I shivered, falling to my knees and clutched at my arms, hugging myself tightly. "What... are you doing...?" I managed, closing my eyes.  
  
It hurt... the cold... it hurt...!  
  
"You know how. I've seen it. I've _been_ there. Now show me!"  
  
The chill intensified, and I cried out, falling forward and barely catching myself before I could land face-first on the freezing grate of my cell. Too much... it was too much...  
  
"Come."  
  
In the cage beside mine, the Heartless flared into existence, pressed against the side, watching curiously as I suffered in the cold.  
  
_Come._  
  
My eyes snapped open. He said it... in my...  
  
_Show me, boy!_  
  
I cried out, reaching deep inside myself and giving whatever darkness had spread throughout my body a fierce shove. There was a tearing sound, a flare of unbearable pain... then it was gone.  
  
Suddenly I found myself standing in the center of my cage, motionless, shivering from the excess of whatever ice he'd inflicted upon my body. Stunned, I lifted the arm where I'd felt the most chill... then froze once more as _something moved with it._  
  
I looked up at Sephiroth, my eyes wider than they'd ever been before. He seemed to shrug, causing a layer of dark feathers to shudder, as if shaken by an invisible wind.  
  
Feather attached to a wing on his right shoulder. Much like the wing I now found sprouting from my own left arm...  
  
Glancing first downward at my replaced hand, then up at the wing that reacted like an extra limb to my every move, I felt a rage burning in my heart that I'd never felt before. It collided with the darkness, fighting, shrieking and coiling like an agitated snake.  
  
I lifted my fist, a scream of pure anger and terror escaping my lips, and with a single leap, I smashed it against the glass with all the strength I could muster, aiming directly at Sephiroth's face - and the cold smile that remained painted upon it.  
  
The Heartless stirred, their heads cocked to one side, as I stood in front of the glass wall, fist pushing towards my enemy. The glass hadn't even cracked.  
  
He laughed.  
  
"Look around you, little puppet," he shook his head, as if scolding a child. "This is what you are now."  
  
He turned and walked away from the cage, leaving me to fall back to my knees, claws scraping against my prison, fighting the tears that threatened to overcome me completely.  
  
_"It won't upset anyone if you show a little weakness."  
  
This... I can't afford any weakness, now...  
  
I can't stand this...  
  
... I just want to go home..._  
  
Closing my eyes, I let the darkness take me once more. And this time... I didn't want to come back.  
  
_If this is all I am... then this -is- home, isn't it...?_

* * *

"Cloud?"  
  
_He's not here._  
  
"Geez... what the hell has he done to you..."  
  
_Am I different?_  
  
"Wake up! Wake up, Cloud! Can't you hear me?"  
  
_I don't want to._  
  
"Cloud-"  
  
"He's useless to us."  
  
"Do you want him?"  
  
_After all this time..._  
  
"Whatever you say, I'm taking him with me. Stand aside!"  
  
_... am I such a failure..._  
  
"Shall I test you again?"  
  
_... I'm not wanted anymore?_  
  
"You shouldn't have come here, you know."  
  
"Screw you, Hojo."  
  
I heard laughter. It was familiar, somehow. And then... screaming.  
  
I'd never heard such a sound before.  
  
_It's... it's not me...  
  
So why do I wish so badly that I could stop it?_  
  
The shadows embraced me then, and the screams faded away.

* * *

Zack stood in front of my cell.  
  
I blinked the sleep from my eyes, although my vision was clouded by the Mako holding me upright, and watched him warily. "Zack?"  
  
"Hey, kid." He grinned at me. "Long time no see. They've been taken good care of you."  
  
"... What?"  
  
Zack crossed his arms, leaning back against one of Hojo's machinery. "Look at you! You got what you wanted, didn't you? You've got the body of a SOLDIER. All the strength and skills you were aiming for. You've gone beyond what anyone expected of you."  
  
My eyes widened. Zack... I hadn't wanted to believe, but... "I didn't want _this_! Can't you see what's happened, Zack?"  
  
_Get me out... please... get me out of here..._  
  
Zack straightened up, fists clenched, the humour in his expression fading. "I can see it just fine. You wanted to be like me, Cloud. You kept saying it. But now I see what _you_ allowed to happen." His eyes narrowed. "It was never me, was it? It was Sephiroth. You've become just like Sephiroth, who's always been better than me!"  
  
I stared at him, stunned. "No... no, I'm not like him! I never wanted-"  
  
"Just a puppet, a useless imitation," he smirked, reaching back and grasping the hilt of his broadsword. "You know, Cloud, without the master around, the puppet is supposed to be dead."  
  
"Zack-!"  
  
"The world doesn't need another Sephiroth," Zack whispered, as he drew the sword and swung it towards my glass cage.

* * *

__

__

_ -smash-_  
  
Air rushed without warning into my lungs, and I coughed, blindly reaching out across the grated floor on which I suddenly found myself. It was soaking wet all around me, the liquid Mako flowing out of my unsealed container at an unusually fast rate. I curled in around myself, shivering, as the chemicals seemed to burn my skin. The black wing hung limp at my back, lifeless for the first time that I could remember.  
  
Of course, I couldn't remember much... not since that day...  
  
_"Just a puppet..."_  
  
"Hey... hey, Cloud... are you awake...?"  
  
I blinked, startled by the voice, and the images that came with it.  
  
"Cloud..."  
  
Slowly I lifted my head, catching sight of a familiar shade of blue. A uniform. Someone... kneeling beside me... golden eyes full of anger and concern...  
  
"Cloud," the man repeated, offering his hand, "Do you remember me?"  
  
If my head hadn't been so fogged up from the Mako, I would have snapped at him. As it was, I was too confused to answer coherently. "Z... Zack...?"  
  
He smiled reassuringly. "It's okay kid," he said quietly, reaching down towards me and slinging my arm around his shoulder. "You're going home."  
  
_Home..._  
  
I closed my eyes, my mind letting itself fade back into the darkness. Even in the shadows again... even there, it was okay.  
  
Because Zack was there, and we were going home...

* * *

TBC...  
  
AN: HA! I knew I could do it, I can't believe this took me so long... even now, I'm not totally pleased with it, but what the hey. It's just a fanfic. (Wait... I didn't just say that...)  
  
The end was scattered for a reason, but you people are so smart, so I'm sure you could figure it out,   
  
Next chapter: It's high time we returned to Traverse Town! Why? Because I'm evil and want to keep you all in suspense for a while. In that familiar little town, things are picking up as the Heartless seem aware that the end is drawing near...

Reviewer Responses:

**link no miko**: I am NOT going to comment on that one. No, really. Oh, and I tried to pick a gil amount that seemed halfway unreasonable... I guess I failed there, but looking though the guidebook and figuring out prices, I just picked a random number. I guess Zack's just stingy with his money. And I'm so glad you noticed the scar reference, I was wondering if anyone would!   
  
**Jade-Jaganashi**: Um... well, I guess it depends on how much you know about FFVII and the whole triangle between Seph's mom/Hojo/Jenova, really. But there will be a chapter where everything will more-or-less be explained - we have to tell poor Cloud what was going on, too!

**Koorino Megumi:** I should have saved that chap for when I have work. Once again, your review left me rolling, As for "it's"... actually, that was my error. Early writing and me hating the word for all it's (haha) worth always manages to confuse me when I use it. I need to work on that, but thanks for bringing it up. (Oh how I hate grammar.)  
  
**sore-wa-himitsu-desu**: Ah, don't give me such hopes. I'd be satisfied if they added him in the FFVII movie, though. Considering how important he is in the whole scheme of things (er, Cloud and Sephy's past, anyway) he ought to at least be mentioned!  
  
**Seishin Kibou**: Hm, well it would be nice if they redid a bunch of scenes, even if it did take up time in the FF7 movie. I'd still like to see them in the new graphics! They should make the movie longer. 


	14. Part 12: As I Wait for You

Takes place after Kairi's rescue; contains spoilers for the end of Kingdom Hearts.

Written from Cloud's perspective.

Okay, here we go! In case you all forgot (much like I did sometimes...) this fic is _supposed_ to take place in the normal timeline... so off we go to Traverse Town once again!  
  
And to tell you the truth, the darn thing seems like it's mostly filler... I'm so amused.  
  
No moogles were harmed during the making of this chapter.

* * *

Ephemeral Blossoms  
  
Akai Kitsune  
  
Part 12: As I Wait for You

* * *

I was on my way back from a routine trip for supplies at the Item Shop in the First District when a new group of Heartless ambushed me - astonishingly enough, right at the district's entrance, where they had never appeared before. They came without warning and I was singed a few times by a Wizard's fire before I managed to reach the house in the Third District where I'd finally decided to make my home.  
  
Kairi looked up from the book she was reading over on the bed, raising an eyebrow curiously as I slammed the door behind me. "Mr. Cloud? Is something wrong?"  
  
I grumbled to myself for a moment before answering, tossing the supplies on the table and sitting down in the closest chair. "Just a fight," I told her, closing my eyes and rubbing my forehead. I was feeling the beginnings of a headache, and I knew it wouldn't be getting any better. "The town is growing dangerous... there are more Heartless appearing than usual."  
  
Kairi nodded absently, stuffing a scrap of paper in the book and closing it. "Cid told me the other day, so I've been really careful. It's only in the other districts though, right?"  
  
I shook my head. "I wish that were true. Even the First District is starting to look deserted because of recent attacks."  
  
The girl rested her chin on her palm. "The others used to fight back a lot to keep the Heartless from hurting anyone in that district... and after Sora locked the Keyhole, shouldn't the Heartless stop coming?"  
  
I shrugged. I could never hope or even _try_ to understand what the Keyblade was meant to do. "Maybe locking the world just means it can't be destroyed... it doesn't protect it from Heartless attacks."  
  
Kairi sighed softly, stretching for a moment and pulling herself off the bed. She moved over to the kitchen area and started to boil a kettle, then went about preparing two cups of tea. I nodded my thanks and sat back, my eyes roving towards the window.  
  
Two weeks. Nearly two weeks now, since I'd first arrived in town... since I'd met Kairi and Cid, and first learned about the Keyblade Master's final journey to defeat Ansem. We all tried hard to conceal it, but it was obvious that we were starting to worry. Even for a child - and even taking into consideration the space travel delayed by the Heartless ships, as Cid had pointed out - it was a long time. Perhaps they had made a few stops along the way, to train or restock their supplies...  
  
But still...  
  
_It's hard to believe, now._  
  
Kairi seemed to sense my growing uneasiness, for she whispered to herself, hunched over the kitchenette as the kettle began to hiss beside her, "Sora, where _are_ you...?"  
  
_Where are you, Keyblade Master?_ I echoed the words in my mind, unable to voice them.  
  
Something was happening. I was more confident in that fact than anything else in the world. The growing desperation I sensed in the Heartless only added fuel to my intuition.  
  
Sora wasn't dead. If he was, then everything was lost.  
  
_We're still alive. We're alive, and so he must be...  
  
But how long can we continue to hope...?_  
  
"Here," Kairi's voice broke through my thoughts, and I looked up as she approached, a teacup in hand. I accepted it and leaned back as she took the chair across the table, hands clasped around her own cup. Her expression was clouded with doubt and worry, lips pursed and trembling.  
  
"He's alive." I spoke the words before I could stop, but I couldn't make myself regret them. Kairi turned sharply towards me, surprise filling her eyes.  
  
"How do you know?" she whispered.  
  
I shook my head. "He's the Keybearer. If he died... we would know."  
  
_The Heartless... they would have no fear if Sora was gone. They would fall upon us and destroy us in an instant - the only thing holding them back is the knowledge that somewhere out there is the key that will bring them to ruin.  
  
If Sora was dead... we would know, because your heart would tell you.  
  
And the -Heartless- would tell me._  
  
At my answer, she smiled weakly. "I know," she murmured, "It's silly on me to worry. We're connected... did you know that? Our hearts are connected. He told me that, and I believe in it. I can still feel him. He-he's okay." She blinked back tears, rubbing vainly at her eyes. "Just... missing."  
  
_On a journey so dark that none of us could walk that path with him... _I closed my eyes, shaking away such thoughts. I wasn't sure if I was even thinking about Sora anymore.  
  
"He'll be back, though," Kairi added confidently, lifting her chin. "When he's done fighting, he always comes back. And _that_ is what's important."  
  
I looked away again, taking a long sip from my tea. I didn't answer, my eyes focused on the outside world, forever watching for the shadows that hunted us. I knew they were there.  
  
They were always there.  
  
The tea... it had a strange taste. Kairi liked it strong, and sweet... but that day it was faint and bitter.

* * *

My fears and expectations of the growing Heartless threat were realized two days later, when Cid rushed into the house several hours earlier than usual. The Gummi ship mechanic always kept his corner "shop" open during the day - or whatever the inhabitants of Traverse Town considered to be day, anyway - and his early return was a surprise for Kairi and I. And, as it turned out, not a pleasant one.  
  
"Something's happening," he growled, and for the first time in years I saw him carrying his weapon of choice, the spear. He had obviously fought his way back to us. "The Heartless are going nuts out there! Random attacks everywhere you step. I've never seen so many of the damn bugs in one area!"  
  
"Are you okay?" Kairi cried out, rushing over and searching him for wounds.  
  
Cid waved her aside. "I'm fine," he told her gruffly, then turned to me. "Listen Cloud, it's not safe for _any_ of us here. Everyone else is trying to hide or at least move to a part of town that's less dangerous. Third District was always been rough. I vote we follow the rest and get out."  
  
"But-" Kairi started, her voice trembling a little. "We have to stay here! If Sora comes back... if he needs our help, how will he find us? We can't just disappear!"  
  
Absently, I nodded my agreement. We were both waiting for someone. It was impossible for us to leave the one place they would return to.  
  
Cid groaned. "Aw, geez... weren't you two listening? We stay here, chances are the Heartless will tear this place apart. They're getting smarter _and_ stronger. A locked door doesn't always keep you safe, now." At our expressions, he gave a resigned sigh. "What about the Accessory shop in First? I used to run the place, and the guy who works there now doesn't seem too keen on staying. It's closer to the item shop and the restaurant, so supplies will be easier to pick up." He winked at Kairi. "It's also the most convenient drop-off for our neighbourhood Keybearer."  
  
Kairi's eyes lit up, and she gave Cid a tackle-hug. "Thank you!" she said brightly, closing her eyes.  
  
Cid objected to the attention, untangling himself, then noticed that I was glaring at him. "Don't give me that look, kid. We can leave a note or something - if the others come back, they'll find us."  
  
"What makes the shop any safer than here?" I demanded.  
  
The other man shrugged. "More structurally sound, in my opinion," he answered, knocking on the wall by the door. "This is a pretty old house. I don't know buildings like I know ships, but I _do_ know when you're tempting fate. A couple attacks by those giant Defenders would smash this place to bits. Window's dangerous, too. The Accessory shop is a lot better supported and less accessible for the bulkier Heartless. It's the best place for us right now."  
  
I grimaced and looked away, too stubborn to admit he was right. I wanted to wait for her... leaving the place she would first return to delayed our meeting. I didn't _want_ to leave.  
  
But I couldn't stay there alone, and I refused to leave Kairi and Cid to fend for themselves.  
  
Finally I let out a sigh, almost disgusted by my weakness. "All right," I mumbled, "Let's go."  
  
My companions said nothing, but I could see the relief on their faces. I wish I could say I felt the same.

* * *

Our trip to the First District was brief and - thankfully - uneventful. I don't know if the Heartless were taking a break or were otherwise occupied, but frankly I couldn't have cared less. When we arrived at the Accessory shop, though, we weren't surprised to find it empty.  
  
"The place is still well stocked," Cid announced, entering the main area from the storage room. "The other guy must have left in a hurry."  
  
My expression darkened, and I dumped the bag I'd been carrying on the counter. "Hopefully it'll last us until the others return." I knew how the Heartless worked, now; things only got worse before they got better. If they ever did.  
  
Kairi's voice called out from above, her head appearing in the small hole in the ceiling. "The moogles are still here in the Synthesis shop!"  
  
Cid grinned. "True businessmen!" he smirked, giving the bridge of his nose a quick scratch, a characteristic motion that was becoming familiar again. "Nothin' chases the little buggers off. I like that."  
  
I frowned, but said nothing. My experience with moogles was limited to the one I'd seen wandering in the center square of the district, when I'd been told firmly not to "touch the pom-pom". This was something that had amused Kairi to no end for some reason, so for the most part I had ignored the ornery creatures.  
  
Now, it seemed we were to live with them. _Joy_.  
  
Cid must have noticed my expression. "Hey, don't worry so much," he told me gruffly. "It won't be for long. Leon an' the others will come back, or Sora will restore the worlds. Either way, we'll be going home."  
  
_And I'll see her._ The words were left unspoken, but I knew they were there. It was something I had told myself daily since my arrival in Traverse Town, almost like a comforting prayer or vow. _Soon_.  
  
"Thank you," I answered Cid after a long moment, my face nearly expressionless. I'd learned over time to keep my thoughts to myself, even among friends. "I'm going to scout the town - see if there's anyone left in the area."  
  
Cid shrugged. "Aside from the moogles upstairs, there's an old guy and his kid around the corner; I know that much. Leon set them up in one of the empty houses a few weeks ago." His lip quirked. "Turns out they know Sora, too. I'm not sure about the restaurant."  
  
Kairi started climbing down the ladder, turning back to look at us as I reached for my sword. "You're going out? Cid, can you go with him and pick up some things for me?"  
  
Cid smirked and ruffled her hair when she was at the right level. "It's a bad time for a shopping trip, little bit."  
  
She jumped down and playfully punched his arm. "That's _not_ what I meant. The moogles need some more wood for their forge. They sell it over at the item shop. Can you bring some back with you?"  
  
"What makes you think we're going that way?" At Kairi's impatient look, Cid just laughed. "Fine, we'll pick some up. Have they got munny or are we paying?"  
  
The girl pursed her lips. "Mogki promised to forge some stronger armour for you two if you buy the wood."  
  
He snickered. "We're living in the accessory shop, kid."  
  
"You can't buy this sort of armour anywhere, kupo!" a voice piped up from above.  
  
Kairi nodded. "And they'll let us use the fire for cooking. Which we need," she added, raising her brows meaningfully.  
  
"Women and their kitchens," Cid grumbled, looking at me for support. I merely shrugged; I'd never complained about Kairi's cooking and was not about to start now. Finally, the other man caved. "Okay then, I guess we're buying firewood."  
  
"Will you pick up some spiced meat from the restaurant while you're at it?"  
  
"Yes dear."  
  
"_Cid_!"  
  
Cid grinned again, then grabbed my arm to practically drag me outside before he fell to Kairi's wrath - or her thrown shoe. Once outside he jerked a hand towards the restaurant. "We'll get the wood on the way back. Right now... care for a drink?"  
  
I didn't, really, but no one ever actually said no to Cid. At least _he_ never heard it. So with a resigned sigh - the second one of the day - I nodded, and we made our way to the last functional bar Traverse Town had to offer.

* * *

"Why didn't you come with us?"  
  
I blinked at the question, then looked over at Cid, who was leaning back in his chair, staring at the glass he held. "What?"  
  
"Nine years ago," he continued, taking a long drink. "When we left the Bastion. The Heartless were overrunning the place - most of the team had already gone missing. But you... I never expected you to disappear on us." He smiled in bitter remembrance. "You were the one that held us together."  
  
I wanted to laugh at the statement. Oh, how I wanted to laugh. Instead, I said quietly, "If I'd had a choice, I would have gone with you."  
  
Cid glanced at me. "What stopped you?"  
  
_"I tried to exploit the power of darkness..."_  
  
I closed my eyes.  
  
"Myself."  
  
To his credit, Cid didn't ask again. He grabbed my empty glass and stood up, getting us both a refill.  
  
"If you were all together," I asked when he returned, "Why was... why was Aerith with Leon when you met them here?"  
  
He shrugged. "The trip wasn't easy. Each ship only held a couple of people, and I was waiting around a bit longer, hoping someone we knew would come along."  
  
I shook my head, my expression darkening. "No," I murmured, "They wouldn't have come."  
  
Screams, in the darkness... Tifa's hand reaching out for mine -  
  
Cid watched me almost cautiously. "I guess not." Another drink. "Aerith got separated from us on the way to the ships. Probably went looking for you. She found Leon instead." He caught sight of my eyes narrowing and snickered. "Don't get huffy, kid. Leon's every bit as sullen as you are, but apparently he ain't her type."  
  
I bit back several retorts to that, finally settling for an unamused growl. "Cid..."  
  
He just laughed. "Come on, you're too serious. You survived, _she_ survived, and for some reason she's still crazy about you. So hurry up and finish your drink or Kairi'll burn our supper for being so late."  
  
I glowered back at him, but finally lifted the glass to my lips.  
  
By the gods, was the town alcohol ever terrible.

* * *

We paid our bill soon after and left, stopping at the shop around the corner for the moogles' firewood. The three ducks that tended the shop had been packing recently - there were more boxes than merchandise.  
  
So... even children could sense that the end was coming, one way or another. The question was, would we survive or not?  
  
When I spoke my thoughts aloud to Cid, he merely smirked and clapped me on the back, then passed me two armfuls worth of logs.  
  
"Less worry and more work, kid," he winked. "I'm gettin' hungry."  
  
In response, I felt a silent tug on my own stomach, so I shut my mouth and waited outside while Cid paid for our supplies.  
  
We were halfway up the stairs, nearly buried in firewood, when we heard the scream that rang out through the district.  
  
_Kairi!_

* * *

AN: Short chapter, and I apologize. The next chapter (if I shift back to the flashbacks) will probably get pretty huge, I expect, so that will hopefully make up for it. If not... well, your loss, not mine...  
  
... Curse this new formatting of ff.net. I can't use my smilies. Curse it, I tell you!  
  
I need to be careful about all these cliffhangers, because I just know I'll be punished for it later... heh, but it's way too much fun.  
  
Next chapter: Depending on my muse, I'll either continue with Traverse Town or return to the past. We'll all just have to wait and see...

Reviewer Responses:

**Koorino Megumi**: You know, I think I should just go ahead and do Traverse Town again next chapter. Just because I'm evil like that. (Hey, you said so yourself...)

**Seishin Kibou**: Have you seen the match between Seph and Cloud from Final Mix? It's pretty easy to track down, and it's certainly worth checking out. I did see the trailer yes... I was very, very happy to see Vincent, heh. And Tifa kicks ass.

**Jade-Jaganashi**: Actually, you were right. The first Zack was just like a dream, kind of fading into reality. From what I saw in FFVII, Mako poisoning does funny things to your head.

**starhealer**: I got you to like my Cloud! Booya to me. I feel so accomplished now...

**golden heart**: Oh come on, it's Hojo! What's not to love?

**link no miko**: Actually, I like the theory about Cloud pushing the darkness out of himself. That's probably the best way to explain that scene. And... Not!Zack... you never cease to amuse me, squeak. Oh, and sorry for being unclear. "Shall I test you again?" is actually Sephiroth's line! But that will hopefully get explained... er... at some point.


	15. Part 13: Crazy Sunshine

Takes place after Kairi's rescue; contains spoilers for the end of Kingdom Hearts.

Written from Cloud's perspective.

Kairi's battle tactics swiped from the genius known as Dagas, the Fearsome Moogle herself. Bow to her uber-greatness.  
  
Only a few moogles were harmed in the making of this chapter.

* * *

Ephemeral Blossoms  
  
Akai Kitsune  
  
Part 13: Crazy Sunshine

* * *

The moment Kairi's scream reached our ears, Cid and I leapt up the remainder of the First District stairs, charging into the Accessory shop within three steps. Inside, Kairi was scrambling on top of the fireplace, frantically beating on a Shadow Heartless with her shoe. Several more Heartless had appeared, floating or crawling over to where Kairi fought her own enemy.  
  
I didn't even stop to think. Dumping the rest of the wood on the floor where I stood, I kept one log in my hand and flung it at Kairi's opponent, sending it flying. My hands free, I reached behind me and drew my sword, charging forward to destroy the rest of the Heartless.  
  
Cid stayed with Kairi, attacking any enemies that came too close. Over the cries of battle he called out, "What the _hell_ are they doing inside?!"  
  
"I don't know!" Kairi answered, clutching the shoe close to her body as she watched. "They just appeared out of nowhere! But... I think they came from the gummi shop drop-off..."  
  
Cid cursed, pinning a Darkball with his spear and slamming his fist into a whirling Soldier that drew too close. "As if we didn't have enough problems already!"  
  
Fixed in the center of the Heartless group, I spun my sword between my fingers, a dance of death that would not allow any of the Heartless to come near. They were falling fast, though a few persistent ones still lingered near the back, wary of drawing any closer until the right moment appeared for an attack. I didn't plan on giving them a chance.  
  
Suddenly three objects fell from the ceiling and landed on me, knocking me flat on my stomach. "Hey! Dammit-!"  
  
"Sorry about that, kupo! It's dangerous up there, too!"  
  
Moogles. I _hated_ moogles!  
  
The creatures hopped off me, darting through the mess of attackers to stand with Kairi on the fireplace. I rushed to my feet, my face burning with anger and embarrassment, and continued fighting, slicing the giant broadsword through the Heartless at the back and grasping the ladder rung to pull myself into the upper level. I wanted to be sure every Heartless was gone.  
  
The thought of sharing a floor with the moogles was an extra incentive, as well...  
  
As I reached the very top, Kairi's cry caught my ear.  
  
"Mr. Cloud! Careful!"  
  
I half-turned to see what was wrong, but something collided with the back of my head before I caught sight of her. Stars danced in front of my eyes, and I distantly heard Cid and Kairi calling my name as my fingers released the ladder, and I fell, darkness pulling me away even while the floor came up to meet me.

* * *

"Cloud? Hey, Cloud!"  
  
_...._  
  
"Are you sleeping again? Geez... you always fall asleep at the worst times."  
  
_... sorry._  
  
"It's okay. Nothing interesting's going on, you know."  
  
_Really?  
_  
"... We got away, Cloud. We finally got out of there."  
  
_That's good...  
_  
"It took a while, but I promised you, didn't I? For once I actually kept a promise."  
  
_You're not that bad.  
_  
"So... what do you think I should do now?"  
  
_Why are you asking me?  
_  
"I mean, we can't expect Tifa to look after us. I bet she'd do it, though. The poor kid's crazy about you."  
  
_That's not funny.  
_  
"But seriously, I need to get into a new business. I can't just go back to working for Shinra, that's for sure. Once they hear about what happened to the lab... man, they'll be pissed. Heh, serves them right, eh? We got 'em good this time."  
  
_I'm glad -you're- happy.  
_  
"I can't see myself settling down. Not yet, I mean. We're the adventurous types, right? I know I am. So I need a job that'll keep me busy."  
  
_You're always too busy.  
_  
"You're not helping me here, kid! ... hey, I know!"  
  
_Ha... you never needed my help.  
_  
"I'm gonna be a mercenary! It's perfect! I'm strong, I'm smart, so why shouldn't I? Yeah... that's what I'll do. ... Hey Cloud, what do _you_ want to do once we reach town?"  
  
_....  
_  
"Hey... hey, don't get mad. I'm just kidding. You don't really think I'd do that... we're friends, right?"  
  
_I... think so...  
_  
"You an' me, Cloud. I won't leave you hanging."  
  
_... I...  
_  
"You really are sleeping, aren't you? When... when are you going to wake up, kid...?"  
  
_...  
_  
"You're too quiet..."  
  
"CLOUD!"

* * *

I sat up abruptly, eyes startled wide at the voice in my ear. Looking over, I saw Kairi kneeling beside me, hands fisted in her skirt. A mixed expression of concern, agitation, and relief crossed her face.  
  
"Mr. Cloud!" Her lips broke into a smile. "You're finally awake!"  
  
I blinked at her, baffled, then winced, feeling a sharp pain at the back of my head. I reached back and rubbed it, feeling a nasty bump where I must have taken a hit. "What happened?"  
  
Instantly she flushed bright red, lowering her gaze. "Ah... well... I wanted to help, so... I threw my shoes at the Heartless... but I guess I missed."  
  
I stared back at her incredulously. "Are you telling me that I was knocked out by a _shoe_?"  
  
I'd never claimed to be invincible, but I thought I knew my body better than that. Was it even _possible_ to be knocked out by a piece of footwear!?

Although looking at the clunky things Kairi was wearing...  
  
She fidgeted. "Um... not exactly." She looked up at my expression before hastily turning away again. "I ran out of shoes, so I just grabbed the first thing I could."  
  
"Which would be...?"  
  
She looked as if she wanted to melt into the floor. "There was a loose brick in the fireplace..."  
  
"... Oh."  
  
How embarrassing. Taken out not by a Heartless but by my own ally. I didn't even dare to hope that Cid hadn't seen it.  
  
"He's finally awake?" As if on cue, Cid suddenly climbed down the ladder, his spear in one hand, and a bag slung across his back. "It's about time."  
  
I scowled. "What happened?" I repeated, avoiding Cid's gaze.  
  
I knew he was smirking as he answered. "What, Kairi didn't tell you? You got nailed by a brick, kid. If you weren't already brain-damaged I'd have been worried about you."  
  
My scowl deepened, and I turned it on him. "I _meant_ with the Heartless," I muttered darkly.  
  
"You don't have to get mad," Cid's lips quirked into a grin. "I took care of the rest - you only left a couple, and the moogles panicked because one little Shadow appeared upstairs, so that was easy enough to take care of."  
  
One of the moogles appeared in the hole in the ceiling, shaking a tiny fist down at him. "If you were this small, kupo, a Shadow would be a pretty big deal!"  
  
Cid snickered. "And this is why I don't like dealing with temperamental midgets." The moogle dropped a wrench on his head. "Ow! Geez!"  
  
As Cid set free a long string of curses, a red-faced Kairi pushed a plate towards me. "Here," she explained, "I made some food. Cid said you could eat while we talked."  
  
I took the plate and began to eat, glancing up at Cid as he finally fell silent. "Is this place really safer than the other house, considering what just happened?"  
  
It was his turn to glare at _me_. "You better stop harping about that house, because we're not goin' back there. A few Darkballs are nothing compared to getting bulldozed during the visits from the bigger Heartless in Third." He raised an eyebrow as I averted my gaze. "You think I'm kidding? You haven't lived here long enough to know what those things are capable of."  
  
"I _know_ what they're capable of," I snapped back. "I wasn't just fighting Sora at the Coliseum all this time. I've seen enough."  
  
Cid was quiet again, leaning back against the shop counter. "I know," he finally grumbled. "I'm not trying to give you a hard time here, Cloud. But I'd rather deal with the small fries than get buried alive. We can protect Kairi just fine-"  
  
"Hey," she objected, "I can help too!"  
  
I coughed quietly, rubbing the back of my head again. Her face went as red as her hair and she lowered her gaze.  
  
"I mean... if I practiced, maybe..." she mumbled.  
  
Cid chuckled. "I don't doubt it, considering you took Cloud out in one shot." I gave him another nasty look, though he ignored it. "But I'd rather just keep you out of danger altogether. We may have to find a way to seal the ship's gate to keep the Heartless from using it again."  
  
I shook my head. "I didn't even know they _could_."  
  
The ship mechanic shrugged. "Me neither. It could be that they've been using these sort of portals this entire time and have never had much of a reason to use this one before."  
  
"That doesn't make much sense," Kairi frowned.  
  
Cid just laughed. "You're trying to figure out the logic of a bunch of critters who feed on darkness, girl. I don't think you're _supposed_ to understand 'em." The laughter - as well as his smile - faded after a moment. "They could just be focusing on adding as many to their ranks as possible while they still can. I really don't know for sure."  
  
_Unless they were lured here by someone,_ I couldn't help but think to myself, a sharp pain appearing in my heart. The dark entity that was my wing shifted slightly beneath my skin, and a quiet whisper filtered through my mind.  
  
Something's coming...  
  
_Old news._ I silently urged the voice to shut up and turned back to my companions. "We'll probably have to keep watch for attacks, then. Cid?"  
  
Cid nodded slowly, looking almost resigned. "Yeah, you're right. Tonight we'll do that." Kairi opened her mouth to speak, but Cid raised a hand. "I know what you're going to say, and already I'm saying no. You do enough around here to deserve a full night's sleep. Blondie and I can handle losing a few hours now and then."  
  
My eyebrow twitched at the nickname. "Blondie yourself," I grumbled, finishing off my dinner. Cid laughed, and as soon as I had put the plate down he threw something at me, making me scramble to catch it before I got yet _another_ bump on the head.  
  
I looked down at the object in my hands, turning it over a few times. "What's this?"  
  
"A gift from the good folks upstairs," Cid answered, jerking a thumb towards the synthesis shop. "Called it a Crystal Crown, and it's supposed to be the strongest armour they can synth for us." He lifted his hand, showing me the armlet he wore just above his wrist. I shrugged and equipped it to my right arm, knowing I probably wouldn't feel the difference until we got into another battle. It did look strong, though, and I was forced to admit that maybe the moogles were good for something.  
  
Kairi suddenly yawned, and I realized how late it was getting. Rising to my feet, ignoring the slow pounding in my head from my injury, I picked up my sword and slung it around my shoulder. "I'll take first watch."  
  
Cid grinned. "Sounds good to me. Come on, little bit," he called to Kairi before she could object again. "Grab the dishes; I'll get the blankets. Tomorrow's going to be an even longer day than today, I'm willing to bet, so we should get some sleep while we can." He looked back at me. "The moogles offered to let us use the upstairs for sleeping, since it's further away from our little Heartless portal. When you get tired, come on up and we'll switch."  
  
I made a face as he turned away, and Kairi giggled. I glared at her, but she just kept smiling. Damn...  
  
I leaned back against the fireplace as they busied themselves with cleaning up, finally climbing up the ladder and leaving me alone in the shop. I was a little unsettled by the sudden quiet, a thought which concerned me... I couldn't have been getting _used_ to the constant noise and irritation my companions caused, right? I'd learned to distance myself from a familiar life a long time ago. I couldn't just jump right back into that kind of mentality.  
  
Nine years is a long time to be alone.  
  
_But you weren't really alone, were you?  
  
Not the whole time...  
  
No._  
  
I closed my eyes. There had always been two people in the world who had always been able to pull me out of my shell. But one was gone forever, and the other... well, I was beginning to wonder.  
  
_When can I see you? Too long... it's been so long...  
  
"You miss her, don't you?"  
  
Shut up.  
  
"Heh."  
  
I'm not the only one..._  
  
A night watch - I hadn't done that in a long time. Brought back memories... Zack had been right. We _couldn't_ have gone back to Shinra, and the life of a mercenary _was_ perfect for us. Even when I thought back to all that had happened, I was still grateful he'd decided for us.  
  
Not that I had been coherent enough to decide for myself at that point...  
  
_Those days... they were the best I can ever remember.  
  
"... you're finally awake."  
  
"You're a strange one, Cloud Strife..."  
  
"Oh... you too?"  
  
"It almost seems like we were meant to meet, here."  
  
"Shall we go together?"  
  
Yeah..._  
  
That's how it should have been. We should have gone together... and we would have, if I hadn't been such a fool. I thought I could save her alone... I thought I could protect her without needing anyone's help.  
_  
Not even...  
  
"Does it still hurt?"  
  
Yeah.  
  
"You ever wonder why?"_  
  
Because it meant something to me... because...  
  
_"We're friends, right?"  
  
... I know..._  
  
"Cloud!"  
  
My eyes opened. I looked to my right and noticed Cid standing beside me, leaning down with a smirk. "... What is it?"  
  
"I was going to ask you if anything happened while I was sleeping," Cid snickered, "But it looks like you were busy in dreamland, yourself."  
  
I scowled, my face reddening. "I wasn't sleeping," I objected quietly. Internally I was kicking myself for not noticing him earlier. So much for trying to find ways to avoid being embarrassed by him. I hadn't even noticed how much time had passed while I had been waiting, and I wondered what had made Cid finally get up.  
  
He grinned, slapping my shoulder and shaking his head. "Well it looks like nothing happened anyway, so I'll forgive you this time. It's my turn, so now you can get some _real_ sleep. Unless of course you don't need it anymore..."  
  
"I _wasn't_ sleeping!" I repeated, thoroughly irritated now.  
  
"Sure you weren't, kid. Now get your butt upstairs before I have to drag you there myself - and you don't want that."  
  
Reluctantly I straightened up and left my post, climbing to the upper level and hunting for the empty bed Kairi had set up for me. I was none too pleased when I found it, though.  
  
The three moogles were fixed around my bed, all snoring quietly in their own piles of blankets.  
  
_Kairi..._ I steamed in silence and shot the sleeping girl a fierce glare, laying my sword out on the floor beside my bed and climbing in. I was determined not to look sullen about it while I slept, if only to avoid giving her the satisfaction of seeing her success.  
  
_I'll get her for this._  
  
"Kupopo..."  
  
A moogle rolled over, the red ball attached to it's head falling right in front of my face. Eyes narrowed, I batted it out of the way. I wasn't in the mood to deal with-  
  
"KU-PO!"  
  
"OW!"  
  
"Don't touch the pom-pom, kupo."  
  
Hate. Moogles. So. Much.  
  
Eyes clenching shut, I rolled over, pulled a blanket over my head. As much as I hated to admit it, I couldn't wait for morning to arrive.

* * *

  
  
AN: This chapter was so much fun I can barely contain my amusement. I have no idea why I wrote it this way... probably because this fic was in desperate need of some attempted comedy. I hope I did alright.  
  
The chapter title is swiped from FLCL and is appropriate in some ways, but that's kinda unintentional. I picked it mostly because it was the song playing at the time, and I fell in love with it.  
  
Cloud's thoughts - I know they're confusing. I know they're scattered. There _is_ a point to all this, I swear! And I'll explain it all... eventually. Heh.  
  
Next chapter: You Zack fangirls can stop spazzing on me - he's back in the next chapter, and it's gonna be LONG. With Zack.  
  
Oh yeah, and some other stuff happens. But Zack's there. So HA.  
  
To everyone else - flashbacks galore! Heh.

Reviewer Responses:

**Koorino Megumi**: You accomplished your goal! Kudos to you! You know, I'm beginning to think it's just Zack who makes you utterly incoherent. Hehe...  
  
**Seishin Kibou**: Yeah, it's amusing (yet pathetic) how the main plot has short chapters and the flashbacks are huge...  
  
**link no miko**: American Maid! _TIIIIIICK_! LOVE. YOU. FOREVER. XD Oh by the way, you can probably guess that I'm being vague about Zack for a very good reason... but I can't say what that is quite yet. Heh.  
  
**music nimf**: Wow, so many questions, indeed. I'll answer them as honestly as I can:  
1) You'll find out soon.  
2) Beats me.  
3) Next chapter! XD (No, wait, that's a lie. Hahaha...)  
  
**Jade-Jaganashi**: Because we do so love being evil and yelling at each other for it, you know.  
  
**starhealer**: I was amused that you liked 'little bit' so I decided to use it again. I'm glad it was well-received! No idea where it came from, though...


	16. Part 14: Life is But a Dream

Takes place after Kairi's rescue; contains spoilers for the end of Kingdom Hearts.

Written from Cloud's perspective.

* * *

Ephemeral Blossoms  
  
Akai Kitsune  
  
Part 14: Life is But a Dream

* * *

When I woke up, I was no longer in the frozen lab cell, nor in the darkness of my own dreams, but somewhere warm and surprisingly comfortable. I moved my hand, feeling my skin brush against the soft fabric of a blanket.  
  
My other hand - clad in cold, lifeless metal - felt nothing. Wincing, I focused beyond the aches in my own body; I heard a low scraping sound, and the breath of another person in the room.  
  
I opened my eyes. The first sight that greeted me was a dark head resting on my bed. One pale hand lay close to mine, and I could have reached out to touch it... but my gaze was fixed on the face below.  
  
Tifa.  
  
She was... here? Sleeping beside my bed?  
  
How long had it been since I was even _in_ a bed?  
  
My thoughts were again distracted by that strange sound, and when I looked up, I was surprised by its source. Zack sat on the window ledge across the room, his face turned towards the sky. His sword lay across his lap, and he was sharpening it while apparently waiting for something.  
  
I lifted my head, and he noticed, glancing over. "You're awake," he smiled slightly. "Good to see."  
  
My mind blanked out. What... what was going on?! All I could remember was Zack's words... the sword breaking my cell... the darkness as he dragged me out... was it all even real?  
  
Was _this_ real?  
  
"I-I... had a dream," I managed, not certain why I said it.  
  
_It -had- been a dream... hadn't it?  
  
How could he smile like that, if it wasn't?_  
  
Zack didn't miss a beat. "You've had lots of dreams," he stated, halting his motions. I almost regretted the interruption; the sound had been strangely soothing. "I hope this time it was a good one."  
  
I looked down, gazing at the sleeping figure in front of me. Tifa was going to have a sore back when she awoke. "Is _this_ a dream?" I whispered. Slowly I began to recognize my surroundings as one of the guest rooms above _Seventh Heaven_.  
  
His smile faded, and he looked back out the window.  
  
"I don't know," he answered quietly. I couldn't miss the distant look in his eyes.  
  
Anger flared in my heart, and I sat up. "Zack, can't you answer me? Can't you tell me? What... what _happened_?"  
  
His mouth opened to speak again, but my outburst startled Tifa awake. She blearily glanced up before her eyes widened. "Cloud!"  
  
I blinked as she flung her arms around me, holding me so close I could barely breathe. "H... hi, Tifa."  
  
"Don't you 'hi' me!" she sniffled, her grip tightening as she buried her face in my shoulder. "Do you have _any_ idea how worried we've been about you?! You were gone for over four months! And when Zack finally brought you back, you were so badly confused..."  
  
I turned to Zack, and he shrugged, still looking away. "Mako poisoning," he answered my silent question. "You had a pretty extreme case. But it seems like your body has healed itself."  
  
I lifted my claw, staring at it. Mako poisoning? How much was real... how much did I imagine?  
  
_Just a puppet..._  
  
My shoulder itched.  
  
Pushing Tifa away, I reached over my shoulder, feeling the skin beneath my shirt. It felt... well, normal. Not cold, or even leathery like I expected it to be. It was as if the wing had never existed.  
  
My eyes finally met Zack's, and he shook his head. "It _was_ there," he said in a voice barely above a whisper. "I wish I could tell you what happened. It's just... gone."  
  
"Sephiroth called it," I said suddenly, as if I had just realized it. "He _called_ it out of me. I couldn't do a thing... _Sephiroth_ was there, Zack!"  
  
_Your partner... your partner was -helping- them..._  
  
Zack's expression darkened, and there was a barely visible tic at his mouth. "I know," he said simply. For the first time, I noticed two scars on his left cheek that hadn't been there before.  
  
"You knew?"  
  
He smiled bitterly at that. "I didn't say I knew _before_. Not what he was doing, at least."  
  
"But if you knew anything-" I stammered, my eyes wide.  
  
"Cloud," Zack interjected, "Seph was missing just like you were. I was trying to find you both. He found _me_ instead. End of story."  
  
I looked down. Seph... he still called him Seph...  
  
_Why?  
_   
"I'm sorry I didn't come sooner, Cloud," he continued after a moment. "There were a lot of people who didn't want you found."  
  
I stared over at the window, my eyes dark. "I'm surprised you weren't one of them," I muttered sullenly, "For all the trouble you say it's caused."  
  
Zack didn't answer, but I knew he would just give me that stupid grin of his, like it could fix everything, make it all go away. He was always like that.  
  
"Cloud..." Tifa objected quietly, and I scowled. Who's side was she on, anyway?  
  
"Don't _you_ start defending him!" I snapped. "He said to trust him - he said that everything would be okay! That I'd go off into training and become a SOLDIER like him... but look at what's happened!"  
  
_He lied to me, this whole time... why should I believe anything he says?_  
  
I closed my eyes, turning back towards them. "I don't care about his excuses! Why should I, when _he_ obviously doesn't care that I-"  
  
I felt an abrupt pain lancing across my face, halting my tirade instantly. I lifted my hand to touch my cheek, looking up towards the one who had hit me.  
  
Tifa watched me tearfully, her eyes filled with uncontrolled anger. "How can you say that?" she murmured. "How can think that Zack had anything to do with this? He tried so hard to _find_ you, Cloud!"  
  
My gaze fell to the floor. "But... four months..."  
  
"No one ever said it was easy," she sniffled. "He got hurt, and-"  
  
"Tifa," Zack called, moving closer to put a hand on her shoulder.  
  
She shrugged it off. "No! I want him to know! I want him to understand!"  
  
"Tifa," Zack repeated, his voice firm, "That's enough."  
  
"NO!" she shouted, pushing him away. "You think it's enough but I _won't_ let him think we don't care!" She whirled back on me, shaking her head in denial. "You're wondering why it took us so long to rescue you? Didn't you ever see _him_ in that cage right next to you!?"  
  
My eyes snapped open. At her words, I turned to look at Zack; he met my shocked gaze without flinching, an unreadable expression on his face.  
  
"Zack..." I whispered, "You-?"  
  
He closed his eyes and looked away. "I told you it was enough, Tifa."  
  
"Zack!" I objected, stricken. He had _been_ there, he'd been part of it, and I...  
  
Fingers suddenly wrapped around my own, and I glanced down as Tifa knelt beside my bed, burying her face against my hands. "Cloud..." she spoke softly, her words muffled against my skin, "We did everything we could. Zack even tried to fight Sephiroth... but he lost."  
  
Zack tried to smile. I was startled by his insincerity. "Don't embarrass me."  
  
"Stop pretending it's a joke!" Tifa cried, squeezing my hands so tightly they hurt. "Both of you... you're... this is no one's fault! No one except Hojo, and..."  
  
Zack shook his head. "It doesn't matter anymore. We all need to get out of Midgar. Someone's bound to be looking for us, especially if they think we know where Sephiroth went."  
  
I narrowed my eyes. "Do we?"  
  
_Do you, Zack? Are you still protecting him?_  
  
He responded with a glare. "Drop it, Cloud. He may have been my partner but I'm not that loyal. Especially not to traitors."  
  
I flushed, embarrassed by his rebuke, and hung my head. Zack was right; he'd never risk our lives to help someone like Sephiroth. "Sorry," I mumbled.  
  
He shrugged. "You were right about one thing. It _was_ me who told Seph about you - but I never meant for it to get you into this mess."  
  
"I know."  
  
"Hey." Zack turned back to us and crouched beside Tifa, offering his hand with a wry grin. "Let's forget about this and get back to our _real_ mission. We're going to find out why this was done to us."  
  
I blinked in surprise, then nodded. "Y-yeah..."  
  
"Cloud," he added seriously, "We're partners, right?"  
  
I hesitated, looking at Tifa. She gave me a shy, encouraging smile. "He trusts you, Cloud," she whispered. "We both do. We want you to come with us."  
  
"Come with you?" I turned to Zack again. "Where-?"  
  
Zack frowned, closing his eyes.  
  
"Rising Falls," he finally answered.  
  
_Rising... Falls... _The greatest castle on the Bastion, home to Ansem. Home to the man who started all this.  
  
I squeezed Tifa's hand with my own - gently, for she held on to my claw like it was real - and I gave a short nod.  
  
"Yeah," I told them both. "I'm coming."  
  
_I want an answer to these questions._

* * *

Two days later, we decided as a group that it was time to leave. During that brief respite, I learned what Zack knew of Hojo's - and Sephiroth's - planning; I learned that in their attempts to create humans who went beyond simple SOLDIERs, they grew more and more careless with their other experiments. Hojo had kept a careful watch over everything, but his assistants were far less diligent.  
  
"It just took a lot of waiting for the right moment," Zack explained. "One of them slipped up, and I got out. The Heartless, though... I guess whatever darkness they'd been feeding off of, it was too much. They broke out on their own."  
  
Somehow I wasn't surprised. "Did you fight them?"  
  
He shook his head. "A battle would've been tempting fate. Neither of us were in any sort of condition to deal with Heartless. Besides... it was strange, but they didn't pay any attention to us at all. They went straight for Hojo - he was still fighting them off when we escaped."  
  
A shadow passed across my face at the mention of his name. "So he's still alive?"  
  
Zack shrugged again. "He could be. I didn't want to stick around and be the next target if the Heartless _did_ manage to finish him off." Noticing my expression, his frown deepened. "Listen Cloud, I wanted to cram a sword down his throat just as much as you, but we couldn't risk it. Not with both of us so weak and you practically dying on me. Some things are more important."  
  
I scowled. "... I know."  
  
After all that had happened, I couldn't bring myself to argue with Zack. Knowing he'd gone through the same thing I had - knowing he took me with him when he could have left me there... once again I owed Zack my life. I just wish I had been able to help him.  
  
_ "I won't leave you hanging..."_  
  
And even after all Hojo had done to make me into an ultimate soldier... I still wasn't strong enough.  
  
On the day of our departure, Tifa had our old clothes mended and purchased what she called our "work uniforms". At my uplifted brow, she put her hands on her hips and smiled. "You're not SOLDIERs anymore, you're the hired mercenaries of a resistance group!" she announced, and I wondered what she'd gotten us into. The uniforms themselves weren't bad - almost identical to the outfit Zack had gotten for me before I'd left Midgar, aside from the colour. Zack's was the usual shadowed navy, but for me, Tifa had chosen a pale scarlet. It was an odd choice, and I told her as much.  
  
"Well _excuse me_," she stuck her tongue out, but her tone was playful. "I think it's a lovely colour, and besides, it fits the job."  
  
"Fits the job?" I echoed. _What kind of job requires mercenaries to dress like clowns?_ Thankfully I was wise enough to keep this thought to myself.  
  
"Yep!" Tifa nodded enthusiastically, rocking back on her heels. "We're out to protect the planet! It makes sense if we're supported by the elements, right?" She pointed a finger at me. "You're fire. And you," she turned to Zack, "Are water. The resistance group is earth."  
  
Zack smirked, ruffling her hair. "Little Tifa can be wind because she's the one who orders us around." She punched him. "Ow!"  
  
"All right, joke around if you like," she huffed, "But that's just how it is, so no arguing!"  
  
I quirked a smile, and Zack laughed. "If you so command, wise one," he reached out and took the clothes from Tifa, tossing the pile of red material over to me, "But Fire and Water need to get dressed, so our fearless leader had better run like Wind and get our train tickets... unless she wants to see elements unclothed."  
  
Tifa burned bright red, mumbled an agreement, and darted out of the room. As the door shut behind her, Zack looked at me and smirked as if he knew something I didn't. I _hated_ it when he did that, so I just ignored him and got dressed in my own corner. Tifa may have been a little off on the colour, but the uniform _was_ comfortable, and it was a perfect fit. I had needed new clothes anyway; the Mako seemed to have caused a bit of a growth spurt. It was a relief not to feel such a strain on my body as I wore them.  
  
Zack was still teaching me how to attach the armour he'd "liberated" from Shinra HQ to the uniform when a knock alerted us to Tifa's return. "You guys decent?" her voice called through the door.  
  
Zack chuckled as he slipped a metal band around his right glove. "Physically or mentally?"  
  
The knob turned, and Tifa strode inside, apparently satisfied by his answer. "Both," she retorted, smacking his head with three slips of paper. She then lifted them to show them off. "Take a look, boys! Three tickets for a train ride across the continent - all the way to Rising Falls!"  
  
Rising Falls... I stared at the tickets, my lips pursed tightly. So... we were actually going, now. Was I actually _ready_ to face the world again? Four months... it didn't even feel real anymore.  
  
Before we left... I had to ask.  
  
"Zack?" I called his name before I even realized it, looking over at him.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
I sent Tifa a sidelong glance, and she seemed to take the hint, quietly disappearing from the room again. I turned back to Zack, and found him studying me with a guarded expression on his face.  
  
"Ah..." I lowered my gaze, suddenly nervous. "Listen, I... if I said anything while I was-"  
  
"Geez, Cloud!" Zack suddenly flung his hands in the air, turning away. "That's what you're so worried about? You think I'm an idiot - that I don't know you were drugged out of your mind?"  
  
"I want to be sure!" I protested anxiously. "You-you don't know what I _saw_, Zack!"  
  
He halted, then glanced back at me, a hurtful smile on his face. "Yeah, I do."  
  
I blinked.  
  
He moved back to the window, picking up his sword and strapping it over his shoulder. "Grab your stuff and get ready," he told me after a long moment. "We don't want to miss the train."  
  
"Zack, what _happened_?" I couldn't help but ask, my eyes full of desperation. I had to know... what he had seen while I was so out of it...  
  
_How long were you there, Zack? Why don't I remember any of Hojo's other procedures?_  
  
He watched me warily. Suddenly, his eyes narrowed.  
  
"They said you were unsalvagable," he finally muttered under his breath, rubbing his shoulder absently. "Seph brought another scientist to continue the work using different tactics, and Hojo was left with you. But he couldn't get anything to work, so I think he gave up."  
  
He tossed me a backpack, then picked his own up off the floor and headed for the door. "You were a failed experiment," he finished, turning back to give me one last look, his expression strangely bitter. "Be grateful."  
  
I stared back at him, stunned, until he followed Tifa outside. Grateful? Be _ grateful_? That I was a failure even at _this_? Zack... was he crazy? Knowing me... how could he say that?  
  
It wasn't like I had _wanted_ to be a success for Hojo, but... to have it thrown in my face like that...  
  
_A failed experiment... does even Zack think that?  
  
Does that mean -he- was a success for them? Would he be the same person, if he was?  
  
No...  
  
I don't understand._  
  
Pushing my thoughts to the back of my mind, I hurried out of the room after my friends. If I wanted answers, I wouldn't find them just by worrying.

* * *

We made it to the station about half an hour before the train left, but none of us were feeling very talkative at that point. We were trying to lay as low as possible - Zack's face was still pretty well known in Midgar, but now we were all fugitives; Zack and I were wanted lab escapees, and Tifa would be arrested for helping us as well. Being caught wasn't an option.  
  
"If anything happens," Tifa had told us quietly, a piece of paper scrunched between her fingers, "And if we get separated, just use the phrase I taught you back at the bar. There's plenty of people in the underground who have joined up - or are at least allied - with this organization. Tell them what I said and chances are you'll find someone who can help you."  
  
As the train roared to life, the wheels churning round to pull us out of the station, I repeated the phrase a few times in my mind. It seemed so simple and useless... I couldn't believe this rebel group Tifa had signed us up with was as professional as she thought it was, but I couldn't object.  
  
She had done it for us, after all... and now she was leaving her entire life behind.  
  
And... it took me a moment to realize it, but so was Zack.  
  
_For me... they lost everything. Why? Why would they do that...?_  
  
"Cloud, you okay?"  
  
Tifa's question interrupted my thoughts, and I gave her a shrug. "I guess." I couldn't answer honestly because I didn't really _know_ how I was. The past few days had felt more like a dream than anything else - so surreal, compared to what I'd experienced.  
  
Being with friends... being _free_... it felt so strange, and I hated that fact more than anything.  
  
Tifa didn't seem to believe me, but she just frowned and glanced over at Zack, most likely for help. He didn't offer her anything substantial either, and finally she rolled her eyes and turned to the window to watch the scenery. It was probably more interesting than we were, anyway.  
  
I followed her gaze, my mood brightening as I noticed we had left Midgar and entered the more appealing countryside. In the months I'd spent in the dark city, as well as Hojo's chilling lab, I realized how much I missed the open mountains of Nibelheim. I suppose at the very core of my heart I was always meant to be in the country rather than the city. Zack would've laughed; he hated the isolation a small town presented more than anything. But he was a different kind of man, even though Nibelheim and Gongaga - his hometown - sounded almost identical.  
  
As my eyes wandered aimlessly, I caught sight of an odd yellow shape bobbing its way at a startling pace in the distance, traveling nearly as fast as the train itself. My eyes widened as I realized we were passing by a large farm, and the yellow dot was...  
  
"Choco.... choco... choco, choco..."  
  
I glanced across the train car, baffled by the chant, and noticed a young girl staring out the window, her legs swinging back and forth against the seat. Her head bobbed up and down as she looked out at the landscape, pressing her face against the glass to get a better view.  
  
"Choco... choco... three chocos!"  
  
"What the heck are you doing, kid?" An older man, sitting beside the girl, raised an eyebrow. He was chewing idly on a bit of grass, so I assumed he was from out of town as well. Either that, or above the slums where _nothing_ grew that green.  
  
She smiled cheerfully at him, then went back to the window. "Counting chocobos! See, you get a point every time you say 'choco' before anyone else, for each chocobo you see. And if you see a graveyard, you say 'Bury your chocobos!' and everybody else loses their points."  
  
The man smirked at her. "But no one else is playing the game, so why bother?"  
  
She pouted, chewing on her lower lip. "They might be," she announced, and went back to her game. The older man looked up and saw me watching; he grinned and shrugged helplessly. I turned away, somewhat unsettled.  
  
"Choco, choco..."  
  
"Bury your chocobos," I mumbled, watching with disinterest as we passed a graveyard on my side.  
  
The girl must have heard me, for she turned right around, her expression shocked. "You... you said it before me!" she gasped, trembling. "I had almost 30 chocos!"  
  
I blinked. "But... I wasn't actually..." I looked helplessly at Zack for support, but he was too busy trying to conceal his laughter. Some help he was. Tifa looked ready to do the same, though she hid it better than he did.  
  
The little girl hopped to her feet, storming over to me. "I bet there wasn't really a graveyard!" she argued, hands on her hips. I guessed she was trying to look intimidating. I stared blankly at her, and she turned to Zack, eyes narrowed. "I'm right, aren't I?"  
  
Zack shrugged, swallowing his laughter and trying to give the girl a straight face. "Sorry, kiddo. I saw the graveyard too."  
  
She pursed her lips together, then stuck her hand right in front of me. "Okay mister, I'm gonna challenge you! First one to 30 points wins!"  
  
I gave her my best glare. "No." I wasn't going to play some kid's game!  
  
"Aw, come on!" she clenched her hands into fists, eyes narrowed and determined. "I bet I could beat you! You're just _scared_!"  
  
Scared, to play a game with a little brat? I was _not_ in the mood for this. The older man across from us seemed to sense this, for he stood up and within three steps was standing behind the girl, one arm curving around her waist. Before any of us could even blink, he picked her up and hefted her under his arm like she was little more than a doll.  
  
"Sorry about that, folks," he grinned, scratching his head with his free hand. "The little lady has a bit too much spunk in her."  
  
The girl struggled vainly, kicking and waving her arms, but she couldn't tear herself free. "Mister Ciiiiid! Lemme go!"  
  
The man simply ignored her, turning around and returning to his seat. He dumped his cargo back on the seat, and she stuck her tongue out at him, giving us all a nasty look. After a moment, she returned to the window, immersing herself in her game.  
  
Zack poked me meaningfully. "Hey Cloud, why didn't you play, huh?"  
  
I gaped at him. "Are you kidding me?"  
  
"Why not? She was a cute kid," Zack added, that familiar smirk appearing on his face.  
  
I scowled at him. "That's not funny!"  
  
"Come on, I know you'd love it."  
  
"I would not!"  
  
"Sure..." His grin broadened. "I think she likes you, too."  
  
I glared in response. "I'm surprised you weren't flirting with _her_. You flirt with every other girl we meet."  
  
I wasn't surprised that he didn't think anything of my comment. He just laughed and clapped my shoulder. "Touche," he finally replied, shaking his head. After a moment he stood up, taking a seat beside the girl's companion and striking up a conversation.  
  
Which left me in the uncomfortable silence, alone with Tifa Lockheart.  
  
I swallowed audibly and glanced at her, but she wasn't paying attention to me. I was surprised by this; she'd acted like a nervous puppy since I had first woken up, following me around and asking if I ever needed anything. If it had been anyone else, I would have been annoyed, but...  
  
Tifa... I knew she wanted to help. But I could never bear to tell her that I just wanted to be left alone.  
  
"Cloud?"  
  
I started at her sudden voice, glancing over. "Y-yeah?"  
  
She turned towards me, cinnamon eyes uncertain. After a moment she looked down. "Hey... I'm sorry I've acted like such an idiot these past few days."  
  
I raised an eyebrow. While I wouldn't have put it _quite_ like that, there were times that I wondered if she could read my mind. "You... you haven't been like that."  
  
_Not that bad, anyway._  
  
She laughed weakly, brushing a hand against one eye. "You don't have to lie to me. I've just been so _nervous_, you know? I keep thinking something will happen... that I'll lose you again." She shivered. "I never want to... to lose you again..."  
  
_But why? Why, when... you don't even -know- me.  
  
You never really have. And... especially not now. Not after everything that's happened._  
  
"I'm... not going anywhere," I finally mumbled, my eyes fixed to the floor.  
  
She smiled, her expression brightening a little. "I know that, and it _does_ make me feel better. But sometimes.. I just can't help it."  
  
I frowned. "This isn't like you."  
  
_Where's the Tifa I know? Don't tell me you've changed that much, too...  
  
I don't think I could stand that._  
  
Tifa started laughing, then, and my eyes narrowed. She wasn't laughing at me, was she? _What did I say?_  
  
She wiped at her eyes again, and suddenly I realized she was crying. Her shoulders still shook from the laughter, and she was hiding it well, but I could see the wet glint against her cheeks. "Tifa, what's _wrong_?" I demanded.  
  
Turning towards me again, she offered me a brave smile. "It's nothing. I'm just... I'm happy you're with us, Cloud."  
  
I blinked, unable to speak as she spun in her seat, gazing out the window and ignoring the tears that still remained on her face. She didn't even look up when Zack returned to his seat fifteen minutes later, leaning back and giving us a sidelong glance.  
  
"That fellow's name is Cid," Zack offered after a moment, as if we hadn't heard the girl wailing it earlier. "He and the girl are stopping off at the city beyond the falls, like us."  
  
I was surprised by that. "We're not going straight to the castle?"  
  
Zack grinned and shook his head. "Nobody just waltzes into Ansem's castle, kid. And considering what's happened, we ought to be especially careful. The capital city is the best place for us for a while, until we work our way up beyond any sort of suspicion."  
  
Vaguely I wondered how Zack planned on doing that, considering we would be working for a _rebel_ group, but I didn't question it. He and Tifa knew more than I did - I just wished they would actually tell me something substantial before we got there.  
  
"Why are you telling me this?" I asked instead. "Is he traveling with us or something?"  
  
Zack chuckled ruefully. "I was just making conversation. Actually, those two are _from_ the castle - they live there. Cid's an airship pilot, but they're taking the train because the ship got attacked just outside town."  
  
"Attacked?"  
  
"Don't look at me." he shrugged. "I didn't get details either. He was mighty pissed about it, though. I think something happened with his crew. Anyway, they're getting it fixed in Midgar. I'm surprised they got a mechanic shop on it so fast, considering how bogged down that city usually is - they must have some sort of high rank in the castle, or at least are in service to the king. Maybe the girl's even related; who knows."  
  
My eyes narrowed. "I... I thought you wanted to keep a low profile."  
  
Zack just smiled again. "And part of keeping a low profile is to avoid _looking_ like you are. If we avoid talking to anyone we'll seem like a bunch of conspirators."  
  
I nodded reluctantly, seeing his point. Before I could say anything to respond, though, the train suddenly jerked backwards, as if something had tried to stop it, then sped up considerably. I lurched in my seat, grasping at the material beneath me to try and keep from falling right over. "What was _that_?"  
  
Standing up and peering down the car in the direction of the engine car, Zack's eyes darkened. "I'm not sure. Something like this happened before..." At my questioning look, he shook his head. "You wouldn't remember. It was on our way back from Nibelheim."  
  
I lowered my eyes at the mention of home, then looked back up to follow his gaze. Was something going on?  
  
"Let's check it out," Zack announced abruptly, and then he was moving through the car towards the door. I groaned inwardly, rising to my feet with Tifa right behind me.  
  
_He'd better not be serious..._  
  
The rest of the train was densely populated, the people scattered all over, and everyone looked nervous. I didn't blame them, for I was feeling much the same way. The train was still going fast - _too_ fast for it to be normal. Granted, I hadn't been on many train rides, but still... it didn't take an experienced traveler to know when a trip was getting dangerous. As the train's speed increased again, so did Zack's; Tifa and I were hard pressed to keep up with him, though she had more trouble than me. I was somewhat pleased by that thought, strangely enough. It meant that whatever I'd gone through, I was still stronger than I used to be.  
  
Pleased... and yet frightened, too.  
  
As we neared the engine car, Zack halted, pointing to the ground. It was spattered with red, and my heart leapt in my throat. Blood...  
  
Tifa clutched my arm, her eyes wide. "Whoever did this could be driving the train!"  
  
_Thanks for stating the obvious, Tifa._ I didn't speak out loud, my eyes watching Zack as he crouched beside the blood, studying it.  
  
He reached out and brushed his hand against the floor, eyes narrowed. "Claw marks," he spoke up, glancing up at us. "Cloud... take a good look."  
  
_Just me?_ I swallowed hard. He... didn't mean...  
  
But as I knelt beside him, my eyes focusing on the marks he pointed to, I understood what he meant. "I see them," I whispered. I felt a twinge of darkness centering around my shoulder, and I shivered.  
  
"They... followed us here."  
  
Tifa touched my shoulder, squeezing gently. "I don't understand," she said quietly, shaking her head. "What happened?"  
  
"It's because of me," I continued desperately, lifting my eyes to meet Zack's and ignoring Tifa's question. "Because we're connected now, right? The Heartless... they're connected to..."  
  
_I can feel them... why didn't I feel them before? Why... why are they..._  
  
"Geez, Cloud..." Zack grumbled, rubbing a hand against his forehead. "Just shut up for a minute. This isn't your fault... but we need to get off this train."  
  
Tifa's eyes widened. "But we can't just leave them with everyone!" she objected.  
  
"Of course not," Zack replied matter-of-factly. He reached behind him and touched the hilt of his sword. "We can't get caught here, though. You know that. We'll fight, and then we'll leave once the train's stopped. We're not that far from the city now, anyway, so we'll be fine."  
  
I hesitated, glancing over at Tifa. She pursed her lips, then nodded.  
  
Closing my eyes, I silently prayed that I would have the strength to face them again. Heartless... all I'd known for four months... I couldn't deny that we were connected somehow. I couldn't deny who I had become.  
  
_ "This is what you are now."_  
  
_No... not just this. Something more.  
  
But... I'm not afraid of it. I won't be._  
  
Taking a deep breath, I clenched my hands into fists - the metallic claw itching for its return to combat - and stepped forward, ready to face my enemies.

* * *

With a single kick Zack broke open the door to the main engine. He leapt inside, tearing his sword through three of the nearest Shadows and making space for Tifa and I to squeeze inside. There wasn't a lot of room, particularly for Zack's massive weapon, and he seemed to realize it. He sheathed it and lifted his fists, giving us both a nod, and we stepped up to help once again.  
  
There were five of them left, three of the flying types and two that looked much like soldiers. They seemed surprised, if it were possible, by our sudden appearance, but wasted no time in their response. We met them in the center of the room, and though we were fighting barehanded, the Heartless seemed to fall easily to our attacks.  
  
_Strange_, I couldn't help thinking, as I slashed my claw straight through one of the soldiers, banishing it to its own oblivion. _In all my time at Hojo's lab, I couldn't destroy the Heartless... not once..._  
  
I blinked away my thoughts, realizing that the car was suddenly empty save for the three of us. Tifa and Zack relaxed their stances and hurried over to the engine controls, trying to figure out a way to slow the train down.  
  
"The Heartless must have taken the engineers," I could hear Zack mutter. "Guess it's up to us. How the heck does this thing work...?"  
  
My gaze turned from them, taking a long look around the room. The Heartless... how did they get on the train? Had they been on board all along and had simply waited until now to act? But if that were true, _why_ would they do that? And how could they have altered the speed of the train, when none of us could even figure that out?  
  
Hojo himself said the Heartless weren't capable of conscious thought...  
  
I felt someone's eyes on me, and I shivered. I cast a quick glance in Zack and Tifa's direction, but they hadn't even looked up.  
  
The feeling persisted.  
  
_What... what is this...  
  
... familiar..._  
  
"Stop," I whispered, taking a step back. Tifa turned towards me, concern flitting through her eyes.  
  
"Cloud?"  
  
_Stop looking at me. I know you're...  
  
... what?_  
  
I clutched at my head, hands pressed against my temple. There was a darkness growing within me, the same shadows I'd felt for months now, and it wouldn't let me push it back into the corners of my mind anymore.  
  
_But it's over now! I... Zack got me out of there! I don't -want- to go back!  
  
I don't want it anymore!_  
  
"Cloud!"  
  
The voices of my friends were lost as I stumbled backwards, my hand reaching out above me. I felt the smooth surface of the window, and my entire body froze.  
  
Glass... I could feel...  
  
_ "This is what you are now."_  
  
_I don't want it!_  
  
I cried out, feeling the darkness sweep over me. The wing shifted painfully beneath my skin, and suddenly it was tearing outwards, passing through my body and reclaiming its lost freedom. Tifa screamed, her hands clasped over her mouth, and Zack called my name again, but the shadows were _everywhere_ and I needed to -  
  
- to -  
  
The window shattered as I slammed my claw into it, barely even flinching as the glass cut into my arm. I couldn't think, I couldn't stop, I just knew deep inside me that I _had_ to get out of there right _now_ or I'd go mad.  
  
The eyes watched me, and I could hear laughter in my head. And with sudden horror welling in my chest, I _knew_.  
  
Before Zack or Tifa could reach me, I pulled myself up and dove straight through the broken window, ready to crouch and roll when I hit the ground.  
  
Except there was no ground beneath me.  
  
My eyes widened, and a voice inside my head screamed _Idiot!_ as I realized we'd been traveling across the bridge that lay above the Rising Falls. I tumbled helplessly through the air, wondering if I deserved to die for being such a moron.  
  
_Was it stupidity or... insanity... that made me..._  
  
I didn't want to consider it.  
  
At least I still had the wing to slow my...  
  
... my... wing?  
  
_Oh good god._ I really was an idiot. I had a _wing_, and here I was falling to my death, not even trying to help myself. I closed my eyes, trying not to focus on the ground that was approaching and would greet me damn soon if I didn't do something to slow _myself_ down, and concentrated on the wing.  
  
_It's like an extra limb, right? So I can move it. Somehow...  
  
If I just try hard enough, it can save me.  
  
... how the hell am I supposed to fly with one wing?  
  
I can hear something... not just water, it... must be the city Zack was talking about...  
  
Focus!_  
  
My eyes snapped open, and I _pushed_ the wing with as much mental strength as I could, feeling a resistant shiver in response. It finally began to stretch, catching a sudden gust of air and allowing me to switch from a direct freefall into a clumsy glide. I took a moment to celebrate my small victory before I slammed gracelessly into the peak of a roof, crashing straight through. My brief flight interrupted, and my body too sore to even _try_ it again, I grit my teeth and waited for the ground to meet me.  
  
Eventually it did; my back collided with the floor of the building, cushioned by _something_ that kept me from blacking out completely. I flinched and bit back a scream, my shoulder throbbing, and tried to look around. I felt a twinge in my neck as I moved it, and I wondered distantly if something was broken.  
  
"Don't move..."  
  
I blinked tiredly at the unexpected, yet gentle voice, my gaze wandering. _Who...?_  
  
And then a face appeared over me, concern etched across the features. Bright green eyes met mine, and the face smiled encouragingly.  
  
And for the first time in months, I wanted to smile back.

* * *

AN: Woo! Biggest chapter yet. I warned you guys! I'm rather proud that I got so much accomplished. (And in only 5 days, too!)  
  
A few things...  
  
Cloud's clothes: This comes directly from Ehrgeiz - one of Cloud's alternative costumes is red instead of blue. Despite his misgivings in the chapter, he actually looked pretty good like that.  
  
Rising Falls: I know we only saw the castle and the falls in the game, but it was also stated that the world had changed a great deal. I seriously doubt that was all there to be found at Ansem's castle, so I fiddled with a few ideas before this finally came to mind. In the normal timeline, the cities of the world have had nine years to fall to the Heartless and deteriorate, so chances are there's not much left, and that's what I went with here. Just an idea to consider.  
  
Next chapter - Cloud's a bit lost in the big city! Good thing he has someone to watch over him. Or is he watching over her...? Get ready, because you-know-who has finally decided to show up...  
  
Unfortunately, this will probably be the last chapter for a while. I'm going away for the summer and won't be able to update where I am. However, I'll be sure to keep writing, so there should be a chapter or two ready for posting when I come back! Have a great summer, everyone!

Reviewer Responses:

**Jade-Jaganashi**: oO Wow... I don't think Cloud would enjoy a cinder block either... heh.  
  
**Koorino Megumi**: You must love the moogles. _Everyone_ loves the moogles.

**Seishin Kibou**: Ah, AH?! Magazine scan? Wherewherewhere? Where is Zack in _Advent Children_? Wheeeeeeere?! As for Cloud vs. Sephy, have you checked KH World? Unless they've removed the vid files... that's where I got my copy.  
  
**starhealer**: Megumi told me I'd die when I read your review. I was dead by line three and went downhill from there. I hope you're happy.  
  
**link no miko**: ... do you know, it took me about five tries to decipher that first sentence... I'm so glad I'm forgiven though, heh. And I hope the Zack chappie was worth the wait! Sorry I've leave you guys hanging all summer. Heyyyy, that line wasn't intentional until now... "Leave you hanging"... --snickers--


	17. Zack's Interlude, Part Three

This wasn't exactly my idea... heh. This is by special request, a parting gift for the summer, to anyone who happens to care. Hopefully this will also fill in a few holes I left in the past few chapters regarding Zack and Cloud and the experimentation with Hojo. Or just cause more questions, which is always fun. =grin=  
  
So... uh... bit of an angst warning ahead. Of course it _is_ Zack, thus it shouldn't be taken too seriously. =snicker= Sorry it's so short... Zack wasn't so long-winded this time, heh...

Written from Zack's perspective. Onward!

* * *

Ephemeral Blossoms  
  
Akai Kitsune  
  
Zack's Interlude - Part 3

* * *

"We didn't _do_ anything!"  
  
For what must have been the hundredth time, I looked the officer right in the eye and repeated the same thing I'd been telling him since our arrival. After Cloud's disappearance, Tifa and I had finally managed to stop the train, but several of the train guards had stormed in before we could find a way off. We could have just fought them and escaped - despite the fact that they were all well-armed, they wore the uniforms of rookies - but we were here to accomplish something, not make ourselves fugitives on the first day. Thankfully Tifa seemed to understand this, and we surrendered to the nervous enquiries of the men who'd caught us, letting them escort us back to the police prefecture for questioning.  
  
All I _really_ wanted to do was go looking for Cloud. When he'd begun to react to something in the engine room, clutching his head and screaming his lungs out, Tifa and I had of course tried to reach him, but he smashed through the window too quickly. There wasn't much we could do after that except watch him fall...  
  
Tifa yelled a little for going back to the train, but what else could I do? It wasn't as though _I_ could fly - or her, for that matter. There was also the issue of what had caused his fit in the first place, and _that_ made me worry quite a bit more than his disappearance. Cloud... he'd had a rough time lately, but he could take care of himself.

_Rough time? Who the hell am I -kidding-?_  
  
Shifting away from my thoughts and turning my attention back to the officer before me, I noticed his returning glare and fought the urge to roll my eyes. This idiot had no idea how badly I outranked him. If I was a different kind of person I'd probably have fought my way out ages ago. As it was, the idea was becoming almost too tempting for me to handle...  
  
_We don't have -time- for this..._  
  
"So we're supposed to believe that a bunch of monsters killed the engineers and somehow destroyed the bodies before you showed up to save us all from crashing?" the man retorted skeptically.  
  
I leaned an elbow on the table. "Yes," I replied icily, "And if you knew anything about examining a crime scene, you'd notice that the markings left behind aren't natural _or_ human. Of course, if you had half a brain you'd also notice the lack of bodies lying around." I raised an eyebrow. "Nice to see you guys have such a high opinion of me, but I can't just make people disappear."  
  
The officer stood up, slamming his hands on the table. "Why you-!"  
  
I watched him nonchalantly. Truthfully I figured he was trying to get me angry, because if I did then he'd have a better excuse to arrest me. I could tell he was running out of reasons to keep me here. It was just a matter of time.  
  
_Something that becomes more and more crucial as it passes..._  
  
"Am I under arrest?" I asked in an almost curious voice. "Aren't we supposed to get a lawyer or something?" The guard's glare of death intensified. Oh, he was not happy with me. Not that I found his company all that appealing either...  
  
Before the man had a chance to snap back at me, he was summoned out of the room, leaving me alone. I drummed my fingers on the table, bored out of my mind and trying to keep my thoughts away from Cloud. I knew I wouldn't stop worrying till I found him.  
_  
Geez... it took me this long to find him and the first thing I do is lose him again!_  
  
"Sir?" I lost my train of thought as a voice called from the door. "Sir, you're free to go now. Sorry for the inconvenience."  
  
_Finally!_ I stood up and hurried out, anxious to find Tifa and start tearing the city apart looking for the kid. I didn't have far to go - Tifa was already standing in the hall, arguing vehemently with a woman I didn't recognize.  
  
"Miss Lockheart, just calm down," the woman said soothingly, a firm smile on her face. "We'll take care of it."  
  
"I will _not_ calm down!" Tifa growled, then noticed me. "Oh! Zack!"  
  
Finally reaching them, I gave them both a questioning look. "Causing trouble again already, Tifa?"  
  
"_Zack_!"  
  
The woman laughed. "Not at all... Major, was the title?"  
  
The amusement left my expression immediately. "Zack," I offered instead, my eyebrows lifted meaningfully.  
  
The woman didn't even bat an eyelash. "Zack, then. Since we're on a first-name basis - pleased to meet you. I'm Jessie."  
  
_Jessie?_ Familiar name. Looking carefully at the clothes she wore, I noticed the business suit was a very distinct shade of brown. Unusual, considering the latest fads of the business industry this season.  
  
"Jessie," I echoed, letting the smile return. "A lovely name for such a charming lady. Are you the dashing princess come to rescue us?"  
  
Jessie's lips quirked as if fighting her own smile. "Maybe. Are you always this generous with your compliments?"  
  
I grinned. "For the ladies? A neverending _landslide_."  
  
A silence fell between us. Tifa set free a soft gasp and covered her mouth with both hands. After the moment seemed to have passed, Jessie looked up at me and nodded slightly. "I'm here as your guide for today. Someone's been waiting for you two."  
  
"Three," Tifa corrected tightly.  
  
Jessie's gaze flickered to the girl for a moment. "As soon as we find him."  
  
I smiled faintly. Maybe I didn't have as much to worry about as I thought. "Or he finds us. Come on, let's get out of here before they think of some other stupid reason to delay us."  
  
They nodded, and after I was given back my sword, we left the office and entered the city streets.  
  
The town below Rising Falls was a quiet but thriving metropolis, its people friendly and content for the most part. Except, of course, for the group of rebels with whom we had just joined.  
  
"It _was_ a stupid reason," Jessie agreed once we were outside. "There have been a lot of attacks recently, from creatures unlike any monsters we've ever seen. If they'd taken the time to report your description of the Heartless you'd have been out of there within an hour."  
  
I groaned. "Of _course_." Except my policeman friend didn't like attitudes. "I take it this means the disappearances are getting worse."  
  
She nodded. "Much. Because of the nature of the creatures and their attacks, they're multiplying, and reports say that some are still coming from the castle. If we don't stop this soon we'll be overrun." She gave me a pointed look. "Not just this city, either... probably the whole world."  
  
Despite the serious nature of that statement, I grinned at Tifa. "Good thing we showed up then, eh?"  
  
"Oh, by the way," Jessie spoke up before Tifa could respond, "My fee for getting you out of there comes from your first mission's pay."  
  
I winced. "A lawyer and a rebel? Heart of stone and buns of steel. Ouch."  
  
"And because I'm feeling generous, I won't charge you for that remark," she added, smiling faintly.  
  
"I think I'm in love."

* * *

The lower level of the city was a little like Midgar's slums - crammed, dirty, and constantly awake. Jessie led us through a complex mess of sidestreets and alleys until we reached a small, slightly ramshackle building on the outskirts of town. She rapped her knuckles on the door a few times, heard a grunt of a greeting, and opened the door, leading us in.  
  
"Jessie!"  
  
"Come have a drink!"  
  
"You brought the mercenaries, about damn time!"  
  
Tifa and I stared at each other, a little incredulous. The prestigious rebellion group Tifa had consigned us to had three members - four, as Jessie left us to join them - all of whom seemed a little too happy about the drink they were sharing. All, aside from the owner of the last voice, a bulky, dark-skinned man who stared at us and scowled as much as possible.  
  
The others fell silent as the man stood and approached us, sizing me up and eyeing the uniform I wore, particularly the insignia on my belt. "So, you the bigshot SOLDIER?"  
  
My lips pursed into a frown. "Ex-SOLDIER," I corrected, not even trying to keep the distaste from entering my voice. I had no reason to hide it, especially not from this man. "You're the leader of the team?"  
  
The man smirked. "Damn straight. Barrett's the name. You've met Jessie already; the boys over there are Biggs and Wedge." He offered his left hand to shake, and for the first time I noticed his right hand was actually the barrel of a large machine gun. "Welcome to Avalanche, Mr. SOLDIER."  
  
Ah. That explained the 'landslide' code. Clever, yet blatantly obvious... I could appreciate that. "Zack," I added, shaking the man's hand.  
  
The smirk broadened. "Zack, then. So who's _your_ team?"  
  
I waved Tifa over. "This is Tifa, the one who contacted you."  
  
Barrett smiled at her, and this time it was genuine. "Hope you think you made the right choice," he said gruffly. "I was told three, though."  
  
I coughed into my hand. "Cloud's... exploring the city a little before he rejoins us. He'll be along shortly."  
  
"Zack!" Tifa objected, but I shook my head.  
  
Barrett raised an eyebrow at me. "I need a third for the next mission. He'd better quit his sightseeing soon."  
  
I forced a smile. "In that case we'd better find him. While we're at it... is there a weapons shop nearby? The kid needs a sword."  
  
_And by the sounds of it, he'll need it soon._  
  
The rebel leader grumbled a bit, but pointed in a direction and nodded. "Go that way, and turn left at the fourth street. Should be a place where you can have one made."  
  
Nodding my thanks, I took Tifa by the arm and led her out.  
  
"What are you _doing_?" Tifa hissed in my ear as the door closed behind us. "Cloud's not exploring! Something happened to him and he needs our help! Why didn't you ask them?"  
  
I shrugged. "Tifa, I _know_ what I'm doing. Cloud will find us. He just needs some time. If we make it seem like such a big deal, Barrett will know something's up."  
  
"Aren't you worried?" she persisted.  
  
"Of _course_ I'm worried!" I almost snapped. After all this time, she still needed to ask me? "But not for his safety. I told you the reasons for the experiments Hojo was conducting. Think how the others would react if they knew Cloud has the potential ability to control the Heartless, and _then_ try to tell me I should have explained that."  
  
Tifa fell silent, clasping her hands together nervously. She really was worried about Cloud, so I couldn't blame her anger, and I felt badly for telling her off. The way he disappeared had been so frightening and sudden... she'd never seen Cloud like that.  
  
I smiled bitterly. He'd been so different when I first walked through the doors of the lab, Hojo's terrified flunkie leading the way with my sword at his neck. If there hadn't been so much Mako glowing in his eyes I'd have thought he was dead... it was my shock at seeing what had happened that caused my capture in the first place.  
  
Thinking of my own imprisonment drew my mind back to Cloud's fit. He'd done that once before, in the lab not too long prior to our escape. Seph... he'd been there, smirking like he'd won some important battle. He had _known_ what was happening... but he'd left before giving any answers. Cloud had quieted down soon afterwards, and it didn't take a scientist to understand who had caused it.  
  
So if Sephiroth was the one that prompted such a strong reaction in Cloud, why did he freak out on the train...?  
  
The answer was obvious and intolerable at the same time. He _couldn't_ have followed us. My hand tightened on Tifa's arm, and she gave me a confused look.  
  
"Zack...?"  
  
"Sorry," I muttered, releasing her. "Just make sure you stick close."  
  
She smiled gently. "I used to work in the slums. I know they're dangerous. But... thanks anyway."  
  
Nodding, I didn't speak again. As we continued down the street, she added, "You really think Cloud will be okay?"  
  
I closed my eyes briefly. "Yeah... yeah, he'll be fine. He'll have snapped out of it long ago. I bet he's looking for us already."  
  
"But is it safe? I mean, with all these Heartless attacks..."  
  
"He'll be fine," I repeated firmly. The Heartless weren't a problem; certainly not for Cloud.  
  
And... he wasn't the one Sephiroth was after.  
  
_"The Failure. Did you want him?"  
  
"You're not leaving this place, Zack."_  
  
Almost against my will I rubbed my shoulder, my fingers touching the spot where I knew the tattoo would be. One. Code Z.  
  
_The last shall be first..._  
  
Tifa touched my hand, and I blinked in surprise. She pulled it down and away from my shoulder, her voice hushed. "Zack, are _you_ going to be okay?"  
  
I offered a weak smile. "Hey, it's me. I'm always going to be okay."  
  
_I just need to forget. Help me forget, and I'll be fine..._  
  
Tifa looked doubtful, but she didn't argue. "Just make sure you tell us if anything's wrong!" she said sternly. "We're your friends, and we want to look out for you, too."  
  
I hid my guilty look and nodded. "I will."  
  
"Good."  
  
She didn't make me promise, which was a bit of a relief. I hated making promises I knew I couldn't keep.  
  
We reached the weapons shop, placed an order for a custom broadsword a good size for Cloud, and headed back, still not speaking much. I had the feeling Tifa was angry with me - the oppressive air of a stinted woman was like a bucket of paint dumped over your head. You knew it was there, you could feel it, but it made you feel like such a fool you pretended it didn't exist.  
  
The trip took us little more than an hour, and the rebel's 'hideout' had quieted significantly while we were away. Voices lifted in greeting as we entered, waving us inside. Glancing around the room, my eyes widened - and I registered Tifa crying out at the same time - as we caught sight of someone familiar.  
  
Cloud was safe. He'd managed to find us.  
  
And... he wasn't alone.

* * *

AN: Bwahaha. Kill me, if you can catch me.

Reviewer Responses:

**link no miko**: Yeah, I said I wasn't going to. Believe it or not, _that_ was the big thing you partially inspired, so in a sense it's _your_ fault Zack went through all that crap with Hojo. Don't you feel proud? =snicker= Actually, I should apologize, after all the worrying I put you through. Heh... okay, and I'm also gonna answer a few questions, so this might take a minute.  
  
1) If you read the timeline carefully in the Zack interludes, Cloud was missing for a while before Zack actually got there. And in chapter 11, with loopy!Cloud at the end, there's a scattered conversation between Zack, Hojo, and Sephiroth. _That_ is when Zack is captured, and he's there even though Cloud is still too out of it to know he's there. Convenient, but whatever works.  
  
2) Girl is not Kairi. NOT Kairi. It's the most obvious answer, but the wrong one. At this point Kairi is much younger, although the kid's age was unclear, so that's my fault as well. Sorry!  
  
**music nimf**: Yeah, that was unplanned for the most part, so I didn't want to make any promises and not have her actually arrive! But I'm glad I was able to fit her in.  
  
**Seishin Kibou**: You're the only one who got it right! You get cookies. By the way, I did see the magazine scan, but I've also read some articles, and there is a lot of speculation about Zack and his possible involvement in _Advent Children_. So I'm not giving up hope - I think they may actually add him in somewhere!  
**  
Koorino Megumi**: I'm never going to hear the end of it about that daydream, am I? Heh. Should I just delete it then? =snicker=  
  
**starhealer**: And you get the prize for the massively long review to match my long chapter. Kudos. Interesting that you join windows with protecting people... I always viewed it as Zack's (or anyone's) brooding spot. Hehe, Kiri! It would've been amusing if she was the kid. She'd whip Cloud's butt into shape, that's for sure. Unfortunately, Blossoms will have to survive without Kiri. (Suckage, eh?) I shall just have to capture her spirit in adorable (yet vengeful) little kids!  
  
**sore-wa-himitsu-desu**: True, Kairi's shoe would have been more amusing... my sense of humour has always been kinda skewed though, so oh well. Heh, maybe next time...  
  
Have a good summer, all!


	18. Part 15: A Walk in the Clouds

Wheee, lookie, I'm back! Yeah, go fig, eh? I decided to actually try and accomplish something, and I did. Amazing.

Anyway...

As a note that _**everyone should read if they know what's good for them**_... this is where I deviate a great deal from the usual Final Fantasy VII timeline/plot. (You'll understand by the end) And that's okay of course, because this is a combination of two fandoms and therefore can't be canon no matter how hard I try. So just keep that in mind while you read, please oh please!

Aerith's song courtesy of star, who was kind enough to send me the lyrics.

Takes place after Kairi's rescue; contains spoilers for the end of Kingdom Hearts.

Written from Cloud's perspective.

* * *

Ephemeral Blossoms

Akai Kitsune

Part 15: A Walk in the Clouds

* * *

A song drifted to my ears, and I clenched my eyes shut even more tightly, feeling a sudden warmth against my skin as I became aware of the world around me. I shifted my hand a little, feeling something soft and slightly damp beneath me. What _was_ that...?

Familiar...

My ears caught a faint sound, growing in volume as footsteps approached where I lay. Gradually I recognized it as a song, and though the lyrics were unfamiliar, I found the voice itself very soothing. I relaxed on my makeshift bed, listening in silence, as the voice continued to sing, and someone knelt beside me.

"... wings...

... unseen only by eyes...

... held by undecorated hearts..."

Hearts...

Heartless! The _train_!

Something cold and wet pressed against my forehead, and my eyes snapped open as I suddenly remembered what had happened.

I was lying on a bed of grass, flowers scattered here and there. Above me I could feel the sun shining through a rather unorthodox hole in the roof - I winced in memory of how _that_ must have gotten there. A girl sat beside me, her song cut off abruptly, startled by my sudden movement. She moved her hand away, and I reached up to touch my forehead, feeling the cloth she had placed there. She was... taking care of me?

I turned back to her, bracing my arms against the grass beneath me and struggling to sit up. She was pretty, I couldn't help but notice, with brilliant green eyes and brown hair tied in a long braid that trailed down her back. Wearing only a plain pink dress and the most gentle smile I'd ever been graced with, she was by far the only one who could make such simplicity so... breathtaking.

She lifted her hand, taking the cloth from my lap where it had fallen as I sat up, and offered it to me. "I'm glad you woke up," she said quietly, her smile widening. "I'm sorry about that... I don't sing very well."

I frowned at this, though I said nothing; it had been the most beautiful voice I'd ever heard. She misinterpreted my expression and giggled a little, blushing. "You think so too, hm? Well, I suppose listening is the least you could do for breaking through my roof."

I burned bright red. "I... it wasn't my fault," I muttered, even though it certainly _had_ been. Just... not _all_ my fault.

She laughed again, covering her mouth with one hand. A few silver bracelets jingled at her wrist. "Well, I'm sure it's a very interesting story. And it's very nice to meet you - I'm Aerith. Who are you?"

I lowered my gaze, keeping my hands limp at my sides. I was too sore to move, besides, I doubted she'd want to shake my hand anyway. I caught sight of a flower being crushed beneath my claw and I hastily moved it aside, wincing inwardly.

"Cloud," I finally answered in a lame voice. I reached up and rubbed my left shoulder, half out of nervousness and half because it was beginning to ache again. A quick glance in that direction told me that the wing was gone once again, to my immense relief. Explaining _that_ would have been a chore I'd much rather avoid.

Aerith's smile faded, her hands clasped together in her lap. "Cloud... you... you've changed a little."

I blinked. "What?"

She pursed her lips tightly. "When I first found you, you had... something on your back-"

Protective anger flared in my eyes, and I snapped, "It was nothing!"

She jumped, surprised, and the anger faltered. I looked down again, face flushed, but unable to speak further. It wasn't her business, anyway.

I didn't want to be treated like a freakshow...

"Is it painful?"

My eyes widened, and I stared over at her. She watched me carefully, concern in her gaze, but some curiousity, too.

Wasn't she scared?

I was quiet for a long time, unable to answer. Finally I replied, "Why aren't you afraid of it?"

"Should I be?"

She countered with yet another question, and I sighed in frustration, raking my claw through my hair. "I don't know. It's not something I can control, so whether or not it's painful shouldn't matter."

She smiled gently. "I'm sorry you think that. Pain can teach you things, just as easily as any joy. But only if you understand it."

I blinked uncomprehensively, and she covered her mouth, eyes wide. "I-I'm sorry! That made no sense. If you don't want to talk about it-"

"I don't," I interjected, cutting her off again. I was being rude, I knew, but so was she. Dealing with Zack and Tifa's questions would be hard enough - I didn't want to explain myself to a stranger.

My eyes widened as I remembered my companions. How long had it been since I left the train?

_They'll be worried... I need to find them..._

I tried to get up, but she placed her hands on my shoulders, trying to push me back. "Don't strain yourself! You're still recovering from a long fall, and you'll only hurt yourself again if you're not careful."

"I'm fine," I muttered, ignoring her protests and standing up. She hesitated for a moment, and then stood as well.

"You don't look fine," she noted, as I wavered on my feet. She giggled a little when I stumbled through my first step, and I glared at her, but there was no real mockery in her expression. After a moment she took my arm, a smile still on her face. "Here, I'll help you if you help me."

My gaze drifted to where her hand touched me. "Help... you?" I questioned.

Aerith's eyes glinted with amusement. "I need you off my flowers, don't I?"

Flushing with embarrassment, I let her lead me away from the odd little garden, finally getting a better look at my surroundings. "You live in a church?"

She laughed more softly this time. "No, I don't live here. But I visit a lot, and I take care of my garden when I have time. It's almost like having a second home, I suppose."

I looked up, wincing at the broken wood and the sunlight shining down from above us. "Sorry... about your roof, I..."

"Don't worry about it. You can fix it, right?" she smiled again, and it didn't take as much effort to fight back a scowl as it usually did.

"I guess so," I muttered.

"So where were headed before you... um... came to visit?"

I was grateful for the change in subject, though I suddenly felt cautious. Zack said that secrecy was important, after all. "I just arrived in town, so I don't really know. But I was separated from my friends..."

"We'll have to find them, then!" she announced. Her cheerfulness was a bit annoying, but strangely I began to feel better at the same time, though it made me more uncomfortable than anything else. "I'm looking for someone as well," she carried on. "Tell you what - I'll be your guide around town if _you_ can guard me while I'm searching. How does that sound?"

A guard? We just met, and already she trusted me with that kind of job? "What am I supposed to be guarding you from?" I asked irritably, not answering her question.

Her smile didn't falter. "Everything," she said quietly, squeezing my hand. Somehow, that single word made me agree, even though I pulled away to walk on my own.

_What are you afraid of? Why do you need me to protect you...?_

I didn't ask, though, and as we left the church it was she who broke the silence.

"I feel like I _am_ leaving home," she said in a hushed voice, glancing back at the church. "I'm going to miss this place."

I looked over at her, surprised. "Can't you come back?"

She laughed, shaking her head sadly. "No, not as often as I'd like to. I'm... moving away."

"Too far to visit?"

A glimmer of mischief entered her gaze. "Oh, did you want me to?" I scowled and turned away. "I suppose you could call it far. I'll be living in the castle from now on."

My eyes widened. The castle... "Ansem's castle? _Why_?"

She turned guileless eyes towards me. "Why not? I needed a job, and a new home, so I took it. I'll be helping out in the library and in the castle gardens. If I do well, I can live there."

I glanced back at the church. The entire building was surrounded by flowers of different shapes and colour. The mixed scent was impossible to describe, but it was the most amazing place I'd ever seen.

"I don't think you'll have trouble," I mumbled matter-of-factly, and she gently touched my arm in thanks.

We continued down the road, entering a district that resembled the slums of Midgar, the buildings dark and compressed, people darting in and out of the shadows around us. Aerith stuck close to me, but now and then she pointed out landmarks as we passed - inns, bars, shops, and important buildings to see or avoid. She was true to her world; within an hour, I knew a great deal about the city I was to live in from then on.

And... since she hadn't lied to me, I decided to take a chance. "Are the people happy here under Ansem's rule?"

Aerith was quiet for a long moment. "Most are," she finally replied. "But no city is a paradise for _everyone_. Anyone who lives in the slums could tell you how they feel."

"What about you?"

She smiled faintly. "I'll be working in his castle. Does that answer your question?"

For some reason, the thought of her working there - for my enemy, _as_ an enemy... I felt an inexplicable wave of sadness wash over me.

"At least you know what you want to do," I muttered, unable to address such strange emotions.

Her smile faded. "You sound so sad when you say that. Do you think knowing makes things easier?"

I looked up, surprised, but she merely continued walking, and I had no choice but to follow.

She stopped outside a rickity old building, and when she looked back at me, the smile was back in place. Another surprise. "The man who lives here knows a great deal about pretty much everyone in this city. He can help me find who I'm looking for - you can come in if you like, but I doubt he'll know about your friends yet."

I shrugged. "Even if there's a small chance, I'll take what I can get. I'll come in."

Aerith hesitated, making me wonder, but finally nodded and led me inside.

The interior of the house was dark, but Aerith had no trouble navigating through the mess of furniture, tugging on my hand to guide me. Even with the Mako enhancement I had trouble seeing, but once again she came through and wouldn't let me stumble.

An old man sat in the shadows, dozing quietly on a corner chair. Aerith slipped her hand from mine and knelt beside him. "Sir... sir," she called gently. "I need your help again."

The man stirred, blinking behind small spectacles, then smiled as he recognized her. "Ah, Lady Aerith. Welcome. What can I do for you?"

"Two things, if you can," she answered, waving me forward. "We've been separated from our friends, both of us from different groups. We were hoping you could help us find them."

The old man turned squinting eyes towards me, and even in the darkness I could see the age-old wisdom hidden in their depths. "How did you come to be separated from them?" he asked, and there was a moment of silence, both of us wondering who the question was meant for.

Finally I took a deep breath - swallowing my pride at the same time - to respond as I'd been instructed to by Tifa. "It was a landslide!" I forced myself to say, and then my eyes widened as another voice joined mine at the same time. I whirled around to face Aerith, who stared back at me with a similar expression of surprise on her face.

What? _She_ was part of it too?

_How...?_

Another silence fell between us, and suddenly the old man chuckled, patting Aerith's hand. "It seems as though you've found one friend already, my lady," he said musingly. "The others should be waiting a few blocks north of here, at the abandoned restaurant. Look there, but go carefully."

Still stunned, Aerith straightened up, quietly thanking him and taking my hand to guide me out. As soon as the door shut being us I wrenched free, staring at her. "You... you've joined-"

"Shh!" she covered my mouth, and I fell silent, pushing her hand away. "Yes, I'm part of Avalanche. Not so loudly, though..."

"But you're working at the castle..." I began, trailing off as I realized how foolish I was being. A job at the castle, right under Ansem's nose... wasn't that what Zack and Tifa's intentions were? And here this girl had beaten us to it.

"Ansem's changed a great deal in the past few months," she explained in a quiet voice. "He used to be a kind ruler, though he kept mostly to himself. But he's been secretly creating these monsters... these _Heartless_, and I can't sit by and do nothing anymore. I want to help stop him." She lifted her gaze to meet my eyes. "We've all lost something to the Heartless, Ansem's _experiments_. I lost my home, and my mother. Why have _you_ joined the resistance? What did you lose?"

_None of your business,_ I wanted to say. I wanted to push her aside and find the rebels on my own. I didn't want to be _near_ her anymore.

_You're doing something to me._

_I don't like it._

Instead I looked down, curling my claws into a fist, shuddering at the sickly feeling of metal moving above and beneath my skin.

"Myself," I answered faintly.

_I don't know who I am anymore._

_"Just a puppet..."_

Suddenly I felt fingers close around my clawed hand, and I looked up, fear and surprise mingling in my eyes.

But in _her_ eyes, I found only determination.

"I said I'd help you, Cloud," she murmured. "I didn't lie."

And... somehow I'd known. I'd known she was going to follow me.

_I don't want your help._

I couldn't force the words out of my mouth, any more than I could hold back my nod.

"Let's go."

She was already moving, pulling me along with her. At that moment I knew... she would have followed me whatever answer I'd have given her. I didn't know what to think about that.

* * *

It took us less than half an hour to find the building the old man had described. I was surprised at what I saw - this was no great fortress, or even a secret hideout of _serious_ rebels. It was, as we'd been told, an abandoned restaurant. It was also the most pathetic structure I'd ever seen.

Aerith didn't look daunted by its appearance. "Come on," she encouraged, tugging at my arm. "Let's meet with the others."

Holding back any retorts I might have had and swallowing my pride, I followed her inside. Great. The place wasn't even guarded.

We were greeted cheerfully enough by two men and one woman, all of them recognizing Aerith already. Leading me over, she smiled brightly and announced, "This is Cloud; he's part of the team. Have his friends arrived yet?"

"So _you're_ the third."

At the new voice, we both turned. A bulky man wearing a gruff expression stormed down the stairs from the second floor, looking me up and down.

_Third?_

"Awfully scrawny for a SOLDIER," he surmised. I bristled.

"I'm not a SOLDIER," I growled back, "But I can hold my own. Where are Zack and Tifa?"

The man shrugged. "Looking for you. The name's Barrett - good of you to join us, Spike."

Spike? _Spike_?! What kind of a name was that? Aerith started to giggle, though at the name or my expression, I couldn't guess.

"My name is _Cloud_," I said firmly, trying to sound halfway intimidating. It might have worked if I hadn't been 15 years old and little over half the man's height.

Barrett raised an eyebrow. I got the distinct impression that he didn't care. "You're part of Avalanche now," he rumbled after a moment, "And if your girl didn't tell you already, I'm the leader. Here's your first order - sit down and wait for the others. As soon as everyone's here, we're startin'."

I glared daggers at him as he disappeared into the back room, but Aerith tugged me towards an empty couch. It nearly sunk as we sat down, and though it was a little undignified, I had too much wounded pride at that moment to complain.

The other woman introduced me to the remaining members of the resistance group. They now had, in total, eight members. _Thanks so much, Tifa._ I made a mental note to show my appreciation to her for signing us up with such an organized bunch when I saw her again. Vaguely I wondered if she had known ahead of time and had done this on purpose... for whatever reason. I couldn't see the humour in any of this...

I didn't have much time to think about it. Although to me it seemed an eternity, shortly after we arrived, the door opened and finally Zack and Tifa stepped through.

Their eyes swept over us, catching sight first of me, then of Aerith who sat right next to me. I was suddenly aware of how close she was, and I looked up uncertainly to meet Tifa's gaze.

"I'm so glad you're safe, Cloud," she spoke quietly, not moving any closer since she'd frozen in the doorway. "Who's your... friend?"

Inwardly, I winced. "This is Aerith. She's part of Avalanche. She, um, helped me get here."

Tifa eyed us both warily, but Aerith just smiled brightly. Finally the darkness in Tifa's eyes faded, and she stepped over to shake Aerith's hand. "I'm Tifa. Welcome to the team, I guess."

"Thank you!" Aerith beamed. Tifa released her quickly, turned to me... and flung her arms around my neck, hugging tightly.

Panic flared in my expression, but for that moment I had no idea why.

"Don't ever do that again, you hear me?" Tifa whispered into my ear.

I swallowed hard. "I'll... try not to."

"You'd better."

She drew back after a moment, and I looked up just as Zack stepped forward. I offered him a tiny, sheepish smile, ready to apologize for disappearing - despite the fact that it really hadn't been my fault - when I realized it wasn't me he was looking at.

Aerith stood as Zack reached her, shaking hands as she and Tifa had done. Before they pulled back their fingers lingered together for a moment, eyes meeting, and suddenly it seemed to me like they could see only each other. I watched Zack's expression, wary, as something in his eyes appeared to... change.

I wondered if it was the same for Aerith, whose face I couldn't see, and for some reason that thought infuriated me more than anything.

Zack finally broke the silence with a smile. "I'm Zack," he offered.

"Aerith," she replied in a quiet voice, even though I had introduced her a moment earlier. He didn't comment. "Nice to meet you."

"Likewise."

I remained where I was for as long as I could stand the silence, then I looked at Zack, speaking up. "You went looking for me?"

Zack blinked, meeting my gaze as he released Aerith's hand. "Yeah, sort of. We've also ordered a weapon for you - since we'll be working soon, you'll need it." He grinned.

"Finally someone's showing some sense!" Barrett growled, re-entering the room, his feet pounding loudly on the cracked tile. "About time you all showed up. Now we can get moving again."

Right. Like it was _our_ fault his directions had to be so cryptic? I didn't have time to voice my thoughts, though; Jessie, the woman who had introduced me to the others, stood up, dutifully withdrawing a photo from a folder that rested beside her chair.

"Here's the scoop, newcomers," she explained quietly, slapping the image onto the table centered between us. "This is Ansem's castle, which can be found above the city, just beyond the Rising Falls. Ever been there? No? Well, you'll be going now. We've managed to get a foot in for three positions in the king's service; assistant librarian, apprentice cook, and castle guard. Aerith, you've already gotten yourself a job, correct?" Aerith nodded. "Good. Tifa, since you ran an inn, the cook job's right up your alley." Jessie's gaze turned to where Zack and I were sitting. "And our former SOLDIERs will apply for the duties of the guards."

"I'm not a SOLDIER," was all I could think to mutter, fists tightening, aware that I was repeating myself. I felt a hand squeeze my arm, and I looked over at Aerith, my eyes flickering to where she had touched me.

"It doesn't matter who you used to be, right?" she murmured encouragingly. "You're part of Avalanche now. You're part of _our_ team."

Surprised by her quiet confidence, and remembering her resolution to do as much as she could from earlier, I didn't argue anymore, while Jessie continued to lay out our plans. I tried hard to pay attention, but my mind kept wandering back to the girl who remained as my side. I was sure she had no idea how deeply I had taken her words to heart.

And I wasn't the only one.

* * *

AN: See what I mean by changes? But this is all part of the fun, right? Heh... we'll see how this all flows together. (And don't you all just loooove love triangles? You know you do...)

I won't claim to be an expert on how Ansem ran his castle, or the world for that matter. This is a fanfic, and thus I claim creative license on everything. Please keep that in mind as well!

Sugar cookies for the first one to guess who the old dude is! Not that it isn't pretty obvious...

Chapter 16: Cloud's not happy. (What else is new?) Warning - excessive whining ahead! Oh yeah, and Zack dies.

Just kidding. But some of you may wanna kill him. =grin=

Reviewer Responses:

**link no miko**: You'll find out about the girl next chapter. Just be patient.

**Seishin Kibou**: =sends cookies= Have you seen some of the latest magazine scans? There's a pic of Zack from the special flashback scene in AC graphics. Looks like Zack's in AC after all!

**Jade-Jaganashi**: Yay for playing FF7! Hope you're enjoying it!

**Koorino Megumi**: =can't say anything because she's too amused to speak again=

**sore-wa-himitsu-desu**: Zack... well, I leave things with him pretty vague, I'm sorry to say. Most stuff shows up in the RP, truthfully...

Till next time!


	19. Part 16: Say You Won't Say

Go me, this didn't take long at all. Cheers for Cloud/Aerith/Zack! (Because I'm evil and live to torment.)

Takes place after Kairi's rescue; contains spoilers for the end of Kingdom Hearts.

Written from Cloud's perspective.

Onward!

* * *

Ephemeral Blossoms

Akai Kitsune

Part 16: Say You Won't Say

* * *

I jogged through the halls of Ansem's castle, trying to keep the mask of irritation from entering my expression. Over two weeks, we'd been working there - Aerith in the gardens, Zack and I in the barracks with the other guards, and Tifa in the kitchen. I was just coming from the kitchen, bearing with me our next assignment... as well as a rising anger in my heart.

Two weeks, and we'd found _nothing_ to connect Ansem any further to the Heartless than what we already knew. Knowing was one thing, but proving it...

_How do you bring down a -king-?_

I had to admit it was a valiant effort. Though small, Avalanche was surprisingly organized, and where they lacked intelligence or common sense - particularly their hot-headed leader - they made up for in spirit. Saving the planet from the growing threat of the Heartless was obviously important to them. And it wasn't as if the king made it easy for us. Certain areas of the castle were blocked off or restricted, and even the highest ranking guards were limited as to how far inside the castle they could go. As one of the newest guards - and the youngest, besides - I didn't have many privileges. Zack just said it took time, but that was something we didn't exactly have a lot of.

And Zack... I was _sure_ it was his fault I was so angry.

I'd spent nearly an hour trying to find him before I finally went to the kitchen for help.

"Zack?" Tifa echoed the name when I asked her, and then she smiled cheerfully. "Sure, I saw him earlier. He's in the gardens."

_With Aerith._ The words lay unspoken between us. I don't know what _she_ was so happy about; the thought of them together infuriated me for reasons I couldn't yet acknowledge.

From what I had seen of Aerith, I figured she was bright enough not to fall for Zack's typical girl-chaser charm. He'd had a notorious reputation in Midgar, and... well, part of me had been hoping Aerith wasn't going to be his first target upon arriving. Even the business-minded Avalanche woman seemed more likely to fall for his blunt flirtation. Not Aerith... she was too smart for that.

Except that she was _always_ with him. Except that whenever we were together, all she could talk about - eyes averted, face flushed - was Zack.

I was constantly torn between keeping silent and telling her how less-than-reputable he could be if it suited him. Probably the only reason I _cared_ was because I'd met her first... she had asked me to guard her.

But... did I really have to guard her from her own teammate? And it wasn't like he would force her into anything...

It didn't quell my anger, though, and I was all too obliged to interrupt them with another scouting mission.

The captain of the castle guard was an exceptionally resourceful man. He'd accepted Zack and I into his squad, no questions asked, but at the same time limited our duties mostly to outside the buildings, in case we weren't as loyal as we wanted him to believe. Tifa was treated mostly the same in the kitchen; she was getting sick of washing dishes, but to the cook - and probably Ansem and his court - poison wasn't a worthwhile risk. It showed he was an intelligent man, if anything, but it also meant that our job was a lot more difficult.

So, there I was, with another scouting mission waiting for us later that night. I just needed to find Zack... and that was often a chore by itself. Him being with Aerith was good and bad, in a way. It was easy to find him, but I usually didn't _want_ to.

I was halfway through the gardens when I heard voices, hushed and familiar. Ordinarily I wouldn't have waited to interrupt, but for some reason I hesitated; there was something in the tones that made me want to listen.

"How long are you going to wait?" I heard Zack ask. There was no indication of his usual jest or flirtation, something I found surprising.

"I don't know," Aerith replied quietly. "I'm not so sure of _anything_ anymore."

"Maybe it would be smarter for you to wait."

She laughed lightly. "This from you?"

There was a long silence. Then, Aerith's apologetic murmur, "I'm sorry. That was unfair."

Zack shrugged it off, though his voice was clipped. "I probably deserved it at some point."

"But not from me."

"No?" he repeated questioningly. "You can't say I've acted exactly the way I should have. Not the way you wanted me to, anyway."

I could hear the smile in her words. "Oh... I really _should_ apologize. You're awfully concerned with my needs."

"Don't tease me," he almost growled. "That _is_ unfair, and you know it."

"I'm serious."

"But not as serious as I am," he finished, and I was surprised to hear... resignation? ... in his voice. "Isn't that why you called me here?" She hesitated, so he forged ahead. "Why am I here, Aerith? Are you asking me to _tell_ you what to do? As if you don't know what my answer would be?"

"Zack-"

"_Why_?" he repeated firmly. "What is it you're trying to say?"

I shifted to see them, still concealed by the plants around me. I looked at Aerith, and I waited for her response, breath caught in my throat.

When she finally spoke again, her voice was timid, her head bowed to hide a blush. "What if... what if I told you I loved _you_?"

My eyes widened in surprise. And then, Zack did something I never expected him to do; he threw his head back and _laughed at her_.

I stared at them, shocked and silent, as Aerith's tiny blush set her whole face aflame and she turned away. Infuriated by Zack's response, I spun and fled the gardens, unable to listen any longer.

_Why... why did she ask -him- that? And... why'd he laugh...?_

* * *

Zack returned to our shared bunking several hours later, looking surprisingly cheerful if one ignored the bright red handprint on his cheek. My face had already formed into a permanent glower since leaving the gardens, so it took barely any effort to focus on the book I was reading with the angriest glare I could manage.

Zack wasn't bothered by it, though he _must_ have noticed. "What are you reading?"

"Aerith lent it to me," I replied meaningfully, "From the library."

Zack blinked innocently. "That's a weird answer, but okay."

If there was anything that made me even _more_ angry, it was Zack feigning ignorance when I was trying to be serious. I sat up on my bed abruptly, eyes blazing. "Why did you laugh at her?"

He didn't even miss a beat, although I expected him to. "Why did you listen?"

I stopped short. "You... you knew I was there?"

Zack grinned. "Hey, I taught you how to fight. But you taught _yourself_ how to be a womanizer, and you're not very stealthy about it."

I spluttered. "I am _not_-"

"Uh huh, sure."

"I'm not!"

"But," Zack leaned towards me, the grin broadening, "You never answered my question."

I gave him a sullen stare. "Neither did you."

"Good!" he laughed. "We're even. What's next?"

I sighed inwardly, knowing I wouldn't get anywhere with that subject, and tried a different approach. "Did... did Aerith do that?" I gestured vaguely to his new face decoration.

Zack shook his head, plunking down on his own bunk. "Nope! After I left the garden I thought I'd go visit my _other_ favourite lady." He eyes shone with amusement. "I said something to Tifa that she was too young to understand. Turns out there's a woman working in the kitchen - an older woman - who looks exactly like Tifa from behind..."

"And she got the joke," I finished sardonically.

Zack grinned almost proudly. "Seems there are some things a good-looking face can't fix."

At his words, I gave him another glare, then turned away.

"Aw, Cloud, will you _stop_ that?"

I ignored him.

"You're sulking like a little girl."

Burning bright red, I growled, "Am not."

"Yeah... fine, I'm sorry."

"I'm not the one you should be apologizing to."

He was quiet for a long time, and then I heard him stand. At first I thought he was heading for the door, but then he appeared in front of me, crouching down with the most serious expression I'd ever seen on his face.

"You want to know why I laughed?" he asked quietly.

Eyes startled wide, I nodded wordlessly.

Zack shook his head, averting his gaze for a long moment. Then glanced back at me, a small smile on his lips.

"Cloud, you _twit_," he told me with the utmost conviction in his words, "I laughed because she loves _you_. God knows why."

"Wha-what?" I spluttered. So much for dignity.

Zack rolled his eyes. "She. Loves. You."

"But she's always with _you_!"

"No," he corrected firmly, "_I'm_ always with _her_. She's never been the one to do the chasing, unless it's as nothing more than a friend. And... as her friend, I know what she's after."

I swallowed hard, not sure how to respond to the words _or_ the odd expression on his face. "But... why would she-"

"Didn't I just tell you?" Zack shrugged, getting up to return to his bed. "Damned if I know. You're not even as cute as I am." He grinned playfully.

"_Zack_!" I leaned forward angrily, but before I could speak, or even _blink_, suddenly his sword was in front of me, pulled from beside his bed, the handle inches away from my eyes. I lurched back in surprise. "Hey..." I objected quietly, pushing it away, but he moved closer, holding it out to me.

"I'm telling you now, Cloud," he murmured, his expression intense and serious, "This is the sword that is going to protect her. It'll be the one to keep her safe, because the one who holds it will be the one who holds her."

I blinked. "Is this some sort of bet?" I asked warily. Zack had a strange relationship with women in general, but it wasn't like him to treat his source of affection so flippantly.

He shook his head, still unsmiling. "It's a promise."

I narrowed my eyes. "I'm not-"

"Interested, I know," Zack finally grinned, his tone playful again. "You're not interested in anything except fighting and just getting by. That's the trouble with you, Cloud - you're too full of it to let yourself out a bit."

"Full of _what_?"

"Full of strife," he smirked, then dodged my angry punch. He tilted the sword towards me again. "Seriously though, kid, I want you to understand."

"I understand," I scowled, putting my hand on the hilt below his, "But I don't know why you're so worried."

Zack just laughed, the same loud, piercing sound that usually made everyone turn to look and see who was so happy. He clapped me on the shoulder, still chuckling to himself as I watched him in irritation.

"You," he finally choked out, "Are _hopeless_."

I knew that. I had known that for a long time. Hopeless in so many ways, on so many levels. Growing up a forgotten child in Nibelheim, living as nothing more than a lab specimen for months with Hojo - in MY town, even - wasn't exactly the best way to become someone like Zack. I couldn't act like him. I could never be the sort of man Zack was.

But he tried; he tried to help me, and he never gave up. That's why I never wanted to leave him.

He was... my friend. My first real friend. My _best_ friend.

And even I knew what he was giving up, then.

Pulling the sword back and propping it up against the wall, Zack lay back down on his bunk, arms crossed behind his head. After a moment, as I stared at him in silence, he gave me an odd look and said, "Why the hell are you still here?"

"Wha-"

"Go talk to her!" He rolled his eyes. "She's waiting for you in the gardens."

I was on my feet before I even realized it, and my expression made him laugh again. Giving him a nasty look, I left the guardhouse, the focus of my thoughts drifting to the girl who - supposedly - awaited me.

He had to be mistaken. We'd barely spoken since that first day... certainly not like she and Zack. Most of our time had been spent trying to accomplish our goals for Avalanche. At least that's what _I'd_ been concentrating on, despite our miserable progress so far. I wasn't really the type to go for romance anyway. I'd always been far too shy, but after Nibelheim, especially, it was the furthest thing from my mind.

_So why am I practically racing to the gardens if I'm only going to tell her no?_

I was so deeply immersed in my thoughts, I didn't even notice the figure in front of me as I turned a corner and barreled straight into him. It was like hitting a wall, and I stumbled to the ground, eyes startled wide. "H-hey-" I protested, and was interrupted by a laugh.

"Whoa, kid! Why such a rush?"

I blinked, looking up to see a rough, blond-haired head peering down at me through a faint cloud of smoke. "Cid?" I gaped at him, even more surprised that it was him. "You're... back early."

Cid reached out and pulled me to my feet. "You can say that again. That's 'cause I got my girl back."

I let the ghost of a smile touch my expression. "Your ship, or Yuffie?"

He snickered, cuffing my head none-too-gently. "Feh. You're more of a brat than she is. What I mean is, the Highwind is back in the sky again, and as ready for duty as I am."

I nodded my congratulations, but inwardly I winced. The repairs went ahead of schedule, and that meant Avalanche would have to work a little harder as well. We figured that Cid - the castle's best pilot and master of the shipyard - had neither idea nor care of what he was carrying, but we had our suspicions. Zack himself remembered seeing the insignia of the royal family on one of the boxes used to transport the Heartless... not that we could accomplish anything on his word alone.

"Speaking of the little princess," Cid continued sarcastically, "You haven't seen her around, have you?"

I shrugged. "Not lately." Yuffie - the annoying kid I'd met on the train - was living in the castle at the behest of her rich (though often inebriated) father, who was a fallen lord of the western continent. As his heir, it was her duty to learn how to act like one, and the castle's duty to teach it to her, apparently. A joke among the castle's servants was that no one was certain _what_ exactly an heir was supposed to learn, for Yuffie's daily activities mostly involved annoying _everyone_ and practicing her meager ninja skills whenever it was the most inconvenient.

Despite her antics everyone seemed to like the kid. I avoided her like the plague.

Cid was with her the most, it seemed; he had been the one to bring her to the castle, and she'd latched onto him. I figured she was just another lonely kid at heart.

Didn't mean I had to like her, but I didn't hate her, either.

Cid sighed in exasperation, raking a hand through his hair. "She's probably trying to cartwheel her way through the library or something," he grumbled. "She'll never learn unless she breaks something, I swear."

"You mean breaks something of her own," I commented dryly, but my mind was drifting to other things. Thinking of the library made me think of Aerith, and I didn't really _want_ to think of Aerith...

The other man just laughed, ignorant of my thoughts, and flicked the ashes off his cigarette. "Good point. In that case, I better keep looking, huh..." He pounded casually on my shoulder and started off down the hall. "See you around, kid."

"Don't call me kid," I muttered after him, my lips pursed into a faint scowl. I hated being called one, but being treated like one was infinitely worse. Probably the only one I didn't argue with about the nickname was Zack.

Zack was the only one who could call me kid without me getting mad at him. I guess it was because when he was around, I _felt_ like a kid - simply because he acted like one. With him, I almost felt like I could be a kid again too. It wasn't so hard anymore.

Nothing was _ever_ hard with Zack around. He always had a way to make things easier for everyone. I don't know how he did it...

... and again, thinking - this time of _Zack_ - brought my thoughts back to my own destination, and I quickened my pace, moving swiftly towards the gardens.

* * *

Aerith had done wonders for the place. She'd been hired to work in the library, but it was obvious that her true gift lay with plants. The castle garden had been changed from an overgrown mess if misshapen trees and shrubs to an incredible arrangement thriving more beautifully than her garden at that broken-down church. She claimed that it was simply a "gift of the planet", something I didn't exactly understand, but to me it was just modesty.

I made my way through the garden paths, finally tracking her down among the rosebushes. I'd always wondered why she liked them so much, but at least it made her easier to find. Like Yuffie and bookshelves, I couldn't help but think wryly. "Aerith?"

She started and turned her head to face me, her expression brightening into a smile as she caught sight of me. "Cloud! Ah... I was, um... wondering if you'd come. Zack, he..."

I pursed my lips. "We talked," I mumbled, suddenly feeling very foolish. What was I supposed to tell her? Wait for her to speak first, have her reject Zack then be rejected by me all in one day? Was that fair?

_Who says Zack's right?_ a voice whispered in my head. _Who says she really does love you?_

_... and who says you'd say no?_

I quickly crushed _that_ voice like an irritating fly. I had no mind for romance. Especially not for Aerith, whom I barely knew.

"Here," she spoke up, passing me a tray of tall seedlings, "Hold this, will you?"

I took it numbly, distracted from my thoughts by the sudden scent coming from the plants. "You..." I swallowed hard. "You're planting... lilies?"

She looked up at me, pleasantly surprised, probably because I knew the flower. "Why yes. If you find the right type, roses and lilies are the perfect match." She reached for the tray again, our hands touching for only a moment as she gently pried a flower from its small cubby. "But you have to be careful," she added almost teasingly, "Or the roses will choke the lilies."

I watched her as she dug a hole and planted the first of the new flowers, her fingers deftly moving and adjusting the soft earth to support the roots, before moving on to the next one. I waited in uncomfortable silence, not wanting to interrupt her work, until she spoke again.

"Zack told me you liked them," she told me in a soft tone, lifting her eyes to meet mine. "The... lilies, I mean."

I tried to make my expression sullen, but it fought with the blush streaking across my face. "W-well... Zack's wrong," I mumbled.

"Oh?"

"I hate lilies." My gaze fell to the half-empty tray in my hands.

"Oh." When I looked up again, she had turned back to her work. "Strange, then, that he'd said that."

Strange that he'd _known_, actually. "Maybe he's a bad guesser." _Or maybe I talk in my sleep._ My mind drifted briefly to my Mako-induced illness, and I wondered what else Zack knew.

"Could be," she replied curtly, and I winced, hoping she wasn't insulted.

Taking a chance, I swallowed hard, and added, "Maybe you got us mixed up."

She laughed lightly, though by her expression, it seemed forced to me. "And how would I have managed that?"

"Zack..." My gaze drifted back to the flowers. "He... he likes roses."

Aerith was silent for a long time, her hands frozen against the soil.

"One of the roses hurt him," she finally whispered. "I... don't think it's mutual."

I closed my eyes, now regretting my harsh words to him. I'd badly misjudged the situation, as well as Zack's own feelings. And hers, apparently, though I didn't want to acknowledge it.

"What would you plant with roses, Cloud?" I opened my eyes, only to meet hers, the green gaze full of anticipation... almost pleading for an answer.

_What_ answer?

_"She loves you."_

_What would I..._

"I..." I held her gaze for as long as I could stand, trying to find my words, my own _feelings_... but I found nothing but more questions.

And in these questions, I grasped at an answer that was more of an escape than anything.

"I think... roses... I'd leave them by themselves," I mumbled, lowering my eyes again. _Coward_. "At least... until a... another flower plants itself there. The _right_ flower."

Carefully, I crouched down and put the tray on the ground beside her. As I straightened up, I heard her murmur, "By themselves... is it?"

Cursing my own indecision, I could only nod, then, without waiting for a response, turned and nearly fled the grounds.

She didn't move to follow me, thankfully, but her words echoed through my mind, and I couldn't help but wonder if I had made a terrible mistake.

_"She loves you."_

_When have I ever had that luxury...?_

* * *

AN: Does it seem like I'm rushing it? My bad. I guess I'm just anxious to dish out a good dose of verbal Cloud-bitchslapping. And everyone loves that, apparently.

The rose and lily patch - This is actually true; we have a spot at my cottage with a whole pile of tiger and orange lilies tangled up in roses. Only problem is, the roses have a tendency to die on us. One of life's little ironies, if you consider the paradox with the characters...

It's really hard to explain Zack's actions in this chapter. Like, really, seriously, almost impossible. This was a horrible chapter to write, and next chapter will be ten times worse. I dread it... so my question to you is, am I posting another interlude to attempt to explain myself, or shall I just leave you wondering? Heh...

I was amused and surprised that nobody got the old dude. It was Maechen from FFX, better known as Exposition!Man. I figured the "Lady" reference would give him away, but I fooled you all! Bwahaha...

Reviewer Responses:

**link no miko**: So I've finally answered your question. Ne, is the squeak happy?

**Koorino Megumi**: I wrote that comment just for you. Be grateful!

**Seishin Kibou**: That is the BEST SCENE in the entire game. Seriously. Find it! And Hojo in AC... shudders Only if he dies.

Till next time! 


	20. Zack's Interlude, Part Four

  
Total Zack ramble. Boo the freaking YA. I think this interlude is my favourite... I'm not sure why yet. 

This interlude is mostly for the HoP readers, who know what everything means and thus can agonize over it.

Written from Zack's perspective. Onward!

* * *

Ephemeral Blossoms  
  
Akai Kitsune  
  
Zack's Interlude - Part 4

* * *

Cloud Nine.

A common, though a bit old-fashioned phrase, used to describe a heavenly situation.

Well... there was nothing particularly heavenly about _Cloud_, who'd been acting like an ass lately, but despite the miserable turns life had taken, I found myself to be in a surprisingly good mood.

I'd always prided myself as an optimist; any situation could have a good side, any wrong turn could lead to a better destination. Cheesy crap like that was what I thrived on, if only so I could avoid being an angsty jerk like Cloud was turning into. I wished there was more I could do to maybe cheer the kid up. Sometimes he would even depress _me_, and if there's any one thing that annoyed me, it's people who put a damper on my trademark grin.

_Nobody_ touches the grin.

Why the good mood, people might ask? Well, maybe _one_ person, anyway - Tifa, the one who knew why I had good reason to be unhappy. Er... the only one who wasn't already moaning over his own existence... anyway, Tifa was dying to ask, I could tell, but she never dared. She'd asked if I was all right, and I'd answered; she'd seen through my lie, and I could deal with that so long as she could live with not hearing the truth. I'd had an unspoken understanding with Barrett when our duties were handed out - _look after the kids_. That's all they were, really. Just a couple of teenagers itching to save the world. Or, in Cloud's case, trying to find a way to avoid thinking about what to do now... I was trying to do both my jobs, and if protecting them from my _own_ problems was part of that, fine.

But... especially Cloud, no matter how his actions or attitude angered me.

It's like life stopped for him when we got away from Hojo's lab. He'd been a really great kid, better than most of the recruits I'd seen. I hadn't been lying when I told him he could have been a SOLDIER; he was scrawny, sure, but most kids were. _I_ had been, when I first joined. Bulky swordsmen don't usually live long, simply because they're just too slow. Cloud had speed, and in time he would've had some great skill. I still couldn't see why Hojo deserved that kind of potential.

Then again, I couldn't see Shinra letting the top two military officers just walk away, but apparently even they couldn't say no to Sephiroth.

And thinking of Sephiroth ruined my good mood, so at times like that I liked to turn my mind to another pair of green eyes - eyes full of mirth and not madness.

_One of the kids._

It made me feel guilty, though, to think that; she _was_ a kid in a way, just a teenager, but... I couldn't help it - I saw nothing but an adult in her. Free-spirited, gentle, _cheerful_, thank god. In all the times I spoke to her, even when she talked about her past - and every back story was a bad one nowadays, it seemed - she never made it sound like a cry for sympathy, but neither did she act impassive. It meant something to her, but she didn't expect anyone else to make a big deal out of it or even _care_. She simply told, smiled, and moved on.

_Moved on._

I wished Cloud would take a hint. It wasn't that he was stupid - far from it, though sometimes he deserved a good smack for his ignorance - just that he didn't _want_ to care.

And despite the fact that they never spoke, despite the averted glances and hidden blushes that made me want to groan and wonder what kind of high school soap opera I'd joined... I think part of me knew, that first day, that Cloud and Aerith would inevitably be together.

Idiot, me.

Maybe it was my old self trying desperately to climb out of its exile, the one that boasted to many a comrade that he could charm his way into the life of _any_ lady. I mean, come _on_. The grin, I'm telling you...

... Er. Maybe I was trying to show off, to prove that hey, mad scientists be damned, Major Zack's still got it. Whatever 'it' is.

_You can't change who you are._

_But sometimes... sometimes, other people can._

There's old legends, great, grand titles, boasting that the most brilliant of loves is love at first sight. The kind that only shows up in books, the kind that hits you and screams that's IT! No more, this is the one, you'll never find another like this so pay attention and don't miss it. This is your chance. Your time.

Your love.

_Mine._

In the old stories, it's mutual. Boy sees girl, loves girl. Girl sees boy, loves boy. You read that, you think, no way could this ever happen in real life.

It happens.

But not the way you want it to.

Life's a bitch. That's another common phrase. And do I ever _hate_ that one.

* * *

When Aerith called me down to the gardens for the first time one day, my heart literally skipped a beat. I'd always been the one to see her, and it was usually unannounced, just dropping by for a friendly visit. I never admitted it, but I liked watching her work; surrounded by the flowers that seemed to thrive simply on her presence... god, she was beautiful. She'd hear me behind her, and she'd turn... the sun in her hair... she'd smile...

_"Zack! I'm glad you came..."_

And so was I. Every time.

I entered the gardens with an only partially-hidden spring in my step, my mood at an all time high. I wish I could explain _why_ a simple invitation made me so much more cheerful than usual. Maybe it was something in the air. Or lack thereof; my lungs were used to the pleasantly polluted air of Midgar. Such clarity was like a shock to my system every time.

"Zack, is that you?"

I spun at the voice, flashing her my best smile. Not that I didn't always. She was the only one around here who deserved it, and she was getting it, dammit. "There's only one!"

"And so proud," she added lightly, an amused tone in her voice. She stepped over, slipping her hand into mine and giving it a gentle squeeze. "You were awfully prompt."

"Awfully?" I echoed playfully. "Will it be better if I'm late next time?"

"Only if you're fashionable about it."

"I'm shocked that you doubt I would be!" I grinned again, and was finally rewarded with her laughter.

"You've always had such flawless taste," she coughed, giving my guard's uniform a meaningful look.

I made a face. "Hey, that one's not my fault, so you can't-"

"Oh _Zack_!" she scolded, her smile reappearing. "Why is it whenever I try to have a serious conversation with you I always give up?"

"Because you want me to stay awake?"

"Zack!"

I lifted my hands in a placating gesture. "Hey, hey, I'm sorry, honestly. If you need me to listen, I'm here, okay? You know that."

Aerith nodded faintly. "I know. That's why I called _you_, out of everyone."

She called me because I'm a good listener? Not that I was about to complain, but... since _when_?

I followed her along the garden pathway, waiting for her to speak, watching for some kind of answer in her expression. Her eyes told me nothing, but the way she chewed her lip... the way her mouth was pursed together... her hands fiddling at her sides...

And then it was there like a cold hand curving its fingers around my heart... I knew what she was going to tell me before she even opened her mouth.

She proved me right a moment later. "I think I love him," she murmured, slowly looking up to meet my gaze. She must have seen something in my eyes, for she suddenly looked away.

My mouth felt dry. I knew it was coming. I _knew_. It didn't matter when I realized it, I knew-

And she had known, as well. She must have. I'd made it so damn obvious the whole castle probably knew.

_And she called me here to-_

_Oh, my lady, you -are- cruel._

"You think?" I heard myself ask, then.

She nodded. "How could anyone know so quickly?" she shrugged.

My eyes narrowed a little at that. _I could give you a few ways._

Aerith must have noticed my expression; she left that train of thought behind. "I... I don't _know_ him, and... he's barely seen me at all! How do I know he doesn't hate me?"

_Teenager_, I reminded myself, perhaps as a defense mechanism. _If he hated you, you'd know it. He's not discreet about -that-._"He doesn't hate you," I muttered instead. "I can tell you that much."

She should have known. He didn't hate her because he didn't understand her; why she'd helped him, why she _cared_ about him. He treated her the way he treated Tifa. The only difference was that Tifa didn't let him get away with it.

I heard a subtle rustle in the bushes behind us, then, and I let a smile touch my expression. There was proof, if she wanted it; if he didn't like her, why would he care about what we discussed?

"How long are you going to wait?" I asked, choosing my words carefully. Soap opera indeed. If I was going to lose this battle, I was going to keep hold of my mood, so help me.

"I don't know," she whispered. "I'm not so sure of _anything_ anymore."

Nice to hear Cloud wasn't alone on that one. "Maybe it would be smarter for you to wait," I said aloud, then mentally kicked myself. _You never know when to give up, do you?_

I heard her laugh, heard her reply, "This from you?"

_That_ one stung, and she knew it. She apologized, of course, but the damage was done, because I had a reputation, didn't I? Maybe if I'd been an angst king like Cloud...

_Hell. No._

I'd made a vow long ago never to change for a girl, never to compromise who I was just because it wasn't who she wanted me to be. I'd lost girls for it, but never myself... and knowing who I was - Zack, unchanging, untouched, _my own_, whatever had been done to me by women or madmen alike - was what kept me from breaking.

But that's what she wanted to do, wasn't it? Save the world, mend the broken. Rescue the lost from themselves.

He needed her more than I did, because they broke him. Sephiroth and Hojo reached right into his heart and broke who he was, leaving him to pick up the pieces alone.

And she didn't want me because I never showed that I was just as broken.

It was my choice. But _I won't change for you..._

So I shrugged. "I probably deserved it at some point."

And I did, really. Whatever my feelings were, I'd been following her around like she was some sort of prize... it wasn't fair to her.

"But not from me," she objected quietly, and I cut her off.

"You can't say I've acted exactly the way I should have." My voice lowered. "Not the way you wanted me to, anyway."

She smiled at me. "Oh... I really _should_ apologize. You're awfully concerned with my needs."

I replied roughly, "That _is_ unfair, and you know it." _You have to know it. You can't make me hate you. Is that your intention?_

"I'm serious," she persisted.

No... not hate. She wasn't looking for that. Watching her eyes, I saw a request there... but for what, I didn't understand.

_Tell me what you want from me, and let me go. Don't hold me here when all you want is an answer._

_I wanted more. I can't have that. Don't hold me here._

"Not as serious as I am," I said softly, lifting my gaze to meet hers again. "Isn't that why you called me here? Why am I here, Aerith? Are you asking me to _tell_ you what to do? As if you don't know what my answer would be?"

_I know what I'd say. I know, even though I'd hate myself for it._

_Don't ask me._

"Zack-" she tried to escape it, but I stepped forward, determined to get an answer.

"_Why_? What is it you're trying to say?"

She lowered her head, face reddening into a blush, and said, "What if... what if I told you I loved _you_?"

Love or no love, I swear to god I wanted to slap her then and there. Is this how it felt for someone to slowly draw your heart out - like the Heartless, maybe - and shatter it, break it apart piece by piece, that sweet smile dripping bloody beautiful poison...

_I love you. But you are so, so cruel..._

But the old Zack wouldn't have hit her; wouldn't have even thought to. The old Zack wouldn't have gotten angry with her for doing what teenagers do. The old Zack would have laughed, because he's _never_ in love, and there are plenty of other girls in the world like her, older girls, prettier girls, and why be pinned to someone who'll never be yours?

_Never in love._

_I wish I could..._

_... cruel, cruel lady._

So I laughed at her. Because I could go back to being the old Zack in her eyes, even if she didn't know me like that at all. And maybe then she'd stop hurting me.

_I thought you were a healer. You've got a piece of my heart in your hands... what are you going to do with it, Aerith?_

I heard the bushes rustle again as Cloud disappeared, and my laughter faded. I'd forgotten he was there... but it wasn't a game anymore. Aerith heard it too; still blushing, she gave me a questioning look.

"Just scared a pup out of hiding," I shrugged, smiling again. Damn the grin. But god, did I ever need it then. When she looked even more confused, I withheld another laugh. "Cloud was snooping around. He heard a good deal of our chat. I think he misunderstood me... I better talk to him later, eh?"

She gaped at me. "You... did that on _purpose_? To get rid of Cloud?"

_Sure. Believe that, so you don't blame yourself._

_I wish I didn't love you, girl, because part of me wants so badly to hate you right now..._

"He's gonna be angry with me for a while," I added playfully.

She laughed, then; lightly, without cruelty, making me wonder where it had gone. "You're adorable," she smiled, patting my cheek.

I reddened instantly. "Now _I_ feel like a puppy," I mumbled, averting my gaze.

"Well you are, aren't you?" she teased, and I blinked. "A big, black puppy out of the wild."

"... What?"

Aerith's smile broadened at my confusion. "Your name, I mean. Faolan - it means 'little wolf' in the language of the Ancients. You know that, right?"

My eyes widened. "H-how... did you know that?" There were few commoners who knew the old tongue beyond the rare words or phrases passed through family lines. Even I knew only a basic spattering of the language, and that was all thanks to the more boring days of training and the massive library at Shinra HQ.

She hesitated, looking as though she'd said too much. Finally, taking a deep breath, she whispered, "My father taught me."

"Your father?"

She nodded, face flushed. "He was the best researcher of the Ancient race. He knew them in and out, could speak the language fluently... actually thought of them as real people..."

I tried to quell the odd feeling stirring in my heart, the sudden dread appearing in my throat, but to no avail. This was sounding a little close to home for me.

Aerith kept silent for a long time, then finally murmured, "He married the last full Ancient."

The dread faded to a numbing horror, forcing the words from my lips almost against my will. "Pro... Professor Gast," I choked out, taking an instinctive step back.

His daughter. His _daughter_ was -

She sent me a sidelong glance. "I wondered if you knew," she said softly, her gaze falling towards my feet, for I seemed ready to bolt at any moment. "I haven't seen nor spoken to my father for almost eight years. He.. something changed him. I wish I knew exactly what, but it started when another man visited our home-"

"Hojo," I offered through clenched teeth. There was no doubt in my mind.

She didn't look as certain. "Maybe," she replied almost indifferently. "But whatever he said to my father made him act very oddly around us - my mother and I, I mean. Mother finally took me away from him and we came here, but... she died soon after. I was raised by a woman who lived near the old church, and really, I remember her as my mother more than my real one. But she... I lost her to the Heartless a few moths ago. That's why I'm here." She set free a quiet sigh, still looking away from me. "I know my father has been... doing things he shouldn't be. For years, I've known. Perhaps it's my mother's blood... I can feel the planet crying out at what's happening to it, and I know who's to blame, at least in part." She finally glanced at me. "And now I think you know as well."

I nodded absently. "I... do." I also knew where her father had been a few months ago; I knew there had been _two_ scientists, not one, enlisted by Sephiroth to conduct the Heartless experiments.

Watching my expression for a long moment, Aerith reached out and touched my arm. There was a barely visible smile on her face. "Knowing what you know... what I've told you... do you think it would have worked between us?"

The answer was on my lips instantly, the word my heart cried out for me to speak, scrambling for the slightest chance that it could change her mind.

_But... no, that's not fair._

_How is any of this fair?_

_What I say can't change her feelings. If anything it would make her feel guilty._

Unable to answer and still remain true to myself, I let a flicker of anger touch my expression and asked, "Do _you_?"

She gazed back at me, mulling this over, clearly unhappy at being given the question herself. Feeling oddly sympathetic, I didn't let it hurt me when she caught sight of an answer within the half-hidden fury of my Mako eyes - the eyes her father helped to create, or at least alter with his ambitions. She looked away, unable to bear it.

And it was enough.

"No," she told me, and I felt something within me break at the single word. _Enough_.

I backed up another step, a forced smile on my face. "Fair enough," I murmured, and turned away from her before she could look up. Her eyes were nothing like her father's, and so I didn't want to see them; they made me forget my anger, and the anger was the only thing that held me together. I caught hold of it, letting it churn fiercely within me, and walked away from her as quickly as I dared.

She wouldn't tell Cloud what she had told me. I didn't know _how_ I knew that, or why, but it comforted me. Because Cloud wouldn't have understood, and his blind anger would hurt her. I didn't want him to do that, even though he would never have meant it.

... maybe I did know, after all.

She'd asked him to guard her. Him, and not me, and I... I could respect that, if it was what she wanted.

Didn't stop me from loving her, but that was my problem, not hers.

_"No."_

And that was clear enough for me.

* * *

AN: Woo for Zack torment! Actually, not woo, but it was fun anyway.

This was hard to write... sorry if Aerith was really nasty. I saw her as very carefree, and when two carefree people get together, it can get dangerous...

Faolan equals Faelan - credit goes to Madam Hydra for this one. I wasn't going to use the name anywhere other than the Hearts of Paradise RP, but then it became a plot point... so I wanted to give credit where it's due. It's unlikely to show up anywhere else.

This is the last Zack interlude. It's been fun, but I really do need to put the attention back on Cloud... it's supposed to be his story after all!

Next chapter: Where there is much spazzing. And Cloud being stupid. And Tifa being smart. And Aerith being... Aerith. And Zack... well... where _is_ Zack in all this mess, eh?

Reviewer Responses:

**link no miko**: You know, it's so funny to get a review where someone says they actually _like_ Cloud...

**Koorino Megumi: **Distinct lack of Zack... the irony of that sentence amuses me.

**Lynn U: **I have one thing to say to you - your LJ fegging ROCKS. ... um... yeah, I'm so creative, aren't I. :P But I'm glad you're enjoying this!

**Seishin Kibou: **Squall? Heh, wouldn't you like to know. But I'll note Cloud didn't know him at the Coliseum and the fic is from his perspective... -cough- If you're looking for the scene with Zack in the truck, just go visit the Nibelheim mansion's basement near the end of the game. It occurs automatically. And... um... Hojo dying? That doesn't happen in a flashback, you have to do it in the game itself... remember? Lastly, I've heard a bit about Vince's game. Not sure what to think of it yet.


	21. Part 17: The Third One Between

No killy-killy of the Akai for the contents of this chapter. Seriously - I need my head.

Title courtesy of Vienna Teng.

Takes place after Kairi's rescue; contains spoilers for the end of Kingdom Hearts.

Written from Cloud's perspective.

* * *

Ephemeral Blossoms

Akai Kitsune

Part 17: The Third One Between

* * *

Both Zack and I were quiet on our scouting mission that night. Usually if there was nothing going on or nothing to report, we would make use of our spare time to practice - Zack with his usual broadsword and me with a weapon borrowed from the barracks, since mine had yet to arrive - or even just discuss what we thought of castle life. I had meant to tell him about Cid's return, and the repairs done to the Highwind, but he'd told me - in as few words as possible - that Tifa had spoken to Yuffie earlier and gotten the same basic story, so there was nothing for me to add. And nothing I wanted to.

I wondered if he knew the conclusion of the conversation between Aerith and me, but he wasn't the sort to eavesdrop, and the only other way for him to know was to speak with Aerith, something I doubted he'd do so soon. He had seemed confident that I _wanted_ what she offered me, and if it hurt him as much as I suspected, he wouldn't dare ask.

The hours passed by at an agonizing pace, but the silence was better than the anger I knew was inevitable, and I wasn't about to be the one to explain things just to break it.

Thinking about his reaction made _me_ a little angry, truthfully. Who was he to decide whether or not I wanted Aerith? Just because he liked her didn't mean I had to! I mean, I didn't hate her, but... I didn't...

_Did I...?_

No! And I wouldn't let Zack's certainty change my mind or even help me make the decision in the first place. I'd made my choice, and he'd have to deal with it.

Knowing him, he'd probably be happy. This was what he wanted, wasn't it? This was what his little vow in the barracks meant. With me out of the way, he could protect her without my interference.

But no matter how I tried to reassure myself, I couldn't imagine Zack accepting that.

At the end of our patrol route, I thought I was home free; Zack seemed lost in his thoughts. His voice stopped me, though, as I turned to find my own way to the barracks.

"Cloud?"

Inwardly I groaned, but I replied with, "What is it? Is it my turn to report in?"

He shook his head, not going for my obvious attempt to escape whatever he was out to say. "Cloud... what would you have done if it was you?"

I blinked. "What?"

"If you were me," he added, his eyes carefully averted. "If you wanted something you couldn't have, when it's the one thing you've never been denied. If you realized you never really wanted it till now."

This time, I hesitated. What would I have done...?

It was an unfair question from my viewpoint. I'd given Aerith my answer, even though Zack didn't know that, so he still had a chance. I couldn't imagine what he was feeling, couldn't even try.

So I gave the only response I could: "I don't know."

He looked at me then, and I was surprised when he grinned. "Good."

I stared back at him. "Good?" I echoed dumbly.

Zack nodded. "Yeah... because if you don't know, then you haven't figured out how you feel. And that means you haven't given an answer yet."

Wide-eyed and practically gawking at him, I could only watch as he strode past me, that same smile on his face.

I hadn't answered yet? How could he say that? He didn't even _know_!

_Do you?_ A voice spoke up within me, mockingly. I didn't know what to think of _anything_ anymore. But one thing I knew - however much I wanted it to be, it wasn't over.

* * *

For three days I did my best to avoid both Aerith and Zack - a difficult chore, considering Zack and I slept and lived in the same dorm. We didn't talk much, and even when we did, he didn't bring up Aerith anymore. It was like we were both afraid to, though I wasn't certain why. Avoiding Aerith herself was simple enough, since all I had to do was steer clear of the garden. I think the most surprising thing of all was, while I was avoiding the others, _Tifa_ seemed to be avoiding me.

She was subtle enough about it that I didn't notice at first, but there was a gradual change in her. Thinking back, it had began when she'd first seen me with Aerith... when we'd exchanged wary looks across the room, Aerith beside me and Zack beside her. Since then she had been hesitating a lot, watching me nervously when she thought I wasn't paying attention. She was civil to Aerith, and sometimes they seemed to be genuine friends, but... when we were together, I'd always felt two sets of eyes either on me or each other. It was making _me_ nervous, and I was tired of it.

On the third day I was passing by the kitchen on my way to the servant's cafeteria, when I overheard Zack and Tifa talking in hushed tones, barely audible through the heavy wooden door. It hadn't really interested me until I heard my name spoken; silently, I pressed my ear against the wall, unable to suppress my curiousity.

"Have you told Cloud yet?" Tifa's voice was quiet, tense.

"Tell him what?" was Zack's reply.

Tifa groaned. "Zack, the train! Have you told him what happened?"

I froze, my hands instinctively clenching into fists. "What makes you think I know?" Zack asked quietly.

She hesitated. "... well... you acted like it. Maybe not as much then, but... I can tell you've been thinking a lot. And you're always watching him! It's like you know something's going to happen-"

"Of course I do," he said curtly. "Something _always_ happens. I only watch him because of what happened back then; it's Cloud who will feel it first. And if it's him they're after, I want to be sure I can help him."

" 'If'?" she echoed.

I could hear Zack's rising frustration. "Yes, _if_. Nothing's for sure right now - not for you, or me, and especially not for Cloud. But something's going to change soon, for all of us. I want to be ready when it comes."

"How can you be so sure about _this_?"

This time, it was he who paused. Finally he murmured, "Because all this was too easy. Us escaping, joining Avalanche, living here... I didn't even change my name. It's obvious I was in SOLDIER, or at least got Mako treatments _somewhere_. Same for Cloud. Anyone could find out who we are if they bothered checking a few military records. And yet no one's questioned us. Why haven't they stopped us?"

"They didn't even seem fazed..." Tifa trailed off into a whisper. "Zack..."

"Someone's watching us pretty closely," Zack finished. I shivered at the certainty in his voice. "I think they're waiting for something. For us to find out for ourselves what's going on... maybe they've been leading us here all along."

"Then what's the _point_?!" Tifa burst out. "Why are we even trying? If-if it's not even us... if they're just letting us do all this, why should we even bother?"

"Didn't we come here to find answers?" Zack growled. "Wasn't it our own _choice_? No one forced us into this, Tif... we may have gotten unwanted help help, but this was what we decided, all of us. Even Cloud can't deny that. This... this is the only place we can go."

In a choked voice, she said, "I know. But I wish it didn't have to be."

"Me too," he responded faintly, "If you'll believe me."

"I do."

There was a long silence, and I thought for a moment that the conversation was over, when Tifa finally broke it.

"I wish it was all over, Zack."

"Do you?" he asked, a little surprised. "Funny. I wish it would _start_."

"Hm?"

"I'm tired of waiting."

"Oh." Another silence. "You know... we're kind of the same, now, aren't we..."

"Okay," Zack interrupted musingly, "Now _I'm_ confused."

"Ah..." Tifa fumbled for an explanation; I could hear the footsteps as she paced the room. "I don't know how to... I mean... we've both lost it. We're chasing it, but it keeps running away..."

"It?"

"A dream," she said hastily, frustrated. "We're chasing a dream... it used to be real, but now it's not because we can't have it. But we keep chasing." She stopped for a moment, then hesitantly added, "It's stupid, isn't it...?"

Zack shrugged; I knew it, though I couldn't see it, because he always did. "If it's so stupid," he murmured, "Are you giving up?"

She laughed then, lightly, without humour, cutting off with what sounded like a sob.

"Never," she whispered. "It's a stupid dream. But... never, ever."

He didn't say anything back this time, and after the silence became unbearable I slipped away, my mood left uneasy by their words.

* * *

I thought about what Zack had said all that night, trying to figure out what he'd meant, what he knew, maybe even who our elusive 'helpers' were. No answers came, and I couldn't ask Zack for any answers he might have, lest I admit I'd been eavesdropping. _Again_. Besides, though I hated to believe it, if he wouldn't tell Tifa, I doubted he would tell me. It was unfair, and often infuriating, but it was who he was. And if there's one thing I knew about Zack, it's that he changed for no one but himself.

By morning, bleary-eyed and more than a little annoyed by my own ignorance in the matter, I'd come up with only one solution - search for any possible answers in the library.

The entire history of the Bastion was contained somewhere in the castle's library, ranging from the world's geography to ancient books of languages and cultures. The hierarchy of the castle and the world's leaders could be found when one knew where to look, something easier said than done. Part of the reason Aerith had been hired was to help organize the texts scattered across the shelves. Asking her for help would have been the easiest way to find answers.

I didn't ask Aerith.

When it was light enough that I could move around the castle without being questioned, I got out of bed and made my way quietly to the library, attacking the shelves at once, in search of anything - _anything_ - that might give me some sort of answer. I flipped through fiction - briefly, for I wanted the truth, not false tales - maps and architecture - one book had layouts of the castle's lower levels, but not how to access them - books of the lost dialects of the world, but anything to do with Ansem and his mysterious studies, I could find nothing. Within a few hours I'd made it through a quarter of the library, but I was no closer to what I sought than when I first entered.

I was crouched over a history book from one of the upper shelves when I felt a hand touch my shoulder. Startled, and chiding myself for not paying attention, I whirled around and caught sight of Aerith standing behind me, watching curiously. "A-Aerith? What are you-"

"I think that's something for me to ask," she interrupted with a faint smile, "Since I work here and you don't." I lowered my gaze, face reddening. "You look tired. Have you been here all night?"

"No," I mumbled, glancing up at the clock. It was almost noon... "Just a couple hours, I guess."

"Zack was looking for you. He was a bit worried."

I balked at the thought, my eyes still averted. "You still talk to him?"

Her tone was hurt when she replied, after a pause. "Don't mistake me for you, Cloud. I'm not the one avoiding people, and neither is Zack."

At that, I swallowed hard. "I know..."

"If you know, why are you doing it?" She bent down to kneel beside me, forcing me to look at her. "Have I done something so terrible? Was it that repulsive to you?"

"N-no!" I protested, unsure. How could she think that? "I just didn't think you'd-"

"You were running away," she murmured. I gave no reply. "Zack said you didn't really give me an answer. Thinking back, I can't say for sure - only you can. And you won't talk to me."

"I didn't know what to tell you," I barely managed to whisper. _I still don't..._

Then she smiled again, reaching out to touch my hand. "It's enough that you said that. You didn't have to answer... you never have to answer unless you know. Okay?"

I nodded stiffly, and slowly drew my hand away, moving to put the book back in its place. She wasn't offended, but she took the book from my unresisting grasp, studying the title. " 'History of the Monarchy'? What _were_ you doing, Cloud?"

Flushing again, I scowled and yanked it back, stuffing it in the shelf. "Just reading," I muttered. "I was bored."

"Bored enough to read about Lord Ansem's grandparents?" Aerith's lips curved into a teasing smile. "Do I need to tell Zack he really _should_ worry - about you turning into the librarian or something?"

I scoffed, shaking my head, but inwardly, my mind reeled. "No... don't tell Zack. I'd never hear the end of it." _Plus he'd want to know -why-..._

"I won't breathe a word," she leaned in with a wry smile, "But only if you let me in on it!"

There was no escaping it, it seemed. Sighing to myself, I swallowed my pride and explained what I was doing, or at least trying to.

She was silent for a long time, lips pursed, deep in thought. Finally she looked at me and said, "It sounds to me like you're after Ansem's Report."

I blinked. "What?"

Smiling again, she stood, motioning for me to stand. "I was talking to the librarian... once she told me that Ansem was studying the Heartless in great detail. It's common knowledge among the inhabitants of the city - but everyone thinks it was meant to protect them. She said he used to store his findings here, scattered in the library in secret compartments and passageways. I'm sure that if we looked hard enough, we could find his secrets - maybe the report itself!"

I couldn't help but smile slightly at her enthusiasm. "Zack mentioned it, I think... while we were getting ready to come here, he said Ansem had the answers we needed. Maybe the report was what he meant." She nodded energetically, and I glanced around. "Okay, then... where do we start?"

Suddenly her smile faded. "I can't," she said quietly, "Not right now. And you can't either - while the librarian might show up. If she catches you snooping around you'll be thrown out for sure!"

I grimaced. "So, when?"

Aerith thought hard for a moment, then brightened. "Meet me back here in two hours. I'll talk to the librarian, see what her schedule is, maybe even get a few more hints and hiding places! How does that sound?"

I nodded slowly. "That's fine." I walked past her, tugging out the book containing the castle layout, offering it to her. "I found this earlier... it might help you."

She flipped through it, shook her head, and handed it back. "No, you take it. The librarian will get suspicious if I seem too eager. Look for possible ways of getting to the lower levels, maybe? If we can find Ansem's main research area, think how much we'd learn then, hmm?"

I took the book back somewhat reluctantly, then blinked again as she offered something else with it - a pale coloured flower, its petals wide and round, a mix of yellow and light green. "Um. What?"

Her cheeks were as red as the flower's center. "I'm sorry," she murmured. "I... it's Zack's favourite, he said. I don't know why - it's not even that pretty, is it? And he said roses were so much better, I..."

At my blank look, she swallowed hard. "I wanted to give it to him... to let him know he's still important to me. To tell him... well, maybe that a part of me _does_ love him. I really do care." Her voice fell, eyes closing, even as she turned away. "But... he didn't want it."

"... Oh." I didn't ask why. Instead, my mouth dry, I asked, "Why give it to me?"

Aerith smiled then, but it was a little bitter. "You should know why," she said simply.

I couldn't respond to that; finally she walked away, climbing the stairs towards the upper level.

"Two hours," her voice drifted to my ears as a reminder, and then she disappeared into the hallway, the door closing loudly behind her. My eyes fell to the flower in my hand, the book and my search forgotten for the moment.

_"You should know why."_

So many things I _should_ have known... far too many things that I didn't.

I was still speechless and staring at the flower Aerith had given me when Zack jogged out of the hallway from the lower door, his sword hanging at his back and a smile on his face as he caught sight of me.

"Hey, Cloud!" he called, waving me over. "It's mission time!"

My eyes widened. "What?"

_-Now-? But... Aerith..._

_I can't just leave without telling her..._

He seemed oblivious to my sudden flare of panic. "Yeah, Barrett got pretty huffy with this one when he heard about it; he wanted to make sure we both got it. It's just a night watch, that's all. There have been a few rumours of the Heartless appearing in a certain neighbourhood, down by the falls. You know the old forest?" I nodded numbly. "I figured. Grab your gear - time to make some cash!"

I hesitated as he moved towards the door, and after a moment he turned back, giving me a curious look. "Cloud?"

"I..." Swallowing hard, I lifted the flower, my face flushed. "Aerith just..."

Zack froze, his gaze averted. "Ah. Got a date tonight, kid?"

My face reddened a few shades. "N-no!" I blurted out. "But... Aerith wants me to meet her in the library soon. I... I promised I'd be there..."

_I... I don't want to hurt anyone._

"You promised, huh," Zack echoed after a moment. I couldn't read the expression on his face. "Well, if it's a promise, it can't be helped."

I blinked. "Zack?"

He grinned at me, cuffing me on the shoulder. "Don't worry about it, kid. You can't let that girl down. I've seen it in your eyes."

"Th-that's not..." I trailed off, trying not to think about what he had said. It was true I didn't want to disappoint her, but... "I need a few hours, that's all."

He laughed. "Are you kidding? She could keep you happy all night. No, not like _that_," he shook his head, his smile broadening, as my face reddened. "She has more class than that. And you know it, too."

"I know," I mumbled sullenly. "So can it... can it wait, Zack?"

"Cloud, it's an _assignment_," Zack raised an eyebrow. "We can't just put it on hold. But like I said, it's just recon. You know the drill... and I can hold the fort alone for a few hours if that's all you need."

_You'd do that? Even though you..._

_I'm... surprised, Zack._

_But I probably shouldn't be._

_You wanted her to be happy, didn't you..._

"Are you sure?" I stammered after a moment, cursing my own mouth. Why was it that I always got nervous talking about her? "I could go find her now, ask her if we can talk tomorrow or something..."

Zack's lip quirked, forcing down another smile. "You'd drop Aerith for me? I'm touched."

I lowered my gaze again, face flushed. "I didn't say that."

"Good." He moved to stand behind me, pushing me towards the door and ignoring my protests. "Now don't be an ass, Cloud. Get going."

"Zack!"

He grinned at me, feigning innocence. "What? Now you don't want to?"

"I didn't _say_ that!" I growled, then realized I was repeating myself. I turned my head to glare at him.

"Whoa, don't get mad." He stopped pushing me, fingering the sword at his back, and brushed past me. "I was just kidding. Take as much time as you want - I'll be there when you're done."

I didn't know what to say to that, letting my gaze trail away to the window, a safer target for my attention. I didn't want to think about his words; didn't want to think about what he was admitting or trying to get _me_ to admit.

_I won't... be forced..._

"Hey, Cloud!"

I turned again, surprised that Zack was still around, and gasped in surprise as the Buster Sword was tossed towards me. I scrambled to catch it, nearly slicing my hand on the unsheathed edge. "Zack, what the hell-?"

"I told you!" He shrugged nonchalantly, lifting a finger as if to wave aside my objections. "The one who holds this sword will protect her. It's only been a couple days - did you forget already?"

I started at him in disbelief. That idiot, he actually _meant_ all that junk he said?

But... Zack wasn't the sort of person to make idle promises. And no matter what, he never forgot about them.

"... Zack..."

"Don't try to back out now!" he grinned. "I made a promise, didn't I?"

"I didn't think you were serious!"

"With this face?"

I sure hoped it wasn't _that_ face, because at that moment he was grinning like a fool. It wasn't the sort of expression you'd expect a guy to give someone who must've broken his heart. And it was because Aerith - against all odds, against all _reason_ - chose me and not him.

"Idiot," I muttered aloud, weighing the sword in my hands, "What are you going to do without it-?"

"Unlike some, I'm not so emotionally attached to my weapons," Zack smirked, crossing his arms. "I can get another. It just so happens that the Bastion offers that sort of service for the right payment. I ordered one already, remember?"

I stared back at him, my skepticism apparent on my face.

"It's true! Besides, that old thing takes _way_ too much maintenance for a guy on the go like me. It needs to be cared for properly by someone who's gonna settle down pretty soon."

His smirk was really starting to irritate me. "And how does that match _me_?!"

He laughed. "Well you know how it goes, Cloud... boy meets girl..."

"Don't even go there!"

Zack just walked off, still chuckling at me, leaving the sword behind. I watched him go, perplexed and more than a little awed by his strength.

His prize weapon, the one he'd wielded for years, and he just walked away. And once again I had to wonder if it was possible for me to ever be as strong as Zack was.

* * *

The library was too stifling after that. Sword in hand, Aerith's flower stuffed reluctantly in my pocket, I wandered the halls of the castle, trying to find a place to gather my thoughts. You'd think a castle with the kind of dark mood that Ansem's had would give a person a better chance to be alone to _think_...

I managed to find an abandoned nook around the Great Crest area, kicking my feet over the edge and sitting down, relaxing against a pillar. Zack's sword was on the ground beside me, and I eyed the handle, trying to ignore the wealth of Materia he'd left in it. He must've been feeling generous or something - he knew as well as I did I wasn't trained enough for them yet. I could only assume it was an unspoken promise; just as the gift was a mark of his earlier vow, he was making a new one along with it.

_He's still going to teach me... even after all this?_

I scowled, not sure whether to hate him or admire him for forcing such an unwanted decision on my shoulders. I hefted the sword with one hand, resting it across my thighs. It looked ancient, the metal worn and faded, but the edge was as sharp as ever. I knew he wasn't lying when he'd said it needed regular care.

_And someone who takes care of his weapons can... take good care of other things... right?_

_You told me that once. I... can still remember those times..._

Adamantly, I wished I could go back. Life was a lot less complicated then; training, work, a ritual where danger and secrecy wasn't an issue, and problems such as Ansem or Sephiroth were the furthest things from my mind. I saw Tifa every day, Zack nearly as often, and I was able to focus on what mattered. Truthfully I didn't _want_ to be in some big rebellion out to save the planet. I just wanted to find out what was done to me.

My eyes narrowed at the thought. I'd almost forgotten... the real reason we were here.

_And it wasn't to save the world. It sure as hell wasn't to fall in love. I came here for -me-... why should I let Aerith's problems bother me?_

_Zack... could give her more attention than I can. He's in the same situation as me but he... he just doesn't care..._

I clenched the hilt more tightly in my hand, uncertainty flitting through my gaze. How could he expect me to make a choice like this?! There wasn't... supposed to be _any_ choice...

_I don't understand how he thinks he knows about all this when even I don't..._

_No. He -doesn't- know, and... I have to prove it._

Decision made, I stood up, bringing the sword with me and hoping I hadn't already missed my chance.

* * *

He was still in the barracks, pulling on his armor and getting ready for the mission I was - and I felt a twinge of guilt at the thought - leaving him alone to face. He didn't even look up as I entered, focused on what he was doing. Swallowing hard, I approached him, and coughed lightly to get his attention.

"Zack... I can't take this."

He blinked and glanced up at me, staring at the sword for a long moment, then took the proffered weapon from my hands. "Mind telling me why, Cloud?"

I pursed my lips, wringing my hands together nervously. "Because... because I haven't won yet, Zack. I don't even know if I _want_ to win." I scowled at the quirk in Zack's lip. "Don't laugh! I'm not as sure about everything as you are."

"You surprise me, kid," Zack murmured. "You're usually not so uncertain."

"I'm _usually_ not into this romance stuff," I retorted, without the vehemency I wanted. A faint blush crossed my cheeks.

He just chuckled, as I expected him to. "Okay Cloud, you beat me this time. I'll hold onto it - at least until you figure things out. But I'm telling you... you're making a mistake, because I'm sure as hell not."

I scowled, shaking my head and brushing past. I wished I knew how he could be so certain all the time.

"Hold on a minute, Cloud." I glanced back, as he turned away from me and reached under his bunk. "I have something for you, too."

Slowly he tugged free a large black carrying case, an unfamiliar insignia carved into the lid. He opened the clasps and moved aside so I could see what lay inside.

My eyes widened. "A... a sword?"

Zack grinned, taking out the shining broadsword and passing it to me. "Yeah, this is the one I had made a while ago, when we first got here. Took forever, but the finished product seems worth the wait, eh? Since you're so ungrateful that you won't take my old wreck-"

"Zack," I muttered warningly, and he just laughed.

"-I think you'd better take this one," he finished, patting my shoulder. "You'll need to use _something_ when we practice. And... well, you deserve it, kid. We're partners, remember? We gotta stick together."

Partners... I still couldn't believe that.

"Th-thanks," I stammered, weighing the sword in my hands. It was lighter than Zack's, and was obviously made of a different type of metal. There were more Materia slots as well, which comforted me. I was getting more skilled every day, but I still didn't have the sort of confidence Zack had. Using magic gave me an edge I needed at the level I had reached.

Zack didn't respond; he just handed me the sheath and shoulder strap and smiled at me. It almost made me forget who he was doing all this _for_. My eyes fell again, this time focusing on the flower still sneaking its way out of my pocket. It only took a moment for his gaze to follow the direction of mine, the smile fading away.

A long, almost painful silence formed between us, like a wall with one of us trapped on either side. I couldn't speak, even attempt to break through.

But it was Zack who could - it was _always_ Zack who could.

"The Heartless never had a chance, Cloud," he murmured, and I could feel his eyes watching me. "It's you who stole her heart first."

My eyes widened, and I whirled around to look at him, but by then he'd vanished into the darkness of the hall. I listened for his footsteps, but could hear none.

And... I knew he wouldn't want me following him anyway.

* * *

Just under two hours later I returned to the library, the book in my hands but little else. My hunt for Ansem's secrets and passageways hadn't offered any results; I was feeling frustrated, weary, and just wanted to get this over with.

Aerith was waiting for me in the library, thankfully, and the room was empty when I arrived.

"The librarian is sick today," she explained as soon as I entered. "Nothing serious, of course, but it turns out she has a few mild allergies." At my upturned eyebrow, she smiled wryly. "Funny, that the cook let Tifa help out with lunch for the first time today."

My lips quirked. "Funny," I echoed. "I hope she doesn't get into trouble."

She laughed. "Over a simple mistake? Oh, no. She'll be fine. Shall we get started?"

I nodded, and the scouring of the castle library began.

It was a partial victory for us, in the end. We found at least a dozen hidden compartments and several passages, but most offered little more than a bit of dust and the occasional cobweb. If anything, the fact that most of them were decently cleaned told us they'd been used recently... but that also meant we were too late to actually _find_ anything useful.

"It was a good try," Aerith sighed, trying - and failing - to conceal her disappointment. "And I really thought we'd find something! I wanted to tell everyone..."

I shrugged. "They're empty now, but Ansem might use them later. Maybe you could check them once in a while - just in case."

She smiled faintly in response. "I can do that. It's something, at least."

"Yeah."

There was something in the back of my mind, an itch, a reminder, something I was supposed to do. I reached for it, a little confused, but I couldn't recall what it was.

Aerith looked up then, as if reading my mind, her expression a mixture of curiousity and concern.

"Where's Zack?" she asked.

And suddenly, I knew.

* * *

AN: Um. My bad.

This was a fun chapter! I might be taking a few liberties - how Aerith and the others might have known about Ansem's report, how it might have disappeared... that kind of baffled me in the game, so here's my answer. I hope it makes sense, vague as it may seem.

You know, I used to hate Aerith with a passion. Then she showed up in KH and I started to like her. Now she's acting kind of nasty... it's hard not to go back to hating her... le sigh. I'm a traitor to my own fic, in a way - I really do prefer Tifa...

Next chapter: For the love of FLUFF! And wow, we're slowly nearing the end... (of the fic, not of fluff. Fluff is immortal and shall never die, so there.)

Reviewer Responses:

**Koorino Megumi**: "Stuff... is coming." I could laugh now but you promised to protect me from maulage. grins and gives Zacksicle

**link no miko**: Gast was in the game, but not at Nibelheim. That was me being evil and twisting knives. Because I can and it's fun. Rawr.

**sore-wa-himitsu-desu**: You're probably one of the only ones who likes her... this amuses me. But way to understand the girl's perspective!

**SugoiCat**: Um... since my Zack is mostly from an RP, and he's 24 in the RP... I guess that would be his age. I never really got into that much.

**Seishin Kibou**: Well, Squall was in the beginning, and... cough The fic's not over yet... and did you see the flashback?

Till next time! 


	22. Part 18: Goodbye Too Many Times

I had "Into the West" looping as I wrote this. Fear it.

* * *

Ephemeral Blossoms

Akai Kitsune

Part 18: Goodbye Too Many Times

* * *

I was never really sure what guided me that night, what gave me the speed and strength to find him. Maybe even the Heartless led me; I couldn't deny that I'd felt their sudden appearance, as soon as Aerith had awakened my memory. I ran without tiring, pushed by the urgency I should have felt hours before, knowing, _knowing_ and hating myself for it.

Zack had known. How could he have known, and yet - like me - not understood at all?

Too late. Too many questions, too late.

_"Something's going to change."_

My heart ached, but I ignored it, for my shoulder was hurting me even more.

_"Why haven't they stopped us?"_

_Because we've always fought together. Because we were too strong for them._

_"We're a team."_

_But we were both captured when we were alone..._

How had I forgotten?

I reached the scattered forest behind the castle before I even realized it - only knowing when I heard an alarmed shout, the screech of metal smashing against wood, the explosion of magic striking an opponent. Above it all, the smothering presence of darkness seemed to linger everywhere.

Impossibly, I ran faster, my breath catching in my throat. _Don't let it be too late, please don't let me be late..._

And after what seemed an eternity, my chest throbbing from exhaustion, I broke through the trees just as Zack stumbled and fell to the ground.

Shouting his name, shouting incoherent challenges to the Heartless swarming around him, I rushed forward, waving my arms like a fool driving away unwanted birds. The Heartless hissed and scattered, golden eyes fading into the shadows of the trees as they fled. A moment later I stood alone in the grass, watching in disbelief, left breathless by my long run.

_... Why? Why would they..._

"Cloud? Hey, kid..."

My eyes widened, the Heartless and their strange behaviour forgotten, and I spun around, crouching beside my fallen friend. "Zack? Zack!"

He gave a quiet groan, squeezing his eyes shut. "Thought... you were with Aerith," he murmured after a moment.

I swallowed hard. "I... we're done. I mean... I said I'd come..."

"And I said I'd wait." Zack's lips curved into a smirk. "Well... you can tell her you were fashionably late. She'll... she'll laugh at that." He coughed, trying to clear his throat. "... Maybe."

I ignored his attempted humour. "Zack," I pressed a hand against a wound in his chest, searching for a way to staunch the bleeding, "What happened? Did they ambush you-?"

His eyes crept open, the golden Mako glow faded and weak. "Y-yeah... sort of..." he chuckled softly, brushing a hand against his mouth. I noticed red flecks appearing between his fingers. "I got a little sidetracked."

I bit my lip, knowing exactly what might have distracted his attention. "Zack... I'm-"

"Shut up, Cloud!" he hissed, clenching his hands into fists. "I told you... to drop it. It's her choice. I'm not gonna argue with that. Ever." He smiled again. "Besides, it's a bit moot now..."

"... that's not funny, Zack."

"I didn't mean it to be."

I shook my head, half in anger at my own naiveté and half in disbelief that he could _still_ try to joke in his state. That was... so _Zack_. I wanted to hate him for it, wanted to understand why I couldn't.

_I don't hate you..._

His eyes, weary and shining faintly in the darkness, lifted to meet mine. "You took the flower, didn't you? The one I didn't want? Did.. did she tell you that?" I nodded stiffly. "Heh. I told her it wouldn't last. It'd die, and then where would we be? There... would be nothing left. Nothing alive. Nothing to love." He closed his eyes again, smiling. "So she gave me her ribbon."

I didn't know how to respond to that. The flower was sitting in the barracks, abandoned, _forgotten_ on my bunk. My sword was with it, and at that moment, I wasn't certain what I wanted more.

_I wish I had them both... I wish I'd -been- here with them when..._

_... because you wouldn't have been alone..._

"You need to get out of here," he spoke up again, his voice a quiet hiss between clenched teeth. "We're... not alone."

I stared at him. "I know that, but the Heartless are-"

"_No_, Cloud!" he cut in, struggling, trying to force himself to sit up. "After all this time... and you think it was just the Heartless?" His eyes narrowed at my confusion. "Think, just think about it!"

I tried. I _wanted_ to, but before I could even begin I heard the bushes rustling around us, felt the darkness lifting again to cover us.

"Get out of here," Zack repeated quietly. Silently, I shook my head, raising my fists and preparing to fight. We'd been taken alone. I wasn't going to leave him again.

He gave a resigned sigh, slumping back down to the ground, and tapped his hand against my boot to get my attention.

"Here," he managed, grasping at his sword and pulling it over to me as best as he could. "Take this with you." Seeing my hesitation, he narrowed his eyes. "I gave it to you once. Don't... you _can't_ refuse it this time."

I grimaced, unwilling to take his weapon away, even if he himself couldn't lift it, even though I was weaponless myself. "Zack, I-"

"You _idiot_," he growled, blood trailing down his chin, "Just do it!"

Against my better judgement - and my own feelings on the matter - I wrapped my hand around the hilt, unmoving for a moment.

Zack lifted his head, a weak grin spreading across his lips. "Don't hesitate. You want to protect her, don't you?"

I pursed my lips, my only answer a slow nod. _I do, I do..._

"Then... that means you've gotta do it. I'm counting on you to do what's right."

My eyes widened. "Zack... you don't-"

"You know what I mean, Cloud," he whispered, placing one hand over his heart. "You know what has to be done."

"I can't!"

"You can and you will," Zack grit his teeth, trying to sit up, "Because it's the only thing that'll save me right now. Don't leave me to the fate they want for me."

I shivered, despite myself. He wanted to die by human hands. He wanted his heart to disappear from their grasp, before the Heartless could steal it from him... before they could change him into one of them.

He wanted to be spared from that fate, in case the Heartless ever took over and destroyed everyone.

Including Aerith.

_Have you given up already? You, who always believed we could do this?_

His eyes searched mine, waiting for an answer. "Cloud... we're friends, right?"

That question stung, more than anything. Of course we are. We're friends. Friends forever. Don't ask me to do this.

Friends... shouldn't have to do this.

"... so don't leave me hanging like this, okay?"

I can't...

_"We're friends, right?"_

_"... friends, right?"_

_"We're-"_

"NO!" I cried out, drawing the broadsword forward to face the woods, my eyes narrowed sharply as the creatures crept forward. Their yellow eyes glared at me, challenging my strength and my determined gaze.

"Cloud..." Zack objected faintly, but I barely heard him above the growls of the Heartless. I set free a battle cry and charged into their midst, fighting with everything I had within me. Zack was hurt and he needed me for once. I was _not_ going to let him down. There was a strength growing in my body - in my heart - that I'd never known was there.

I defended my friend from the Heartless for who-knows how long - minutes, hours, possibly all night, I couldn't tell - before I heard voices that were not my own or my attackers. There was a loud scream of outrage, the sound of weapons flaring to life around me. Heartless began to shriek and flee, their hissing anger echoing through the trees. The sword drooped to the ground, far too heavy for my exhausted arms to carry any longer. Someone caught me as I stumbled backwards, and I gazed up to see Cid's face, his eyes uncharacteristically concerned.

"You okay, kid?" he asked gently, his words muffled by the cigarette dangling from his lips.

_"Hey, kid..."_

My eyes widened. "Zu-Zack..." I murmured hoarsely, struggling to get up. Cid held me down, shaking his head.

"Cloud, Cloud! Just hold still. Zack... he's gone."

I froze instantly, my face blank.

Gone.

Zack's gone.

I looked behind me, expecting to find a body, or some part of him there - his clothes, his face, his stupid, relaxed grin...

Gone. Completely and utterly gone.

I realized then that his heart was gone too; gone to the Heartless, gone exactly where he didn't want it to be. And it was my fault... because I refused to kill him myself.

It was my fault, and if he had been a Heartless then, I would have killed him anyway.

"Zack's... gone," I repeated dumbly, staring at the empty space where he had been, my eyes drawn to the drying bloodstains in the grass.

_"We're friends, right?"_

And though I tried to bury them, as the darkness continued to fall, the words always returned to haunt me.

* * *

After that I walked through my duties like a dead man; I had a new partner, one who took his job seriously and spoke very little. He didn't fill the dead quiet of our assignments like Zack always used to... and I'd never been inclined to speak unless spoken to, so the hours passed in agonizing silence. I didn't want to talk to a stranger anyway; not someone who couldn't possibly understand me.

Because Zack was gone.

I repeated that in my head several times a day, trying to steel myself against the emotions it awoke in me. Fear, guilt, anger... loss. If he'd died, maybe it would have been better... there would be a body, a real grave, but also a sense that he was more free than any of us could hope to be. He would've been free from bad memories, pain, perhaps even love, if he were trying to run from that, too. It would have been easier, even if I'd killed him like he'd wanted me to. But I didn't - I couldn't - and so he wasn't dead. Gone, but not dead.

I wondered if the Heartless died. If, once their shadow bodies were destroyed, the lost hearts could finally rest. Maybe they just faded; maybe they didn't care about living anymore.

_Why hadn't I cared when he was alive? No... when he was -here-..._

_He always did, didn't he? And... I wanted so much to be like him..._

"You can't just keep thinking about it," Tifa argued with me, even though tears streaked her face. She'd known him longer than I had, I realized belatedly. She'd served him drinks and laughed with him for years before we met on the dark Midgar streets that night.

_Are you stronger than me?_

"Sooner or later you'll have to think about what he'd want you to do," she continued, her hand shifting at her side as if she wanted to touch me yet was afraid to. "Did you even cry for him? He deserves _something_, Cloud..."

I lifted haggard eyes to her then, my voice nearly inaudible.

"I should have killed him," I told her. I didn't care if she couldn't understand; I just watched her blankly until she left me alone. I didn't see much of Tifa after that.

I didn't see Aerith at all.

At some point Tifa had sent word to Barrett and the others. He'd given no new instructions in response, and I hadn't expected any sympathy from a man who didn't know us. We kept doing what we'd always done since the mission began... but none of us could find the strength to fill the gap of leadership Zack left behind. Tifa wanted me to, I know. That's what she thought _he'd_ want me to do, I bet.

I wanted to hate him for it. _Again_. I wanted no part of the role he'd taken.

Didn't he choose? Why couldn't I...?

_Because he taught you. Because you have a responsibility._

_What did you think all those lessons were -for-?_

I didn't care. I didn't care enough to be bothered. It was Zack's job. Zack was gone. That was all.

* * *

Cid was as sympathetic towards me now as, I supposed, the gruff man could be. He'd gotten along well enough with Zack, so it was probably out of respect for him, if anything. I never told him, but I was a little grateful for the pilot's grim company.

He'd saved me that day; I had left the library so fast Aerith had worried about me, and Zack as well. When she tried to follow she had ended up meeting Cid and three of his crew members on the way. They'd tracked me down and forced the Heartless away; they hadn't been able to destroy them all, and when I'd heard the report, I was startled at the estimated numbers. Too many, too fast... no wonder we'd been overwhelmed.

_If they could multiply this much and travel this far in just a month..._ The thought left me cold. Still - _still_ - Ansem was doing nothing, and the people of the main city were getting restless. Whispers of the possibility of open rebellion made nearly everyone in the castle edgy, jumping at shadows, walking as if on a bed of nails.

As for me, I simply stopped caring - not much of a stretch for me - which prompted still more arguments with Tifa, most of which I ignored.

I wondered, sometimes, if she was angry with me. I had been the one to abandon Zack, whether it was for the sake of Avalanche or not. I wanted to ask how much Aerith had told her, but talking to Tifa had become a chore, and I adamantly refused to talk to Aerith, for reasons no one understood. I didn't know what they thought, and frankly, I could have cared less.

I didn't want to see her... I couldn't bear it. We'd lost Zack because I had been with her. I wouldn't make the same mistake twice.

I had very nearly gotten a formal reprimand and a dismissal from the castle guard; if Cid hadn't vouched for me, I would likely have been let go for acting against orders. No one had offered information that Zack had been alone at the time of the attack; as protection to both of us - he would have been blamed for letting me leave, and I didn't want his memory tarnished that way. I felt bad enough, lying to save my own skin... but I had to stay in the castle if I wanted the answers we'd been seeking, and to do that, I needed to keep my job.

If I'd been really honest with myself, I might have admitted that I didn't want to be sent back to a bunch of strangers. I seriously doubted I'd get along with Avalanche's casual atmosphere. Even Tifa's miserable temper was better than that. Maybe even the inevitability of having to see Aerith again was better.

By how much, I wasn't sure. But I wasn't going back there alone.

Other than my duties as a guard - intensified because of the increase in Heartless attacks as well as the rising tensions within the city - I had little to keep me busy. I could have read books, as Aerith had often recommended to me in the past, but that required going to a place where I might actually encounter her...

Eventually I would run out of excuses... I knew that. But I refused to worry about it more than I had to.

I was given six days of relative peace from Tifa before she apparently had had enough. Bribing and threatening her way into the guard's quarters, she chased my roommates away and crouched beside my bed where I was _trying_ to take a nap, her eyebrows scrunched together in concentration.

"Get up," she ordered after a moment. I stared at her in disbelief, and she grit her teeth. "Come on, get up! Enough is enough - I feel too much like your mother already!"

At the door, a few of the older guards snickered. As Tifa turned her glare on them though, they mercifully fled. Ignoring them, I reluctantly sat up. "If you hate it so much," I muttered, "Leave me alone."

She shook her head stubbornly. "Your mother probably scolded you because she cared about you. I feel the same."

I rolled my eyes and turned away, trying to lie back down. She didn't even _know_ my mo-

"Hey!" I protested, as she gave my hair a firm yank. "Tifa-!"

"You have to listen to me," she snapped, and I looked over at her again. Her eyes softened a little at my expression, but not by much. "Cloud, you're not helping _anyone_ by acting like this."

I resisted the urge to turn away again. I'd heard _this_ one before. But Tifa would have nothing of it.

"Don't you dare start ignoring me!" she growled. "Gods, Cloud, you're older than me and you're acting like a child! You may think you're the only one hurting, but we proved you wrong _last_ time, didn't we?!"

I flushed, my face heating up with anger and embarrassment. "That was-"

"No different," she cut in. "Just because it's a different kind of pain doesn't mean others can't feel it. Pouting in your room-"

"I wasn't pouting!"

"-And avoiding your friends," she continued, blithely ignoring me, "Won't make you feel any better." She softened her tone. "And you _were_ getting better, Cloud. Didn't you notice? You weren't... so cold. So angry. Now you've gone back to that. It scares me."

I blinked, eyes widening a little. "T... Tifa..."

"Everything scares me, now," she whispered, forcing a small smile. "Knowing what the Heartless can really do... actually _knowing_ someone who-" She halted, unable to speak for a moment. My gaze drifted to the sword leaning against the wall. My sword. Zack's sword.

She noticed it, her eyes watering a little, then she hardened herself and looked back at me. "You have to be careful," she said slowly. "If... if you're not... Cloud, you have to hold on to your friends. There are so few you can trust here..."

I looked away uncomfortably, knowing what she was trying to say, unwilling to acknowledge it. At the same time I was surprised; I hadn't expected her to come to Aerith's defense and not my own. Especially like this...

"You should talk to her." I looked up, giving Tifa an odd look, and she sighed faintly. "I never thought I'd say it, but... talk to Aerith."

"I can't talk to her," I muttered. "If I'd been there... with him, instead of-"

"You think she doesn't know that?" she cut in, her eyes suddenly filled with anger. "You think she doesn't blame herself for what happened to him? Why do you think she hasn't come to _you_, Cloud?!"

I stared back sullenly, uncertain. She blamed herself? Why was I surprised? In a way, it _was_ our fault. He was gone - lost, hopelessly lost from us - because he loved her, and she loved me, and he accepted that when I couldn't. Because he let me choose.

_"We're partners, right?"_

_"... friends, right?"_

And now we were enemies.

"How can I face her?" I finally shrugged. "How can I face _any_ of them? What will I do when I see a Heartless now? When there's always a chance it could be him?"

She leaned back as if I'd struck her. "You believe that?" I was silent. "Cloud... it wouldn't be Zack. They took his heart... maybe they stole who he was, but they can't change him. It's not him."

I closed my eyes. "How can you know?"

"... I have to."

_I can't think like you do. I can't believe it so easily..._

_I should have killed him, Tifa..._

I felt a hand on my shoulder; felt her embrace, brief and uncomfortable for both of us.

"Talk to Aerith," she whispered in my ear, and then she was gone, lifting herself away, her footsteps moving quietly to the door. I sat in silence for a long time after she left, staring out at nothing, my eyes vacant. Seeing nothing, trying to think nothing, but hearing only her words echo in my head. Then, slowly, I got to my feet.

And I went to the library.

* * *

She was organizing the history books when I found her, hunched over a pile of worn novels, dutifully writing out each title before replacing it in the shelf. Her hair was wound around and braided in her pink ribbon - she'd given Zack the red one. It was gone now, like him, like love. He'd taken it because the yellow flower - the one he'd chosen, his favourite - would die.

She didn't go to the gardens anymore, not unless she had to. The roses were spreading too quickly without her to watch them.

She hadn't been to his grave, either, after the first day. I had buried my sword - Zack's custom sword, the one he wanted to have if I had taken his old one - in the ground where he died, a perfect gravestone for the perfect SOLDIER. Aerith left her flowers beside it, the yellow ones that Zack liked so much. It looked so odd, and yet so right; the couple that should have been, the ones that should have lived.

Not me. Not me.

I betrayed him. I should have died.

_You idiot. Then who would protect her?_

But Zack would have done a much better job, wouldn't he?

_I can't leave it like this, though. Not the way things are now... he wouldn't want this._

"The lillies are dying," I called softly, not knowing why. Not entirely, anyway.

Aerith whirled around, book in hand, eyes full of fear. When she saw it was me, a new kind of fear entered her gaze. "Wh-what?"

"In the garden," I added, taking a hesitant step towards her. "The roses are killing them. You said they would."

She clenched her eyes shut, turning away. "I did, yes. I said that."

"Aren't you going to save them?"

"No," she murmured, "It's too late. The roses are weak, but they can kill. It's best to leave them alone." She paused. "Isn't that what you told me?"

My throat constricted at the words, my own stupid, hasty words that hurt her then and were surely hurting her now. Taking a deep breath, I replied, "I don't know anything about flowers. Why ask me for advice?"

She shivered. "Even silence would have been enough. You didn't have to say anything. Remember? I told you that before."

"I remember," I said quietly. _I remember the day you told me that. _"But silence is like doing nothing. Silence... can kill." _Even faster than your roses. Because silence... hurts more._

I heard her sharp intake of breath. After a moment, she let the book fall from her fingers and stood up.

"Silence could have saved him," she choked out. "If I hadn't told you about the reports - maybe if I'd done it myself-"

"No. No," I cut in, shaking my head. "If we'd _told_ them what we were doing, we could have planned it better. I could have said no. Aerith, we can't keep silent. We can't.." I trailed off. _We can't keep secrets,_ I wanted to say, but I held so many of my own, too many to share.

"I told Tifa," Aerith said softly. "Why Tifa, and not Zack? Were we so frightened by what he felt? He let me go, Cloud. He let me choose."

I nodded. "He always did. He... wanted to protect you. Us." I moved away, standing by the table beneath the winding staircase. My hand brushed along the rail; we'd found a compartment there, an empty file folder. A faint hope.

"I wish he could have protected himself instead."

I shook my head at that. "No. He would never have agreed with that."

_"This sword will protect her."_

_Is that why you gave it to me in the end? Asked me to kill you with it?_

_To protect her?_

_And I couldn't do it._

She smiled faintly; it was brief, as brief as the sidelong glance we shared. "I know. But I never understood him, why he could care so much, after what I did. What I said."

I closed my eyes, pained, and sunk into one of the chairs. "He loved you. Blame love, if you have to blame _something_."

She laughed, quietly, bitterly; I'd never heard her laugh like that. "No," she responded after a pause, "I blame myself, because he went alone for my sake. So you could be with me. Even though he chose me... because he knew I'd chosen you."

The pain reappeared, burning my chest, flaring to life and holding tightly, until I felt like I was going to die from it. I rested my elbow on the table, burying my face in my hand.

_Life is pain. I know that. Love is life. Someone said that once, didn't they?_

_So love is pain._

_Is that your answer?_ a voice questioned within me.

_I... don't know._

"Why?" I whispered. "Why is it me?"

I felt her touch my arm, squeezing my hand gently. "Because you had an honest smile."

My confusion must have been obvious on my expression, and she smiled faintly, moving to sit beside me. "Do you remember when you first saw me? You smiled at me. It looked like you'd really needed to, and... I don't know. Something in me wanted to see it again. Then you woke up later, and I kept seeing you, but never that smile..."

I never smiled. How could I smile? _What_ was there to smile about?

I thought of Zack then, of the grin that was always on his face. The stupid grin, the one I hated. The one I missed more than anything.

Her fingers slowly twined themselves around mine. "Zack wasn't like that. He didn't hide his smile, but somehow it didn't seem real. I loved talking to him - he always made me laugh. He made me forget sometimes, too, and I'll always be thankful for that. But... whenever he left, all I could think about was your smile. It was you I wanted to see."

My mouth felt dry, and I had to swallow several times before I could speak. "I... I can't smile like that," I whispered. "Not like he did."

It wasn't really an answer, was it? I didn't see it as one... there were still too many questions. Like... why I _wanted_ to smile, then...

_"What's wrong with smiling?"_

But for whatever reason, it was enough of an answer for her. _She_ smiled instead, her eyes shining in the light of the sun through the windows, and said softly, "You don't have to be like him; I'd never ask that of you. Just so long as you really mean it when you smile. Don't lie to me, and don't ever force it for me."

"I won't," I answered, and it was the truth. Even for her, a forced smile was too much.

"And..." she hesitated, her gaze lowering again, "Just... smile when you want to, when you feel like it. Don't let the past ruin what you have here, Cloud. It's too much to lose..."

_"You have to hold on to your friends..."_

Tifa... she was right, wasn't she?

I closed my eyes. "... I won't."

I didn't know what the truth was anymore. But for her... it was enough.

She didn't speak again. Instead she leaned down, resting her head against my shoulder. I felt her silky hair brush against me shoulder, her hand gently squeezing mine. And even when a warm, slow wetness trickled down my arm, an occasional sniffle breaking the silence, I didn't move, didn't open my eyes, didn't touch her. I couldn't. I wasn't sure if I ever could.

But I stayed. I stayed with her for a long time, and at some point, the pain faded a little bit.

* * *

Those few moment of peace were the last we were able to enjoy together for a long time. A few hours later, news filtered through the castle and the city streets that had people - already angry and frightened and reaching the breaking point - so close to the edge of sanity or control that the future seemed terrifyingly uncertain.

Ansem was dead.

* * *

AN: I think I get more and more evil with each chapter. This is fun...

Okay, to be honest, I apologize. This was a chapter I really didn't want to write; some of you guys out there aren't the only ones who've gotten attached to Zack! Just... remember it's not over, ne? And sorry for any and all teasing (even if I did enjoy it a bit sometimes...) --hides--

Next chapter: Cloud's resigned to his fate as a leader. But can he handle what's coming without anyone to show him the way?

Reviewer Responses:

Koorino Megumi: I did, apparently. But you still love me for it, ne? Ne? --gives a Zacksicle and smiles--

link no miko: I hope your Winamp was nicer to you this time. It does that often, doesn't it...

Seishin Kibou: Hey, I never promised! :P And you have to feel some sympathy for poor Cloud. Five years with Hojo and I'd be feeling pretty sick too. And no, I haven't seen Zack in any AC previews but... I... would so love to... I'm so pathetic. Heh.

Lynn U: YAY for doing Aerith well! I was hoping for that, since I have a tendency to bash characters too easily outside of fics. I'd hate to think I let it slip into the storyline... oi... that would suck. But thank you for your approval - considering it came with such a detailed (and quite intelligible, thank you) reasoning I definitely appreciate it!

Rem-chan: OMG --bows and gibbers-- .... Um. Yeah, that was my basic reaction to you reading this fic. I'm gonna go over here now. --scurries away and goes back to her corner of squealage-- Just... um... don't let this fic make you lose sleep, ne? 'Cause that just sucks. Flattering, but even so... then again, I'm no better. --grins--


	23. Part 19: My Heart to Yours

Mwa! After what, almost 4 months? I'm finally back with a new chapter! And lo and behold, it's the chapter in which nothing happens. Maybe. Well... you'll see.

And... what the spork is up with formatting lately? I had to cheat to get more spaces, x.x

Written from Cloud's perspective.

-

* * *

-

Ephemeral Blossoms

Akai Kitsune

Part 19: My Heart to Yours

-

* * *

- 

The city was in chaos. People who were all too ready to protest against Ansem's apparent disregard for their safety now were fearful of who would rule over and protect them. There was a council of nobles within the castle and of course many leaders around the world who may or may not have been qualified to take Ansem's place - the man had neither married or named a suitable heir, which accounted for much of the city's turmoil - but what the city feared most was the feuds that might - and would likely - erupt between the rising powers. Each continent had a few leaders who would cause the most trouble, and before they could do battle with the other continents, they had to prove their worthiness against their own local enemies and rivals.

In short, everyone suspected, predicted, and were terrified of the bloody civil wars that would eventually begin.

As part of the castle guard, I was caught in the center of it all - our job was to try and keep open rebellions and protests to a minimum, protecting the people from themselves and each other, as well as those _within_ the castle. These new duties, joined with the already exhausting chore of trying to control the Heartless growth, were running us all ragged.

During all the pandemonium, we did have scarce moments to confirm a few things. The king wasn't exactly dead - no more than Zack was. He had simply disappeared without a trace. He'd taken nothing, and no one had see him, aside from a terrified servant who admitted he'd last seen the king vanish into a passage to the lower levels, the dungeons. And even the people in town knew what really resided _there_. Those who had known for some time no longer tried to conceal it. For some reason, this quelled a little of the city's fury; the nobles left in charge were trying to prove themselves as trustworthy, and it was working - for the moment.

So the question remained... had Ansem fallen to the same fate as many others, finally taken by his own creations? Or had he joined them willfully, leading their attacks more effectively from underground? Most people who ventured into the dark passages - if they managed to find them - never returned to reveal the secrets they might have found. The investigations had been stopped when too many had disappeared.

I once had an argument with Tifa about those tunnels, how _we_ should explore them ourselves and determine what we could find there, but we never settled on an agreement. I still wasn't convinced that what was happening on the surface was the only threat, but getting lost myself wouldn't help either. I hated being helpless, doing so much with the continued feeling that I wasn't changing a thing. There was simply too much to be done, and too few to make a difference.

I couldn't help but feel a bit of that fear and tension just like those I was hired to protect. We were already at war, and we were losing. Messages poured in from cities and governments around the world, all saying the same: the Heartless were spreading and multiplying too quickly to be contained. Entire towns had been evacuated, but the creatures followed those who tried to escape at an alarming speed. Traveling by ground was becoming dangerous; the only reasonable way was by some form of airship. Most of the flying Heartless couldn't match the speed of airships, especially those purchased and sent out from Midgar.

But what had people frightened was the fact that they couldn't fly forever. No matter where they went, the Heartless could, and probably would, catch up sooner or later.

_We have to leave,_ I realized belatedly one day. _Not just the city, or even the main continent. The whole world..._

_We're not safe here..._

I tried to speak to Cid about it, but he was nearly impossible to find since his knowledge of the airships was suddenly more needed than ever. When I finally caught up to him, I found out that he was already one step ahead of me. They'd been developing and testing ships that could travel to different worlds - he'd always wanted to go into space, or so he'd told me - and were finally trying to mass produce them. The ships were small and difficult to make because of the bizarre material used, but Cid seemed confident that they'd be the saving grace of the world's population, and I was desperate enough to trust him on _this_, if anything.

_Now if the Heartless would give us time to make enough for everyone..._

If I hadn't been kept so insanely busy, I probably would have stopped to wonder _why_ I even cared enough. I'd never felt the need to work myself to the ground for _anything_ except my SOLDIER training, and Zack had been watchful of that whenever we worked together. But as soon as the crisis began, it was like something urged me on, poked and prodded within me until I started to act automatically. I couldn't really say why or how; I never even thought about it until much later.

Maybe I really was meant to be a leader, as Tifa pointed out wryly. I wasn't sure if she had been trying to compliment me or just gloat.

I didn't see Aerith much during those days. She was as busy as I was, since her skills were tied to growth and healing for the most part, and her position was shifted from gardener and librarian to medic. Once the recruiters learned she had exceptionally strong curative magic - something even I hadn't known about - she was brought into the ranks almost instantly. We needed her, that's for sure.

I wish I could have said the same... distancing myself from her was easy and hard at the same time. Part of me _wanted_ to stay away, yet another part seemed to desire nothing more than just being near her. Ever since we'd spoken that day in the library...

_"It was you I wanted to see."_

Since when was I the same way?

I didn't want to admit it. I couldn't bear to be with her, nor could I bear to stay away. I think she sensed it, too; she visited me sparingly, when she had a moment and when I actually slowed down enough to talk. We'd never been a very talkative pair, and moments like those were scarce, but as time passed I looked forward to them.

_But how long can we do this?_ I couldn't help but wonder. _How long will we have this luxury - if you can call it that?_

If we left the planet, we'd need to find a new home entirely. _If_ there was anywhere safe to go. Cid had already spoken of another known world, and that Ansem himself had met the king already. But there was no knowing if we'd be welcome there, or if we could even find it. No one wanted to admit it, but we now lived in a world full of uncertainties, with an equally uncertain future.

And despite it all, Aerith still smiled, even though she didn't expect the same of me.

It made me think, though... what _did_ she want from me?

-

* * *

- 

"I finally got in contact with Barrett," Tifa announced one day, when the three of us finally managed to gather in an empty area. "He's not exactly thrilled with us."

"Big surprise," I muttered, already irritated. Aerith giggled faintly. "What does he want?"

"Some progress, for starters," Tifa sat down in one of the chairs, looking across the small table where Aerith sat. I watched her from across the room, leaning against the nearest wall. "We still haven't found anything about Ansem or his research, and the rest of the team is anxious to get moving. They need more info on the castle before they can do it, though."

"And what have _they_ been doing?" I demanded, eyes narrowed. "Why are we the only ones working?"

Tifa coughed lightly into her hand. "Cloud, just because they're not here doesn't mean they aren't working. Why are you so angry today?"

I reddened immediately. "I'm not..."

Tifa raised an eyebrow, and Aerith turned around to look at me. "You _are_, Cloud. Is something wrong?"

My first impulse was to deny it, to get even angrier at their questions, but the more logical part of my mind whispered against it, knowing that fighting with them wouldn't help. "... I don't know," I finally admitted quietly. "Just a weird feeling. And there's too much going on."

"I know what you mean," Tifa propped her feet up, lips pursed. "It's not just the Heartless. Kind of like an itch, you know... we can only scratch the surface of the problem."

Zack had tried to warn me, I couldn't help remembering. He knew it, knew the Heartless weren't the only enemies. But there'd been no time to ask him, no time to get an answer...

I pushed the thoughts from my mind before they could take over. Recalling those moments wouldn't help our current situation, nor would it change anything.

"Did he give any orders?" I finally asked, turning back to Tifa. "Anything we're supposed to do?"

Tifa bit her lip. "Just keep at it," she shrugged. "We can't do much more than what we're already doing without getting ourselves in trouble. Even contacting the others is dangerous - each time we leave the castle it doesn't look good, because the city is almost rebelling... I don't know what else we _can_ do."

"Any ideas, Cloud?" Aerith asked.

I blinked, looking over at her this time. Why was she asking _me_? I'd done nothing but play follow the leader since our arrival. Except now there was no one to follow.

_... and that would be why she's asking me._

I took a moment to consider our options. On one hand we had the obvious enemies: the Heartless, moving closer and closer to their goal - whatever that was - with each passing day; those now in charge of the city and beyond, warring with each other for power, caring for little else but themselves; the biggest of all, our lack of time, and the speed at which we were losing it.

But there was also the unknown enemy to worry about - whoever or whatever was pulling the strings behind everything that occurred. The question was, how could we fight _any_ of them?

_We're only three people. How much can we accomplish? We don't even have someone to tell us what to do..._

"We need to make ourselves more open," I said suddenly, uncertain as to where exactly the idea had come from. Aerith and Tifa stared over at me, eyes wide and mouths agape.

"Are you crazy?" Tifa interjected. "They'd have us locked up in minutes!"

"Only if we're not careful!" I countered, straightening up and approaching the table. "Use Barrett's contacts. Communicate through the slums. Find the people who support the rebellions and bring them together. We can't do this alone anymore, though... it's too big for us." I hated admitting it, hated giving in to the inevitability of this decision, but my heart urged me forward, blatantly ignoring the protests of my pride. "We need help."

"Why would people follow us, though?" Aerith murmured. "A couple of teenagers... can it really be that easy?"

"I don't know," I admitted. "But the answers aren't here anymore, if they ever were. _Ansem_ isn't here. His report isn't here. This isn't where we need to be."

Tifa slowly pulled her feet off the table, leaning forward. "Where, then?"

I closed my eyes, searching my mind for a suitable response. I wasn't a leader here, and there were no certainties anymore. I could no longer be sure of anything.

_Just this... I want to help. I want to try._

I spun around again, my eyes seeking the window, revealing the gardens that Aerith used to tend, before the chaos began. The roses were thriving.

So, too, were the yellow flowers, Zack's favourite. The ones he'd rejected, given over to me through Aerith's hand.

_"You want to protect her, don't you?"_

"We need to be inside the city," I said firmly, keeping my gaze on those flowers. Keeping my mind set on a promise I'd made. "All we're doing here is babysitting the nobles... here, we're not helping anyone. Maybe if we go back to the others we'll find a place where we can be useful. Where the real fighting is."

There was a long moment of silence, and at first I felt worried that they didn't agree, that the idea was stupid. Maybe they were sorry for asking me.

_Zack would've known..._

Then I heard a chair shift against the floor, someone rising, arms moving to hug me tightly, startling me.

"Welcome back," I heard a whisper in my ear. I was surprised to find that it was Tifa who held me, laughing and crying at the same time, and I felt lost, unable to fathom what she was _talking_ about. But when I curved my heard beyond her to look at Aerith, I found a similar expression there; a haunting smile, tired eyes, but confidence, too. Confidence in me, that my idea was right, that my decision was one they would follow without question. And it was then that I realized... we _did_ have a leader. Tifa had been trying to tell me all along. I just hadn't wanted to believe it.

I'd never known this feeling before, but... it seemed so natural. Maybe I was meant for this after all.

-

* * *

- 

We left within the hour, taking the back way and avoiding the patrol routes I had memorized by then. It hadn't taken us long to make our way deep into the city and back to the slums where Avalanche had made their base of operations. The reaction to our sudden return was predictable; surprise for the most part, and a great deal of shouting and cursing from Barrett.

"We went through all this trouble to _get_ you those jobs!" he raged, shaking his gun arm in the air. "Now as soon as things get tough, you up and run? What kinda mercenary are you!"

"One that knows when a mission is pointless," I retorted, facing him and ignoring the rage in his expression. "What's the use of staying in the castle? We can't do anything now! Aren't we supposed to be working for the good of the people?"

Barrett stopped short, giving me an odd look. I returned it, questioning, and after a moment he smirked. "Didn't think _you'd_ say somethin' like that. The girls or your crazy-haired pal, maybe, but not you."

I narrowed my eyes. "So what? That's my answer."

The big man shrugged. "Alright Spike, what's the plan, then?"

At that, I blinked. I hadn't expected him to look at me for leadership as well! He was the one who'd started the group, so why was he asking _me_?

Seeing my hesitation, his smirk broadened. "What, were you full of hot air under that pokey head of yours?"

"I am not!" I growled hotly, my cheeks reddening. "We'll... we'll start taking the airships!" Barrett raised an eyebrow at my response, and I continued, still grasping at the idea. "The ones meant for the nobles. There probably won't be enough for everyone, and the Heartless are taking over the city first, right? So the people living in the castle should wait until their people are safe."

"And just how are we gonna do that?" Barrett questioned. "Shipyards are getting to be pretty well guarded. Six of us won't be enough."

I glanced back at Tifa and Aerith, and they both nodded their approval. Returning my attention to Barrett, I lifted my chin and gave my answer.

_I just hope we're right... that the rebellion is more than just threats..._

_- _

* * *

- 

The response we received in the three days that followed was more than any of us expected. Plenty of people inside the city were anxious to get themselves to safety, and taking action to accomplish this was no longer an issue. I was more surprised than anything; we had been the extremists, the ones who fought while others did nothing. We really weren't used to gaining any kind of support, but with more and more disappearances every day, people were getting desperate.

Once we had mustered enough of a force to appear threatening, it was Barrett's idea to go ahead with the raid. The intent was to use the volunteers to form a public protest and distract as much attention to them as possible, while a smaller group - me, Aerith, and the rest of the original Avalanche team - headed for the shipyard to take as many from Ansem as possible, while Barrett and Tifa kept the protest as organized as possible. The downside of that was, of course, the fact that each ship would have some crew members nearby, and none of us had much of an idea on how to fly one, which led to a proposal that most of us were uneasy with.

"It's a bad idea," was my immediate response, giving Tifa a look that _should_ have warned her to drop it.

She didn't bite. But considering it was Tifa, I wasn't surprised. "What's the problem?" she demanded, hands shifting to her hips, lips pursed rather indignantly. "Come on, Cloud! Cid knows how to run every ship in the city - and then some. He can build anything. He knows these new ships in and out like no one else does. He agrees with us as far as helping people, and he knows we all have to leave soon. So why can't we ask for help?"

I frowned. "But he's still loyal to Ansem. The castle, anyway. We'd risk the whole group if we gave too much away."

"So we'll be _careful_," she persisted. "Isn't that what we said before? But we can't get anywhere without him." Raising an eyebrow at me, she added, "Are _you_ going to drive the airships?"

Before I could even open my mouth and attempt a retort, Barrett started howling with laughter. It didn't help my dignity any. Aerith stepped forward, gently taking my arm. "Cloud, Tifa's right." I blinked. "This idea can only work if we have the cooperation of people who know how to handle the ships. Cid is the only one we can trust with this."

I hadn't expected her to disagree with me. We _all_ were uncertain about asking for help. How could they want to take this risk? Granted, they had a point... I certainly knew nothing about the airships _or_ flying them, and I doubted the others knew much about it either. Like it or not, we needed help...

After a long moment I sighed reluctantly, looking back at the girls, and nodded. "We'll talk to him when we get there. Now that everything's organized we can't change anything, and if he says no we'll have to call it off and think of something else anyway. So... let's go for it."

Tifa grinned. "It's about time!"

As for Aerith, she merely smiled at me, nodding her head in a way that made me wonder - was I looking to her for approval? Was it my own decision, or was I simply allowing my heart to get the better of me? It was a foolish thing to do, putting myself and the others at risk for just that.

_At least you still have a heart,_ was my mind's sharp protest, but I quelled it before it could grow any louder. I didn't need any more doubts.

This would be hard enough...

"So it's decided," Barrett announced, glancing around at all of us. "We'll send a message out to a few of our contacts, and give the people out there a few hours to prepare. That'll buy us some time as well. You kids get yourselves ready." He gave me a pointed look. "You're in charge of your part of this operation, so don't screw it up!"

My only response was a scowl, half-hidden as I turned away and left the room. I didn't need that kind of pressure, but I'd made the choice myself - I couldn't refuse, nor did I really want to.

-

* * *

- 

Aerith followed me into the room just beyond our main meeting area, calling quietly for my attention. When I looked back to face her, I was met with a concerned expression, eyes gently prying for an answer to a question yet to be asked.

"What is it?" I responded, brows furrowed.

She fidgeted. "Well... I just wanted to make sure you were alright. With... with everything, I mean. You've been working so hard lately-"

"So has everyone else," I muttered, shifting away to the bunk I'd been assigned and grabbing my sword and plunking myself down. True to what I'd been told, Zack's sword required a great deal of care to keep it in good condition, and I wanted to be sure it was in top shape for the battles ahead. Things were winding down to what was potentially the end - though ours or the Heartless, no one wanted to say - and somehow I knew there would be little time for it later on.

She smiled slightly, stepping forward to sit beside me, careful of the blade I carried. "You know that's not what I meant. You're wearing yourself down, doing too much. And... you don't have to, you know. I wanted to tell you that." Her voice lowered. "We're all here to help you if you need it."

I frowned, looking away, instead focusing on the edge of the sword, testing its sharpness. "I know that."

"You just have to ask."

"I _know_ that."

"Then why don't you?" she asked suddenly, her hand lifting to enclose mine. I started at the touch, but she held fast, ignoring my silent protest. "You say you know, and that you're okay with everything, but you're _not_, Cloud. You're worried, and you're tired, and you're trying too hard to fill two roles." She shook her head wistfully. "You think we don't notice? How... how much you've changed? What you're trying to do?"

I closed my eyes. "I thought... that's what you wanted."

She laughed lightly. I wanted to see her face, and yet I didn't; it worried me, that she might want something of me then disapprove of how I gave it. I didn't know how else to do it.

"We never asked you to replace him," she murmured, lifting my chin, all but pleading for me to look at her. When I did, she leaned forward, placing a windsoft kiss on my cheek, then giggling again at my responding expression. Her hand still pressed against my chin, forehead leaning in to meet mine, she continued in an even softer tone, "No one would ever ask that of you. It's not who you are, Cloud..."

_But... wasn't it supposed to be?_

_It wasn't meant to go like -this-. It wasn't meant to be this easy..._

_It's not fair to him!_

I tore myself free of her grip, stumbling away, one hand pressed against my temple while the other clenched the hilt of the sword in a death grip. Aerith cried out in surprise, rising to come closer, but I spun away, shaking my head. "Don't! Please..."

"Cloud, what's wrong?" she persisted, nervousness and concern vying for control of her voice. "What did I do?"

Again I shut my eyes, but for a different reason - a better reason, I wanted to tell myself. "It's not you. I just... I _can't_ do this, Aerith. I can't keep pretending this is _my_ job. It never was. It never _can_ be. You can't expect me to do something like this when it's _my_ fault all of this happened in the first place!"

Aerith stopped, voice hesitant. "What are you talking about?"

"I failed, Aerith!" I raised my voice, my eyes snapping open, whirling around again to face her. She jumped back, startled. "I failed him! So many times he protected me, helped me... this _one_ time he needed me, and I _couldn't do it_!"

I halted, not wanting to tell her what Zack's final request had been. For her to know what he was willing to do to protect her... knowing how much he loved her still, even after giving her up forever...

_I... don't want to hurt her. Especially not because of you, Zack._

_Because... I know you wouldn't want that either._

"... Cloud?" she whispered. "Cloud, tell me... please?"

_Tell her... how could I ever tell her? Zack's supposed to be strong - he -is- strong._

_Was._

_She wouldn't want to know that it ended like that._

But whatever objection came to mind, her eyes - pleading, desperate to know, to _help_ - fended them off before they could even reach my mouth, until a voice of my own finally spoke up in disagreement with all the rest, the voice of reason that I wanted so badly to hate, yet never could.

_Above all else, he'd want her to know the truth..._

_It's not that he gave up. He just couldn't bear the thought of hurting her..._

_That's... not weak._

So I shook my head, a final, though futile attempt to escape my own fate, and sat down with her once more. And I told her.

_Am I doing the right thing, Zack?_

_I can't even tell anymore..._

She was quiet for the most part, eyes fixated on her hands which lay clasped together in her lap, her expression unreadable - something I'd never seen before. It worried me; I _wanted_ to know what she thought, whether or not this was a good idea, but she gave nothing away, no smile or frown, no words that could warn me that it was too much, that she no longer wanted to know.

When I trailed off, my eyes averted, either unwilling or unable to look at her, she finally looked up, a small smile crossing her lips.

"Thank you," she said quietly, reaching out and squeezing my hand. I didn't pull away, and it surprised her again. "I know you didn't have to share, and... the fact that you did is really important."

I stared at her hand for a long moment, lips pursing into a frown. "Why?" I asked abruptly. "Why did you want to know?"

Aerith smiled at that, a genuine smile, and for a moment I forgot how little she'd shown me a scant moment before. "Because it looked like you needed to share," she answered earnestly, straightening up. I blinked. "You can't carry everything by yourself, you know - sometimes you need another person to help you. Besides, isn't that what you said before? We can't be silent anymore. We can't keep everything to ourselves." The corners of her lips lowered slightly, not losing the smile entirely, but struggling, fighting to keep hold of it. "It hurts too much."

_Does it? I hadn't noticed. Pain doesn't mean anything to me anymore._

_But if that's the case, why didn't I want to hurt you...?_

_Maybe I still don't understand any of this..._

"Are you ready?" she spoke up again, curving her head curiously to one side. "It won't be too much longer before we have to leave. Should I let you rest?"

Snapped out of my thoughts, I shook my head. "No, I'm alright. I'd like to think about the mission for a little while, though... plan a few things out." I managed a tiny smile. "We'll need _something_ if we're going to make it."

She opened her mouth to respond, but before she could, the door opened again, and Barrett took a single step inside, jerking a thumb outwards. "Come on Spike, get your gear. Everyone's ready, so we're heading out."

"Already?" I blurted out, then halted. Of _course_ we'd leave as soon as possible. It made little sense to wait - we didn't have time for it anyway. I myself didn't have time to debate it further anyway, for Barrett gave me one more expectant look, indicating that it was time to go and not to argue.

Aerith touched my shoulder, beaming at me, her reaction to our conversation winking out completely. "We'll be fine," she assured me. "I trust you."

Inwardly, I winced. She may have trusted me, but how much did I trust myself with this?

_But I can't ever know until I try... so..._

So I stood and followed Barrett out, waving a hand to my team - and that _was_ what we were, wasn't it- who stood ready by the door, waiting.

"Good luck, Cloud," Tifa sent me a wry grin and a thumbs up. Barrett grunted, but I could see a smile hidden beneath his gruff expression.

_Everyone's waiting... to see how I do. To see if I can handle it._

_I won't disappoint them._

Giving them both a nod, I headed out into the city streets, doing my best to leave all my doubts behind me and allowing only my allies - my friends- to follow.

-

* * *

-

AN: Originally this was going to be one huge chapter, but it just wasn't cooperating and it was getting so long... so, that was officially part one. Part 2 is forthcoming... uh... when the characters decide to like me again. Hopefully soon, definitely ASAP! Thanks for all your patience, guys.

And I'm too tired (read: lazy) to do the actual responses this chapter, so... uh... waves to all thanks for your support!

Next chapter: To run or to fight? The inhabitants are forced to make a hard choice. And for Cloud, an even more difficult choice must be made...

Till next time!


	24. Part 20: Shadows Cast in Darkness

AN: You're not allowed to kill me. I don't care what your excuse is. NOT ALLOWED.

This has been edited, ergo any demented mistakes are now fault. Please let me know if you find any; I'd appreciate it!

Written from Cloud's perspective.

* * *

. 

Ephemeral Blossoms

Akai Kitsune

Part 20: Shadows Cast in Darkness

* * *

. 

The city around us was nothing less than chaotic; the roads were more full than they'd ever been with people of every possible rank running like there was no tomorrow. It made it much easier for us to slip through the crowds towards the castle - and beyond it, the shipyards. As we'd suspected, the growing protest near the castle gates made security at the Bastion's main airship base insignificant enough for us to handle. Getting in wasn't an issue.

_Now if convincing Cid to help us out could be so easy..._

The shipyard of Hollow Bastion was a sweeping area not far from the castle, a quiet, open space built above the Rising Falls, with limited traffic aside from the moving airships. The water flowed around the pillars supporting it, a gentle rhythm that served to add to the energetic atmosphere of the yard. I'd often come up to watch the falls while I was a guard of the castle, during the times when the rush of water was more preferable than the company of certain others.

To our surprise, though, moments after our arrival we found there was just as much chaos _there_ as what we assumed was at the gates. Ships roared to life all around us, engineers, technicians, and pilots passed us by without a care, so focused on whatever goals they had in mind. Baffled, we made our way through the base as quickly as possible, searching for the airship Cid had been boasting about since our first meeting on the train. We reached the landing pad just in time to hear the pilot screaming into a receiver a few meters away.

"You have _got_ to be kiddin' me!"

Something in his tone made the prospect of turning around and going back the way we came _very_ tempting, but I steeled myself and moved forward, waiting for Cid to finish. I certainly wasn't about to interrupt - we were asking for help, not to get chewed out.

He growled around the cigarette between his teeth and leaned against a wall. "No, _don't_ try to fight her until we know more about what's - what do you _mean_ the nobles are gone! Dammit-" He turned then, fingers drumming against the concrete, and halted at the sight of me, Aerith, and three strangers behind him. And gaped. "What the _hell_ are you doing here! No, not _you_," he added irritably to the phone. He lifted one hand before any of us could speak and turned away again. "You need to work on getting things organized again! We can't deal with attacks on both sides. ... Don't complain, just do your damn job!"

Cid slammed the receiver down and spun to face us, eyes narrowed. "Cloud! I didn't think you'd be coming back after that little disappearing act you pulled. What do you want?"

I blinked, glancing around at my comrades before taking a step forward. "What's going on?"

The pilot grimaced, scuffing a hand through his hair. "There's a problem at the castle," he muttered. "Some woman's got the crazy idea of moving into the place and taking over. We've been trying to stop her but she's somehow managed to get her whole army in."

My eyes widened. "What? _How_?"

"Kid..." Cid closed his eyes, lips pursed. "She's controlling the Heartless."

_Controlling_ the _Heartless_!

"H... how?" I managed to stammer. It was all I could think of to ask.

Cid shrugged impatiently. "Nobody knows - she just showed up out of the blue and they practically flew to her."

_This isn't good... did Hojo survive? Did he continue the experiments and succeed? Or is it something else?_

"Much as I'd love to stay and catch up," Cid continued, brushing his hands together and moving to pass by us, "The city isn't gonna save itself, and I've got a job to do."

"What are you going to do?" I followed him anxiously, as the others hurriedly followed.

Cid smirked. "We're gonna to fight, of course! We've managed this long, and we're not about to give up our homes to some strange woman. You with us?"

He stopped then, and I couldn't answer, for we reached the back edge of the shipyard, right near the falls. Below us at a fair distance away, the castle gates were visible. My eyes widened just as Cid's cigarette fell from his mouth.

It was literally _swarming_ with Heartless, and more lay beyond on both sides, an angry mass of darkness and creatures of every type and size imaginable. I managed to tear my gaze away, giving Cid a stunned look, and met the same unhappy conclusion in his eyes as well.

The castle had been taken.

* * *

_"After all this time... and you think it was just the Heartless?"_

_"Think, just think about it!"_

I'd thought about it a little, trying to focus past my grief to find the meaning of whatever warning Zack had been trying to give me, but no answers had come. I had cursed the Heartless for interrupting us when they had; maybe I would have gotten an answer out of him, if we'd been allowed even a moment more of peace...

... and then I'd remembered that if we'd had even a moment, I might have gotten us both out of there alive. But there had been no moment, and Zack was gone, and I didn't have any answers, at a time when we all needed them the most.

_The city... it's falling. It's already begun._

"Come on, recovering the castle is our first priority," Cid growled, turning away to take the path down to the city. The others turned as well, but I couldn't. My eyes were fixed on the army swarming beneath us.

_If we let this continue... waste our time there while they spread..._

_We can't allow that!_

"Kid!" I started, glancing back to meet Cid's angry expression. "Come on, I said!"

"No."

Cid blinked, as did everyone else in my party. "What?"

"Not the castle," I muttered, looking back at the gates. "There are too many of them now. We can't defeat them all."

Cid snorted. "We don't have much of a choice. The nobles-"

"We do!" I insisted. "The airships. Forget the nobles - they don't care if the city falls so long as they escape. Why should we help them?" At Cid's surprised expression, my eyes narrowed. "We have to help the people of the city get _here_, to the airships. We have to find a place where they can't follow."

Cid stared at me. "You want to just run away?"

"Isn't that what all these ships were _for_ in the first place?" I countered, waving a hand at the fleet of ships they'd been making. "Winning the castle doesn't mean anything if the city is gone. It's the people who are more important!"

"And what about the witch?" Cid demanded. "She's controlling the Heartless. If we kill her, they'll-"

"They won't," I shook my head quietly.

"How do you know?"

"I just do. Trust me... she's not the only one."

"Gimme a reason to trust you," the older man replied, chewing idly on his cigarette. I could see the indecision flickering across his expression. "You're the one who disappeared on us. What've you been doing?"

I faltered at that, glancing beyond him to my companions. The members of Avalanche were watching, genuinely surprised by my newly found voice. First Barrett, now Cid... they were listening. Waiting for a reason. Which meant they were willing to try.

My eyes fell to Aerith, whose expression was bright despite the situation; her eyes were clear, as if to say she expected this. She too was waiting.

_She's always waiting for you,_ a prodding voice spoke up once more. I scowled inwardly and ignored it, returning my attention to Cid and taking a deep breath.

"Cid... meet Avalanche," I began, my voice unwavering. No one objected; no one even said a word.

And so I told him everything.

* * *

. 

After that, it was surprisingly easy. Cid agreed to work with the Avalanche team and get the airships ready and supplied for whoever came, while Aerith and I returned to the gates to help Barrett and Tifa. The riots would be used for a different purpose now; to organize people in a single area and get them to the ships, if they hadn't already scattered into hiding from the Heartless attacks. And if they were willing, of course. I wasn't optimistic enough to assume that everyone would leave their homes. Some would fight.

Cid raised a difficult question: why weren't _we_ going to fight? Despite my attempts, I couldn't give him an answer any better than telling him it was pointless. The numbers were too great, our time too short. By the time we could ever manage to mobilize enough people, the Heartless would have the city overrun, even more people lost to us. We had trusted our leaders to protect us, and they had allowed this to happen. There was nothing left to do but escape and work out a way to fight and _win_.

We left as soon as Cid was satisfied enough to let us, Aerith and I hurrying at the fastest pace we could manage in the direction of the gates, where the crowd had scattered but where Barrett and Tifa would certainly be in hiding. They would be waiting for us; the plan was pointless now, and what we needed was to regroup and figure out what to do next. Or, in our case, tell the others what we were already doing.

"Will we have enough time to warn everyone?" Aerith called to me as we ran, her voice worried.

I frowned, narrowing my eyes. We'd already lost too much time, though there hadn't been much we could do to avoid it short of leaving before convincing Cid to help us, and if we'd done that there was no guarantee we'd have anywhere to _go_. But whether or not we would make it... "I don't know," I finally answered, pulling her behind me as we wove a path through the alleys and streets of the city. "I don't think there's even enough _room_ for everyone. But we'll reach as many people as we can."

She squeezed my hand gently in response, sending me a faint boost of confidence that gave me the energy to carry on despite my rising weariness. There was no rest for us - not until we had spread the word and were safely away from the city, maybe even the entire world. I wanted to be as far away from the Heartless as possible.

Never mind the tiny voice in my mind that warned me not to pretend I could hide from it completely... not when I carried a piece of them within me. As if the voice - or the thought itself - had summoned it, the wing stirred anxiously, uncomfortable and pleading for freedom. I grit my teeth, pushing it back down with as much willpower as I could spare. It just _had_ to give me trouble now, didn't it-

"Cloud..." Aerith's voice caught my attention once more, "Who was the other you were talking about? The one controlling the Heartless?"

I didn't even have time to answer, nor decide if I was even _going_ to. As we raced past an alleyway the wing seemed to shriek in my head, demanding I stop, and had it not seemed torn between a plea and a command I would have ignored it again. But the sudden, unbearable rush of emotions from the wing surprised me enough to realize this was no random decision.

I stopped instantly, letting go of her hand, and she gasped in surprise, bumping into me. She opened her mouth to question me but I had turned away before she could voice it, drawing my sword and holding it forward, eyes darkening. I knew exactly why the wing had wanted me to stop.

_He's here. -Here-, finally..._

"Do you plan to fight me, puppet?"

Resisting the urge to shudder, to back away and flee, I clenched my jaw before answering. "I'll let you guess on that one."

Cold laughter, grating at my nerves and causing the wing within me to stir even more. Aerith stood behind me, one hand lightly touching my shoulder, silently trying to decipher the situation. I think she knew then who this was, how he had answered her question through his carefully timed appearance.

Sephiroth was smiling when he stepped out of the alley's shadows, his own black wing resting against his back, sword sheathed, as though he were walking towards a child and not a soldier set to attack at any moment. He watched me for a moment, expression dark and almost amused by my anger, before his eyes flitted to Aerith.

"Ah," he murmured, eyebrows lifting ever-so-slightly - not in surprise, never from him - his smile shifting to a confident, knowing smirk. "The last Cetra, is it? Descendant of the Ancients, the fools who tried to destroy Jenova."

Aerith tensed, fingers tightening against my arm, and I shifted to hide her from his view. "Forget her," I hissed, lifting my sword again. I didn't know what he meant or why it seemed to get a reaction out of her, but I wasn't about to let him threaten her. "I'm your opponent!"

By the responding look I received - cold, always so cold, and mocking in every movement me made - I knew he could have cared less about my challenge. I was the failure, the empty doll, the one they'd given up on when Zack arrived. I wasn't worth his time; we both knew it, and it only served to fuel my anger even more.

"Why should I even spare you a second glance, _Failure_?" Sephiroth smirked again, chin lifting a little to watch me through Mako-bright eyes. "What hope do you have of defeating me when even the man who replaced you as my servant fell by my hands?"

There was a pause, a silence, as the words reached my ears and echoed through my mind, like a ripple in an endless pool, drifting in and out, back and forth, waves on the shoreline of the heart already broken half a dozen times. _The man who replaced you_. Ripples, memories breaking free from the cage I'd given them. _Fell by my hands._

You can't cage a river, I realized, and the well you cover can always overflow.

_At the end of it all... it will always come back to Nibelheim._

_"You think it was just the Heartless?"_

No... no, it wasn't.

"You... killed him," I managed to whisper, staring at the man before me. "You killed Zack, didn't you..."

Behind me Aerith inhaled sharply, and Sephiroth laughed again, his voice loud, darker than before. "Killed him?" he echoed, amused. "Yet he never died."

"You know what I meant!" I snapped, taking a step forward, fighting against the hand on my shoulder suddenly trying to draw me back. "Zack - you and him were supposed to be friends! Partners! He respected you more than anyone and you stabbed him in the back for it!" My eyes blazed, my whole body trembling with fury, until even Aerith had to draw back, startled by the faint aura of shadows suddenly phasing in around me. I barely noticed, so lost I was in my accusations. "You tried to ruin our lives, destroy who we were, turn us into your own little Heartless army and then you came back and _took him back to that_-!"

Sephiroth ignored my words, a familiar smirk playing across his lips, eyes glittering with madness. He didn't care about what I thought, what I said. I meant nothing to him - no more than a broken toy would to a child with a room full of duplicates.

I was meant to be a clone, after all...

"Would you like to see him?" he murmured, raising a thin silver eyebrow. My eyes widened, fear suddenly coming to life and quelling any objections I might have given his response - any response but that.

He didn't even attempt to dismiss my claims; instead, he lifted his arm, the darkness flaring around him - and then, surprisingly, around me, _behind_ me. I took a startled step forwards, wary of what he would summon and at the same time watchful of Sephiroth himself, as the shadows began to form into a shape between Aerith and I. Zack had told me Sephiroth could create Heartless, call them forth from the dark and give them whatever shape he desired. It was an old trick, and one I would not fall for.

As the shape - vaguely humanoid - began to gain details, though, I froze, my thoughts blank of everything except what stood before me.

_It isn't him,_ my heart told me firmly, unshakable in its conviction. _It -can't- be him._

But somehow... for whatever reason, my mind couldn't...

And Sephiroth knew; no, he was _proud_ of it. I stared at them both, incredulous, wanting with all my heart to disbelieve. He stood still as a statue, smiling, a single, elegantly gloved finger pointing towards me, watching as the Heartless, golden eyes glinting in a face that was not - could not be - real, stepped forward and lifted its sword.

_... Zack..._

* * *

. 

_"No, no, no, the head goes _down_, Cloud."_

_I blinked blearily, looking down at the chunk of metal resting between my fingers. My head was pounding, spinning furiously despite my attempts at regaining my balance. "... Why did I agree to this again...?"_

_Zack grinned at me from across the gap, shrugging his shoulders. "Just who was agreeing to help who, eh? I remember Aerith telling me it was _you_ who put this hole in the roof."_

_I glared at him, then lifted my hammer and pounded the nail into the wood with no small amount of vehemence. "Wasn't my fault," I muttered, wincing with every blow. "But... that's not what I meant..."_

_"What, the Bastion's fine liquor not agreeing with you, kid?"_

_I resisted the urge to take the hammer and smack that grin right off his face. "You weren't supposed... t-to get me _drunk

_"Oh, come on," Zack snickered, reaching over and lifted another board, placing it across the hole. "I took you to the bar. I didn't force you to drink."_

_How I wished an act as simple as a glare could pass my hangover to _his_ head instead of mine. "You could have warned me!"_

_"And how was I supposed to know you had low tolerance for the stuff?"_

_"You... you just..." I spluttered for a long moment, my eye nearly twitching in irritation, then finally gave up, burying the nail into the wood and securing it to the church roof. On my last strike I misjudged the distance, adding to my headache _and_ my foul mood in one blow. Zack burst out laughing, which earned him yet another nasty look. "Oh sure, _you_ think it's funny."_

_"I do, actually," he smirked, watching as I hissed and sucked on the abused finger. "Both eyes open when you're working, remember." Glare, glare, _glare_. "Okay, eyes open and _looking_ at what you're trying to hit. ... And you can stop looking at me any time now..."_

_I rolled my eyes. "Always about you."_

_"Isn't it?"_

_"Okay, okay," Zack chuckled, shaking his head, "I'll stop. For a minute, anyway. The only reason I took you to the bar - and forced you to finally make this trip - is because you've been driving me crazy all week. What's up with you, anyway?"_

_"Nothing's up," I mumbled, looking away. Nothing was ever up, and Zack knew it._

_"Fine, don't tell me," he shrugged carelessly, his voice far too cheerful considering what time it was and how much alcohol we'd had the night before. "I'll just get you when you start angsting in your sleep."_

Zack

_The grin he wore was nothing short of infuriating, and I could visualize - all too easily - my hands around his neck. "Come on, if you're not going to treat me seriously, why shouldn't I do the same for you?"_

_"Earn it, then," I growled, grabbing another nail and hammering it into the board, willing my head to stop aching._

_He blinked innocently. "Haven't I been a good teacher?"_

_I clenched my fist more tightly around the hammer's handle, if only to keep myself from throwing it at him. He'd probably duck. Or, considering my state, I'd probably miss. Saving myself the embarrassment, I grabbed another nail. "You taught me to fight, not respect idiots."_

_"Which is exactly why I'm not respecting you," he chimed. I could very nearly see the hammer-shaped dent in his head. "So... gonna tell me what the problem is?"_

_"No."_

_"Oh, come on..."_

_"No."_

_"Punk."_

_My eye twitched._

_"Hey-"_

_"I'm _fine

_"... I was gonna ask you to pass the nails over."_

_Briefly, I considered throwing _them_ at him, but I doubted Aerith would appreciate a literal rain of nails all over what was left of her flowers, so I refrained and merely picked up the box instead, shifting forward onto the boards we'd already secured while he grabbed another. He shot me a grateful smile when he took them for all of two seconds before it faded, his eyes drifting downwards. "Er... you probably shouldn't be sitting on those until we're finished the first layer, you know."_

_I blinked, opening my mouth to respond that yes, I knew, and it was nice of him to remind me _after_ the fact, but he shifted away from the edge just as the wood bent and snapped beneath me and I was sent - for the second time within two weeks - spiraling towards Aerith's garden._

_My last thought, before I hit, was how dead he was when I got back there, and that it was good for him that he ran faster than me, and that I knew he would _still_ be grinning about it later-_

._  
_

* * *

. 

"Cloud!"

At Aerith's voice I whirled back, and barely lifted my sword in time to block the first attack. The Heartless strained against me, expression blank and tireless, the golden eyes empty of anything except the gleaming shadows beneath the surface. Beyond them, I could see Aerith standing nearby, pressed against the wall of one of the buildings around us, her eyes wide with fear and horror. Even from behind, she knew... she could tell who it was.

But it _wasn't_. I knew that. A voice was screaming inside me, crying out that it couldn't be him, that Sephiroth couldn't just summon a heart already stolen. But... why not? Why couldn't he? He'd summoned the other Heartless so easily... why should one more be any different?

_Because I want so badly to ignore the fact that I caused this..._

_I made this happen! I could've saved him from this!_

_He has every right to do this to me..._

The Heartless pulled away from me and spun, lashing out its dark sword in an attempt to hit my shoulder. I stepped backwards, trying to keep from being boxed into the alley and struggling to move past my doubts and fears so I could fight. Sephiroth was gone; at some point while the shadow had begun its attack he had vanished, leaving me to my fate. I wasn't surprised, and I was too frantic to feel annoyed, but I knew he'd left because he expected me to lose.

I'd never beaten him in a fight before, after all.

_No! It's not him!_

As if sensing my thoughts, Aerith rushed forward, abandoning the relative safety of the wall to come to my aid. "Cloud!" she repeated, eyes flaring with determination and no small amount of fear. "You have to keep fighting!"

My gaze drifted to her for a faint moment, hesitating as my opponent readied itself for another attack. "But... it's-"

"Don't say it!" she choked out, shaking her head. "Don't ever say that! It's _not_ him anymore!"

_But I can feel him... I can feel him here..._

_... it's not him. It's not._

_"...maybe they stole who he was, but they can't change him..."_

_"... we're friends, right?"_

I snarled and charged again, meeting the next attack head-on. Aerith was right. It wasn't Zack, it couldn't be Zack, it never would be. Zack... was gone. I had to accept that.

And I couldn't allow myself to lose to a mere shadow of who he may have been...

_Zack... would never accept that. He didn't teach me just to watch me die like this..._

The face was his, I noticed idly as we continued the battle, my sword - Zack's sword - gradually pushing the Heartless further and further away from our escape route. The face, the body, even the sword that mimicked the one I held was him... but everything else was too surreal, too distant. Zack would have smiled, he would have grinned, he would have laughed. He wouldn't have... just _stared_ like this thing was...

_No expression, no -light-... appearance is nothing when he's missing his soul._

_He wouldn't have wanted this..._

But although I continued to attack, I couldn't finish it off, despite the many opportunities the shadow had given me. I knew then it _couldn't_ be him, no matter how much my heart ached to look at it. Zack was stronger than this. With such a strong heart how could he lose to me so easily...?

_He must hate this. None of this is what he was fighting for..._

_You know that. You -know- that! Finish it!_

Aerith was following the battle from the side, watching every movement, hands clasped around her staff and ready to cast a healing spell if it was needed. She seemed to sense my indecision, her eyes stricken with concern, but it felt like an eternity before she finally spoke, breaking through the fog that the creature's appearance had cast over me.

"Cloud, stop hesitating! We need to go back!"

"I can't..." I grimaced, swinging my sword and knocking the Heartless away again, watching helplessly as it merely shook aside the attack and stood up. "I can't just..."

_It's not him! Attack!_

"You said before that you wish you'd killed him, Cloud," Aerith whispered, eyes pleading. "You wish you had set him free. Here's your chance... let him _go_!"

_Let him go..._

_"We're friends, right?"_

_Are we?_

_You're gone... you're gone._

_I didn't want to believe it, then... but... seeing this..._

_I never wanted to see you like this..._

Decision made, I dashed forward once more, weapon leveled at the Heartless with Zack's body, but not his heart, never that. The monster looked up, the facsimile of dark hair falling across empty golden eyes.

He smiled. _Zack_ smiled.

A last effort to save himself? One final trick?

It came too late anyway, that smile. The sword tore through his body effortlessly, the shadows separating and fading away, all trace of him eternally lost.

_... friends, right?"_

I closed my eyes, dropping to my knees, the sword falling from fingers too numb to hold it any longer. Friends. We were friends.

_That's why I had to finish it... that's why..._

_... so why does it hurt...?_

"Cloud..." I felt Aerith move to kneel beside me, but I didn't look up; I couldn't. She didn't believe it like I did, despite the constant ache in my heart that told me it was a trick of Sephiroth's and nothing more.

_Not Zack. It wasn't him..._

"The others," I murmured, my voice hoarse. "You're right. We... need to go back..."

She hesitated, then hugged me abruptly, pulling my head down to rest against her shoulder. I blinked, surprised and uncertain of how else to react.

"It's alright, Cloud," she managed. "We can stay here a little longer. They won't leave without us... just rest for a minute, okay?"

I swallowed hard and nodded against her, my fists clenched to the floor. Whatever I felt for her, then or before, no longer mattered; she was hurting, right? This... was hurting her. I needed to help. Zack would've wanted me to.

"Wasn't..." The words still sounded weak, so I gulped again, trying to find my voice. "It wasn't..."

"It wasn't him," Aerith finished for me, and I could hear her smile. "I know, Cloud. I know. You did the right thing. You saved us both."

She held me close, arms wrapped tightly around my shoulders, rubbing my back as we rocked back and forth together on the floor. It wasn't him, I kept repeating him my head. It was never him. It was an image, a name, a mockery of who he'd been...

_... should have killed him..._

But even as the words appeared, nearly spoken aloud, I realized I'd never have been able to do it.

"It wasn't him," Aerith said again as she pulled back, her hands resting on my shoulders, her voice little more than a whisper. It was so soft I had to wonder if she herself even believed it. "It wasn't him, Cloud."

I stared back at her, lips pursed, eyes uncertain for a moment, then I nodded. "I know," I said simply, my heart agreeing, even if my mind couldn't. She smiled at me, and whether she meant it or not, I think I needed that more than anything, then.

* * *

. 

AN: This is my response to everyone wailing and missing Zack. See, see! This is what you get!

Actually, this was plotted for a long time and I've been dying to use it. So sue me. (Wait, don't. I like my penny collection.) Regarding the Cetra thing with Seph... my memory of certain bits of the FF7 events are rather sketchy, so if I'm off on something, it's either a mistake on my part or an alteration to better fit the changes I've already made.

Not much to say otherwise... things are winding down to a rather gradual conclusion. Exciting, ne? Well I hope so, anyway.

Next chapter: The final hour in Hollow Bastion. Losses, separations, discoveries, and, of course, the melodrama. Gotta love Cloud's melodrama.

Reviewer Responses: (look! not being lazy this time!)

Koorino Megumi: You know I love your Cloud:P But I'm glad you like him. I've been trying not to let him revert into Twit!Cloud.

link no miko: Come on, you know better than to ask me who's going to make it or not!

JadeyTheKitty: Actually, RP!Zack is like... an AU version. sorry. :P But I'm glad you liked Aerith! I used to dislike her too... now I'm kind of undecided...

Seishin Kibou: The English website for AC is now online. This is hopefully a good sign.

Ari Powwel: Dude, you read it! squees Glad it was enjoyed, despite the wibbles!

Black Jester: Regarding the Mako breakdown... sorry, no. I'd love to, but there's so many things I've already done, and the main one occurred already during the flashback just prior to Cloud's awakening (after Hojo). That's as detailed as I'm getting with that.

Everyone else: Thank you for reading! I'll try to be a little faster next time...


	25. Part 21: Another Day In Paradise

AN: The end is cooooomiiiiiing!

This has been edited, ergo any demented mistakes are not my fault but our gracious host's. Please let me know if you find any; I'd appreciate it!

Kingdom Hearts ain't mine. Dur.

Written from Cloud's perspective. As always.

* * *

. 

Ephemeral Blossoms

Akai Kitsune

Part 21: Another Day In Paradise

* * *

. 

That was the last time I saw her, touched her, I remembered.

When Aerith finally pulled away from me, summoned by the urgency of the situation, I had managed to regain an ounce or two of the courage and determination needed to move on. We stood up together - supporting one another, neither more than the other, something that both shamed and reassured me. She was as strong as I, but also as weak. I... was also needed, even after all my mistakes.

Even after destroying-

_No. Freeing him..._

She gave me a faint yet encouraging smile, hands still clasped around mine. "Come on," she murmured, "Let's go find the others."

I nodded my agreement silently, and then we were moving, our feet pounding against the ground, eclipsed by the sounds of the chaos around us. The sounds were rising in volume as we drew closer and closer to the city gates, both of us knowing what to expect, and dreading it all the same.

We turned the corner, the noises almost too loud to hear anything else. And walked straight into a literal _sea_ of Heartless. Aerith screamed as I jerked back, pulling her hard with me and nearly knocking her right off her feet. She clung to me, breathless and shocked, staring at the creatures now fixated on us, alerted by the scream and the feel of our hearts.

There wasn't a single human in sight. They were gone, all of them. _Everyone_.

My heart constricted. Tifa...

And then a hand clamped onto my shoulder, spinning me around, and someone was shaking me by the collar before I could even reach for my sword.

"You idiot!" Barrett bellowed in my ear, sending my head spinning, shifting behind me and giving my back a hard shove. "What the hell're you doing just standing there! We've been waitin' for you so we can get _out_ of here!"

My eyes widened, and I exchanged a glance with Aerith. "You were waiting for us?" I echoed.

Tifa, standing beside him, gave me a sharp grin. "Of course we were. You said you'd come, didn't you? It was the best way to find you." Her look shifted to one of slight confusion. "Where have you been? Did the Heartless hold you up?"

Again, that twist in my heart. I couldn't even bear to look at Aerith this time. "Yes," I managed to reply, my voice as quiet as I could make it with all the background noise fighting to drown it out. Change subject, change subject... "Where were _you_?" I shot back at them, as Barrett urged us all to start moving down the path we'd come from. "The Heartless are all over this place!"

Tifa nodded, her smile fading as she ran alongside me, Aerith on the other side. "We've had a lot of close calls... we're both pretty worn out." I looked her up and down, noticing a fair share of slight injuries that made her movement somewhat forced. A quick glance at Barrett confirmed the same of him. "But we've managed to stay alive, and now you're here... we'll be fine."

I forced myself not to look away, though I wanted to, badly. She shouldn't have trusted me that way. I was never meant to protect anyone, whatever she or Aerith tried to tell me.

_Keep telling yourself that... but when it comes down to it, you're the only one who -can- protect them, now._

_...Shut up._

We ran on for what seemed like ages, all the while waiting for an ambush, waiting for the sounds of what must be pursuing us. We'd drawn far too much attention to ourselves.

_Idiot_, a voice within me chided, _They're born of pure shadow. What kind of warning do you expect?_

_What are we supposed to do, then!_

My thoughts never found an answer, for a scant second later one of the larger Heartless materialized in front of us, its massive body blocking off the entire path, legs stomping forward to try and keep them from darting into the last alley. Its head jerked to the side abruptly, lashing out a tusk at Barrett and slamming him against the wall, holding him there, roaring in challenge. My eyes widened in horror, yanking my sword free of its sheath. A Behemoth...

"We can't!" Aerith cried, pulling on my arm anxiously as I started forward. In the background Barrett had managed to pull free his gun arm, letting loose a barrage of bullets into the creature's face and forcing it to drop him. "We're all tired, Cloud, and they're injured-!"

"It can't be helped!" I snapped back, not trying to be rude, but needing her to understand. "If it's not kept distracted it'll block off the alley! I'll stay behind - you keep going!"

"NO!"

I blinked, as both Tifa and Aerith objected to my suggestion. I glared at them in response; now wasn't the time for arguing, and who _else _was going to hold it off for more than a few seconds?

Barrett limped back towards us, still shooting at the Behemoth which now looked absolutely enraged. "Kid's right," he shouted over the noise, "We won't get away with that thing blockin' the exit, and we can't go back! I'd stay, but..." He trailed off reluctantly, teeth clenched. "I know my limits. Least I can do it make sure the path ahead is clear."

"I'll stay as well!" Tifa spoke up, eyes narrowed in determination, fists clenched at her sides. "We should split up - this way none of us are left alone!"

_Tifa..._ I closed my eyes briefly, wanting to argue, wanting to stay alone, but with her I knew it would take far too long. But Aerith...

_I can't risk that. Never... she can't fight like Tifa can._

_I promised to protect her..._ My grip tightened on the sword, turning to her just as she opened her mouth to speak. "No," I said firmly, shaking my head, "You go with Barrett. Tifa..." I paused, then grimaced, looking back to the Behemoth, who had recovered from the attacks and began to move forward again, snarling. "Tifa's right," I finished quickly. I was rewarded with Tifa's proud smile, clashing with Aerith's gentle disappointment.

_I'm sorry... but it's for you. You know that, right...?_

"If you're sure..." she murmured, and I nodded this time. Then, she forced a smile. "You'll be right behind us, won't you?"

"Of course we will," I replied without thinking. Where else was there to go?

_Either we follow or we die. And... I know which would make you happy and which would not..._

"Good. We'll wait for you at the airships, then." Her words were nearly eclipsed by the pounding of the Behemoth's giant feet, and she and Barrett stepped back out of the way as Tifa and I charged at the enemy, catching its attention and forcing it away from the alley to give them a clear path to freedom.

I didn't look at Aerith again; didn't watch for her last smile, in case it had faded away.

A part of me ached at the idea of letting her go on ahead, without me at her side to protect her. It screamed and railed and lashed out as I fought, my grip on the sword tightening with every dark thought of what could happen to her without me there, what I could protect her from when Barrett could not. But I pushed them aside as best as I could; she was gone, and I had Tifa to protect, now. They were all relying on me, and I couldn't let them down.

I was... the leader. I was, wasn't I?

_A leader is someone who protects those who follow him, no matter what._

_Even if he dies..._

The Behemoth didn't wait until we were ready; as soon as it saw us begin to move, it charged forward, sides and horns grinding against the walls of the buildings surrounding us. For several minutes the fight was little more than a game of chase, as Tifa and I frantically dodged its deadly, sweeping attacks, neither of us able to strike back without taking too great a risk. It wasn't long before I noticed Tifa's movements slowing down, her wounds getting worse every time she ducked or ran or rolled, her breath heavy and forced. She backed away as I finally managed to slash at the Heartless' face and sent it reeling backwards, and I took a moment to hurry over beside her.

"We can't do this much longer," she managed, before I could speak. "I won't be able to help you at all..."

"If we push it back a little more we can follow the others," I replied, eyes narrowing. As soon as Aerith and Barrett had escaped, the Behemoth had marched forward again, intent on keeping the two of us blocked from the alley. Thus far it had done a pretty good job of it.

"_How_?" Tifa clenched her teeth, frustrated. "It's like trying to move a wall! Think you could just ask it nicely and hope it goes away!"

I didn't even bat an eyelash at her sarcasm. She was angry and exhausted, and she did have a poi-

... wait.

"Ask it..." I whispered to myself, ignoring Tifa's questioning look when she missed what I said altogether. "No, I can't, but..."

I had been changed, altered against my will, given a wing and a heart entwined with darkness. Meant to be a Sephiroth clone.

Sephiroth could control the Heartless.

_Maybe... maybe I can..._

_-Idiot-!_

"Get back!" I shouted to Tifa over the pained roars of the Heartless, as it tried to regain its bearings after my attack. I didn't want her to get caught in the backlash of whatever happened if I failed.

_You're going to fail. You're -not- Sephiroth, you can't do this!_

_I -won't- be just a failure!_

"Cloud," Tifa protested, "What are you doing? It's going to attack-!"

"No," I muttered, focusing as best as I could. "No, it won't..."

_Not if I stop it first._

Decision made, I concentrated on the darkness around me, _within_ me, calling it forth, reining it in and pushing it firmly with my mind. I could feel it resisting, unwilling to accept me as a master, one who had never called it before - had tried to banish it, in fact. Ironic, in a way; my loathing of the shadows forced upon me now stood in the way of our escape, just as surely as the Behemoth that had recovered, that was moving towards us again. I had to work faster...

_You're just endangering yourself, and Tifa. You need to fight, you need to run! Stop taking risks!_

_This... is the only way. I can do this!_

"Cloud!" Tifa's cry merely fed my determination, and I ignored her urgent pulls on my arm. I could feel them, the Heartless before us, those behind, responding to my mental prodding. I could hear the echoes of their thoughts; hearts, everything hearts, so much darkness in them, trying to search my own mind. I gave them nothing, hoarding my own darkness and offering none, only ordering: go back, go back. Look elsewhere for hearts.

I felt the Behemoth hesitate, the pounding of its feet against the ground ceasing abruptly. Victory flared to life in my mind; soon, we'd be free, chasing after the others, and I'd see her again. I'd see my light again, and there would be no more shadows-

I stopped short, the darkness still growing, but in a different way, a colder, more dangerous method that clawed at the limits of my control. I had remembered the light. I'd let go for just a second...

_No... they'll find her. I can't... I can't let them..._

_Find her first! -Run-, Cloud!_

Tifa was screaming. She was screaming my name, louder and louder as the shadows grew around me, her hand reaching out, calling me, calling...

"Cloud! Stop, you have to stop! We need to run-!"

_Not... until I... find her..._

"Cloud!"

_Where is she!_

I felt something akin to a violent tornado of darkness, as the wing tore free from my shoulder, and I cried out, my words lost in the howling wind. I had it. The power was _mine_ now, and I was going to find her-

"CLOUD!"

My eyes snapped open - I hadn't even realized I had closed them - to find Tifa surrounded, darkness feeding the amassing army of Heartless that had appeared around us and giving them more life than ever before. She snapped and kicked out at them, her fists moving almost too quickly to be seen, but even that wasn't enough, because the Heartless only grew stronger - faster, more deadly - with each wave of darkness that washed over them.

_My darkness. -Mine-..._

_This wasn't... supposed to happen..._

I pulled back to myself, trying to draw the darkness back in. I didn't want this! To call the Heartless, to feed them - to _help_ them, as they swallowed everyone - wasn't what I had meant to do!

_I just wanted to find her..._

_They used me. They -used- me... just like he..._

_"... just a puppet..."_

"No!" I yelled, but my voice disappeared in the noise, as the Heartless overwhelmed Tifa and she vanished from view, her cries dying out into silence. "_Tifa_!"

It was the first time I'd called to her. Tifa, who'd always chased me, who always smiled, who was... she was...

_"We're friends, right?"_

Tifa...

I... didn't want this anymore. Any of it.

_-Tifa-..._

The Heartless lifted their heads to look at me, and for a moment my whole body froze.

_Yeah... fine. Take me, too. Then the darkness will be gone... I won't be the one who causes this. I won't remember anything..._

_"You want to protect her, don't you?"_

_I can't. Not... anymore..._

_"I'm counting on you to do what's right."_

_This is how it ends._

But instead of attacking, the Heartless scurried past, ignoring me completely. I was a source of power now, after all... I was feeding them. I'd be the last.

_"Don't leave me-"_

I couldn't. I couldn't just-

_"Are you going to leave her?"_

No, no, no...

_I won't let you hurt her!_

_Not when it's me... it's me who's..._

_"Idiot! MOVE!"_

Determination fueled by my newly remembered fears, I struggled against the darkness, trying to push it back, send it away, banish it into whatever hole in my heart in which I had found it, but it did little more than laugh at me. It _laughed_, those shadows in my heart, my soul, for Zack was gone, and Tifa was gone, and Aerith was out of reach, and _Sephiroth had won_-

I screamed. Couldn't help it, couldn't do anything else. The darkness had me in its grasp, swirling around my body, fueling and draining and consuming me all at once. It was so cold...

_"It's okay. You're going to be okay. Just relax, ride it out. It can't hurt you anymore."_

_It can! Yes it can! It's cold and it's hurting and I just want it to stop-!_

_"Relax... let go. You can't die yet, right? You have a promise to keep."_

My eyes widened, jaw agape, body slackening even as the chills in the air rose to a new height entirely. A promise... Aerith...

_"You'll find her..."_

The words frightened me, but at the same time it gave me hope. She was safe... she'd escaped, after all. She'd been protected, though not by me. I couldn't let it hurt me. I couldn't focus on the pain, the cold, the thought of being separated from her.

As long as she was alive, I could find her. I _would_ find her.

So I made a new promise, within that darkness, that all-consuming mist of shadows that slowly drew me inwards, devouring my body and taking me away from that place. I fell into it, unresisting, though my hand was still stretched out towards the blackened sky...

_I'll find you..._

* * *

. 

I woke up in another world. Another time.

Suppressing a groan, I lifted myself out of bed and glanced around me. Kairi was still sleeping, unsurprisingly; a quick glance out the window told me it was far too early for the night to be over, but at the same time I knew I wouldn't be sleeping any longer that night.

I never did, after that dream.

It always ended the same, of course; I had fallen into the darkest of worlds, lost and separated from all I knew - and, though I never admitted it, loved - and awakened on a world I didn't know. That was my reality; wandering for years in a strange place, eventually making my way to the Coliseum, meeting with Hades... signing a contract I should never have considered.

People grow desperate when they are offered no alternatives, I mused. But an alternative was found when I sought help in the right places... it was almost amusing. Might have been, had I done it sooner and met with Aerith here, in Traverse Town, instead of waiting, hoping she'd return before everything ended.

Or was restored, though I didn't dare to hope. Things were... looking bleak.

I didn't really feel like facing the day just yet, but knowing it was unavoidable, I got up and headed downstairs. Cid was there, still on watch, lounging on top of the fireplace, working away at something. He glanced over as I approached.

"You'll be tired in the morning," he muttered, turning back to his project. "You just got off watch a couple hours ago."

My gaze followed his, seeing it was a small, rough sketch for a new ship. I shrugged aside his concern. "Couldn't sleep. Aren't you supposed to be paying attention when you're on watch?"

He smirked faintly, scribbling down a note beside the ship's left wing. "I noticed you, didn't I? The Heartless are pretty noisy, so I just listen for 'em." His smirk broadened. "At least I don't fall asleep."

I bristled, but didn't bother retorting. I'd learned over time that Cid was incredibly difficult to beat in that sort of argument. Instead, I stepped away to stand by the window, glancing out uneasily. "It's been quiet lately."

Cid nodded, sitting back to fold up the sheet and tuck it into his pocket. He dangled his legs over the side, one hand curling around the spear that was rested against it. "Noticed that, eh? Yeah... even outside, it's not as bad as it used to be. Much as I'd like to say they've given up, there's no chance of that. It's more like..."

"They're waiting," I finished, eyes narrowing, focusing on the sky. "Waiting for the end."

_Whatever that is._

Cid seemed to share my sentiments, but not my silence; he pushed off the ledge, propping the spear against the fireplace and brushing his hands together. "C'mon," he jerked a thumb towards the shop's counter, "It's almost dawn - Kairi won't be up to make breakfast for another few hours."

"So?"

He smirked again, then headed over, rifling through a drawer and emerging with a deck of cards. "Let me kick your butt a few times."

"..." I gave him a guarded look, but followed him regardless, resting against the counter as Cid dealt the cards.

* * *

. 

Cid proposed we play War. I was thankful, though reluctant; I needed a distraction that didn't require thinking, simply because I didn't feel like letting my mind wander anymore. If my thoughts were left on their own I could focus on the impending danger waiting restlessly at our doorstep. Only a matter of time...

"Why'd you get up so early?" Cid asked abruptly, sliding out a hand to take the cards I'd just lost. I opened my mouth to answer, but he added, "Yeah, yeah, you can't sleep. Most people have a reason for that, though."

There was a pause as I mulled that one over, trying to decide whether or not Cid deserved an answer. I knew he wouldn't stop bothering me about it if I didn't respond, though. He didn't often let people evade things like that.

"I had a dream," I murmured, pulling another card from my deck. A queen. I watched as Cid's king stole her away.

He raised an eyebrow. "Dream, huh? Gonna share any details?"

"No."

Cid scowled. "Don't be a drama queen, kid. It's obviously bugging you."

"I - it's not-!" I stopped, mouth open, unable to find the right words to deny it. There _was_ no denying it - it was written across my face, in my eyes, waiting on the edge of my tongue.

_Why hide it? He was there. He knows what happened that day..._

_But neither of us know the whole story._

"That day..." I started faintly, eyes lowered to the table. I fingered the next card on the pile, but didn't lift it; was almost afraid to. "That last day on the Bastion... I dreamed about it. When... we all got separated."

Cid fell silent, studying me, though I still wouldn't raise my eyes. Finally, he nodded. "Makes sense. It feels like it's happening again sometimes... like things are ending again, and not the way we want 'em to. It's hard to take in." He waited a moment. "So what happened?"

I felt the anger rise then, the sleeping fury I never wanted to release break like a string stretched too far for too long. "What the hell do you _think_ happened!" I snapped, eyes blazing, voice raised. He was unruffled, still watching. "Everything happened! Everything's _gone_! All of it, everything we set out to do! We were so confident, so strong, but we _couldn't do it_. Aerith left, Sephiroth won, I _lost_ and Tifa..." I halted there, my words trailing off, quieting once more. "Tifa..."

I couldn't say it.

But Cid could. "I figured that's what happened to you," he murmured, averting his eyes. "Barrett and Aerith got to us, y'know. But Barrett said you two were still out there, so he took off to bring you back as well. We had to fight to keep Aerith from going with him; she was scared stiff for you." He shook his head. "I'm glad we stopped her, though. None of you came back, and we had to take off before the Heartless got a hold of the ship. We lost a lot of people in the process." He paused, catching my gaze again. "I'm sorry, kid. We didn't want to leave anyone behind."

I almost flinched. _Don't apologize to me._"You didn't," I shrugged it aside. "We were already gone."

He didn't answer me, lifting a card. I forced myself to pick up my own, laying it flat. A joker. How appropriate.

Then suddenly, out of the blue, Cid grinned, pushing the cards over in my direction. I blinked in surprise, giving him an inquiring look. "What?"

His grin broadened, slapping a palm on the table, right on the joker. "Ain't it strange how a card like that is the strongest?"

I raised an eyebrow. _The hell...?_ "It's a rare card, so of course it is."

Cid nodded absently, leaning back and pointing a finger at me. "You, my friend," he said slowly, "Are a joker. You and that Sora kid. One of a kind, your own masters. You can _change_ things." He smirked, his expression a mask of utter confidence, a pillar of strength in a world about to crumble. Cid Highwind was not a man to be led around by the nose, world-destroying powers be damned. "You're going to win."

There was little I could do but stare, faced with those words. How could he believe that so easily? So little we could do here, in this place, surrounded by our enemies with someone to protect.

Appropriate, and ironic, as well.

We couldn't afford to fail this time.

"We'll see," I whispered, reaching for another card, aching for the return of the silence it brought. Cid granted it to me this time, though I could tell it was reluctant.

_"You're going to win."_

I hoped so. It was an uncertainty, another joker in the deck full of losses, waiting to be grasped and lifted to the forefront.

A single joker couldn't ensure the victory of the game.

_"But sometimes a joker is enough to hold the fort until the other can reveal itself."_

_Sometimes._

Another uncertainty. But a gamble I would bet my life on, when the time came.

* * *

. 

AN: So there it is, the conclusion of the Bastion flashbacks. Believe it or not the conclusion of the story itself is coming up; next chapter will likely be the last, aside from the epilogue. It's been a long trip guys, but we're getting there!

Special thanks to Koorino Megumi who helped me choose a card game, since I am a spazz who never plays. It worked out wonderfully!

Next chapter: The conclusion. Bet you didn't see that one coming. Bet you also know it isn't going to be just a walk in the park.

Reviewer Responses:

Koorino Megumi: Thanks again for War! Uh... that sounds wrong. But y'know. And I'm still not dead yet, P

Rem-chan: Er... you know that Maleficent was the epitome of evilness before Voldemort was even thought up in Rowlings' brain, eh? But no, Sephy's doing his own thing, as always. I honestly can't see him working with Maleficent, even if they did have somewhat similar goals. And yes, that was based on shadow!Sora. I always liked him. He deserves a fanfic. (Was gonna do a post-game thing featuring him once upon a time, but thaaaat time is past...)

link no miko: I love you. Love, love, love. There is so much love. I'm totally giggling here.

Ari Powwel: I tend to focus on what's happening mentally rather than physically, especially in first person when Cloud _knows_ all the details when it's going on, so it seems weird to write it all out. Fight scenes are really not my forte, and neither are detailed descriptions, so I've always preferred dialogue and thoughts. It's just my writing style.

Seishin Kibou: Yep, saw the tech demo. It was looooovely and I want a remake of that game liek wow.

Everyone: Thank you for reading! Next chapter coming soon.


	26. Part 22: Feels Like Home

Well, here we are at the end of things! Be wary of scattered scenes and incoherent ramblings. Eh-heh. But it's all in good fun - I hope you all enjoy the conclusion!

* * *

. 

Ephemeral Blossoms

Akai Kitsune

Part 22: Feels Like Home

* * *

. 

Within the hour Kairi came downstairs, bearing breakfast and a melancholy smile that echoed our own moods. The silence had brought Cid's confidence into more of a darkened uncertainty which clouded the air and brought to life the doubts that had been somewhat repressed.

We were so tired of waiting, but we dreaded what was to come. Death, darkness, or some faint, weakened hope that barely kept us going... hope, or pride; the only thing that kept us from walking straight out the door and into the devouring shadows beyond.

Kairi told me I looked too morbid lately. I wanted to say I was being realistic.

Despite that, I knew whatever happened, we'd be fighting until the last. Kairi was steadfast in her belief in Sora, Cid wouldn't give up for anything, and as for me... I had someone to protect, didn't I? A promise to keep.

People had died for me, trying to help me. Whatever their reasons, I had no right to let them down.

Maybe even I had a little hope left - I spent a great deal of time listening for the roar of a gummi ship. Wondering if I'd ever hear her call my name again. Worrying over what I might say, what _she _might say. Thinking of what I'd do if she no longer waited for me.

Cid would've hit me if he knew my thoughts. He did a lot of things that Zack used to do, if he felt it was necessary.

_Not that you don't deserve it._

I shook my head absently, trying to clear it of the thoughts constantly bombarding me, and all at once was startled by the sudden wave of darkness pouring over me. Everything inside my heart was screaming, voices crying out in my mind, urging me to my feet. My companions called my name, startled and concerned, but I ignored them.

_Now!_ the voices snarled and shouted wildly, so clear it was almost audible. _Now, no more time, no more waiting, it's over!_

_The Keybearer is coming! -Now-!_

And I knew, beyond a doubt, that it was time, that Sora was where he had to be. That the end was before us, resting on the razor's edge, ready to fall on either side. That the Heartless could sense it and were desperate for power before that end came.

"Cloud?" Kairi repeated, pulling insistently on my arm. I glanced down at her, eyes narrowed.

"Block the door," I growled faintly, then tugged free and leapt past her, slamming my body against the shop's entrance just as another weight hit it from the other side.

They were right; no more waiting. It was all or nothing.

* * *

. 

We were lucky we'd chosen the accessory shop - after all this time, I finally had to admit that. Since their previous attacks, the moogles had been working steadily on new ways to keep the Heartless out. When I had shouted for aid they jumped at the chance or show it off: some sort of warding equipment that held moderately while we attempted to get ourselves organized. We had no idea how long we could keep the Heartless at bay. Cid and I were both lacking sleep, Kairi's abilities were limited, and the moogles were useless in combat - though admittedly, I didn't say that last aloud. Between the three of us, in our current conditions, a few hours was probably our limit. Not that it mattered much; we would fight until it was over, for them or for us. There was nothing else for us to do.

There was a lot of noise going on; I could almost see the moogles' wards failing. A quick look in their direction confirmed it, as the door began to crack and bend at the pressure, darkness flickering into view beneath it. The three creatures chimed a "good luck!" and hurried back up the central ladder to their own floor. I hoped they could figure out how to make something better in the short time we had. Unlikely, but a single thought never really killed anyone.

"We'll know when it's over," I muttered absently, glancing over at Kairi as she nodded in agreement, fist over her heart. _If we live that long._

_Don't give up. It's not over yet..._

It wasn't, and it wouldn't be for a long time. Not for me, when it was only just beginning.

_However this ends... I'll see her again. I will._

With that thought as my only comfort, I tightened my grip on my sword, and moved forward, Cid beside me, to charge at the Heartless as they tore through the door.

* * *

. 

Zack told me once that the way he was taught to deal with multiple enemies was to either attack them all at once, or find a way to get them to attack one at a time.

"Small spaces limit you both," he'd warned, nodding his head at his own massive broadsword, "But the more level you can make the field, the better chance you'll have. If you can't get the high ground, you can at least try to stop your enemy from getting it instead."

There were certain advantages to having a good teacher; one of them was that lessons beaten into you tended to come back when they were most needed. I recalled them then, hacking and slashing my way through the Heartless trying to tear through the wall. Neither of us had the disadvantage because of our location; Cid's spear and my sword were hindered by the size of the room, but so too were the creatures swarming at the entrance, half the opening blocked by the massive Defender that had broken down the door, the rest so full of Heartless squirming to be the first to taste our hearts they could barely get through. Their lack of intelligence was the high ground I'd been seeking since I first felt their presence approaching us, and I was not going to waste it.

It wouldn't last, of course; they weren't _that _stupid. Eventually they would learn the err of their tactics and withdraw to attempt a better one... but for now, they were desperate. And desperation bred foolishness, or so I'd been told.

The largest - literally - obstacle was keeping the Defender at the forefront from moving inside, yet at the same time leaving it alive to block out the others. It was snarling and lashing out with its shield, constantly moving back and forth - crushing some of its comrades in the process - to try and get past me and my sword. The energy attacks from its shield had already blasted several holes in the back of the shop, and I wondered how many more the building could handle before the roof collapsed on us.

Weapon and shield clashed together once more, and I clenched my teeth, fighting back against the creature's hulking strength. If we were going to die this way, then damn it all, we would go down fighting. I wouldn't give up my life to them, especially not when the end was so near. To die now would be to admit that everything we'd gone through up to this point was all a waste of time.

I wouldn't. I _couldn't._ Not when I'd promised her, promised everyone...

The Heartless roared in fury, if such a creature could feel any, and pressed forward, but I refused to yield. Beside me, I could hear Cid's spear cutting through the smaller opponents, lashing out at all that dared to come near, shouting challenges to those that remained at the back. They were waiting for us to exhaust ourselves, I reminded myself dimly, nearly biting into my cheek. Who could blame them? There were so many, and we were only human. Sooner or later we'd run out of energy, and then...

_There's a way around that. You know there is._

_...No._

_Just like last time..._

_-No-!_

The darkness stirred around me, a few of the Heartless shifting their eyes to gaze at where I stood. I couldn't help but remember the power they contained_, I_ contained, within the wing that slept fitfully in my heart. How could I, or anyone, forget the endless dark that could swallow and overwhelm everything it touched?

_Darkness can only be defeated by darkness. The light can only go so far before it is no longer able to reach..._

_There will always be darkness._

Shadows brought me memories of power... but with those memories came the sound of Tifa's screams in my mind. I would never forget that it was that same power - _my _power - that condemned her to die, alone in the dark.

_If I was on my own... maybe I could..._

_... but I'm not. The others are here, and they're relying on me, and I will -not- let them down again..._

Don't get distracted. Zack told me that, too, even though I'd always known. I never really learned.

He died because of it.

I'd forgotten...

"Cloud!"

Cid's voice snapped me out of my thoughts, and my eyes were torn away from the head looming just past the shield to the weapon itself. It was beginning to glow, energy blazing to life-

Cursing my mistake, I shoved hard against my sword and twisted away, trying to escape the attack before it came. At the same time Cid lunged forward, stabbing his spear right into the creature's head, ignoring its fatal shriek. A scant moment later it dissolved, leaving nothing but an opening in the doorway that wouldn't last long.

And the shield, still glowing, though I didn't notice before it went off, white light blazing across the room to where I stood.

I cried out as it hit, my entire side ablaze with pain, and I didn't resist as the force of the attack sent me flying back into the wall. Darkness fell around me - it was always darkness, wasn't it? - as stars danced across my vision, leaving me stunned and blind. I could feel the steady stream of blood flowing free of my body, hear the shouts of my companions. Briefly, I wondered how the hell I had allowed myself to get hit, when just seconds before I was so full of confidence, so determined...

But then all thoughts faded with everything else, as darkness descended upon me, swallowing the stars and leaving me to drift.

Ironic, I noted, somewhat foolishly. And fell.

* * *

. 

_The garden was immaculate, as always. Aerith tended to it well, her hands skilled and knowing, the plants thriving in her care. It was amazing in so many ways; she wasn't capable of destruction, I couldn't help but think._

_Everything she touched was so vibrant, so alive... I would have felt jealous if I hadn't been touched by it as well._

_Maybe... even so, I was still a little envious..._

_"Come for a visit?" she questioned with a smile, turning as I approached where she knelt. I shrugged, eyes averted, and she giggled quietly. "Of course not. But I'm glad, either way. Sit with me?"_

_I hesitated, then obliged, ignoring the dirt and the weeds, settling back to watch her work. Despite how nervous and uncertain she made me feel - not that I would ever admit it - her presence was relaxing, almost soothing. Her easy smile and gentle demeanor made my own a little lighter, a little less gloomy, as she might have called it._

_"The roses are getting a little out of hand," she said quietly, working away with a small set of clippers. "But I knew they would."_

_I nodded slightly. "You said as much."_

_"Yes... but at least they're easy to control." She smiled again, snipping off a small stalk, then handing it to me._

_"... What's this for?" I stared at it, baffled. My hand tightened unconsciously, and I winced as the thorns stung me._

_"What do you think?" she laughed at my expression, shaking her head. "Someone has to hold them while I work. When I'm finished we can make a nice display and put it somewhere in the castle. Maybe the table in the library..."_

_I didn't respond, my eyes still fixed on the rose, fingering the thorns to pry them off before they could prick me again. She was always resourceful with her flowers; never wanted a single one to go to waste, no matter how small or damaged they were. And somehow she always made them look so beautiful in the end. It made me wonder what she needed me for. Or why I'd even come here in the first place._

_But she often made me do strange things. Like pick thorns off roses, or visit a garden when I'm on duty, or smile for no reason at all..._

_"Cloud?" she called gently, glancing over, her expression concerned. "Cloud...?"_

_And I smiled, and looked back at her, and-_

_... and..._

I want to see her...

_"I miss you."_

_

* * *

_ .

"Cloud! Cloud, wake up, are you okay?"

Slowly I opened my eyes, blinking away the traces of shameful tears brought by the sharp pain I felt in my chest. Kairi's face loomed over me, nervous and afraid. She seemed relieved when I looked back at her, turning away for a moment. "Cid! I think he's okay!"

"For now, maybe!" came the pilot's grunting reply. "But if these Heartless don't let up soon, we're all going to be in trouble!"

Kairi turned back to me, giving me a weak smile. "Just rest for a minute while I'll try to take care of your injuries. Can you sit up?"

I tried a few times, finally bringing myself into a sitting position so the girl could look over the gashes scattered across my body. She had relinquished her position behind the fireplace to help me, and the sooner we moved, the better. I knew the rest wouldn't last, especially with the sounds coming from the doorway. Cid was definitely going to need help soon; the Heartless were simply too numerous for one man to stand alone against them. I was a living testament to _that_.

"I've gotta get back there," I grimaced, shifting so I could stand. "He needs-"

"He needs you to be strong," Kairi interrupted, gently pushing me down again, "And that means you need my help. Now relax for a minute. Sora taught me how to do a Cure spell, in case I was ever in trouble. It's not the best, and I don't have much power, but it'll give you a little strength for a while."

I relaxed for a moment as she raised her hands, green magic appearing between her fingers. Slowly, the pain began to fade into a dull ache, and I felt a little strength return to me. Gripping my broadsword tightly, I stood to go back to the door where Cid still fought our attackers, ignoring the girl's half-hearted objections.

"Stay back," I told her, more sharply than I intended. I hoped she listened to me for once; it was too dangerous for her to wander out in the open again, even to help us. If we had to, we would fight our way out. Even if everyone was already gone, the Heartless wouldn't have bothered with the supplies in the item shop. Potions would definitely be useful, and while I didn't know about Cid, I myself was running low on energy, wounded and weary as I was. Not to mention the holes in the back wall, and the unhealthy look of the front where Heartless were trying to tear it all apart.

Not waiting for a response, I leapt forward again to stand beside Cid, sword slashing wildly in tandem with his spear. Together we tore through the crowd of shadows before the doorway, trying to make a path, to clear the way so we could escape. We couldn't afford to let them keep us trapped like this. They seemed surprised with our sudden vehemence; some backed away, only to be replaced by others, which we tore through without mercy.

_We can do this, can't we? We can survive. Just a little more... a little longer..._

A sudden cry from behind caught my attention, and I whirled back, eyes widening. Several of the Heartless had broken free of the group, crawling their way past us to get inside and move straight for Kairi. The girl had stood up, taking up a stick from the fire's kindling and swinging it back and forth in her defense, determination clear on her expression. For a moment she reminded me of another girl, years ago, armed with only a staff and a will to be reckoned with...

_My light_. This girl... was the same, wasn't she? For the Keybearer, for Sora.

He helped me find this place, my freedom... I wanted to protect his light, if I could.

Eyes narrowing again, I lashed out with my sword, breaking free of the Heartless around me and started back towards her, just as one of her attackers pounced, breaking the fragile stick in half. Kairi screamed, desperately holding out the remaining half to fight back as best as she could, as claws lifted to slash at her bare skin, drawing blood...

_Hurry, -hurry-! You have to-_

Suddenly, a brilliant light flashed near the doorway. I heard the high-pitched shriek of the Heartless, their voices chorusing in outrage, and I squinted, trying to see through the brightness. And what I saw was astonishing, to say the least. The Heartless... they were withdrawing!

The light faded a little, and through it I could finally see the outline of a large structure in the sky. It looked like an airship, but with wings protruding from each side. It was significantly smaller than any ship I'd seen, but the weapons it carried were enough to make up for the lack of size. There were letters emblazoned across the side, though I couldn't read them.

And through the cries of the enemies still flanking us, surely kept away only by the threat of the ship's weapons, I heard a clear, masculine voice call out, "Curaga."

_... no way..._ Despite the situation, I couldn't withhold the faint smirk from appearing on my face, taking a few steps forward out the door to get a better look. So, after all this time, it was Leon who came to our rescue...

"It's about time!" Cid shouted, waving his fist at the dark-haired man standing in the open cockpit of the ship. "We've been stuck here for days! Where've you been?"

"The Heartless are multiplying everywhere," Leon answered calmly. "The trip from Hollow Bastion was too dangerous to rush through without thinking."

"If you damaged my ship, Leonhart, I swear to god I'll-"

"She's fine," Leon interrupted, even as I wondered at the new name, "But we've got to get out of here while the Heartless are distracted. I don't know what's going on but there's no need to waste this sort of time."

I blinked in surprise, shielding my eyes from the lights. "You didn't cause the Heartless to retreat?"

Leon shook his head. "I wish I had that sort of ability. Come on now, get aboard! Bring Kairi and-"

Kairi! Suddenly remembering, I spun around and noticed the girl was nowhere in sight. Ignoring the brief flash of panic at the thought of _another _failure, I searched more carefully and finally noticed the change in our surroundings.

The streets of Traverse Town were fading away. Shadows surrounded us, just past the boundaries of where we stood. I couldn't help but stop and stare; Leon and Cid also fell into silence, as if they too were just catching sight of the sudden alteration.

I looked down, eyes wide in astonishment. Below my feet, instead of the paved stone I had walked for the past several days, or the hardwood floor of the shop, were dull, flat rocks. I could distantly hear the sound of flowing water, like the ocean or a vast waterfall.

Waterfall...

It seemed familiar.

"Kairi!" Leon called, startling me out of my memories. I glanced up again and saw her in the far distance, standing on a small patch of sand. Between us were nothing but shadows, and the distance grew with every moment.

She gazed over at us, surprise and delight shining in her eyes. I didn't understand; why was she so happy? The shadows were taking her away from us, and we couldn't protect her from so far away!

"Don't be scared," she said quietly, her voice somehow reaching us, echoing through the darkness. "Can't you see what's happening? He did it. Sora did it! He beat the Heartless, and he's freed all the worlds. I just know it!"

The three of us could only stare at each other in amazement. It was just as Kairi said; the soft glittering of the stone beneath me, the sound of the falls in the background - all of it was familiar to me. looking at my sword, I noticed the Materia I carried flare to life as my world's life force powered them once again. The Mako infused in my body regained its power; I felt a mild burning sensation and knew that my eyes had regained the glow they once carried.

"Thanks for all your help," Kairi called out again, waving cheerfully. "I'll miss you, and I hope that someday we'll meet again! Goodbye!"

We barely had time to respond before our world grew, the skies rising upwards and covering Kairi's island with a vast cloud of light. Faint bursts of colour broke out from the edges, soaring upwards into the sky like a comet, each finding its own place and halting its journey, glittering like stars.

... Stars. The stars - the _worlds _- were returning. Every last one of them... and it seemed that we too were being sent home.

_We're... going back. Back to Hollow Bastion..._

Leon turned to me, a tiny, almost invisible smile on his face. "Well," he murmured, resting the gunblade on his shoulder, "Looks like you were from our world after all."

I could only nod silently, gazing up at the land surrounding us. It was not a place I really recognized, but the air, the very feel of the world was known to me immediately - a welcome feeling after ten long years of wandering.

This was _home_.

* * *

. 

It wasn't what it used to be. That was obvious enough; the city was gone, lost in a sea of ice and ruin. It had already fallen when we left years ago, but I'd never imagined it would have degraded this much. It was almost depressing, to see what was once such a bright place look so faded and dead.

_But not for long_, I told myself quietly. It's over... now people can come home again. We can start again, rebuild, -live- again...

Strange... it didn't seem so difficult to look on the bright side of things. It didn't seem so impossible.

_Nothing is impossible anymore..._

Cid leaned over, elbowing me sharply and earning a glare. "So," he grinned slyly, "Ready to see your girl?"

My glare vanished in the midst of my sudden flush. "I didn't - I mean, she's not-"

"Aerith?"

I blinked, looking over at the third member of our party. Leon had always been quiet, so grim, despite his willingness to participate in what was nothing more than a game for him. Or maybe, I reminded myself, a test for the Keybearer, since he had seemed so focused on Sora's success or failure. I wondered if he felt any pride. His expression was unreadable as he returned my glance.

"You mean Aerith, don't you," he continued, not waiting for my confirmation. "She told me about you. When I mentioned that we had fought together in the tournament... she was glad to hear that you were alive. I knew she was worried about someone - everyone was. It seems it was you."

_She... was worried about me? Even now...?_

"So... she's here?" My throat was dry, and my heart pounding loudly in my chest. So near, so near...

Leon looked back at the castle beyond the falls, his lips pursed. "If they survived the Heartless attacks."

Cid smirked, giving us both a hard pat on the back. "Come on!" he crowed. "We just won the war against the Heartless! That _kid _finally did it! Let's stop griping and go see everyone!"

I chuckled a little, almost against my will. Cid was always like that; his rough cheerfulness and sarcasm never failed to brighten the situation. Even Leon couldn't conceal a smile, pathetic as it was.

"You're right," I finally agreed, sheathing my sword. "There's no need to worry. Show me where to go."

Together, we strode forward along the path to the castle in the distance.

* * *

. 

As we walked, Leon decided that we ought to split up and search the castle for any renegade Heartless, just in case. I agreed with him up until the point where he said that Cid and I should take the upper levels while he searched the inside of the castle for the others, especially since we all knew what the most likely place they'd be was - the library, of course.

I didn't want to wait. I didn't want to waste my time looking for Heartless. I wanted to fulfill my promise, finish my long journey, find my light. Find _her_.

But Cid reminded me that we would have to search for them anyway, and destroying the last of the Heartless would kill two birds with one stone. Reluctantly I had to agree with _that_, and so, with a sullen glare in Leon's direction, I followed the pilot to the lift that would take us to the upper levels.

We scoured the entire castle for two hours, finding a few of the lost creatures here and there, though they were hardly a challenge anymore. They seemed to have forgotten their purpose entirely; with the final door closed and sealed, and Ansem defeated - we assumed - there was nothing left to lead them.

_All that's left is to set them free._

Something itched at the back of my mind, a quiet voice that pleaded to be heard, but I ignored it. Time enough for that later; when our search was concluded, nothing could have held me back from rushing to the library as quickly as I could.

Until I reached the door, and hesitated, staring at the handle and my own reflection glimmering in the faded brass.

She had to be there.

She had to.

_... What if she isn't...?_

No. She...

_I made a promise. This... is where my journey ends. Right here, with her..._

"What the hell are you waiting for?" Cid grumbled, reaching out and pushing open the door before I could even move. He stepped back, and without warning gave me a good shove inside with his boot. It was, I decided, the most undignified method imaginable of reuniting with someone. He was lucky I didn't fall flat on my face, or I would have had a few choice words for him.

And then I looked up, and I saw three figures near the far wall, surrounded by books, speaking quietly in a circle. Three figures... but only one really mattered.

"Aerith!" Cid called, interrupting the girls' conversation. I had barely managed to straighten up from my near-fall just as the petite girl in pink turned around.

I was left speechless at the sight of her. Nine years...

Nine years...

Aerith...

She smiled gently, as though she already knew I was coming. She was like that, I remembered; it was as if she could read the minds of the people around her, her strong feelings for the world and those she knew enough to absorb the emotions and thoughts of the ones she cared about.

God, I missed that.

We approached each other, heedless of the others who watched us in silence, and met in the center of the room. I stared at her as she looked deeply into my eyes, taking in each change, each new scar, and, it seemed, each moment of fear I lived in when I didn't know if she was alive or not. Meeting her beautiful green gaze almost reluctantly - ashamed of such weakness - I saw that she had carried the same burden, all that time.

After a moment, she leaned down, smiling up at me, and I realized that my chin had unconscious tilted downward to shield my eyes with my dirty blond bangs. I caught her smile, and my lip twitched, wanting so much to show her the silly grin I could only manage when she was near.

"Why'd you leave?" she murmured. "We were all going together, weren't we?"

I winced. Back then all I had on my mind was winning, defeating our enemies - fixing what'd they'd done, bringing back the lives that had been ruined. All I had wanted was to destroy them, thinking that maybe if I did, I'd feel better...

_But it never did a thing, did it? Chasing Sephiroth never helped me, fighting the Heartless didn't do a thing..._

"Sorry," I mumbled, eyes averted. She sighed, and took a step back, lightly tapping my cheek.

"You haven't changed a bit," she said chidingly, shaking her head. I blinked, turning back to her, just as the smile returned to her lips. I waited.

"Cloud," Aerith finally whispered, "Welcome home."

For the first time in nine years, I truly smiled. "Thanks," I answered simply, unable to say anything more. Then, taking one more step towards her, I pulled her into my arms and let my heart cry out its joy - and love, love I never wanted to surrender until now - for this woman, and this woman alone.

* * *

. 

I hope it met expectations. I had reservations about certain parts, but... yeah. It's always hard to end a fic.

Epilogue will be posted sometime next week, I hope!

Reviewer responses:

Koorino Megumi: Well considering they get reunited in the credits, I'd be hard-pressed to explain why I'm avoiding canon...

Rem-chan: YOU WANT FLUFF? YOU SEE FLUFF. MWAHAHA.

link no miko: sorry, sorry, ;.; I didn't want to, but honestly, there was no way around it. It's like Zack. They just had to go!

Everyone else: Thank you for reading! It's been an awesome journey thus far, and thank you for enjoying it with me!


	27. Epilogue: Whispers of Yesterday

Yeah, you read it right. It's the end of Blossoms. What a fun trip this has been! Thanks to everyone for sticking with me thus far... even through all my whining and complaining, my angsting and my Zack-bashing. I survived it, and so did you - congratulations! 

I want to give a very special thank you to you guys from _Hearts of Paradise_... yeah, you know who you are. Thanks for not lynching me, and thanks for making this fic so much fun for me.

Extra special luffs to Rem-chan, whose birthday is today, to whom this epilogue is dedicated for zee gifty-ness. Rawr rawr.

Lastly, shameless plug. It seems my muse has decided that Blossoms wants a companion fic. So, uh... keep your eyes open? Eh-heh.

Hugs to all... and onward, to the epilogue...

* * *

. 

Ephemeral Blossoms

Akai Kitsune

Epilogue - Whispers of Yesterday

* * *

. 

It was a mixture of hope and love, she told me later, that kept her going all those years, and despite the cliched words I couldn't help but agree with her. Hope was fleeting, and love was just a memory, but it had been enough. It had always been enough to keep me alive through every battle, every footstep in the darkness. Every crushing bout of loneliness that always threatened to destroy me.

"Our memories keep everything alive," she whispered to me, her hand gently squeezing my own. I almost cringed at the words; most of my memories held nothing but pain, and I didn't _want _to remember them.

But there were people there - friends, comrades, _family _- and they didn't deserve to be lost and forgotten.

The resistance team. Barrett, Tifa. My mother. Zack.

I couldn't just forget about them.

But sometimes... you have to let go.

I realized that, wandering aimlessly through the garden of ice at the banks of the Rising Falls, Aerith's hand clasped within my own. The words spoke urgently to me, a whisper of the past, and for the first time in years, I answered their call.

"Go on ahead," I told her quietly, pleading with her not to ask despite her quizzical expression. "I'll catch up." She watched me for a long moment, then nodded, smiling softly and giving my cheek a small kiss.

"Don't stay too long," she told me in a laughably stern voice, the light in her eyes betraying the seriousness she was aiming for. I knew she was telling me for several different reasons, and I thanked her for all of them with my returning smile. I promised to be brief and waited until she disappeared behind one of the giant glaciers before turning towards the glistening water that rose up around me.

"You've been waiting for this, haven't you?" I said abruptly, my voice barely a whisper, lost in the sound of the falls.

His image wavering in the liquid mirror, Zack just grinned in response.

"Yeah..." I continued, ignoring the smile he always wore, the smile that had become almost forced after we'd been imprisoned. "You've been waiting for me to set you free."

_"I'm sorry."_

I closed my eyes. "Don't be."

_Don't ever be sorry. You're incomplete, aren't you? You stayed for my sake... to take care of me, because I couldn't do it on my own._

I heard laughter, echoing in the depths of my mind. _"Is that why? And here I thought I was just selfish."_

A smile finally broke out across my lips, and I shook my head. "No... no, that was me. I was selfish because I couldn't let you go. I was afraid... afraid of losing you and having to admit how much I held you back. How... things could have been different for you, if I hadn't been here."

_"... You're an idiot, you know."_

I opened my eyes, chuckling quietly to myself. "I always called you that. But it was the opposite, wasn't it."

_We should have been opposites. So many ways..._

_"Don't ever think it should have been you, Cloud."_

I blinked, suddenly feeling tears in my eyes, and fought against the growing pain in my chest. Why... why, when he...

He just smiled again. _"I always told you that you'd won her. But I shouldn't have... it's unfair to you both. Guess I never really wanted to admit... listen, you can't force someone to love you."_

I swallowed hard. "I know."

_"Sometimes you just have to sit back and let others be happy."_

"I know."

_"And sometimes people die."_

"... I know."

_"Cloud..."_ His eyes were pleading, begging for what he knew I was nearly unwilling to give him.

I turned my head away, no longer able to stand his expression. But I couldn't escape his voice.

_"Cloud... let me go."_

Reaching up, I brushed a hand against my eyes, then lifted my gaze to look at him a final time. "Zack... I never thanked you."

_"You did. You always have. You just don't see how."_

I nodded reluctantly, and I knew he was right. But I had to say it, nonetheless. "Thank you. For everything you've done... thank you."

_"It wasn't just for you."_

I laughed, my heart aching at the sound I hadn't heard in a long time. That was so like him.

_"Cloud... -please-. Let me go."_

_I'm afraid to..._

_"It'll only hurt more if you stay like this."_ His eyes were serious, full of the concern I'd always known he thrived on.

Zack... he always wanted to help people.

_"You need to be your own person. Your heart needs to be empty so -she- can fill it."_

"Sometimes I wonder," I murmured, one hand fisted over my chest, "If it's really the you who's inside me that she loves..."

Ah, and I'd gone and hurt him, his eyes closing to hide the agony that one sentence brought him.

_"You know that's not true."_

"I know." _But it doesn't mean I understand._

_"You never did. And I can't help you with that... only she can."_

I couldn't fight him anymore. The pain in my heart was becoming unbearable, the weight threatening to bring me to my knees. His grief and the sheer _emptiness _his presence brought within me was overwhelming.

_"-Please-..."_

"Go," I said in a hoarse voice, clenching my eyes shut and reaching deep inside myself, wandering through the scattered tapestry of darkness and light towards the single remaining part of my soul that wasn't truly mine.

And I_ let him go._

My eyes snapped open, feeling more than hearing his whispered _thank you_, and I looked instantly towards the waterfalls. Zack was gone, the easygoing smile and golden Mako eyes fading from both the water and my heart, where my best friend had resided all these years, guiding me through my shadows as nothing more than a quiet, encouraging voice that never, ever let me give in.

"I'm sorry," I lifted my eyes to the night sky, where the stars - millions of them, more than I could remember - winked and shone with the light of every world. "Even now, I'm sorry."

_I never wanted you to leave me._

But there were no longer tears in my eyes, and I felt... relieved, more than anything, by the sudden, barren feeling in my soul.

For though it was empty, it no longer felt so incomplete.

I watched the water lift majestically from the unknown sources below for another long moment, then turned around to follow Aerith back to the castle.

Back home... to my family, to my memories. And to love.

* * *

fin

* * *

_Thank you for reading._


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